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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 12-30-2010, 06:58 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by Okami View Post
so at the end of last spring semester i met this girl where i work. i only worked part time because of school (university) so i only saw her once a week.. we talked and said hi every once and a while. a few weeks later she asked for my email i think.. i dont remember what happened after that but i never ended up giving out my email she ended up giving me her email and number on a piece of paper.

She gave you her email and number on a piece of paper, she made the first move. She was interested in you here as you can see from her actions. I don't know why you rejected her when she asked you for your email. I find that disrespectful, when female attention is incoming you have to grab it. When you rebuff her in this way, you're insulting the girl - and that has nothing to do with challenge.

Nonetheless it was incoming on her part, which is great. You should have pulled the confidence card and said: "Instead of me giving you my email, how about you give me your number instead? Sorry, where are my manners. I never got your name?"


Instead of writing her number, just remember it. End the conversation first and leave, woman always end things first so this will be unexpected to her. Once you're gone, quickly write her number down on paper. Shows your not desperate and you have patience.

End it with:

"I'll call you soon(leave em guessing, don't be specific on when) *her name*, your boyfriend won't mind me taking you out for a bite or coffee will he?"

Shows your considerate, classy and whether or not she has a boyfriend. Knowing whether she has a boyfriend answers the question to pursue or not to pursue?

Call 7 days later, no earlier, no text messages, just a 10 minute phone call and a set date. If she forgets who you are 7 days later, you just saved yourself time and grief - she never liked you to begin with.


then summer semester started, it turns out we were both taking summer classes at the same school. i think i studied with her like twice maybe and grabbed lunch here and there. didnt really think much of it as i was busy with my classes. after our finals were done she asked me if i wanted to go do the grouse grind. i was like sure, bring your friends too. she didnt end up bringing any friends so we ended up doing it alone together. we ended up spending like the whole day together. we had lunch, watched a movie, and before heading home shared a shaved ice. didnt really think much of this day cuz i didnt really "like" her at the time..

You didn't think much of it huh? That's good as you shouldn't since you two are not exclusive. I don't know why you would suggest bringing her friends too. Group dates don't work, whether you're trying to get in her pants or start a relationship avoid the group dates until you've gone 60 days with her. You're trying to please her, not her friends too.

then fall semester started again and i went back into study mode. i dont remember how or when but i was starting to fall for her.. i was thinking about her more and even sending those corny texts BF send about being careful and be safe and shit. she would also do the same telling not to stay up at school too late and get home safe.. some days when it was really rainy and windy she would even offer to drive me home. i would never accept because my bus runs really frequently and it takes me straight home. also because it was out of her way to drive me.

Friendliness is not attractive, friend. The corny messages were unneccesary, keep it light especially at the early stages. Though, really the phone should be used for one thing, to make dates. Any other time the phone is anti-challenge. You want to talk to her then make a 10 minute phone call, set up a date, make her laugh then end it before she does. Leave them wanting more. However, you lost your self-control at this point and sent corny texts you knew it was bad yourself yet you went and it did anyways. Have the self-control to not talk to her at any chance you find.

Again, you reject her incoming offers. How many mistakes have you made? I've lost count.

It's out of her way, yes. She's not stupid, I'm positive she asked whereabouts you lived. Take the offer, then in return bring her out to dinner on your expense of course. Some face time, rather than text messages. Let's be honest, being in the car with her getting driven home sure beats some bus that probably wreaks of B.O. She drives you home, you thank her obviously. Suggest dinner in return of the favor, confidence. BAM!


throughout the semester we texted each other back and forth.. sometimes periods where theres lots of texts and sometimes i would message and i would get a response.. i wouldnt text again for a few days after that cuz i thought maybe she was busy with school so id respect that and leave her alone..

Do you remember at the very beginning it started with "hi" and you didn't think much of it? Now you're texting back and forth. You really let yourself go as time went by. Just because you're making progress, it doesn't mean you can go off being yourself. You still have to be the person who you first were, the person she was interested in. You can't just go off dropping everything aside.

thanks for reading i know its long

one day she wanted some new music so i lent her my ipod that i never listen to. throughout the semester we would still study together together but somehow the atmosphere didnt seem as open as before.

At least you noticed something wrong, so there is a brain!

anyways fast forward to like recently (maybe like 2 weeks).. i texted her like a week or 2 before my finals and i didnt get a response for like 2 weeks. it felt kind of weird cuz i never been ignored for THAT long before XD. but i figured it is final season so i shouldnt bother her cuz it is a stressful time. id send her encouragment text's but nothing she would have to respond to.. and it stayed like that.. until she texted me she was sick for the past 2 weeks (which "could" explain why she didnt text back). but she also wanted to return the ipod i dont use (and she knows that). i told her to just keep using it but she insisted she wanted to return it. so i was like sure. so the text day i decided during the hand off id ask her out to do something over Christmas break. i didnt know her schedule that well so i just assumed she had a class. when she came out to find me she couldnt find exactly where i was study so i met her close to my study spot.. when i saw her she was wearing a hoodie with the hood on.. it turns out she was still sick.. i had brought medicine for her with left it where my stuff was so i told her to come to my desk.. she was like no im gonna go get going.. and i said 1 minute.. then she no im gonna go.. smiled and ran off.. it happened really fast..

Medicine.... really dude? Did you bring the wedding ring as well? What paragraph did I miss that you were now her boyfriend? Look, don't get me wrong OP. I want you to have high feelings for this girl. I just don't want you to act upon them. If you go in like a bull in a tradional china shop, you'll only succeed in wrecking everything. To the psych majors, you have to let the relationship unfold slowly.

the minute i saw her i knew i wasnt gonna ask her out with her like that because it wouldve been really inconsiderate.. well anyways i still wanted to give her the medicine so i texted her.. but she didnt respond.. then i called.. no response.. and then i sent an angry text saying how can u be so reckless coming up to return something i dont want even when you're sick.. like an hour later she texted back (its ok GL with your finals) by then i was confused as fuck (on top of that been up since 6 am for one of my finals) so i ended up asking her (whats going on.. u didnt have to return.. and why did you run off..?) she just texted back.. i just went up to get my textbook.. i wanted to return your stuff and get home..

This here is priceless! Remember you went from hi and talking once in a while and having her ask you for your email. Now you changed to someone texting, calling, texting all in an hours time. Did you forget to take your backbone with you at your 'study spot?'

I've said this before and I'll say it again, women are never confused not since Eve.

"By then I was confused as fuck" I always tell you guys to leave em guessing, leave em wanting more. Here she has you doing JUST that. See the power of being a challenge? On top of that, you're sounding offly clingy at this point. You've lost all self-control at this point, you practically gave away the whole store!


so after that i didnt really text her cuz i had finals and she does too. when i was done i texted her and she was like (congratz! enjoy your christmas break!)

It seems you're always the one to first initiate contact after a short period of time. Why not let her do the chasing for once? Men do the picking (of the woman), woman do the choosing (to date or not to date).

when i read that i was crushed XD i interpret that enjoy your break (im not gonna see you christmas break) i might be paranoid.. or right on the dot.. but at the same time i never hinted at hanging out with her or anything..

Crushed, why? You two are not in a relationship, it shouldn't have affected you whatsoever. It shouldn't have have even put a dent in your weak heart, now you're definitely losing your confidence in yourself.

OK RS.. so.. what the hell happened.. and any suggestions if i even bother asking her out (and how would i do that) or is this a lost cause..

Multiple semesters have now past and you still never asked her out, not once, hmmm....

When you do everything wrong and you know it, why don't you slow down instead and do everything right? If you have an opportunity with a girl, why don't you practise self-control and stop yourself from rushing headlong into rejection?

It doesn't make any sense at all to keep making the same mistakes over and over, does it? That's just crazy!


also.. in this case the thing that is pissing me off is not knowing whether i even have a chance or not.. cuz this girl seems like shes completely neutral when im with her (but i ask neutral too, even though i like her) but at the same time i dont ask neutral cuz try to do things for her that most normal people wouldnt do for people.. i dont believe she has a BF cuz in the now 8 months ive known her there is no mention at all.

You were as neutral as every color except grey. You don't think she spotted this behaviour coming from you? I like this girl, at the very least she didn't mislead you. You try and do things most normal people with backbones who are her only her friends wouldn't do, let's not sugar coat it now. Haven't you heard, nice guys finish last?

This girl here knows how to react to a guy who cares about her, all right. But if a guy cares about her it doesn't determine her actions. Her actions are determined by a guy she has high interest level in - only. To the psych majors, her interest level isn't raised by how much a guy cares about a woman. It's raised by confidence, self-(c)ontrol and challenge, the three male strength qualities
.

i dont wanna regret this for the rest of my life and would rather have her know and reject me than to have all this mystery stuff.

Do you regret the 8 months that you have wasted? You're already cut from her dating list, it's not a mystery it never was. Even Mythbusters would know that without having to lift a finger.
Like 90% of all men, you clutch at straws. If you think you hear one half-promising word in 10 minutes of being put down, you say "Ah-ha! I can tell she's just hiding her interest level"

You may be in University, but by your knowledge and experience you're still in High School. You could have saved a lot of time if you went in for a kiss after your first date, for you and for her.

Remember, if a woman likes you she'll make it easy for you and help you out. No generalities, only specifics.

-Rossi

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Old 12-30-2010, 07:19 PM   #27
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i seem to have run out of thanks.. i will thank when i get more..

thanks for taking the time to write all, it makes alot of sense the way you put it
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you not take me serious! This thread is seriouses! Me want serious answers.
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Old 12-30-2010, 07:23 PM   #28
Where's my RS Christmas Lobster?!
 
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i guess the way i said it does make me seem like a still want to ask her out and shit.. after long thinking over the holidays i like the other guy said.. thought about it to hell and back and i realised this shit isnt gonna work..

for the record.. i do text friends for new years (mass generic text) but dont for birthdays.. i dont really want to get with her anymore but i still want to be on her good side cuz its hard to find someone who studies up on campus as much as she does.. call me a desperate if you want but thats what i was thinking..

thanks for the insight v.rossi. i see you are still king of this part of the forum
If you don't want to get with her anymore that's fine, but do as you say because no one likes someone who goes against their own word. If you treat her as a friend and nothing more, can you resist her if she has interest in you again or are you the type to throw everything you said aside? Do you have the spine to do so? Keep in mind, friends with benefits is an option you don't always need to be in a relationship. The thing with FWB is that one party usually falls for the other or they get bored, but that's a different story.

Anyways back to the point:

Lying is one thing but lying to yourself is another. You can't lie or cloud yourself with your emotions. To succeed in life and make it big in life you only have and can only depend on one person, yourself. So have that self-respect, it's what girls love and it's what you should love to, yourself.

Haha what can I say, and you're welcome.
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Old 12-30-2010, 09:11 PM   #29
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Ask her out! If she says no oh well, if yes you have what you want.

Good luck with whatever you choose but do whatever it is that you will not regret later because regrets REALLY suck.
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Old 12-30-2010, 09:16 PM   #30
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Oops double post, delete please.
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Old 12-30-2010, 10:49 PM   #31
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^sorry i know u just trying to help, just read the rest before you do :P
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you not take me serious! This thread is seriouses! Me want serious answers.

Last edited by Okami; 12-31-2010 at 09:08 AM. Reason: removing fails
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Old 12-31-2010, 08:47 AM   #32
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All u need to do is to send her a txt saying "can I tap that?"
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Old 12-31-2010, 10:51 AM   #33
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^sorry i know u just trying to help, just read the rest before you do :P
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I have read the whole thing, twice.
It doesn't matter what has happened, all that matters is what can happen.
If you want something go for it, otherwise you fail before you even start.

That's all I'm saying.
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Old 12-31-2010, 11:09 AM   #34
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^ Shut up.

That's all I'm saying.
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