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itwillsubside · 01-08-2011, 08:58 PM

We both love each other a lot..but we have different interpretations of what a relationship should be. I'm not happy right now, but if she changes I know I would be.

Energy · 01-08-2011, 11:45 PM

Maybe try introducing her to your friends or classmates so she can get to know them and not be so paranoid?

butter_sashimi · 01-09-2011, 03:05 AM

Your gf is a selfish, self absorbed person-- almost nothing less than a bitch. I bet she thinks that love is the the most important thing. Of course nothing your words aren't getting through to her, she refuses to see reality for what it is because she's so absorbed with what she wants. Without you in her life to keep her company, she's insecure and lonely. In other words, she herself doesn't much going on for her in her life. I get the feeling that if she was cheated on, she would put that traumatic event on a pedastal for years and not get over it.

Clingy people often cling because they don't have anything else going on in their lives, they get so absorbed in the clinged person because there is nothing else. If she was busy with her friends, had hobbies she was interested in, have other priorities, she wouldn't be the untrusting bloodsucking wench she is now. Did she have some of horrid childhood where everyone around her betrayed her trust, or something?

I can tell she won't understand you quickly unless your words came with some sort of force or threat. She continues her ways because after you finish swearing at her on the phone, you go back to being the loyal bf. In the end, it just repeats itself. She has to feel that if she doesn't change, she will be in danger of losing you. You must stand firm otherwise she'll just walk all over you with her so called "guilt tripping" tendencies. If you feel she is doing you an injustice, then you should not feel any guilt whatsoever. Your only issue is that you're tongue tied. Man up, and just tell it as it is. To hell with whatever BS she sprouts. You should have replied with something like "You don't know shit about love either, since when did love require a ball and chain? You're sucking out the air of what I thought was a great relationship." You can't love her until you love yourself first! You can only wish the best for your relationship and nothing more. You can love plenty of people and things don't work out. I mean, look at the Decaying Friendship thread. Sometimes its not meant to be. You say you would be happy if she stopped being this way, well, people are hard to change. If all the bad shit in the world was miraculously removed, of course, life would be wonderful. =P

This is your first relationship and I hate to see a good guy get trampled on by stupidly disfunctional women, so I feel for you. It makes me feel bad for my gender. At this point, you look really pathetic and unmanly-- longing for someone who treats you terribly. Don't put her on a pedastal.... and puh-leeze, it's not like you won't love again and like your username suggests, "This will subside".

One curious question though......... if she has no friends other than YOU and you two are currently broken up, how is she handling it? In fact, I wonder who she's talking to now. Anyways, it's over (still, I wonder?) so there is no point to lament over it. Focus now on getting yourself back onto your feet. If closure is needed and you gotta face her, I hope you won't cave again.

Oh yea, if you two got different views of how a relationship should go and neither of you will submit to the other in any degree or form, what's the chance of compromise anyways? It shows the incompatibility between you two. You either be her loyal dog until you permanantly break up or she changes her ways, which is can be a very slow process. She has to mean it too. If the incompatibility is so persistent, it's not the end of the world so you can chalk it up as one of those life lessons.

itwillsubside · 01-09-2011, 09:02 AM

UPDATE****
Thank you for taking the time to write that Butter_sashami

we talked last night till 3am...I thought we were confirming our break up but it seems we are still together :S she said she wanted me to text her and tell her how much I missed her etc. she started crying appparently thinking about all those times "I chose other people" over her and I started saying WHY ARE YOU CRYING omfg you're annoying and she started saying i was selfish, horrible, bad person etc. once she said those things I hung up turned off phone, turned it back on at 5am was bombarded with numerous texts stating how I dont love her and then moments later she calls.....and we havent said a word since. The phone is on but I just didnt say anything went back to sleep and left the phone on.

This recent fight spurred because on Friday, I went out to lunch with a couple of friends during my break and I didn't text her for 45 minutes, and she had a fit about how I always ignore when I'm with other people.

And to answer butter_sashami's question, yes she has no one to talk about this with...
this is far from over its a cycle.. break up.. back together... break up.. back together.

What im trying now is to let her believe im really serious that if she doesnt change than I'm leaving.. but I think she knows that im just bluffing cause she hasnt changed.

We'll see how the rest of the day turns out....... I'm planning on ignoring her for the entire day?

Inaii · 01-09-2011, 10:17 AM

Lol wow, I'm having deja vu. I went through this with my first boyfriend. You need to get out and get out now. It is only going to get worse if you perpetuate this nonsense. How can you love someone that requires you not to see any other people and interferes with your school life? You also need to understand she's not ever going to change, the manipulative types don't because they don't see themselves as doing something wrong.

When you do finally break up with her for good, get ready for the possibility of her becoming psycho and calling/texting hundreds of times a day. I would suggest changing your number.
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Dinan3 · 01-09-2011, 11:36 AM

If she has no friends, that speaks for her personality. Since you guys are on a break anyway, just do your own thing with your friends. If she wants to get back with you, you better make sure she's not going to accuse you of the same nonsense again. Good luck.

itwillsubside · 01-09-2011, 11:59 AM

"I have no friends because all I need is you" would be what she would be saying. "I choose to isolate myself because I only want to be with you, not OTHER people"

Thanks I'll have to see how today goes, I just had another argument about the way I treat her and my insensitivity to her feelings.

I was planning on visiting her and surprising her at her school tomorrow since I'm off early but thats probably not a good idea unless we patch things up tonight.

Breaking up would be hard too we have mutual friends, however it would be much easier because we don't go to the same university anymore.

belka · 01-09-2011, 12:33 PM

Jesus Christ dude, just end it already and go on with your life.

No offense, but to me she sounds like a psychopathic bitch.

vafanculo · 01-09-2011, 12:37 PM

What mutual friends? I thought you WERE her only friend? Just break up man.

I'm against relationships that have break ups and patching up. You guys broke up for a reason, getting back together will only delay the hell
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jtanner_ · 01-09-2011, 12:44 PM

Maybe try a different approach to things? Why not write a letter, almost a list of demands to things you want or need out of this relationship. Don't tell her you're writing it just do it and tell her to take a day to think about what you wrote haha. Couldn't hurt anyways...
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itwillsubside · 01-09-2011, 12:56 PM

She doesn't consider them as friends even though they think of her as a friend. I remember her not going to a birthday party cause she told me she didn't care for her. So I went alone (shitty move) because I was moving schools and most likely not going to be able to see them again given the jealousy of my girlfriend, so I went anyways. I got into a lot of shit for going to that birthday because apparently she wanted to spend time with me but I chose that another person's party over spending quality time with her.

She says she's tired of playing second fiddle.. I honestly don't know. I'm clearly not allowed to have friends my really old friends I haven't seen them for half a year even though they told me they want to catch up I keep rejecting because I know the moment after I'm going to be bitched at.

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itwillsubside · 01-09-2011, 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Inaii

Lol wow, I'm having deja vu. I went through this with my first boyfriend. You need to get out and get out now. It is only going to get worse if you perpetuate this nonsense. How can you love someone that requires you not to see any other people and interferes with your school life? You also need to understand she's not ever going to change, the manipulative types don't because they don't see themselves as doing something wrong.

When you do finally break up with her for good, get ready for the possibility of her becoming psycho and calling/texting hundreds of times a day. I would suggest changing your number.
Posted via RS Mobile

so I'm assuming there were no compromise you just left? Leaving is hard for me, and I feel a sense of guilt if i did because when she got with me I became her center of attention, she started slacking in school skipping classes just to see me. I never stopped it, so it was my fault. She has actually failed 1 or 2 classes because she was always with me.

I asked her why were we so good at the beginning of the relationship? She said she was never happy but since we didn't have sex, she thought it wasn't serious but after we did, she says she expects more from me, and this is where I can't give her what she wants.

I'm trying and trying to please her but I walk on lava around her, one wrong move, it's straight to gutter for me. It frustrates me the most knowing she thinks what she does is not wrong and justified.

We are broken up as of now, I will not text her anymore even if I want to. The only way I am talking to her is seeing a paragraph from her apologizing for her behavior.

I feel all I do is apologize to her, I'm sorry I didn't text you, I'm sorry you felt insecure but I never get any apologies from her.

What a relationship this is.

kchan · 01-09-2011, 01:33 PM

Been in the same situation in the past. If you lied to her in the past and she became an insecure jealous gf then maybe that's understandable.. I was insecure around some of my ex's guy friends just because I've been lied to about or its just a guy's feeling that shows that her "guy" friend is trying to do something, but of course girls don't like to listen because those "guy" friends are only friends right? Lol.

I didn't have a life and my friends wanted to avoid her because she tend to bring down the mood of the group when we talk about such things as "stupid shit we did in highschool," but now that we've broken up all the friends that I haven't chilled / talked with for a good 2 years +, all came back to me and its been great. Really helped with the break up even though I was the one dumped. I thought she was my everything and I wanted to make things work even if it meant losing all my friends and etc. But things don't always go according to plan eh?

So OP, I think you should go on a break instead of breaking it up for good. See what you truly want and let her see that you can live without her and maybe she might come to her senses then possibly (which I doubt) realize what she's doing is wrong.

Either way, good luck to you because you sound like a good guy that deserves someone better, someone that can be part of your life just the way you want it
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PUPPY · 01-09-2011, 02:47 PM

she's so insecure about the relationship that she got pissed and broke up with you because you didn't text her for 45 minutes?????
sorry if this sounds rude, but i suggest you change a number and get the fuck away from her before she jumps off a building cuz u didn't pick up your phone once

Inaii · 01-09-2011, 02:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by itwillsubside

so I'm assuming there were no compromise you just left? Leaving is hard for me, and I feel a sense of guilt if i did because when she got with me I became her center of attention, she started slacking in school skipping classes just to see me. I never stopped it, so it was my fault. She has actually failed 1 or 2 classes because she was always with me.

I asked her why were we so good at the beginning of the relationship? She said she was never happy but since we didn't have sex, she thought it wasn't serious but after we did, she says she expects more from me, and this is where I can't give her what she wants.

I'm trying and trying to please her but I walk on lava around her, one wrong move, it's straight to gutter for me. It frustrates me the most knowing she thinks what she does is not wrong and justified.

We are broken up as of now, I will not text her anymore even if I want to. The only way I am talking to her is seeing a paragraph from her apologizing for her behavior.

I feel all I do is apologize to her, I'm sorry I didn't text you, I'm sorry you felt insecure but I never get any apologies from her.

What a relationship this is.

There's more to my story but I don't feel like posting it to the entire world. Feel free to pm me.

It was hard for me to leave, it took my best friend at the time threatening to walk out of my life if I didn't see what was going on. And when I look back now, I can see what I should have seen way back then. We were together for 3 years. Each other's firsts as well. But I gained some knowledge from that failed attempt at a relationship. Never allow someone to control you and prevent you from having a life outside them. That just screams abusive relationship. And if you think she isn't abusive, think again.

As I said, you're welcome to pm me if you'd like

ruthless · 01-09-2011, 04:06 PM

Reading this is pissing me off LOL shes a controlling bitch and you need to get rid of her ASAP...she has no friends for a reason, probably because she wants to control them too(i.e. wants them to hang out with her all the time instead of others). You need to let her go, yes we all know its difficult but these guilty feelings your having will go away, it takes time but they will disappear. Shes controlling your life and judging by your above posts you somewhat agree with this, but are too scared to hurt her. Its been all this time and SHE STILL HASNT CHANGED, therefore i doubt she will change anytime in the future. She needs a fuckn wake up call and you leaving her may possibly give that to her but i would still doubt it.

V. ROSSI HE NEEDS YOU!

itwillsubside · 01-09-2011, 04:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Inaii

There's more to my story but I don't feel like posting it to the entire world. Feel free to pm me.

It was hard for me to leave, it took my best friend at the time threatening to walk out of my life if I didn't see what was going on. And when I look back now, I can see what I should have seen way back then. We were together for 3 years. Each other's firsts as well. But I gained some knowledge from that failed attempt at a relationship. Never allow someone to control you and prevent you from having a life outside them. That just screams abusive relationship. And if you think she isn't abusive, think again.

As I said, you're welcome to pm me if you'd like

PMed.

xmisstrinh · 01-09-2011, 06:35 PM

damn. thats like my ex boyfriend. i had to spend every breathing moment i had either with him or on the phone with him. i was his obsession and it seems like you're her obsession. you should really get out before she goes nuts. can you imagine her still being the same if you ever get married? you'll have no life outside your house. you'll be a prisoner in your own home.

ps. tell her to get a god brother if you do continue to see her...

http://www.revscene.net/forums/confi...g-t631262.html

guddagudd · 01-09-2011, 07:00 PM

^LOL

OP, you say you feel a sense of guilt when you guys break up, but we're telling you that it's not your fault. I know you feel guilty because you feel like you're choosing others over her, but this is not the case. She is making you feel like this because she doesn't have many friends, or perhaps even none, and you're the most important person in her life right now.

I know you posted this question so we can give you advice, but oftentimes people only ask questions to look for a certain answer. Perhaps what you're looking for is someone to tell you it's ok to keep going on like this and sooner or later, everything will workout, but it won't. You have to realize that this is unhealthy and you can't keep going on like this. I mean, I know what it's like to be in denial. But you have to look at everyone's reply and realize that she is being too controlling.

I hope you come to your sense and do whatever is right for your situation right now.

butter_sashimi · 01-09-2011, 07:40 PM

What a loser this girl is. How can you explain all of this to your friends whom she barred you from seeing? "Sorry guys, I couldn't hang out with any of you for the past year because my gf said you guys aren't worth seeing compared to her. I'm pretty pussy whipped too?" That's just embarrassing and shameful.

GOOD FOR YOU for ignoring her nonsensical texts so far. She should be in a frenzy now that she can't reel you back in with 'you dont love me' accusations. This something she will have to learn the hard way. No relationship can be handled with an iron fist like hers.

"What im trying now is to let her believe im really serious that if she doesnt change than I'm leaving.. but I think she knows that im just bluffing cause she hasnt changed.
" <----- What is this? you're just bluffing? There should be no bluff, no pretense here. You should present the issue as it is with a firm hand here; a take it or leave it sort of deal. If you cave in any way, then of course she's think she still has the upper hand and coerce you back to the old sad ways.

And lol...another thing is you thought you broke up and yet in her head, you guys are still together. Sounds like she's desperately trying to keep hold of you.

I had an ex that would try to limit my time spent with friends, he wanted me to spend more time by his side caring for his needs than with my friends. I ended up not seeing any of my friends for almost a year. After the breakup, it took a while to rehabilitate myself back into my social group. They asked me where I been all year and in my head I was just ashamed for letting myself get bossed around and get alienated from everyone. =\ Therefore, try your best to not let her get all over you >__<

itwillsubside · 01-09-2011, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by butter_sashimi

I had an ex that would try to limit my time spent with friends, he wanted me to spend more time by his side caring for his needs than with my friends. I ended up not seeing any of my friends for almost a year. After the breakup, it took a while to rehabilitate myself back into my social group. They asked me where I been all year and in my head I was just ashamed for letting myself get bossed around and get alienated from everyone. =\ Therefore, try your best to not let her get all over you >__<

Wow it seems a lot of people have experienced a controlling relationship. I haven't seen my friends for almost a year as well..

I dont know I'm the kind of person that when I make a commitment I see through to it and I want to do whatever I can to make it work. It's not that I don't love her because I still do.

I know everyone has been telling me to let her go or break it off, I'm going to try what one member stated above, I guess take a break from each other. It's sort of awkward because I don't know what she's feeling right now, we had plans to see each other tomorrow (I was going to surprise at school), and go see a movie on tuesday.

She may be still expecting all that :S I don't know I guess i'll see how this goes tomorrow. I haven't spoken to her since 2pm today and she usually calls me before we head to bed so depending on what she does may change everything.

Okami · 01-09-2011, 09:03 PM

no new advice from me.. except check for fucking shoes theres probably a GPS in there.. how the hell does she know where you are every second ..

itwillsubside · 01-09-2011, 09:33 PM

Update...

Just spoke to her on the phone again I'm a pussy I decided to text her first and apologize and try to patch things up. I asked her how she felt she said dissapointed in me for how I treated her. And came after was the bashing of me choosing others over her that Friday I ignored her for 45 mins. She had the nerve to give me an ultimatum.. She said if I don't decide to treat her better she can't be with me.

I, fueled with rage, gave her ultimatum and I'm dead serious I told her if she breaks up again it's going to be official I'm not going to crawl back to you and try to makes things right etc.

Awaiting her response
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itwillsubside · 01-09-2011, 09:41 PM

Her response "I will take you back but if you hurt me one more time we are done." so I guess we are together again I didn't like how she worded it but it will do. I was dead serious about calling it quits for good and I think she knew that. Here's hoping she will actually change......
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Okami · 01-09-2011, 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by itwillsubside

Update...

Just spoke to her on the phone again I'm a pussy I decided to text her first and apologize and try to patch things up. I asked her how she felt she said dissapointed in me for how I treated her. And came after was the bashing of me choosing others over her that Friday I ignored her for 45 mins. She had the nerve to give me an ultimatum.. She said if I don't decide to treat her better she can't be with me.

I, fueled with rage, gave her ultimatum and I'm dead serious I told her if she breaks up again it's going to be official I'm not going to crawl back to you and try to makes things right etc.

Awaiting her response
Posted via RS Mobile

and the cycle begins.. AGAIN....