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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 01-08-2011, 01:57 PM   #1
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Want to break up but dont want to at the same time ...

Here it goes..

I've been going out with this girl for over a year now and the last few months espeically we've been arguing what it feels like everyday or other every day. She is overly jealous whenever I am with other people and she's overly jealous when I'm at school and doing a project or studying with other people. She keeps me on a tight leash, I don't feel like I'm living the university life, I am avoiding parties, birthdays, pit night, just so I can don't upset her. We have broken up probably at least 3 times in the last week and we end up getting back together.

The problem is if we are together physically (not sexually) we do not fight or have any problems, but when we are apart and I guess she doesn't know what I'm up to. She gets paranoid, insecure and jealous.

We are both extremely unhappy in this relationship I feel like I should make a clean break, but I can't imagine my life without her hence why I keep getting back with her. What do I do? We tried talking it out but we both can't understand where each other is coming from.

I want to break up, but at the same time, I don't know how I'm going to cope, she is a big part of my life.

Right now we are broken up but I feel like we might end up getting back together again.

What should I do? I'm so torn, I love her and I want to be with her, but I don't like how she is so jealous and insecure all the time. I am a nice guy, I have never cheated on her or done anything other than apparently not make her feel loved by choosing others over her. She doesn't allow me to have a life outside of her, she is supposed to be my center of attention, I'm not allowed to have friends, she gets jealous.

We are each other's first serious relationship and we lost it to each other. She is also my best friend, I don't want to lose her.

I'm sorry if I'm redundant but Im just so frustrated but heartbroken at the same time and I need advice. [serious responses only please]

Has anyone had this kind of relationship before and how did it get resolved?


Last edited by itwillsubside; 01-08-2011 at 06:26 PM. Reason: more info
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Old 01-08-2011, 02:00 PM   #2
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Tell her exactly what you just typed out in this thread and see what she says.


If she can't come to grips with letting the leash go out a bit more then she is making the choice to end the relationship not you. You not being happy is what is important not what she wants or doesn't want.

Berz out.
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Old 01-08-2011, 02:01 PM   #3
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Old 01-08-2011, 02:04 PM   #4
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Tell her exactly what you just typed out in this thread and see what she says.


If she can't come to grips with letting the leash go out a bit more then she is making the choice to end the relationship not you. You not being happy is what is important not what she wants or doesn't want.

Berz out.
I've told this to her many times but she doesn't know where I am coming from. She thinks if I TRULY loved her, it wouldnt matter whether or not I could go those things all I would is to only talk to her and her only.
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Old 01-08-2011, 02:11 PM   #5
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Then she has other issues of which your not going to be able to deal with. Break it off with her. This will be one of those life lessons she learns from.

Relationships are not about control they are about communication and compromise. It's going to suck to break it off but you may end up back together in a better way once she takes a look at herself and realized that what she is doing is not going to work for your relationship.

Being in a unhappy unhealthy relationship is stress that neither of you need. It's better to break it off for the right reasons than stay in for the wrong ones.

Berz out.
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Old 01-08-2011, 02:13 PM   #6
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Oh and just to note we have a system where you pm the VLS head mod and they will post an anon. message on your behalf. Please do this as we do not allow multi accounts I'm sure your aware.

Berz out.
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Old 01-08-2011, 02:22 PM   #7
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So I wanted to keep this anonymous from everyone.. so I made a new account. But I really need some advice. This is not FAKE I am not a troll.

I've been going out with this girl for over a year now and the last few months espeically we've been arguing what it feels like everyday or other every day. She is overly jealous whenever I am with other people and she's overly jealous when I'm at school and doing a project or studying with other people. She keeps me on a tight leash, I don't feel like I'm living the university life, I am avoiding parties, birthdays, pit night, just so I can don't upset her. We have broken up probably at least 3 times in the last week and we end up getting back together.

The problem is if we are together physically (not sexually) we do not fight or have any problems, but when we are apart and I guess she doesn't know what I'm up to. She gets paranoid, insecure and jealous.

We are both extremely unhappy in this relationship I feel like I should make a clean break, but I can't imagine my life without her hence why I keep getting back with her. What do I do? We tried talking it out but we both can't understand where each other is coming from.

I want to break up, but at the same time, I don't know how I'm going to cope, she is a big part of my life.

Right now we are broken up but I feel like we might end up getting back together again.

What should I do? I'm so torn, I love her and I want to be with her, but I don't like how she is so jealous and insecure all the time. I am a nice guy, I have never cheated on her or done anything other than apparently not make her feel loved by choosing others over her. She doesn't allow me to have a life outside of her, she is supposed to be my center of attention, I'm not allowed to have friends, she gets jealous.

We are each other's first serious relationship and we lost it to each other. She is also my best friend, I don't want to lose her.

I'm sorry if I'm redundant but Im just so frustrated but heartbroken at the same time and I need advice. [serious responses only please]

Has anyone had this kind of relationship before and how did it get resolved?

Are you fucking kidding me, you cant have friends outside of her wtf? You need to sit down and talk that you need more freedom and need your space, that the whole world doesnt revolve around her. If she is not willing to listen then you have to let her go because she is DEFINITELY holding you back from your full potential, and enjoying your life.
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Old 01-08-2011, 02:26 PM   #8
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Are you fucking kidding me, you cant have friends outside of her wtf? You need to sit down and talk that you need more freedom and need your space, that the whole world doesnt revolve around her. If she is not willing to listen then you have to let her go because she is DEFINITELY holding you back from your full potential, and enjoying your life.
The thing is if I do tell her this, she makes me feel guilty.. she says if you really loved me you wouldn't want to be with anyone else but me, you wouldn't want to be other people (aKa friends).

She's very good at making someone feel guilty so at the end If I do tell her I need more freedom she says that means clearly I need others in my life and that I don't love her.

She twists everything around as if everything I'm asking is unreasonable. SIGH but i love her so much I can't seem to break it off like I just want to make her happy.


PS. She doesn't have any friends other than me..she says I don't want other people's company I'm happy with you and just you only. If i have you in my life I dont need anyone else. and that I should feel the same
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Old 01-08-2011, 02:50 PM   #9
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Wow

Tell her that her making you feel guilty is not a sign of someone you want to be with, and that her tight leash is ruining the relationship. I suspect in the long run a tight leash can make the nicest guy explode and cheat.

To be honest, she won't change. If she tries and change for you, then SHE won't be happy. Unless you want to miss out on the best part of life and have 1 friend only, I think you know what you should do.
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Old 01-08-2011, 03:40 PM   #10
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clingy to the Nth degree. You should encourage her to spend time with some of her friends.

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Make the effort and take the risk..

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Old 01-08-2011, 04:47 PM   #11
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I feel very miserable right now without her, not being able to talk to her or even text her..

I know still want her in my life, I can't imagine just breaking it off with no contact. I feel so tempted to just text and apologize and get back together but I know in less than day the same issues will come up again once it's a school day again..
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Old 01-08-2011, 04:57 PM   #12
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Tell her that you need time with other friends to reflect on how much you appreciate her.

That should get you brownie points and work at the same time.
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Old 01-08-2011, 05:49 PM   #13
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She's too clingy man, tell her you need time away from her too (aka with friends) and if she still doesn't get it, maybe it's best just to break it off for good.
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Old 01-08-2011, 05:53 PM   #14
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she makes me happy though i cant break it off im too in love with her. my brain tells me i should break it off but my heart tells me to stay.......as corny as that sounds its acutally how i feel

I don't want to break it off but I want to work things out if thats even possible.
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Old 01-08-2011, 06:06 PM   #15
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Been in pretty much exactly the same situation.
You say you are broken up right now, keep it that way. If she "loved" you, she wouldnt do that shit to you.
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Old 01-08-2011, 06:08 PM   #16
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Been there dude. Unless she is willing to COMPROMISE It will never work out. Jealousy is a sign of immaturity. And you said you're broken up right now so do the things that you weren't "allowed" to do and live your life! Yes, because she is your first serious relationship she is a big part of your life BUT that does not mean she can run it as well. Best of luck dude hope it works out.
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Old 01-08-2011, 06:09 PM   #17
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have u ever tried ignoring her..? and if she tells you off just go "bitch please", and walk off..

cuz right now you sound like one of those obese guys with dieting problems.. youre mind tells you you're a fatass and you should stop eating.. but your stomach says otherwise.. o and the fat guy hasnt seen his set of balls for awhile either.. wait a minute.. i see a connection here..

try to get her to hangout with your girlfriends.. if she has NO friends maybe shes just bitter than shes a friggin loner.. even studying (with people) makes her jealous because she doesnt have the luxury
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Old 01-08-2011, 06:11 PM   #18
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if you say things are great/happy now, think of how much happier you'd be if you found somebody like her, but without the jealousy/insecurity/possessiveness issues.
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Old 01-08-2011, 06:12 PM   #19
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also... do you think you can live another 50 years having to deal with her not letting you see people and do certain things?
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Old 01-08-2011, 06:21 PM   #20
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I haven't talked to her since last night so I guess that could be considered ignoring but we it's because we"broke up". I'm trying not to text her even though I really want to. She is the sensitive type, I think she is probably crying right now.

When she gets me upset, I can get pretty verbally abusive but all of it is true.
When she used to bitch at me for being with/near other people such as classmates, I would tell her to stop it because I don't have time for it and it's giving unnecessary stress and I would ignore her and if she kept persisting.. I would start swearing and yelling at her back telling her she's a control freak and jealous and not letting me live my life and she goes, that's the difference between me and you.. you need OTHERS in your life, you are the only one I need WHICH TOTALLY OWNS me. I have nothing to say to that which is why I always lose the battle.

If I am with other people, she accuses me of cheating on her, "you must be cheating on me" etc.

I'm so tired of this drama from her I just want her to CHANGE and we wouldn't be bad. When I'm WITH her in person, we have a great time, great conversation and we enjoy each other's company, away from that its like hell.

9/10 arguments are mainly about this situation about "OTHER" people in my life.
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Old 01-08-2011, 06:37 PM   #21
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If she gets pissed at you for having friends GET OUT NOW!!! Friends are an important part of our lives and we can't be expected to spend time only with your SO. What's next, will she get mad at you for spending time with family. If she will never change get out now because as much as it will hurt now it will hurt a hell of a lot more however many years down the road when you've realized its not worth it or even grown to resent her for it
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Old 01-08-2011, 06:41 PM   #22
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you need to let her know she doesn't own you. Don't back-up her insecurity by giving in to her demands.

tell her the way it is, if she doesn't accept you best better do without her, as this is not a good way to live, and too many sacrifices on your end.

honestly, you can probably do better.
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Old 01-08-2011, 06:58 PM   #23
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First off... is it safe to assume you are still in high school?
Secondly... is it safe to assume she's asian?
No offence, but that is what sorta comes across to me.

Now, just like many others who have mentioned this... are YOU happy? Because really, how long have you two been together? If for that period of time, you are getting absolutely frustrated with this, then how do you expect to withstand this for the next XX years that you are together (assuming that you really believe she's the one, make her your wife, yada yada yada).
Also, just think about survival, HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO WORK IF SHE'S GONNA BE BITCHING AT YOU FOR "CHEATING".
you: okay i'm giong to work now
her: WTF YOU FUCKING CHEATER! NO YOU ARE NOT! STOP CHEATING blha blah blah...

Honestly tho. just stop and really think for a bit. is she really worth sacrificing EVERYTHING? and that literally means EVERYTHING
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Old 01-08-2011, 07:11 PM   #24
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First off... is it safe to assume you are still in high school?
Secondly... is it safe to assume she's asian?
No offence, but that is what sorta comes across to me.

Now, just like many others who have mentioned this... are YOU happy? Because really, how long have you two been together? If for that period of time, you are getting absolutely frustrated with this, then how do you expect to withstand this for the next XX years that you are together (assuming that you really believe she's the one, make her your wife, yada yada yada).
Also, just think about survival, HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO WORK IF SHE'S GONNA BE BITCHING AT YOU FOR "CHEATING".
you: okay i'm giong to work now
her: WTF YOU FUCKING CHEATER! NO YOU ARE NOT! STOP CHEATING blha blah blah...

Honestly tho. just stop and really think for a bit. is she really worth sacrificing EVERYTHING? and that literally means EVERYTHING

I'm in third year university. We go to different universities now.. and yes she is asian, and so am I.
I am happy when she is not acting the way she is (jealousy, controlling, possessive), except when she tries to overlook everything SHE is not happy which was what vafanculo said before.

I can't seem to get it through her head that what shes doing is wrong.

If I don't text her for 1 hour because I'm having lunch with a friend at school, is it right for her to be angry at me?

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Old 01-08-2011, 08:43 PM   #25
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you know you aren't happy, thus you're here telling us what you should be telling her.

why are you putting yourself through all of this?
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