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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 01-19-2011, 12:59 AM   #1
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Best Friend to GF/BF?

Not sure if a thread similar to this has been posted before, but how many of you believe in the best friends to BF/GF theory or in fact how many of you are in relationships because of this?

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Old 01-19-2011, 01:03 AM   #2
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Yeah best friend to gf because by the time you go out, you know a lot about them.
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Old 01-19-2011, 06:16 AM   #3
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Personally all of my best friends are firmly in the friend zone. I just don't see them that way.

I think it's generally best to not know everything about someone when you date them for the long haul. You need something to sustain the relationship after that lusty period starts to fizzle and learning new things about the person, uncovering their mysteries and quirks can do that. I think eventually your partner often becomes your best friend in an ideal relationship but I don't think they start out that way.
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Old 01-19-2011, 06:33 AM   #4
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Your out of luck bro..best friend to GF only happens in the movies.
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Old 01-19-2011, 07:15 AM   #5
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ask your friend to get more friends
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Old 01-19-2011, 08:10 AM   #6
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My GF right now was my best friend I met almost 2 years ago, we've been together for 6 months now. She was with someone at the time and I wasn't even interested but somehow things changed after she had a hurtful breakup last year
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Old 01-19-2011, 09:24 AM   #7
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I'm with my gf for 6 years now best friends for 10 it can happen, we always had a "thing" for each other but I was scared of losing a friend so I didn't ask till 4 years after :
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Old 01-19-2011, 09:25 AM   #8
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My GF right now was my best friend I met almost 2 years ago, we've been together for 6 months now. She was with someone at the time and I wasn't even interested but somehow things changed after she had a hurtful breakup last year
so you were the nice guy/back up guy for her?
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Old 01-19-2011, 09:32 AM   #9
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I imagine a majority of relationships start off with more passion than with the aspects of friendship. Yet the key to maintaining and building a solid foundation is eventually having your SO become your best friend. Its inevitable because so much of your life/thoughts is shared with them. Its a win-win 2 in 1!
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Old 01-19-2011, 10:48 AM   #10
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this is sort of what i'm hoping for at the moment too OP. i was talking to a friend about this and he had a funny quip "just ask her: so if i stop being your friend, can we go out?"

i can't really understand why girls do this sometimes. i mean, what's wrong with having your SO also be your best friend? i'm the sort of guy who can't do random. i need to know someone for awhile before i can have any sort of feelings towards them.
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Old 01-19-2011, 10:53 AM   #11
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Personally I've always had a best friend that's not my GF. I don't know, I'm a very social person. And I like to hang out with people without my GF there, since I see her pretty much everyday.
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Old 01-19-2011, 11:04 AM   #12
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i can't really understand why girls do this sometimes. i mean, what's wrong with having your SO also be your best friend? i'm the sort of guy who can't do random. i need to know someone for awhile before i can have any sort of feelings towards them.
Theres nothing wrong with having your SO as your best friend but the underlying message is to be a best friend AFTER you've already hooked up, not beforehand.
Because once you established yourself in the friend zone in the beginning, its a hard to see you otherwise vs when you already in the field!
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Old 01-19-2011, 11:16 AM   #13
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my best friend is a girl. however priorities changed when I got a girlfriend, and she also has a boyfriend now. You just have to know your boundaries.
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Old 01-19-2011, 11:53 AM   #14
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For me, I met her in grade 9, were best friends by grade 10, and started going out early grade 12. Fast forward more than ten years, and we got married last August.
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Old 01-19-2011, 12:58 PM   #15
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so you were the nice guy/back up guy for her?
No no, we didn't really have feelings for each other till maybe 4 months after her break up.

If you try to pull that rebound caring friend card you'll probably end up like this
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Old 01-19-2011, 09:56 PM   #16
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Theres nothing wrong with having your SO as your best friend but the underlying message is to be a best friend AFTER you've already hooked up, not beforehand.
Because once you established yourself in the friend zone in the beginning, its a hard to see you otherwise vs when you already in the field!
i want to say this before i reply: i can understand what you're trying to convey and you have every right to think this way.

ok, anyways, here's my issue with this: what happens if your one true love, your soulmate, ends up being your friend first? are you still going to impose this limit upon yourself? are you going to say to yourself "i think i'm in love with him, but he's already in the friendzone; can't do it"?

i honestly find it ridiculous that anyone might put this stipulation towards love. there are no concrete rules for love. if you fall in love with someone, you do it. there isn't a check list of things to go through. i know in some cases, girls pull the friendzone card in order to let guys down easier but if this is really something you follow to a tee then i honestly cannot understand the logic.
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Old 01-19-2011, 10:01 PM   #17
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edit* ex and i became best friends when we started dating, when we broke up it all went to shit.

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Old 01-20-2011, 09:05 AM   #18
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ok, anyways, here's my issue with this: what happens if your one true love, your soulmate, ends up being your friend first? are you still going to impose this limit upon yourself? are you going to say to yourself "i think i'm in love with him, but he's already in the friendzone; can't do it"?
Speaking from experience, a woman doesn't fall in love with her best friend, but she can fall in love with someone who sparks her interest regardless of how much or how long she knows the guy.
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Old 01-20-2011, 12:49 PM   #19
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I'm in this sticky situation.

- Known her for 4 yrs
- Met in post-secondary: she was taken, I was in post-breakup/EMO mode
- Became best friends in school
- Went our own separate ways but kept in touch

Fast forward to today. We still go out to dinner & movie like we used to do as friends, but in more private settings things have become intimate. We talked about this making our current relationship messy but the intimacy has reoccurred.

Myself, I have chosen to not pursue a relationship. The risk of losing her completely is not worth it. If someone has been there through a really tough time in your life numerous times, that's gold.
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Old 01-20-2011, 01:04 PM   #20
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Old 01-20-2011, 01:20 PM   #21
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Myself, I have chosen to not pursue a relationship. The risk of losing her completely is not worth it. If someone has been there through a really tough time in your life numerous times, that's gold.


sorry to break your bubble but that's the most overrated relationship sentiment ever.


I mean, risk of losing what when you never had her? And you'll lose that friendship regardless the moment her life moves on without you, either by eventually being engrossed in a relationship of her own, or her priorities changing without you in it.


And PS, this was popularized by women as a way to euphemize rejecting men; not men justifying not pursuing a girl they fancy.








Oh, and BTW OP, yeah best friends -> relationships is doable; more often than you think.
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Old 01-20-2011, 04:00 PM   #22
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Sounds like friendship has little value to you or male-female companionship would be non-existent without attraction. Quite a few assumptions were made in that post, which I can assure you most of them are untrue.

Details were left out to protect her as I am sure that she has a couple of friends who are on this board. As for myself being left behind, when meetings are limited to 6-7/year, losing a few more doesn't make a difference.

We all have different views on this subject, I also think we have different definitions as to what we consider to be a best friend. I choose not to pursue relationships with "best friends", probably due to the fact that I consider only a couple of women as best friends.

As a friend, I would rather emotionally break a stranger than a someone I've known a few years; pink makes me weak and I don't trust myself around it.

This is my input and my reasoning behind what I do. There's no right or wrong or one way to do things. It's up to the OP to sift between the information and use what he thinks is best, right?
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Old 01-20-2011, 05:28 PM   #23
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^
Sounds like friendship has little value to you or male-female companionship would be non-existent without attraction. Quite a few assumptions were made in that post, which I can assure you most of them are untrue.

Details were left out to protect her as I am sure that she has a couple of friends who are on this board. As for myself being left behind, when meetings are limited to 6-7/year, losing a few more doesn't make a difference.

We all have different views on this subject, I also think we have different definitions as to what we consider to be a best friend. I choose not to pursue relationships with "best friends", probably due to the fact that I consider only a couple of women as best friends.

As a friend, I would rather emotionally break a stranger than a someone I've known a few years; pink makes me weak and I don't trust myself around it.

This is my input and my reasoning behind what I do. There's no right or wrong or one way to do things. It's up to the OP to sift between the information and use what he thinks is best, right?
If you wanted her, and could've HAD her, you would've done it. But you couldn't that's why you didn't.


BTW, is that how you look at it to justify your non-pursuit? relationships to you is about "breaking the other person." Therefore its not something you wish to subject a good friend/good person to it.

c'mon dude... let's cut the BS.
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Old 01-20-2011, 10:39 PM   #24
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I have a few great friends that are girls, but i will FOREVER push them in the friend zone. Which means i will NEVER EVER push that line into dating them NO MATTER what.

I am a bit older and I don't want to kill my circle of friends if shit doesn't turn out right. HOWEVER, having said that, IF the girl wants to PUSH that line, and hey.. i'm a guy, and if there are feelings, SURE.

It's easy for guys to turn on feelings like we flip over a burger, for girls to have chemistry, it's a totally different ball park. If there's NOTHING there, there's NOTHING there.

I don't do FWB either with good friends, same reason as above. One of you will fall for one another and ruin everything.
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Old 01-21-2011, 12:10 AM   #25
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I was practically best friends with my gf now before we started dating. 16 months and counting as of yesterday!
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