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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 02-02-2011, 10:13 PM   #1
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Work Vs. School relationship

What do you guys think about relationships where one person is working full time, career already set out, where as the other person is just starting school to pursue a new career.

Do these types of relationships usually work out ?

What are important keys to success in this type of relationship besides communication ?

Is it possible to maintain a relationship at this moment. What kind of effort does the person working have to put in and what kind of effort does the person studying in school have to put in ?

How would one balance out a relationship in this situation.


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Old 02-02-2011, 10:36 PM   #2
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i'm in one right now...

communication for one and you gotta be understanding...schedules may clash and well..you're gonna have to deal with it...

both parties will have their own stress. you gotta know when to give personal freedom and space.

so far its been working well for me. i'm a full time student, and he's working full time as well
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Old 02-02-2011, 11:08 PM   #3
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I would say it depends.

Who's the one with the career already set; man or the women. Who's the one just getting into school to start their career; man or the women?

I feel as though if the man in the relationship doesn't have a career and is still trying to set things into place it wouldn't last long for the women with a career already in place. Then again, all relationships are different.

Just my two cents.
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Old 02-02-2011, 11:49 PM   #4
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women has the career set !
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Old 02-03-2011, 12:34 AM   #5
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I'm in a similiar situation... it's best if your in school that unless your gf is in school that you just keep it casual...
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Old 02-03-2011, 12:47 AM   #6
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why not? if it works its going to work.
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Old 02-03-2011, 12:51 AM   #7
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same situation....

going to school and working at the same time, makes for one busy week.

spend time together when possible but have to deal with priority's first.
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Old 02-03-2011, 12:09 PM   #8
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Hard to say. It depends on their work ethic and what you expect from them.

Here is the big issue. If one person is working, making good money, a professional and living on their own, and the other person is in school living at home, there is a big difference in responsibilities.

It also depends on what you want out of the relationship. As a man, if I was dating someone in school, a large part of me would be attracted to them based on what they WILL be when they are grown up and on the same page as me. Until then, I'm living in a fantasy land.

It depends on what your priorities are. I'm probably on the older side for this website and in my experience with friends, myself, and business partners, the odds are not in favor.

For me, I wouldn't even think about going on a date with someone unless they were on the same page as me in life. While it's more of a personal preference, you also have to ask yourself what you want out of life.

If you want a good life with lots of holidays, toys, and living in a decent area, both you and them are going to have to work or one of you is going to have to be a superstar and a half. If you are the one who's the superstar, most people in this situation tend to do one of two things.

Men: You feel the power and have a propensity to cheat. You will also find that as time goes on, it's what you have in common that holds you together. If you're a superstar and the wife isn't, that's a huge problem.

Women: Almost always women say it doesn't matter but will resent a man that isn't able to keep up with them. This is especially true with woman that are very competitive.

Not the law, just my experience.
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Old 02-03-2011, 12:43 PM   #9
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As hypocritical as this is going to sound - when I was the one going to school it was fine. Now that I'm the one with the career, I have tried and it doesn't work for me, for a lot of reasons.

Yes, money is an issue. I'm at a point in my life when I can finally afford to do nice things and go on vacations and the like but I can't afford to support someone else when it comes to luxuries. Or at least I can't on an on going basis (birthdays and such are a whole 'nother thing). I ideally want a partner with whom I can pool resources so we can both live and play comfortably.

But more than that it's priority and lifestyle. I get up at 5:30 am Monday to Friday, I can't be up till 1 am watching movies or going out to clubs. My work is stressful as hell and on the weekends I want to -relax- not go go go go go go go. Not to say that all students are burning the candle at both ends and hyper active (though I was when I was one) but when you have the freedom and flexibility of being a student things tend to go that way and you lose touch with the rest of the 9 - 5 world.

Lastly though, and where it becomes generally the big difference if it's the guy or girl that's got the career - I'm settled. I'm looking for someone who wants to settle in with me. A student is in flux (for the most part) their life is pretty full of what ifs and maybes. Women who have gotten their careers in a groove aren't so much out for someone to play with but someone who wants to be in it with them for the long haul.

So that's my experience. Top 3 reasons why I don't date students any more.
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Old 02-03-2011, 03:02 PM   #10
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Jameswift and thenewgirl, both you guys have really good points !

thanks !!
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Old 02-03-2011, 04:25 PM   #11
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That's me.
I've gradded and working full-time already. My girlfriend is still in school.

There's no reason why it can't work, just depends how understanding you two are.
We've had arguments over this and that of course, but we try to make it work.

From my experience, the main points you guys must figure out are money and schedule.

Money - She thought that just cause I make X amount a year, means that we can buy whatever and go where ever we want. This is not the case. (well, depends on your lifestyle..) But this is not the case for me. I'm huge into investing and saving. I'm not saying I'm cheap, I still like going out partying and nice dinners, but just not every night. This is very important to discuss.

Schedule - I get off work Mon-Fri at 6pm. I get home at 6:30, get showered and changed by 7. That doesn't leave me with a lot of time to go hang out on weekdays. Not to mention I work in music production on the side, so that takes up a couple weeknights and usually a weekend.
Sorry ladies if I'm being ignorant and presumptuous here. But I find that girls really like company, even though us guys aren't doing anything. So she wants me to go to her place just to be there, and she's working on her homework while I'm just sitting there watching tv. This is what I REALLY hated. I have a whole list of shit I have to do at home, and there I was sitting and doing nothing.
We talked about it, and after many arguments, she agreed that I can come see her whenever I have time. And in all honesty, I don't have that much time. But I try to make it a priority to see her a few times during the weekdays, or if she's busy with homework then I just come drop off some bubble tea or whatever and just hang around for half an hour as opposed to 2 or 3 hours.

So it really depends on what each of you are looking for in a relationship.
If she's someone who absolutely NEEDS you there all the time, then it will be tough.

But compromise is key, right?
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Old 02-03-2011, 04:33 PM   #12
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Impulse>

I don't get the 'I want you to come over while I do home work' thing either. It's not just a woman thing. I have had boyfriends like this too. Some people just -need- to have their SO around as much as possible I think. Personally I'm a Quality over Quantity fan when it comes to time but I think I fall in the minority.
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Old 02-03-2011, 04:49 PM   #13
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I completely agree.

I'd rather spend a quality day and/or evening together once a week, than see her every day and do absolutely nothing.

Its the stages of the relationship too.. At the beginning, you're all over each other.. it's new, there's electricity, you're living in a dream.
6 months later, the novelty wears off, reality hits again, and you gotta start getting your shit back together.
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Old 02-03-2011, 11:59 PM   #14
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Impulse>

I don't get the 'I want you to come over while I do home work' thing either. It's not just a woman thing. I have had boyfriends like this too. Some people just -need- to have their SO around as much as possible I think. Personally I'm a Quality over Quantity fan when it comes to time but I think I fall in the minority.
Couldn't agree more.
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Old 02-04-2011, 12:53 AM   #15
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As hypocritical as this is going to sound - when I was the one going to school it was fine. Now that I'm the one with the career, I have tried and it doesn't work for me, for a lot of reasons.

Yes, money is an issue. I'm at a point in my life when I can finally afford to do nice things and go on vacations and the like but I can't afford to support someone else when it comes to luxuries. Or at least I can't on an on going basis (birthdays and such are a whole 'nother thing). I ideally want a partner with whom I can pool resources so we can both live and play comfortably.

But more than that it's priority and lifestyle. I get up at 5:30 am Monday to Friday, I can't be up till 1 am watching movies or going out to clubs. My work is stressful as hell and on the weekends I want to -relax- not go go go go go go go. Not to say that all students are burning the candle at both ends and hyper active (though I was when I was one) but when you have the freedom and flexibility of being a student things tend to go that way and you lose touch with the rest of the 9 - 5 world.

Lastly though, and where it becomes generally the big difference if it's the guy or girl that's got the career - I'm settled. I'm looking for someone who wants to settle in with me. A student is in flux (for the most part) their life is pretty full of what ifs and maybes. Women who have gotten their careers in a groove aren't so much out for someone to play with but someone who wants to be in it with them for the long haul.

So that's my experience. Top 3 reasons why I don't date students any more.
I wish every dumb bitch in vancouver could experience this, especially since most girls in this city expect to leech off the guy. Unless they are white.

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Old 02-04-2011, 01:23 AM   #16
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Impulse>

I don't get the 'I want you to come over while I do home work' thing either. It's not just a woman thing. I have had boyfriends like this too. Some people just -need- to have their SO around as much as possible I think. Personally I'm a Quality over Quantity fan when it comes to time but I think I fall in the minority.
it's a companionship thing. I hate studying solo, but I'll go to my godmothers alot and study there because I hate being home alone. Just the fact that you hear some background noise in the background helps me study easier.
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Old 02-04-2011, 08:49 AM   #17
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^ to each their own. That's why I wasn't judging, I just said depends what each of you want in a relationship.
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Old 02-04-2011, 09:18 AM   #18
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it's a companionship thing. I hate studying solo, but I'll go to my godmothers alot and study there because I hate being home alone. Just the fact that you hear some background noise in the background helps me study easier.
Then you need a radio or a television. Not a girlfriend.

I frankly resent having my minimal time wasted providing white noise so someone else can puzzle through their stats homework (which they have ample time to work on). That's degrading, disrespectful and a complete disregard for my time and me as a person.

:P

When you're in the working world and forced to be around people (many of whom you can't stand) and noise all day you will be beyond grateful for a few minutes of peace and quiet.

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I wish every dumb bitch in vancouver could experience this, especially since most girls in this city expect to leech off the guy. Unless they are white.
Not referring to women as 'dumb bitches' might be a good start. If you keep picking the chicks with prada hand bags and $300 shoes but working as baristas... well then you know where their priorities are. You boys only have yourselves to blame if you date leeches in my opinion and if you walk around calling women 'dumb bitches' you doubly deserve it.
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Old 02-04-2011, 12:40 PM   #19
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Still depends on the girl and if they're willing to co-operate.
My girlfriend was like that.. Working a 13/hour job but had thousand dollar outfits.
I just had to get it through her head that it's retarded, and now she's backing off on that stuff. She still occasionally wants the new jacket or purse, but who doesn't.
Come to think of it, I'm surprised how much sense I was able to get into her.
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Old 02-04-2011, 02:51 PM   #20
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Not referring to women as 'dumb bitches' might be a good start. If you keep picking the chicks with prada hand bags and $300 shoes but working as baristas... well then you know where their priorities are. You boys only have yourselves to blame if you date leeches in my opinion and if you walk around calling women 'dumb bitches' you doubly deserve it.
your delusional if you think that this is just a small minority of (young) girls in vancouver.

A good example would be my brother. he is in the high six figures, has a nice place dt, and can't figure out why girls my age or younger want to go to his place all the time to hang out. Most girls my age or younger don't want to put in the effort anymore, and are just looking for anything with $$$. Don't blame the younger generation for something they can't control when theres 1000's of single affluent 30 year olds that prowl on the younger girls. Vancouver is smaller than you think.

For a female that shows independence is an attractive feature. You are a rarity.

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Old 02-04-2011, 04:22 PM   #21
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^Sorry NewGirl, he's right on this one.
Not all, but the majority of girls in this generation are like that.

Back then, a guy with money meant he's smart, hard working, confident, and has goals.

Nowadays, anyone with no education can work their way up in labour jobs starting at 60k and go way up past the 100s.

Because so many guys are making so much money now and buying their girlfriends shit, that attitude spreads like wildfire, and now most girls will expect the same from their man.

Your SO is a lucky man to have someone so independent.

Just my opinion.
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Old 02-04-2011, 06:33 PM   #22
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Are you guys mostly dating younger girls (like 19 - 25)?

If most of you guys are mid 25+ and you're still chasing 19/20 year olds, then buying them nice things is IMO the price of admission, you know?

Oddly though I sometimes have the opposite problem - a lot of guys complain about clingy needy girls, but then find women who don't depend on them they can either be threatened or feel insecure (And IMO jealousy/insecurity is the biggest turn off ever). Though this isn't as frequent a problem for me as the money grubbing seems to be for you guys (thank god).
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Old 02-05-2011, 01:53 PM   #23
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(And IMO jealousy/insecurity is the biggest turn off ever)
I believe that runs for almost all women.
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Old 02-05-2011, 02:19 PM   #24
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that is my greatest fear.. (and i dont even know if it even makes sense). i have a co worker who makes i think $40 and hour and he cant afford to buy new shit (like a car or apartment (he rents)) cuz he's divorced and has to pay child support and i dont know what else..

is that something i need to worry about?

like making alot of money then some woman comes.. marry.. then divorce and you lose everything you had.

i mean i heard you can sign some paper (mutually) to get that shit straightened out.. but that also sound strange to me (trust issue)

whats your take?
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Old 02-05-2011, 04:12 PM   #25
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