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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 02-07-2011, 09:18 AM   #1
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advice on tricky situation

hey

ill try to make this as short as I can

anyways, met a girl at work in november started hangin out lots pretty much everyday from then till about a week ago. We have gone to the island a couple times for a few nights and just really get along well. We split bills half the time and others she buys me food ect n what not, I also treat her

heres the kicker..she kinda has a bf. He cheated on her last year August with 2 diff girls multiple times each. and then he left from last year august to go to asia and he just came back saturday. (feb 5)

anyways we both agreed that we didnt want or expect to like eachother as much as we do (im sure everyone says that) but thats what it has become.
we have done everything as far as intimacy goes.

she told me on friday they are not offically together anymore but are on a break i guess. and that they need to figure there shit out since theyve dated for 5years and they have a dog who someone has to take. she has also told me we would be dating if it werent as complicated as it is. I asked her a series of times if i was some distraction during his absence, she said no and that she genuinely likes me. She says she needs space but wants to keep hanging and see if we can call our selves offical in a couple months

Anyways on saturday a few co workers saw the boyf come to work and they left together. I have tried txting and calling her for 2 days and no replies. I dont no if she ignoring me or figuring her shit out or wtf because she always replies.

I realize Ive got my self in a pickle now since there are all new emotions for me. lots of people told me to just drop her, but Im not the person to just cut someone out.

I dont get why she would stay with him, but i guess anyone in my position woul say that

Tips n Advice appreciated!!


Thanks

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Old 02-07-2011, 09:35 AM   #2
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I think you should let her figure out her situation, let her contact you.
The last thing you need is some angry bf coming after you.
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Old 02-07-2011, 09:41 AM   #3
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You need to let it go.

You've been fooling around with a girl who's committed (it doesn't matter if she claims to be or not, she clearly is). She's been using the whole 'he cheated on me first' excuse to absolve herself of guilt but the fact that she rushes right back to him like a battered wife as soon as he's back on Canadian soil speaks volumes.

You've essentially been her methadone and now her herione is back. This is not a relationship you want to be part of.
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Old 02-07-2011, 09:42 AM   #4
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I think you should let her figure out her situation, let her contact you.
The last thing you need is some angry bf coming after you.
hes not the fighter type, hes 5'5 im 6'2.
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Old 02-07-2011, 09:50 AM   #5
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You need to let it go.

You've been fooling around with a girl who's committed (it doesn't matter if she claims to be or not, she clearly is). She's been using the whole 'he cheated on me first' excuse to absolve herself of guilt but the fact that she rushes right back to him like a battered wife as soon as he's back on Canadian soil speaks volumes.

You've essentially been her methadone and now her herione is back. This is not a relationship you want to be part of.
Ive never been in this situation so i guess i dont really no. She seems to be legit confused in my eyes but really knows what will happen in the end. the hardest part is that these are new emotions for me. is there any other excuses they say or do? or is there something i can do to test and see if everything she told me was true? ignoring her etc?
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Old 02-07-2011, 09:50 AM   #6
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hes not the fighter type, hes 5'5 im 6'2.
im 5'10 and if you were fooling around with my girl i would tare you apart...just sayin
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Old 02-07-2011, 09:51 AM   #7
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IMO: Giving her some time to figure out stuff would be the best way, this also shows her that you can be patient. At the same time, this avoids stepping in between her and her current boyfriend issues...I'd say give it a week and see what goes on...contact her then and if she continues to ignore you then drop her. She may have just used you as a fling to get back at the current boyfriend to make herself feel better...I think she really isn't worth your time if she is like that...But see how things go in a week.

Best of luck to you!
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Old 02-07-2011, 10:00 AM   #8
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im 5'10 and if you were fooling around with my girl i would tare you apart...just sayin
you have to see him to know what i mean

and before me there was like 4 others before she got "attached" to me
she claims she hates him but what do i no
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Old 02-07-2011, 10:02 AM   #9
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I agree with the above posts, give her time. She might be back with the bf or just alone thinking about things. Either way be ready for what she tells you. Goodluck!
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Old 02-07-2011, 10:03 AM   #10
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4 others cmon man... starting to sound like all she wanted to do is fuck around. you should go your own way and be thankful that you had one less day that you fapped at home before you fell asleep....move on
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Old 02-07-2011, 10:24 AM   #11
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hes not the fighter type, hes 5'5 im 6'2.
Regardless of who's bigger here, its not drama that you want or need.
I agree with TheNewGirl. She fooled around with you while he was gone, by her actions it doesnt sound like she's committed but she's still "with" him

Is that someone you'd want as your gf? I know I sure as hell would want nothing to do with a girl that wouldnt give a second thought about fucking other guys while her BF is away.

The fact that there were 4 others before she got "attached" to you is a HUGE red flag. Clearly this chick cant get enough dick
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Old 02-07-2011, 10:24 AM   #12
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Ive never been in this situation so i guess i dont really no. She seems to be legit confused in my eyes but really knows what will happen in the end. the hardest part is that these are new emotions for me. is there any other excuses they say or do? or is there something i can do to test and see if everything she told me was true? ignoring her etc?
I suspect next time she has a fall out with her boyfriend she'll come scurrying back to you for comfort and inevitably go back to him. You're comfort guy. Like I said, methadone. This is not a situation you want to be in.

If she was genuinely confused she wouldn't be with him or you but she'd be taking her time to sort shit out. She's not. She's spending time with him and ignoring you. This is very clear communication as to where her priorities are.

You're having your first heart ache. Like everyone else you gotta learn to suck it up and trudge on forwards.

There's no magic 'does she love me, does she not' test. There is no trick to make her care for you if she doesn't. You're frantic attempts to rationalize this into the way you want to see it really only belay that deep down you know the truth already.

As callus as it sounds, write this up as a lesson learned and move on. There's plenty more fish out there, don't snag one that's already hooked next time.
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Old 02-07-2011, 10:49 AM   #13
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let it go for now, they may be getting back together or in talks to split up but that's outta ur control

so u should let it be and hang out with friends and have fun no need to waste time on this kind of relationship if it isn't urs to start with
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Old 02-07-2011, 10:50 AM   #14
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Wow, 4 other guys...

Time to reel that empty hook in, put some more bait on there and start fishin' again. Lots of good catches out there, just be patient.
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Old 02-07-2011, 10:57 AM   #15
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never go for chicks with strings attached. its stupid when you think you got it in the bag yet she still goes back to her bf
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Old 02-07-2011, 11:16 AM   #16
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never date anyone from work
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Old 02-07-2011, 11:17 AM   #17
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^ +10 to this too

You can't get away from them when it goes south. And it ALWAYS goes south.
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Old 02-07-2011, 11:39 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kookoobird88 View Post
hey

ill try to make this as short as I can

anyways, met a girl at work in november started hangin out lots pretty much everyday from then till about a week ago. We have gone to the island a couple times for a few nights and just really get along well. We split bills half the time and others she buys me food ect n what not, I also treat her

heres the kicker..she kinda has a bf. He cheated on her last year August with 2 diff girls multiple times each. and then he left from last year august to go to asia and he just came back saturday. (feb 5)

anyways we both agreed that we didnt want or expect to like eachother as much as we do (im sure everyone says that) but thats what it has become.
we have done everything as far as intimacy goes.

she told me on friday they are not offically together anymore but are on a break i guess. and that they need to figure there shit out since theyve dated for 5years and they have a dog who someone has to take. she has also told me we would be dating if it werent as complicated as it is. I asked her a series of times if i was some distraction during his absence, she said no and that she genuinely likes me. She says she needs space but wants to keep hanging and see if we can call our selves offical in a couple months

Anyways on saturday a few co workers saw the boyf come to work and they left together. I have tried txting and calling her for 2 days and no replies. I dont no if she ignoring me or figuring her shit out or wtf because she always replies.

I realize Ive got my self in a pickle now since there are all new emotions for me. lots of people told me to just drop her, but Im not the person to just cut someone out.

I dont get why she would stay with him, but i guess anyone in my position woul say that

Tips n Advice appreciated!!


Thanks

Keep yourself out of the scene until you know her unofficial boyfriend is gone.

I asked her a series of times if i was some distraction during his absence, she said no and that she genuinely likes me. She says she needs space but wants to keep hanging and see if we can call our selves offical in a couple months

When you ask someone a direct question such as the question above, seriously, no one is going to tell you that they don't like you or don't enjoy the time they are spending with you when you're already in the moment. In her mind right now, she's got two choices and has a web of problems.

1, she's still hanging onto a boyfriend who has cheated on her with multiple girls,

2 she's hanging out with you while she's still in a semi relationship,

3 she doesn't know what she wants and that's where the dangerous part is when she's playing with your heart.

You might be having the feelings right now, but when you get into the relationship and if the ex-boyfriend is still calling, I guarantee those feelings of infatuation will quickly disappear into a loathing for her ex-bf and drive you nuts.
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Old 02-07-2011, 11:49 AM   #19
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OP: Oh by the way, in this day and age, it's really not a game of who the big dog is but the crowd that's backing the person up or what the other guy can do without you knowing. Seriously, if you mess with a guy's girl, they will do nothing short of ruining your life anyway they can. A scrappy 5'5 guy can take out a 6'2 guy who's had no fighting experience. But then again, I'm not here to discuss who will beat who up. It's always really really easy to compare your best traits to someone's worst traits and not see what the other person can really do to you to hurt you. This ain' highschool and I'm assuming you're around 22y/o since your name has an 88 in it. Think your age and not like a teen.

If you've never had a relationship with a girl and this is new to you, trust me, this drama ain't worth it.
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Old 02-07-2011, 11:53 AM   #20
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well she called me from work
and yea something fishy is going on

then she sent me txts after the call saying
this is the jist
please dont be mad, i need time, i told u its hard to stay away from you, i need time to figure things out, we had a good time cuz we were both in denial, now the situation has changed, hes home and im left confused, i dont no what to tell u i didnt expect our relationship to get so serious

thats in point form lol
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Old 02-07-2011, 11:58 AM   #21
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get out b4 the shit hits the fan
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Old 02-07-2011, 12:07 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kookoobird88 View Post
well she called me from work
and yea something fishy is going on

then she sent me txts after the call saying
this is the jist
please dont be mad, i need time, i told u its hard to stay away from you, i need time to figure things out, we had a good time cuz we were both in denial, now the situation has changed, hes home and im left confused, i dont no what to tell u i didnt expect our relationship to get so serious

thats in point form lol
Tell her "LOLZ WHATCHU TALKIN' 'BOUT SERIOUS WOMAN? I THOUGHT WE WERE JUST FRIENDS, DON'T DELUDE YOURSELF"

to cover your ass. Sorry but she's fucked in the head. Was she LIVING with the boyfriend when she says he's home now? Jesus, when a girl goes out alone with a guy for over a week, she's sending meanings and how the fuck does she expect not to have things get serious?

b4 the
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Old 02-07-2011, 12:10 PM   #23
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he lives at home she live at her grandparents suite. not a week 2 months....
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Old 02-07-2011, 12:14 PM   #24
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and the 4 other guy thing she said she let go. he cheats, then i wont care what i do is what she said. even though she said two wrongs dont make a right. she claims to have been loyal the whole 5 years with the bf but i guess after he cheated the third time then left the country she was done.

messed up sitch
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Old 02-07-2011, 12:16 PM   #25
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hes home and im left confused, i dont no what to tell u

To me, this is her saying she doesnt know what she wants. To me this also means she's not even sure if she wants you or just likes the idea of you.

Trust everyone in here, its not worth it. From what I've read about this girl so far, I dont think there's been one positive thing

Unless you're hoping someone in here will say "go for it man, she wants you"
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