Opposing views about having children

[fliptuner]

Originally Posted by 6793026

I have a personal question and if you're comfy I would love to hear about it, in most cases, it's usually the mom that keeps the kid, I just wondered why the mom didn't keep the kid. if you can share some of your experience, it would be greatly appreciated. It's really uncommon for the guy to keep the kid and it's rare to hear about single dad stories.

Her parents were really strict and she was really selfish. We were together for about 3 years. I told her I would support any decision she made about the pregnancy since we were both young and it was her body etc. (from getting an abortion to trying to raise a family together). There's another part to the story that I won't discuss on a public forum but long story short, she left a month after my son was born and we've never heard from her since (except in court for custody, as a formality). She doesn't want anything to do with him. I didn't ask for maintenance (child support) until he was 11 nor had she ever offered any.

Did I want to raise a baby, alone, at 19? No. I had a great job bartending, a nice townhouse with my best friend, lots of toys, lots of time to party and lots of freedom.

So why did I do it? Because bringing him into this world was my responsiblity. It wasn't his fault she was selfish coward and it's my job to give him the best life possible - alone or not. Too many people feel entitled to things and try to weasel their way out of what they're supposed to do and what's right.

Yes, I lost a lot of freedom and a chance to do things other kids my age were doing but I gained a lot of perspective and direction in my life. When you're suddenly responsible for a kid, your priorities change real quick.

[Phil@rise]

Originally Posted by fliptuner

Holy shit, you just described my situation. Had my son when I was 19, his mother promptly left, he just turned 15 today. Current GF of 3years wants a kid. I was initially opposed cause I had this thing about only being 37 when he turns 18 (travel, freedom, etc.) but I might be warming up to settling down and enjoying raising a kid again. When you're a single dad at 19, you lose a lot of the "joys of parenthood" cause you're focused on needs and moving forward over enjoying the ride.

Damn dude what a coincidence.
I don't think I ever lost out on the joys of parenthood tho maybe some of it wasn't as fun as it should have been cus I did so much of it alone but that just made me and my daughter so much closer.
What has made me more aware of my "need to breed" cheezy yes. Is seein some of my friends one in particular that has three Y/O twin girls and it reminds me of that time and how much I kinda miss it.
Thats why I figure don't blow a relationship over the thought of kids yes or no when your still so young cus time might just change that.

[Gumby]

Originally Posted by fliptuner

So why did I do it? Because bringing him into this world was my responsiblity. It wasn't his fault she was selfish coward and it's my job to give him the best life possible - alone or not. Too many people feel entitled to things and try to weasel their way out of what they're supposed to do and what's right.

Yes, I lost a lot of freedom and a chance to do things other kids my age were doing but I gained a lot of perspective and direction in my life. When you're suddenly responsible for a kid, your priorities change real quick.

This world needs more responsible people like you.

[dignatas]

Originally Posted by fliptuner

Her parents were really strict and she was really selfish. We were together for about 3 years. I told her I would support any decision she made about the pregnancy since we were both young and it was her body etc. (from getting an abortion to trying to raise a family together). There's another part to the story that I won't discuss on a public forum but long story short, she left a month after my son was born and we've never heard from her since (except in court for custody, as a formality). She doesn't want anything to do with him. I didn't ask for maintenance (child support) until he was 11 nor had she ever offered any.

Did I want to raise a baby, alone, at 19? No. I had a great job bartending, a nice townhouse with my best friend, lots of toys, lots of time to party and lots of freedom.

So why did I do it? Because bringing him into this world was my responsiblity. It wasn't his fault she was selfish coward and it's my job to give him the best life possible - alone or not. Too many people feel entitled to things and try to weasel their way out of what they're supposed to do and what's right.

Yes, I lost a lot of freedom and a chance to do things other kids my age were doing but I gained a lot of perspective and direction in my life. When you're suddenly responsible for a kid, your priorities change real quick.

holy shit 19! I am around that age and I give mad props for supporting your kid. Everyone that I know around my age just wants to go to school. Your perspective on raising your kid alone shows me that men really can be great fathers.

[fliptuner]

There was a point where I met with her social worker to figure out what her options were as far as where to go with pregnancy. She was telling us how she could give the baby up for adopton, safe places for her to stay while pregnant (her home was not ideal and even though she was welcome at my house she didn't want to stay there), abortion options, etc, etc... What pissed me off was that not once did she say, "Or you can actually try to raise this kid and make the best of it - here's what we can do do help facilitate that." I mean WTF?

When I came to the realization that I was going to raise this kid on my own, I got a bit worried and anxious. Then I thought about all the 15, 16, 17 year old girls, in really shitty situations that made the choice to raise their kids alone, with nothing. What kind of person would I be when these young girls, worse off, can do it? How could I call myself a man if I didn't? It took all of about 30 seconds to put my mind at ease.

It wasn't a choice as far as I'm concerned. Sometimes it really "is what it is" and you just have to accept it and do the best with what you have.

[Conan O'Brien Sex Video]

Originally Posted by fliptuner

Her parents were really strict and she was really selfish. We were together for about 3 years. I told her I would support any decision she made about the pregnancy since we were both young and it was her body etc. (from getting an abortion to trying to raise a family together). There's another part to the story that I won't discuss on a public forum but long story short, she left a month after my son was born and we've never heard from her since (except in court for custody, as a formality). She doesn't want anything to do with him. I didn't ask for maintenance (child support) until he was 11 nor had she ever offered any.

Did I want to raise a baby, alone, at 19? No. I had a great job bartending, a nice townhouse with my best friend, lots of toys, lots of time to party and lots of freedom.

So why did I do it? Because bringing him into this world was my responsiblity. It wasn't his fault she was selfish coward and it's my job to give him the best life possible - alone or not. Too many people feel entitled to things and try to weasel their way out of what they're supposed to do and what's right.

Yes, I lost a lot of freedom and a chance to do things other kids my age were doing but I gained a lot of perspective and direction in my life. When you're suddenly responsible for a kid, your priorities change real quick.

wow... thanks for sharing your story. it made me all gushy inside reading it.... knowing there are actually some real good, responsible people out there.

[6793026]

Thanks for sharing, again, we often see a lot of divorced, separated single moms in society and all the single dads are always in the dark. Single dads don't get the coverage / exposure that there are single dads out there etc.

mad props.

[saucywoman]

Originally Posted by 6793026

Thanks for sharing, again, we often see a lot of divorced, separated single moms in society and all the single dads are always in the dark. Single dads don't get the coverage / exposure that there are single dads out there etc.

mad props.

Agreed! It is sad that more people when they see a dad alone with kids think he may just have them for their weekly visit when in reality they are the only parental figure in the childs life. My old coworker is a single dad and one of my friends is too
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[BallPeenHammer2]

I wouldn't care so much. I'm good either way as long as finances are in order.

It's an expensive city to raise oneself let alone a child. I am NOT willing to put myself, my spouse, and my child at any sort of financial burden. Money is the number 1 factor in many divorces. I refuse to raise a child in that sort of potential environment.

I'm 28, and in no hurry. If it takes me til 35 to decide to have kids, so be it. I'll just marry a 25 year old.

but all kidding aside, I firmly believe that to have children, both sides have to be not just mentally, but also financially responsible. I can't count the times where my friends/coworkers have kids way to early, and end up living a miserable life because they can't plan or save for shit. ,

[Psykopathik]

just remember your fun life ends after children. after its ALL responsible adult time. If you're not cool with that. please don't have kids.

[Presto]

Originally Posted by Turbo E

just remember your fun life ends after children. after its ALL responsible adult time. If you're not cool with that. please don't have kids.

We've talked it over, and my fiancee wants no children. I could've gone either way, but I'm sure I was a handful for my parents, and probably aged them a few decades. Knowing this, I'd rather not have to deal with a mini-me, even though it'd be pretty damn interesting to see how our kids would look with Egyptian and Chinese blood. V-section, here I come!

[TheNewGirl]

Originally Posted by Turbo E

just remember your fun life ends after children. after its ALL responsible adult time. If you're not cool with that. please don't have kids.

People don't die when they procreate! :P

The first couple of years are rough, I'll give you that. You sleep less, you go out less, your priorities shift a fair bit. But all the fun isn't sucked out of life. Christ, no one would have kids if that was the case.

As your kids get older you rediscover life a great deal too and from a whole new perspective. Fun may become 'different' but that doesn't mean it's GONE.

In a lot of ways, having kids makes you stop and have fun when others may be working their ass off 60 hours a week trying to 'get ahead' and missing life happening around them.

[svelt]

I wonder if there's a switch that is supposed to be switched "on" at some point in life for you to want or even like children, as a guy. I have never experienced that feeling - I don't even think children are cute or adorable. I feign smiles and interest when my colleagues talk about supposedly cute and heartwarming things they hear their children say, but in the back of my head I am rolling my eyes and cannot wait for the conversation to be over. Nights changing diapers, hearing the whirr and whine of cries and gaggling, checkups and daycare costs, it feels like imprisonment. I'd go as far to say I dislike young children overall - I just don't find them cute or interesting to be around. Can't even begin to fathom what I have to deal with over a teenager. About the only thing I can imagine looking forward to is fishing and talking about politics/real estate with a son in his late teens / early 20s and being the "wise old sage/mentor".

Unfortunately, my girl loves kids and always wanted to have more than one, and since both of us have been inconsolable for years over this issue, I feel it is time for me to cut us loose and learn from this (easier said than done, yes). Still, am I some sort of genetic anomaly, part of a small percentage of a population that just has 0 natural desire to have kids? Has anyone had a real change of heart later in life over this?