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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 03-20-2011, 10:57 AM   #1
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Relationship Principle - An eye for an eye or No?

Do you guys believe in this saying? "An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth"
So say your GF does something to you, do you feel it's okay to do the exact same thing to her? or just get mad at her and say don't do it again. Or do you feel it's okay to do something else (maybe worse) just to get back at her?


ie. - Grinding with people at the club.

I used to sometimes dance with random girls at a club. I had a GF at the time. The GF did not like this so I stopped grinding with girls. I would just dance with friends or whatever. (I told her I sometimes grind with girls she wasn't not happy with it, so I stopped). We agreed that grinding is not allowed in our relationship

Then I find out that she's grinding with guys now (random guys)? She never told me this, I found out because Vancouver is a small city and everyone know's everyone. I asked her how the night was and if she danced with any guys she said no, not really.

Then I confronted her after a friend told me she was grinding. And then she was all excuses etc.

Now, I don't know how your relationships are like, but I do not want other guys all up in my girlfriend. As i'm sure she didn't want me up in other girls, which is why she told me to stop grinding as well. I understand some other couples don't mind, I am not one of these couples.

We've been going out for two years and I would like to believe we are serious.
Now the above is just an example, this can be about anything.
Anyways, I was pretty choked and I just wanted to do something equally as bad to piss her off. So I called up an ex coworker that used to have a thing for me (my GF does not like her). I asked her out for a drink and the ex coworker said yeah sure. Now I'm not going to do anything, but just go out and talk and then tell my GF I did this, which I know my GF will flip out.

Advice?

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Old 03-20-2011, 01:14 PM   #2
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If she grinds with guys, you grind with chicks.

If she talks to guys, you talk to chicks.

You wouldn't just stand there while she's doing this like a chump right? No. But, wanting to do something equally bad to piss her off? Lol, men don't hold grudges. Be the bigger man and act maturely about this. You go out with this ex coworker she says sure, you're misleading this chick and you're doing this to spite your girlfriend? Get your shit straight.

She knows you don't like it, but she does it? That's disrespectful. If she won't clean up her behavior, then it's up to you to stay or move on. This is where you think with the head above your shoulders.
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Old 03-20-2011, 01:26 PM   #3
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An eye for an eye makes the world go blind.
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Old 03-20-2011, 01:28 PM   #4
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I don't mind when guys gride with my chick, it just feels like a compliment really. You can land a punch and cause a scene and ruin everyones night or just take the classy route. Gives me the reason to go and meet new girls, and in the end I'm still going home with her. The less insecure you are the more open you become, and girls just like that.

But exceptions can be made:

ie:
Seth green to E: you gonna do something about it E?
Drama: No, but I am. -punch

Crazy episode
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Old 03-20-2011, 01:40 PM   #5
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An Eye for and Eye leaves the whole world blind.

Berz out.
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Old 03-20-2011, 02:22 PM   #6
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Better blind than a pushover/chump.
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Old 03-20-2011, 03:03 PM   #7
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Your relationship seems to be going thru such a childish bullshit phase. If you keep trying to one up the other, then it won't take a long time for one of you two to be balls deep with someone. Plus, I don't think it's healthy for a relationship to have 2 partners who do things on purpose to hurt the other one.

You 2 are basically tied right now, call off the date with the other girl, and start a clean slate.
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Old 03-20-2011, 03:24 PM   #8
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In my experience, girls don't like it when you bring anything up that strikes them as them being the bad one (who would really?). They like to be the innocent ones that can't be faulted. But when they see you doing shit they don't like, they'll remember it forever and grudge out; if there's ever a fight you know she'll bring that shit up in an instant. Why don't they ever forget? Because they keep over-analyzing and brood. If you wanna keep digging that pussy you best not bring up her faults lest the couch is your preferred accomodation. Drop what she did as wrong and grind pussy afterwards. As long as she's only grinding in the club and the guy's not grinding out her pussy, be happy. Level-headed = confidence and women love a man who is confident and willing to trust.
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Old 03-20-2011, 03:32 PM   #9
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PS trying to one up each other is like this itchy and scratchy episode. Grow up
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Old 03-20-2011, 05:03 PM   #10
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HAHA love the simpsons and entourage references

But do not let her enforce a double standard
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Old 03-20-2011, 05:16 PM   #11
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An eye for an eye is petty and childish in my opinion.
If you don't trust her, dump her and get it over with.
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Old 03-20-2011, 05:17 PM   #12
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If she tells you to do something (or not to do something) and she then doesn't follow what she's said (ie, no grinding with others), don't let her get away with that shit. You better fucking make sure she knows it's not cool to lay down a double standard.

Don't be a bitch.
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Old 03-21-2011, 10:04 AM   #13
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Trust can be lost in an instant. If she had to lie about it then get rid of the bitch. She's not worth your time
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Old 03-21-2011, 10:11 AM   #14
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ya if you guys have been dating for 2 years and she is grinding up on guys at clubs,

she doesnt consider you guys serious
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Old 03-21-2011, 10:20 AM   #15
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Bas Rutten said "I don't believe in an eye for an eye, I believe in two eyes for an eye".
That's in a BAR FIGHT.

In your RELATIONSHIP, an eye for an eye is a horrible principle. If you need to resort to that, it means that on your part, her part, or both, there is very bad communication.
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Old 03-21-2011, 10:23 AM   #16
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how old are you?
I think anyone with this type of mentality is just retarded. This is not the way to get BACK at your gf. You have every right to be PISSED off but you have just *CLAP CLAP CLAP stepped down to her level when you called up your Ex gf and asked her out for a drink just to piss her off.

Does it piss you off that she's grinding AND she's coming up with all these excuses, HELL yeah.... but I would flat out just say: We have been dating for 2 years, I would've thought we are at a maturity level where we can compromise. Clearly, I satisified your requests when you made your concerns to me and yet you are behind my back on this and didn't admit it when called upon.

If she doesn't make any type of amends, I would dump her, INSTANTLY. Relationships like this will never last and you are way way way better than this.

Lastly, stop being a punk bitch and piss her off doing stupid things. It's a relationship, not a pissing contest. You'll never win.
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Old 03-21-2011, 10:30 AM   #17
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Trust can be lost in an instant. If she had to lie about it then get rid of the bitch. She's not worth your time
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this right here. if she isnt telling you and you know and confront her and then she makes excuses seems kinda shady to me

my gf goes clubbing all the time with out me cuz i dont like to club. she dances with guys sometimes but i doesnt bother me because i trust her fully and she always comes home to me
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Old 03-21-2011, 11:25 AM   #18
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i swear to god i read a post just like this 5 years ago on RS. same shit.

anyways, let some girl grind her palm on your crotch. Her grinding will stop soon enough.

"we waz just dancing, you mad?"
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Old 03-21-2011, 03:57 PM   #19
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If you've both talked about it and concluded the issue without satisfaction that doesn't leave a lot of hope for the future. You can expect the same thing to happen again. It's one thing to be flustered when confronted but from what you've put up it sounds like a serious lack of foresight on her part.

But the important bit: You can't change people unless they want to. Do you think she's changed? If not would you be *willing* to go through something like this again? Unless you can say yes to either question it's back to the drawing board for you.
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Old 03-21-2011, 07:20 PM   #20
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Both of you need to grow the fuck up
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Old 03-22-2011, 04:59 AM   #21
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It's going to sound like bad advice but you've got to learn to control your chick. I do. And I know for a fact that she fears my anger. And no, I don't hit her, but she IS afraid of upsetting me because I know she is afraid of losing me.

To reciprocate, I actually do allow her to have a significant measure of control over me and I equally fear losing her as well.



But point is, you have to control your chick. You may be out of luck though if she's not afraid of your anger, or of losing you though.
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Old 03-22-2011, 11:02 AM   #22
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But point is, you have to control your chick. You may be out of luck though if she's not afraid of your anger, or of losing you though.

OT: Anger isn't something I like to use in a relationship. I don't think it's healthy, if my girl is afraid because I might get angry. Negative shit like fear and anger don't belong in a good relationship. It's also counter-productive. I want my girl to be able to talk to me about anything that's on her mind, or troubling her. Not bottling it up because I might get angry, and then she explodes later. That's not to say that we don't slip, but we are quick to apologize.

Also, it fuckin' breaks my heart when I see my girl hurt. Especially, by words that come from my mouth.
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Old 03-22-2011, 11:21 AM   #23
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^AGREED 100%
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Old 03-22-2011, 11:27 AM   #24
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why would you want to piss her off? just man up and get over it and keep building a strong relationship
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Old 03-22-2011, 01:36 PM   #25
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Quote:
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OT: Anger isn't something I like to use in a relationship. I don't think it's healthy, if my girl is afraid because I might get angry. Negative shit like fear and anger don't belong in a good relationship. It's also counter-productive. I want my girl to be able to talk to me about anything that's on her mind, or troubling her. Not bottling it up because I might get angry, and then she explodes later. That's not to say that we don't slip, but we are quick to apologize.

Also, it fuckin' breaks my heart when I see my girl hurt. Especially, by words that come from my mouth.
Good for you dude. But we all have lines we have to draw and consequences when lines are crossed.

Depending on you where you choose to draw the line of improper/inapporiate/or complete violation of your relationship, can you put your foot down? Or will you still pull that Dr. Phil crap of lets talk, lets work this through, lets compromise, or lets just process this like any other problem?



I find it humorous when I see the typical luvey duvey goody 2 white knight crap in RS like:

* We don't use the word "anger" in this relationship
or
* We agree not sleep angry
et al.


This is the real world where the challenges of a relationship aren't always trivial. It's up to the OP how big of a deal his gf grinding other guys is in their relationship and where in the line on the sand it stands. Personally, I sure as hell know where that falls under; OP has to choose how important it is to him. Patience and understanding are great qualities in a person, but some things should just be plain "black and white."

Last edited by Noir; 03-22-2011 at 02:09 PM.
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