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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 04-27-2011, 10:56 PM   #1
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Friend,37, married wants to leave wife for 20 year old fling

So I have a married friend who's 37 with 2 kids who's been hooking up with a 20 year old. I only found out yesterday and I was shocked. I've never seen him this happy, I guess the pussy is good, but it's definitely some messed up shit and he asked my advice and I told him he's fucking up and he should break up with the 20 year old. It's not worth losing his wife and children over some pussy but he really wants to marry this girl.

So earlier tonight I get a text message from him telling me I wasn't a "real" friend and that I was jealous (like wtf?!?) and that he wishes he never got married because this 20 year was the one he should have married. I didn't reply back but seriously this is fucked up shit and shit I don't want to get involved in but I feel so bad because I know his wife and kids and I feel so guilty and bad that I know this and they're out in the dark.

What would you guys do? I am planning to tell him he fucked up and that he should stop and come clean with his wife but part of me wants to tell him to leave me out of it.

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Old 04-27-2011, 11:00 PM   #2
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this guy is blinded by pussy and lust, and once the novelty wears off of smashing this 20year snatch, he will not have his wife, kids, and a friend.

i would just go about your business and let it play out
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Old 04-27-2011, 11:00 PM   #3
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You already told him what you think he should do. But he's unwilling to listening, looks like he's blinded by passion right now. But you can only tell him what you think, and being his bro. You told him straight up.

If he doesn't listen, he doesn't listen. You stay out. That's going to be my opinion.

Or at most, you tell him 1 more time and that's be it.
Just my 2 cents.
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Old 04-27-2011, 11:07 PM   #4
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Give him a chance to get his shit straight. But based on what you're telling me, this isn't going to happen. You should tell his wife, because she doesn't deserve this. However, how old are the kids? If they are young, there can be serious repercussions. I know it isn't your business, but if you don't step in, no one will. Plus problems are easier to solve the sooner they are found.
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Old 04-27-2011, 11:22 PM   #5
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Do you know this 20 year old? If so, tell her that when your friend is done and gets tired of you, he will do to you what he is doing to his wife. Tell her to do the right thing for his kids and walk away.
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Old 04-27-2011, 11:24 PM   #6
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WouldYOU be okay with the conscience that you ruined the marriage of 2 friends and a family?

There's a chinese saying: "You can teach one how to raise their kids, but you must not teach one to separate from their wife"
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Old 04-27-2011, 11:27 PM   #7
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What else can you do? How do you describe colour to a man born blind?

Patience and different methods. Sekin67835 has nailed it, if you don't do anything, who else will? But ultimately it's up to him to realize and decide. Be a good friend and do what you have to do, if it doesn't work out, be the same good friend when he becomes unblind and his world has crumbled.

Sad, but it's becoming more and more common. Grass is always greener on the other side...until you get STUCK.
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Old 04-27-2011, 11:37 PM   #8
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Does the 20 year old know that he is married?
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Old 04-27-2011, 11:51 PM   #9
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Old 04-28-2011, 12:12 AM   #10
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I say break the news to his wife. He's just lusting over this young chick and will toss her when she gets boring. And I'm willing to bet its because now that they've had kids they don't "do it" anymore.

No offense to your buddy but a real man doesnt go running around behind his wife's back like that and vice versa
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Old 04-28-2011, 12:14 AM   #11
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let him do his own thing.
no point of helping him if he doesnt listen.

and in the end all you can say is "i told you so".
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Old 04-28-2011, 12:21 AM   #12
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personally i think you're doing what a true friend would do because you're being straight up honest. i think that you should do whatever it takes to talk him out of his relationshit with the 20 year old. if he fucks up, he will regret and come back to apologize later. but if you feel like he wont listen anymore then you can let him burn. love overrules everything imo. he is against your opinions because she is obviously more important than you in his life.
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Old 04-28-2011, 12:40 AM   #13
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A few important pieces of information are missing in this picture:
-does the 20 year old know that your friend is married?
-how long have they been seeing each other? How long have they even known one another?
-what's his relationship like with this current family?

not saying any of these pieces of information will make him any less of a horseshit that he already is, but I think all the aforementioned (and more) should be taken into consideration
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Old 04-28-2011, 12:41 AM   #14
DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH?
 
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Besides, if he honestly can't see how retarded his actions are, then there HAS to be more to the story.
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Old 04-28-2011, 01:41 AM   #15
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-does the 20 year old know that your friend is married?
-I don't think so, he does have a good job and I suspect this 20 year old is using him to get hired.
-how long have they been seeing each other? How long have they even known one another?
-He said a couple of months.
-what's his relationship like with this current family?
-Supposedly good but no idea what goes on behind closed doors.

I will reach out again next time I meet up with him but I've decided that I'm not going to tell his wife because I really don't want to get involved. I already have enough my plate, I don't want to deal with unnecessary drama. I hope he takes my advice and advice from others and ditches the 20 year old, comes clean with his wife and go from there. I always hear stories but it sucks when you hear stuff like this from someone you have respect for and someone you assume has the prefect life like amazing job and an amazing wife and kids.
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Old 04-28-2011, 05:17 AM   #16
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or maybe just tell him to get a divorce.

that's what a real friend would do. he's telling you he's actually happy and he wants to wife this 20 yr old? that isn't all about the pussy retards. you don't talk about rings when it's all about sex.

or you could guilt him into staying in a dead marriage for the kids. lol ya that works out really good.

both sides to the story. for all we know his wife hasn't fucked for 5 years. that shit isn't all uncommon, especially after kids.

a good father is a good father. doesn't matter if he's with the mom or not.
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Old 04-28-2011, 05:55 AM   #17
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Quote:
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-does the 20 year old know that your friend is married?
-I don't think so, he does have a good job and I suspect this 20 year old is using him to get hired.

...

I hope he takes my advice and advice from others and ditches the 20 year old, comes clean with his wife and go from there.
If this is true, then it's only a (short) matter of time until she ditches him, once she gets what he wants... and once he realizes he's been used and tossed aside, he'll REALLY feel like an ass.

There's an old adage: a man doesn't cheat because of the way he feels about the other woman... he does it because of the way she makes him feel about himself.

There is truth to this: right now, he's getting older, probably works his ass off and comes home to a house full of noisy kids and a bitchy wife who has little interest in sex, and feels completely unappreciated. So now here's this hot little morsel barely half his age, who's probably all over him and probably initiated the whole thing (whether he realizes it or not). He's tapping an ass that would make all his buddies drop to their knees and worship him, if only they knew... bitch makes him feel like a boss, and he loves THAT FEELING, not her.

So what do you do?

Nothing. You'll never talk him out of it - he's feeling like a teenager again, and the one way to guarantee a teenager WILL do something, is for people to tell him he CAN'T.

One of two things can happen, and it all comes down to timing: she'll get the job BEFORE he dumps his family, ditch his ass, he'll be crushed, and he'll go back to real life... or he'll split on the family BEFORE she can dump him, then she'll panic and dump him anyway, and he'll be left out in the cold alone.

Either way, you can do one of two things: be supportive to your heartbroken friend... or puff your chest out and say, "I told you so, you sorry sack of shit."

Actually, I guess there's a third thing you can do: wait until it all blows up, then tell him "I told you so, you sorry sack of shit"... and then go "console" his ex...

Edit: hmmm, wow, think I've been reading too much Dan Savage....
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Old 04-28-2011, 07:52 AM   #18
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You can't beat new young pussy, simple as that.....obviously young pussy is clouding your bud's brain, totally understand that....but the grass on the other side is rarely greener....it might seem greener, but in the long term it is rarely greener.

I bet your bud is not getting much sex from his wife, two kids can do that.....ask you bud, do you want to be that Dad who sees his kids every other weekend?

If that doesn't freak him out, being broke should. I don't care how much you make ($200k+) you will still be broke supporting 2 households.
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Old 04-28-2011, 11:48 AM   #19
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I can't imagine what it's like being in your position, so I know my advice is easier said than done.
However, if you have any relationship with the wife, I would tell her. She deserves to know.
If my wife was sleeping around, I would wanna know. I don't care who tells me, her friend, my friend, a fortune cookie, doesn't matter.
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Old 04-28-2011, 11:57 AM   #20
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^Agreed, nobody deserves to be treated that way
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Old 04-28-2011, 12:02 PM   #21
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I wouldn't tell the wife. While you might think that it's the respectable thing to do - I think I know some women would rather be left in the dark. What if he decides that the 20 yr old isn't good for him, and goes back to his wife - but because you told her the truth, YOU would be the one she would hold responsible for ripping apart the marriage. I would also refrain from being the guy who tells him to divorce his wife. Again - the 20 yr old might be the one who is the true homewrecker, but you would still be the one who ultimately breaks them apart.

Honestly, I highly doubt that the 20 yr old not know that he's married - unless he's been keeping it from her - leading a double life. Either way, their relationship is built on cheating or lies - not a good foundation for a healthy relationship that can/will hold together for a longer time. Hopefully he wakes up and smartens up and just leaves her - maybe even suggesting a marriage counselor, which might be enough to revitalize the family.
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Old 04-28-2011, 12:29 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jah Dean View Post
-does the 20 year old know that your friend is married?
-I don't think so, he does have a good job and I suspect this 20 year old is using him to get hired.
-how long have they been seeing each other? How long have they even known one another?
-He said a couple of months.
-what's his relationship like with this current family?
-Supposedly good but no idea what goes on behind closed doors.

I will reach out again next time I meet up with him but I've decided that I'm not going to tell his wife because I really don't want to get involved. I already have enough my plate, I don't want to deal with unnecessary drama. I hope he takes my advice and advice from others and ditches the 20 year old, comes clean with his wife and go from there. I always hear stories but it sucks when you hear stuff like this from someone you have respect for and someone you assume has the prefect life like amazing job and an amazing wife and kids.
So since the girl doesn't know about this guy's family, just let him get tired of the girl or eventually let the relationship wear itself out. I guess the only advice you can give him is to not let the 20 year old find out about his family. Because is she is indeed with the guy for a job or some money, then when the guy decides he is bored of her and wants to break it off, she might go tell his family.
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Old 04-28-2011, 12:30 PM   #23
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The bottom line is that your friend's situation is his to deal with and his alone. Don't get involved by telling his wife.

Your friend and his wife need to see a marriage consellor and figure out if they can aslavage what's left of the marriage.
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Old 04-28-2011, 12:49 PM   #24
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Old 04-28-2011, 01:11 PM   #25
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Quote:
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Edit: hmmm, wow, think I've been reading too much Dan Savage....

Hey now! Dan Savage gives good advice.

Also, I agree. Just stay out of it. Also, most likely the wife knows.
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