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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 08-27-2011, 01:37 PM   #26
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sucks to see other people ask/tell the girl so late.... If you just had balls, there wouldn't be a sticky but a good situation. If she plays with other guys, she does NOT know what she wants. Wait for her decision.. but with little background information, sounds like you are a dick getting her when you know she has a BF

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Old 08-28-2011, 05:41 PM   #27
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1. This seems really juvenile, but whatever....I guess you have to start somewhere.

2. You don't have a "friendship" so, although you already told her your feelings, you should not worry about losing this "friendship". Friends don't have these thoughts/feeling towards friends. You will never be able to be friends with her. If she says, "lets be friends", it will not work b/c you will always want to bone her and she will never want to hangout with you one-on-one at the risk of said "boning".

3. This weird "friend/lust/boyfriend" zone bullshit never works when waiting for the answer is prolonged. In fact, I'm will to bet it won't ever work. A chick that hangs onto a "relationship" that is long distance...for an undetermined amount of time...and no future plans certainly will never be able to make a concrete decision. Shit or get off the pot.

4. Don't be THAT GUY. Don't be the one that breaks up a relationship no matter how long distant or redundant is seems. If the dude ever comes back and the chick didn't totally resolve the relationship, its going to be hella weird and you guys, I'm sure of it, will end up having some random fight and you appear on RS looking for advise.

5. Move on....you seem young (no offense intended), there is plenty more puss out there for you.
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Old 08-28-2011, 06:01 PM   #28
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Sounded like you were the "backup guy" from the start. Good on you for letting it out though, nothing worse than having a "what if?" moment.
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Old 08-28-2011, 07:56 PM   #29
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dude, she's just not that into you.
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Old 08-28-2011, 09:38 PM   #30
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1. This seems really juvenile, but whatever....I guess you have to start somewhere.

2. You don't have a "friendship" so, although you already told her your feelings, you should not worry about losing this "friendship". Friends don't have these thoughts/feeling towards friends. You will never be able to be friends with her. If she says, "lets be friends", it will not work b/c you will always want to bone her and she will never want to hangout with you one-on-one at the risk of said "boning".

3. This weird "friend/lust/boyfriend" zone bullshit never works when waiting for the answer is prolonged. In fact, I'm will to bet it won't ever work. A chick that hangs onto a "relationship" that is long distance...for an undetermined amount of time...and no future plans certainly will never be able to make a concrete decision. Shit or get off the pot.

4. Don't be THAT GUY. Don't be the one that breaks up a relationship no matter how long distant or redundant is seems. If the dude ever comes back and the chick didn't totally resolve the relationship, its going to be hella weird and you guys, I'm sure of it, will end up having some random fight and you appear on RS looking for advise.

5. Move on....you seem young (no offense intended), there is plenty more puss out there for you.
this man speaks truth.

I always try to be "friends" with my ex with feelings to bone but she never wants to go one on one out and being friends do not work after a weird relationship. She doesn't even speak to me anymore
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Old 08-29-2011, 10:13 AM   #31
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this man speaks truth.

I always try to be "friends" with my ex with feelings to bone but she never wants to go one on one out and being friends do not work after a weird relationship. She doesn't even speak to me anymore
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Old 08-29-2011, 05:22 PM   #32
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seems like the girl is using you as a substitute while her man is gone. you guys need to talk it out before continuing to flirt hardcore.
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Old 08-29-2011, 07:11 PM   #33
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holy fuck don't even listen to the advice in this thread, my god.

ITT. all beta males.

you were moving in the right direction with the flirting and physical contact, she didn't resist which shows that she has interest in you as you do for her. with you initiating the physical contact and being confident in your flirting, it showed you were a alpha male which kept her interested.

now here's where you fucked up and listen closely, you told her your feelings like some fruitcake and end up being a beta, now she lost interest.

what you should have done is not make yourself vulnerable( by admitting your feelings like a beta ), but cut contact with her. no msn/text/fb/calls.

result 1 - she doesn't call or text you, well then you've got your answer and you "next" her without any shame as you're the one that moved on.
result 2 (most likely if you have any sort of game and aren't a pussy ass beta)
- she does call/text you back, then you know she's interested and now YOU have her on the proverbial leash, and still shows you're an alpha male because you're confident enough to walk away and you're not the one that needs her.
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Old 08-29-2011, 07:12 PM   #34
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your beta if u dont fuck them

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Old 08-31-2011, 09:08 PM   #35
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Old 09-01-2011, 11:59 AM   #36
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All that physical contact with her was ok, until the part where she confesses that she still has a bf. Then I felt really uncomfortable...
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Old 09-01-2011, 12:25 PM   #37
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I've been in this situation a couple times. Either tell the girl to put up or goodbye. Doing nothing will only be a waste of your time.

part of growing up is learning to be confident in what you want, because it will come sooner, or at the very least, you can rid of the time wasters so you can move onto one that does get you what you want.

This goes for more then just relationships. Jobs, etc.
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Old 09-01-2011, 02:04 PM   #38
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Back in my haydays, I would've fucked her by now. (if i were in a situation were the female is somewhat reciprocating interest).


It's definitely douchey but it's the BF's fault for taking her for granted and leaving her high and dry. Some of us men are like that so I understand how it sometimes works; us thinking that we have such entitlement that we can leave women in limbo and come back to it anytime we want or let them go at a later time when we've found someone else to move onto.

Not saying this is the BF's agenda since I don't know him, but if the above case is true, I wouldn't feel the slightest guilt.
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Old 09-01-2011, 02:54 PM   #39
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i used to not believe in the ignoring thing but it really is true after experiencing it, if the girl is interested, they WILL call/text you back

at this point, she has you by the balls, i say back off or you'll just get hurt even more
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Old 09-02-2011, 03:02 AM   #40
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Just ask her straight up if shes willing to leave her boyfriend or not. There's no point if shes willing to hold you hand while shes still dating him. Stop wasting time and making things more complicated. Good luck.
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Old 09-02-2011, 03:38 PM   #41
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Just ask her straight up if shes willing to leave her boyfriend or not. There's no point if shes willing to hold you hand while shes still dating him. Stop wasting time and making things more complicated. Good luck.
That's one way to play it. But IMO, pushing girls to hard decisions more often than not, does not yield to your benefit.


My play if it were me: (since you guys are starting to do things "exclusive couples" do)
I would just enjoy the benefits as-is without pushing her to make any hard decisions. Eventually, when those benefits add up, it's already gone too far for her to go back to the other guy.

Also, when it's gone too far... she's usually in the situation where going the rest of the way is no longer an unreasonable behavior in her mind; wether that's sex or just formally leaving her old bf for a new one (you) depends on the girl.






Yes, I'm a really good douchebag.

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Old 09-02-2011, 10:52 PM   #42
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holy fuck don't even listen to the advice in this thread, my god.

ITT. all beta males.

you were moving in the right direction with the flirting and physical contact, she didn't resist which shows that she has interest in you as you do for her. with you initiating the physical contact and being confident in your flirting, it showed you were a alpha male which kept her interested.

now here's where you fucked up and listen closely, you told her your feelings like some fruitcake and end up being a beta, now she lost interest.

what you should have done is not make yourself vulnerable( by admitting your feelings like a beta ), but cut contact with her. no msn/text/fb/calls.

result 1 - she doesn't call or text you, well then you've got your answer and you "next" her without any shame as you're the one that moved on.
result 2 (most likely if you have any sort of game and aren't a pussy ass beta)
- she does call/text you back, then you know she's interested and now YOU have her on the proverbial leash, and still shows you're an alpha male because you're confident enough to walk away and you're not the one that needs her.
take it from this guy. you basically lost when you told her you liked her and didnt do anything about it. i personally do not believe in telling a girl you are trying to get with that you like her. it takes away from that feeling of anticipation and mystery that women love. when you tell a girl you like her and you dont do anything to progress the relationship you basically give your power away. if she doesnt say anything back she basically has control over how the relationship progresses. women dont like that they want the man to be in control. its kinda a turn off for them. when you told her you liked her i would of followed up by either making a move like a kiss or asking to go out on a date.

i think she did like you and its possible she still does (need more info). good luck!

sorry for the poor grammar i hate typing on the ipad.
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Old 09-03-2011, 12:42 AM   #43
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Wow, there's actually some really pro advice here. Most of the advice here is based on statistics and what is found to be common, based on what you described here. But truth is, none of us really experienced the situation firsthand. Go with what feels most natural to you. Do what you feel is right, because we only live one life. Remember, you only do wrong things in your life, when you turn to look over your shoulder. Confidence is key, so when the time is right, do the right thing, and don't look back, don't regret. From what another rs member told me " wait too long, and the world will decide for you". Make your own move, don't let others do it for you, because it's your life, YOUR world. In the end, no matter what you do, no matter what move you make, it will always end up right. Always.
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Old 09-05-2011, 10:49 AM   #44
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The following post is from an anonymous member. If they would like to reply to any replies please pm me.


Sorry if this is a bit long, but i am trying to give as much details as possible so u can understand the situation more clearly.

So it all started roughly 1 year ago, i met this girl in school, as i got to know her, i started to slowly like her, but because of the shyness in me, i didnt get a chance to know her well/close enough. During this time, i found out someone else likes her, and this guy basically let everyone know he's going after her, i didnt think much of it because through chatting with her, she didnt want a bf yet. Somehow, her friend (who turns out to be a total slut and has a mind sex of sex>everything) convinced the girl to give the guy a chance and they end up being together.

Just because she has a mind of sex and nothing but doesn't make her a slut. Half of our minds are all about sex, but look at the relationship forum it's full of guys who can't leave that one who doesn't want them when there's plenty of girls out there. If her actions portray she's a slut without discretion then yes, of course she's a slut.

Fast forward to roughly half a year ago, the boyfriend of the girl finishes school early and goes back to his country without a return date, it was at this time i got close to the girl i liked, imo, too close for normal friends. Theres a lot of physical contact between us (no not sex) like we would play with each others hands and i would end up holding her hand, she would let go but not right away, or i would have my arm around her back for a bit before she she would move away. Just today we were at the beach and while chatting with her, i had my arm around her waist on/off 3 times and she didnt resist.

Holding hands and touching is a great green flag, but look at how you two are interacting. It's like preschool, you're not getting any younger. Skip the hand holding, make a date, keep to yourself, keep the date light, make her laugh, and seal the deal with ONE kiss at the end of the night. Not in your car and her sitting in the passenger seat, gtfo your ass and walk her to the door and lay one. No, not a peck on the cheek either, you in grade 8?

Also almost every night she would contact me in some way either via text/msn and we would chat and i would flirt with her, i am sure she gets the hint cause from time to time i would hint at her either in obvious ways or less obvious ways.

She could also get the hint that you like her because you'll respond every single night when she says "HI I'M SO BORED, WHATRE YOU DOING? SMILY FACE" You're being too available, have you tried giving her a couple messages and ending the conversation first? I doubt it, like most guys you let the lady leave things first. Why the fuck are you even hinting? This isn't some quiz, it's you trying to start a relationship for fuck sakes. Drop the hinting flirting bullshit game, conjour up your balls, and take CONTROL!

This is where i am stuck and am confused about right now.

1. I dont know whether or not i should confess to her, cause i know if i dont confess, i will regret this BIG TIME, but if i do confess, it can potentially ruin the friendship between us

WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU CONFESS? Do you RANDOMLY go out on the streets to people you don't give two shits about and ask "hey, let's go out for dinner next Wednesday?" No, you don't. Look, you take someone out for coffee or dinner, movie or whatever, unless their brain is the size of a pea they get what your intentions are.

If this chick went up to you and asked how about Starbucks sometimes? You would think, hey I got something going on with this chick? Mind you, she could simply want coffee and nothing more, but she's out with you and not any of her other "guy" friends. So put on your best fucking act, keep it light make her laugh and go in for the kill.

What are you really thinking you're going to establish by admitting "I like you" Well yeah no shit, no one goes out just buying random people dinner. Actions speak, scream, shout louder than words. She gets it, trust me.


2. i dont know what is she thinking, im sure she knows i like her, but the more i think about it, the more i think that maybe she is keeping me as a backup just in case her bf doesnt come back?

I see you realize how body language works as you get semi-hard on simple shit such as holding hands, great. But, maybe you should stop thinking and take action? You're overthinking it. Worse comes to worse, what happens? You get rejected, woop dee doo. You saved yourself grief here buddy. Think big, think out of the picture. You're scared of rejection over a girl who's merely 110lbs, there are men out there going at war knowing one wrong step on a hidden landmine could be the last of it. BOOM, life gone, game over. FIN. During the gunshots and nades, I'm sure they'd rather be in your shoes taking that rejection. Looking back now, rejection may not seem so bad right? So put that ego aside and just go for it. Who cares what she's thinking, you want her to know what you're thinking.

So people, what do u think of this situation? What do u think i should do? Girls of revscene, what do u think is going through the girls mind, cause i am hella confused right now and have no idea what she wants. I am sure there are many details left out as thats all i can think of providing for now. Thanks for all ur replies.

What I think? You're a scared little boy. What do I think is going on through her mind? Let's see, she knows you'll answer her every night she messages you, so you're at her disposal now. You're intimidated of her even without really knowing her. She knows your dropping hints and isn't taking any further initiative. I'm sure she knows you're a nice guy, you're not a challenge if you will, you may attract her but let's be honest you did not give her a very good impression of yourself. Really who wants to settle for less?
When they like you, they'll make it easy for you.
When they like you, they're specific. None of this, "yeah let's hang out sometime." "yes we should!!" You'll see a lot of that on facebook comments from both sexes. In the end what happens? Nothing, because they're both at a stalemate now. Chances are the guy will be too intimidated or try and play it cool and will never approach with a specific rendezvous, and the girl probably has new boytoy chasing her. It is what it is, life's not slowing down for anybody.

When they like you they'll fucking help you, "hey are you free Wednesday evening?"

I understand you may be a shy guy, but just put your fear aside accomplish what you wanted to do, and that is the greatest feeling ever. Just think in your head, FUCK FEAR!
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Old 09-05-2011, 09:05 PM   #45
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Stop chasing. Let her chase you. Besides, she has a bf. Treat her like dirt, and she'll stick to you like mud.
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Old 09-05-2011, 09:23 PM   #46
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Old 09-05-2011, 10:21 PM   #47
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When they like you, they'll make it easy for you.
When they like you, they're specific. None of this, "yeah let's hang out sometime." "yes we should!!" You'll see a lot of that on facebook comments from both sexes. In the end what happens? Nothing, because they're both at a stalemate now. Chances are the guy will be too intimidated or try and play it cool and will never approach with a specific rendezvous, and the girl probably has new boytoy chasing her. It is what it is, life's not slowing down for anybody.

When they like you they'll fucking help you, "hey are you free Wednesday evening?"

I understand you may be a shy guy, but just put your fear aside accomplish what you wanted to do, and that is the greatest feeling ever. Just think in your head, FUCK FEAR!
yes, yes and yes.
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Old 09-05-2011, 11:48 PM   #48
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this man speaks truth.

I always try to be "friends" with my ex with feelings to bone but she never wants to go one on one out and being friends do not work after a weird relationship. She doesn't even speak to me anymore
But you want to right? All i want to do with my ex is be there for her, and still remain friends. Isn't it such a waste if you just dump everything, especially if shes a lovely girl . I can't think of anyone who is even close to her level of awesomeness. :P

Sorry, don't intend to thread jack.
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Old 09-05-2011, 11:55 PM   #49
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^ Only works if she isn't a bitch lol but you're right, as friends and all you still wanna look out for their well being and such. Guess that's too much to ask.

Just to the person who will be AT her level of awesomeness will be your eventual wife
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Old 09-06-2011, 01:00 AM   #50
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You're life is not gonna significantly change if you fuck up. and even then, there will be opportunities to mend the relationship.

The way I see it, you have absolutely nothing to lose.

I don't even talk or have anything to do with 99.99% of the girls I used to like in the past. Chances are, you won't either. You saying that you're scared to ruin your friendship with her is just a convenient excuse for you to pansy out.

And when I do talk to girls I've been interested in and confessed to in the past, it's not at all awkward or anything. We just act like normal friends.

You might as well confess now than waste a whole lot of time building up to a solid no. Better no now than no later. Life goes on.
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