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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 08-26-2011, 10:44 PM   #1
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[Confidential] Confused

The following post is from an anonymous member. If they would like to reply to any replies please pm me.


Sorry if this is a bit long, but i am trying to give as much details as possible so u can understand the situation more clearly.

So it all started roughly 1 year ago, i met this girl in school, as i got to know her, i started to slowly like her, but because of the shyness in me, i didnt get a chance to know her well/close enough. During this time, i found out someone else likes her, and this guy basically let everyone know he's going after her, i didnt think much of it because through chatting with her, she didnt want a bf yet. Somehow, her friend (who turns out to be a total slut and has a mind sex of sex>everything) convinced the girl to give the guy a chance and they end up being together.

Fast forward to roughly half a year ago, the boyfriend of the girl finishes school early and goes back to his country without a return date, it was at this time i got close to the girl i liked, imo, too close for normal friends. Theres a lot of physical contact between us (no not sex) like we would play with each others hands and i would end up holding her hand, she would let go but not right away, or i would have my arm around her back for a bit before she she would move away. Just today we were at the beach and while chatting with her, i had my arm around her waist on/off 3 times and she didnt resist.

Also almost every night she would contact me in some way either via text/msn and we would chat and i would flirt with her, i am sure she gets the hint cause from time to time i would hint at her either in obvious ways or less obvious ways.

This is where i am stuck and am confused about right now.

1. I dont know whether or not i should confess to her, cause i know if i dont confess, i will regret this BIG TIME, but if i do confess, it can potentially ruin the friendship between us

2. i dont know what is she thinking, im sure she knows i like her, but the more i think about it, the more i think that maybe she is keeping me as a backup just in case her bf doesnt come back?

So people, what do u think of this situation? What do u think i should do? Girls of revscene, what do u think is going through the girls mind, cause i am hella confused right now and have no idea what she wants. I am sure there are many details left out as thats all i can think of providing for now. Thanks for all ur replies.

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Old 08-26-2011, 10:58 PM   #2
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No questions asked I think you should talk to her and explain your feelings to her. It's better to find out then always think what if. By the sounds of things with the mutual flirting she may have feeling as well so do what you know is right.
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Old 08-26-2011, 11:22 PM   #3
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give her a choice of liking you or you ...
tell her as is -- its the right thing to do.
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Old 08-26-2011, 11:27 PM   #4
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Lay your cards down; tell her you liked her before she started seeing the competition, you still like and you want more. Long term relationships never work out, sometimes they just need a little encouragement to end.
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Old 08-26-2011, 11:27 PM   #5
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You have to be in high school, right?

Regardless, you need to know that no one is a mind reader. Therefore, if you want anything to come of this relationship that is more than friends, you will need to go and be upfront with how you feel. Otherwise, you'll always just be that friend.

Don't expect the girl to make the first move. Hints aren't enough.
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Old 08-27-2011, 12:23 AM   #6
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dont tell her how you feel



show her.

next time you guys are playfully fooling around...just go in for the kiss...

its easier to ask for forgiveness then to ask for permission!!
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Old 08-27-2011, 12:36 AM   #7
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^ that could end good or bad..kind hard to judge if he just went for it cus then she might be like OMG WHAT R U DOING I HAVE A BF and bye bye friendship, but if you talk to her n tell her how you feel, its in a more "polite" way and thus no voices will need to be raised lol So i say tell her how you feel, if she likes you she'll tell you, if she doesn't don't stick around to be the rebound guy. Why make her a priority if you're only an option ?
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Old 08-27-2011, 12:37 AM   #8
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Let her know your feelings but DO NOT DATE HER TILL SHE OFFICALLY ENDED WITH HER BF.

Is never good to be the third person.

Remember if she can date you behind her long distance bf she could do the same to you.
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Old 08-27-2011, 12:40 AM   #9
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Am I the only one that thinks he is the back up?

Seems to me that she is trying to keep the carrot in front of you.

I get stuck on the fact that she will spend a couple of moments of "intimate" contact with you, then move away.

However, I agree on speaking to her. At least you figure out where you stand.
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Old 08-27-2011, 12:42 AM   #10
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Talk to her. You can try physical contact as advised above but beware that it could be a total turn off. By the look of it, worst thing she could say is she's not ready, which is normal. It might be true or it might not be true, you can't really know. If she seeks you out after, then there you go. Some girls are shy and wouldn't say yes at first you know, because it's too much to handle on the spot. Can't ruin a friendship if you haven't even started dating. You don't want to chicken out and be that guy forever looking from afar. I say there's enough go-ahead sign.

Go steady and slow if you don't want to be just a temporary guy to fill her heart. Just be normal and never ever mention the previous guy if she doesn't mention it.
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Old 08-27-2011, 12:46 AM   #11
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talk to her, and don't make her uncomfortable, just tell her exactly how you feel, and let her make a decision. don't force her into a decision give her time to think about it, give her a few days. however the only downside to this is that if she doesn't feel the same way about you it will ruin ur friendship.
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Old 08-27-2011, 12:53 AM   #12
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Lol back away. She's got you in a friendzone and as a backup plan. If you chat with her, give her an ultimatum. Then ul see how she feels. But problem is, you picked the worst time, she's got a bf.

Your fault for delaying. Make it up to yourself by not being her pinky ring.
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Old 08-27-2011, 01:09 AM   #13
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First of all, your biggest mistake was getting so close to her knowing she has a boyfriend.

Second of all, contrary to everyones advice here, do NOT lay all your cards down and tell her how you feel about her. She already has a rough idea, and does NOT need some confirmation. If she does ask, tell her you feel like you two could have a potential future, but do not ramble about how much you are in love with her already. Everything is a push/pull. Once she knows she has you pinned down, she is going to use that to her advantage.

Like k2_alpha said, you could be a backup. Who knows, maybe once the boyfriend appears on a plane back in Vancouver, the carrot would no longer be in front of you.

I agree with mr happy slip. If shes dingling around with you with you fully being aware she has a boyfriend, she is trouble. Don't think shes a keeper. Shes one of those constantly looking to upgrade (or even just for attention). Is she high maintenance/clingy?
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[23-07, 02:03] shawn79 do u go to vietnamese places for haircuts
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Old 08-27-2011, 01:12 AM   #14
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Lol back away. She's got you in a friendzone and as a backup plan. If you chat with her, give her an ultimatum. Then ul see how she feels. But problem is, you picked the worst time, she's got a bf.

Your fault for delaying. Make it up to yourself by not being her pinky ring.
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ultimatum might be the right solution. feel it out. The way i look at it, you dont have much of a shot

If she does like you, tell her she has to make a choice. And to NOT talk to you or see you until she has fully made one. If she does choose you, she better call the boyfriend infront of you and tell him its over.
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[23-07, 02:03] shawn79 i find that at vietnamese place they cut ur hair like they cut grass
[23-07, 02:03] shawn79 do u go to vietnamese places for haircuts
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Old 08-27-2011, 01:34 AM   #15
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yea, man up and either kiss her and find out, or confess, or just forget about her. Because you sound like you're in a the friend zone. But please don't continue flirting and light touching and not getting anywhere.
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Old 08-27-2011, 01:44 AM   #16
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Toot it and boot it.
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Old 08-27-2011, 01:55 AM   #17
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You SHOULD NOT be going after this girl at all. (Notice It's only a suggestion). She has a boyfriend. It doesn't matter how far apart they are, how their relationship is going, how your feeling are to her, etc. You don't date girls who have boyfriends. How would you like it if you were gone somewhere and some other guy comforted your girl and tried taking her away from you? You would probably feel powerless and vulnerable. That's the situation here.

She knows she has a boyfriend and she's still doing these kinds of things with you? In my perspective she's a cheater. You may say it's only holding her hands and waist but in your post clearly your sole purpose IS to make the move and from what you're saying she's allowing this. Would you want to date this girl who shows no integrity? What if you end up dating her and you had to go on vacation? There are a lot of what ifs, but my point is that can you really trust her if she is showing you what she is doing right now? You probably cannot be 100% sure if she is loyal or not.

If you really want to date this girl best leave her alone until she is OFFICIALLY single and her ex is truly out of the picture.

All I am giving is suggestions but remember karma is a bitch.
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Old 08-27-2011, 02:16 AM   #18
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With all these flirting and touching going on tensions sure has built up over time. Just fuck her, things happen.

Besides, what value does your friendship hold anyways? If u like her just go for her doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. You say it like it matters....
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Old 08-27-2011, 02:33 AM   #19
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The following is a reply from the Anonymous member

I hoped this was posted earlier but the mod was away and didnt get a chance to post the problem until yesterday, but anyways, few days ago there's some advancement in the situation and heres how it all went down.

We had dinner with a bunch of school friends, after dinner we all went out separate ways since we all wanted to do something else. She didnt want to go with the other people and i didnt too so we were stuck together. I took her out to a quiet place for a walk and I did not expected/anticipated all this to happen.

We were up on a viewing platform chatting, she was facing the rails and i was standing beside her. At first we were chatting bs and i had my hands around her waist, she didnt move, so i moved behind her and had my arms around her and held her hands, to my surprise she grabbed back. I just stood there and held her for what seems to be forever cause i was scared shitless with my heart beating a million beats a sec. It took quite some time before i turned her around, held both her hands, and told her straight up. Heres the convo

Me: u know i like u
Her: mm....... why
Me: there is no explanation
Her: when
Me: since sept last year

She turned around and started crying, i held her by the waist close to me

Her: but why now
Me: im afraid if i dont tell u now, i would loose my chance to tell u
Her: u know i have a bf
Me: so... u said it, "what good is a bf when hes not even here", u dont even know when he'll be back
Her: he said he'll be back around lunar festivals
Me: there is no reason for him to be back, hes not looking for a job, or comming back for school

It then all went quiet, i held her around her waist holding her hands for i dont know how ever long, then I asked her if she wanted to go for walk. I held her hands and walked off the viewing plat form, through out the whole night, i held her hands as much as possible, and she was willing to give me her hand to hold. We walked around for quite a bit chatting abt bs stuff and she seemed happy, i held her around the waist when ever we took breaks from walking around.

To end the night, i drove her home and walked her half way up to the house, i didnt wanna let go, she turns around comes back and gives me a hug.

Thats the end of the story. This all happened just a few nights ago without reading any of the replies cause the original story was posted late.
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Old 08-27-2011, 02:41 AM   #20
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never tell a girl u like them, ull just drive them away... show it like u want it

talking feelings to girls will only log jam their brain
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Old 08-27-2011, 02:56 AM   #21
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Trancehead was right on this one, tell her to choose. This girl is willing to fool around on her bf and blame it on confused feelings. This really means she has no idea what she wants and instead of making up her mind she's willing to go the easier route and keep you both.

If she's not willing to choose you and keeps dancing around the bush, hit it and quit it. If she can't choose she's not worth it and this way you'll be able to walk away without feeling like it was a complete loss. Also, if she did pick you, would you still want her knowing she's the type to share intimate moments with other guys because they like her? If she'll do it to him it's more than likely she'll do it to you.
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Old 08-27-2011, 09:34 AM   #22
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dont call her now. let her call you .. let her make the move...
she knows where you stand and how you feel
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Make the effort and take the risk..

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Old 08-27-2011, 10:47 AM   #23
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People usually want what they can't have, or what they think they can't have. Play a little hard to get and let her make her move.
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Old 08-27-2011, 12:38 PM   #24
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she started crying because she to choose.

the only thing that seperates us from the animals is our minds. don't let your heart or your dick take control over it.
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[23-07, 02:03] shawn79 i find that at vietnamese place they cut ur hair like they cut grass
[23-07, 02:03] shawn79 do u go to vietnamese places for haircuts
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Old 08-27-2011, 12:54 PM   #25
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never tell a girl u like them, ull just drive them away... show it like u want it

talking feelings to girls will only log jam their brain
I've never met a girl who didn't respond well to my telling them how I feel about them. Not telling them, just showing, leaves room for interpretation and they might take your actions as being something they're not.
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