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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 10-29-2011, 01:33 PM   #26
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If a woman isn't interested in having sex with you, she isn't feeling emotionally connected to you. You can't just try to reason with her - you need to re-ignite that connection through actions.

I recommend that you figure out how you're going to reconnect with her emotionally sooner rather than later. Once you lose a girl on an emotional level, you lose her for good.
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Old 10-29-2011, 02:37 PM   #27
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Why are u in a relationship with someone that doesnt put out?

You should just approach her with


'you should be an archaeologist'
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Old 10-29-2011, 05:45 PM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tapioca View Post
If a woman isn't interested in having sex with you, she isn't feeling emotionally connected to you. You can't just try to reason with her - you need to re-ignite that connection through actions.

I recommend that you figure out how you're going to reconnect with her emotionally sooner rather than later. Once you lose a girl on an emotional level, you lose her for good.
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Try being married.

It's possible for a woman to still love you, still be heavily emotionally connected, but have a much lesser desire to pounce on you like they did back during the "dating" phase.

TBH, the lack of sex isn't always a sign of disconnection, sometimes it's just a sign of "longevity" in a relationship and unfortunately also a sign of "comfort"; as in... she doesn't feel like she needs to sleep with (as much) to maintain you and you as a guy don't feel like you need to romance her as much as you did during your dating/courting days.
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Old 10-29-2011, 09:37 PM   #29
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You know what's funny. this is what we get from women a lot
"oh, it's always about sex eh, sometimes I'm not turned on and I just don't need it as often as you do." Well you know what, there are a lot of times I ain't turned on to COOK you a dinner, or I'm not happy but I still make the effort to go see you.

Hints... I hate this. I am always in need of sex, but it would be nice if you would at least RAPE me once in a blue moon. i have no idea why but a lot of girls just don't show the feelings of wanting sex. I hate it after a week and I'm like.. wtf man.. i get turned down for sex. Getting turned down is like the worse feeling of all, after a week.. it just sucks.... I hate it when girls hold the key to sex, it's always when THEY want it. I wish as a guy, i can have that type of control some type.

SOLUTION. I did have this talk before. Yes, i do want sex but I will never treat you as a sex toy. It's just nice to have that sexual connection. The solution: If you're tired, just TELL me that you want me to rub one out for me. Instead of saying "I dont' want sex tonight" at least just say "why dont' you rub one out for me" or Can I just suck you off etc.

9 out of 10 times, she'll just watch and then you'll turn her on and have a quicky and or she'll just blow you. I've had girls just say "i don't feel like having sex" and that just hurts. After being rejected all the time, it doesn't feel good. How about I say to you "I just don't feel like seeing you tonight / I just don't feel like sleeping over at your place cause I'm tired"

anyhhoo, best of luck. If she's tired, and wants to sleep, i'll kiss her get her all hot and heavy and I know she doesn'twant sex, i'll just tell her I'm going to rub one out in front of you..
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Old 10-29-2011, 11:56 PM   #30
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You know what's funny. this is what we get from women a lot
"oh, it's always about sex eh, sometimes I'm not turned on and I just don't need it as often as you do." Well you know what, there are a lot of times I ain't turned on to COOK you a dinner, or I'm not happy but I still make the effort to go see you.

Hints... I hate this. I am always in need of sex, but it would be nice if you would at least RAPE me once in a blue moon. i have no idea why but a lot of girls just don't show the feelings of wanting sex. I hate it after a week and I'm like.. wtf man.. i get turned down for sex. Getting turned down is like the worse feeling of all, after a week.. it just sucks.... I hate it when girls hold the key to sex, it's always when THEY want it. I wish as a guy, i can have that type of control some type.

SOLUTION. I did have this talk before. Yes, i do want sex but I will never treat you as a sex toy. It's just nice to have that sexual connection. The solution: If you're tired, just TELL me that you want me to rub one out for me. Instead of saying "I dont' want sex tonight" at least just say "why dont' you rub one out for me" or Can I just suck you off etc.

9 out of 10 times, she'll just watch and then you'll turn her on and have a quicky and or she'll just blow you. I've had girls just say "i don't feel like having sex" and that just hurts. After being rejected all the time, it doesn't feel good. How about I say to you "I just don't feel like seeing you tonight / I just don't feel like sleeping over at your place cause I'm tired"

anyhhoo, best of luck. If she's tired, and wants to sleep, i'll kiss her get her all hot and heavy and I know she doesn'twant sex, i'll just tell her I'm going to rub one out in front of you..
I thanked you right after reading your first paragraph. All valid points! I wish we can just tell women straight up this without sounding like an asshole when they're the ones being assholes.
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Old 10-30-2011, 01:51 PM   #31
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Try being married.

It's possible for a woman to still love you, still be heavily emotionally connected, but have a much lesser desire to pounce on you like they did back during the "dating" phase.

TBH, the lack of sex isn't always a sign of disconnection, sometimes it's just a sign of "longevity" in a relationship and unfortunately also a sign of "comfort"; as in... she doesn't feel like she needs to sleep with (as much) to maintain you and you as a guy don't feel like you need to romance her as much as you did during your dating/courting days.
I fully am aware of what married life could turn out. You are right, people get comfy with each other and YES, girls don't want sex as much and for guys we just don't want to give her romance.

You know what, that's TOTAL bullshit. I tell my girl, everything in a relationship is a work in progress. You can work on your work life, you can work on your romantic life, you can work on your sex life. You have YOUR needs and I have mine. Let's be HONEST with each other and come to a conclusion. If you want romance, SURE, tell me and I'll come up with a solution. Dont' get me wrong, we do take gf for granted for times, but when guys taken for granted for doing things, it's when guys don't get praises anymore from girls is what we drift apart.

What happens when you drift apart, PEOPLE WILL FIND WAYS TO JUSTIFY to cheat!!!!!!!!!!!!! Make sure there's on open communication with your wife/ gf and let them know, i am here to give you 100% if you're not happy. If you're not happy, you tend to temptations. If I'm not happy, I'll be more temped to get lured to other demons. So let's WORK together so we can always refresh in our relationship!
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Old 10-30-2011, 03:23 PM   #32
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Old 10-30-2011, 03:40 PM   #33
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I fully am aware of what married life could turn out. You are right, people get comfy with each other and YES, girls don't want sex as much and for guys we just don't want to give her romance.

You know what, that's TOTAL bullshit. I tell my girl, everything in a relationship is a work in progress. You can work on your work life, you can work on your romantic life, you can work on your sex life. You have YOUR needs and I have mine. Let's be HONEST with each other and come to a conclusion. If you want romance, SURE, tell me and I'll come up with a solution. Dont' get me wrong, we do take gf for granted for times, but when guys taken for granted for doing things, it's when guys don't get praises anymore from girls is what we drift apart.

What happens when you drift apart, PEOPLE WILL FIND WAYS TO JUSTIFY to cheat!!!!!!!!!!!!! Make sure there's on open communication with your wife/ gf and let them know, i am here to give you 100% if you're not happy. If you're not happy, you tend to temptations. If I'm not happy, I'll be more temped to get lured to other demons. So let's WORK together so we can always refresh in our relationship!
How long does that solution last? If the solution is that she wants to have more spark and romance and you comply, the questions isn't "will you" (because guys would do quite a lot for sex) but a matter of "how long will you." Can you keep your romeo routine day in day out?

Same thing goes for women. You can talk it out, hash it out and she will say she understands. You'll be happy for a week or 2 while she complies but eventually that "solution" of yours will also taper off.



I've only been married 2 years so I don't really have a solution: hence why I didn't post an advice on my original post. The way I've observed it, is it just goes on a cycle:

As in, when you're so called solution tapers off, you both come to a breaking point where one talks (or in some cases complain) and the whole cycle is restarted again where the spark of romance and sex begins anew; which as usual, continues for a while then lulls a bit, then is restarted once again.
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Old 10-30-2011, 04:40 PM   #34
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just act like you've gone into depression. mimic all the symptoms, shes bound to break soon enough.

or just rub one out and smoke a joint?
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Old 10-30-2011, 04:56 PM   #35
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How long does that solution last? If the solution is that she wants to have more spark and romance and you comply, the questions isn't "will you" (because guys would do quite a lot for sex) but a matter of "how long will you." Can you keep your romeo routine day in day out?

Same thing goes for women. You can talk it out, hash it out and she will say she understands. You'll be happy for a week or 2 while she complies but eventually that "solution" of yours will also taper off.



I've only been married 2 years so I don't really have a solution: hence why I didn't post an advice on my original post. The way I've observed it, is it just goes on a cycle:

As in, when you're so called solution tapers off, you both come to a breaking point where one talks (or in some cases complain) and the whole cycle is restarted again where the spark of romance and sex begins anew; which as usual, continues for a while then lulls a bit, then is restarted once again.

So true about the cycle. Does this mean the two are not meant to be together? It seems like for some people, solutions are only temporarily.
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Old 10-30-2011, 05:33 PM   #36
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Whatever the solution, just remember ultimatums do not work in relationships. Humor cures everything, pressure does not. Exception: don't crack a joke when they have broken ribs.

If you're gonna call it quits, just call it quits.
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Old 10-30-2011, 05:37 PM   #37
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"A relationship without sex, is just friends."

personally, i think sex and physical attraction are essential for success in a long-term relationship.
convince her that sex isn't just for the pleasure. it's a way to show your love for one another. it's how you two connect.
try getting her horny ... if she backs off, then something's wrong

if she still doesn't want to have sex ... then there's no spark there. you've both lost it, and it's better to just leave her and pursue a new relationship with somebody more 'exciting'

btw i'm not saying you should pressure her to have sex everyday
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Old 10-30-2011, 05:48 PM   #38
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It depends really, you have to really like the person in order to have good sex.

Sex with a person you like, is good.
Sex with a person you love, is great.

If you're with someone just for the sex, eventually it gets boring and it almost becomes a choir. I am speaking from personal experience. Your imagination works over-time, then when your done, the last thing you want is for her to touch and talk to you.

At this point, I still think sex is great who am I kidding? I'll always think that, but personality of the person definitely definitely matters. It's why the friend with benefit lifestyle gets boring.

Omg, maturity showing?!
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Old 10-30-2011, 08:02 PM   #39
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Noir: I guess you are right, there are things that will always recycle all the time, but as sad as that might be, it's part of life and it's when you compromise in a marriage / relationship, that's what makes it better.

I can't compare experiences, but it's what it is. We all have to learn to communicate and compromise. She has just as much faith in trying to change you and hope you don't flip 2 weeks later and going back to normal.
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Old 10-30-2011, 08:42 PM   #40
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Maybe your skillz in bed are severely lacking.

Lol.

But no, in all seriousness, maybe she really just doesn't like it because you're not doing the right things to pleasure her. I don't mean to be offensive or sound like a total dick. It's just a possibility that I'm putting out there.
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Old 11-05-2011, 05:48 AM   #41
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If the girl aint craving ur dick, either

A) u have a small penis

B) u blow at having sex

It cant only be those 2 things
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Old 11-05-2011, 12:35 PM   #42
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If the girl aint craving ur dick, either

A) u have a small penis

B) u blow at having sex

It cant only be those 2 things
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or you are not attractive to begin with
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Old 11-05-2011, 02:28 PM   #43
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If the girl aint craving ur dick, either

A) u have a small penis

B) u blow at having sex

It cant only be those 2 things
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yeeeep :tosd:
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Old 11-06-2011, 09:11 AM   #44
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ok...this is going to be a little harsh...but it was the case for me...

Maybe you just aren't that good? Or, maybe she just isn't that into you "that way". Maybe you treat her well, buy her things, take her places, come from a good family, etc.....but she isn't sexually attracted to you.

Happened to me. My ex and I were together for 9 years....he was a normal, whatever type guy...not bad, but not good. I was with him (in retrospect I realized) out of convenience. He also kinda sucked a fucking, and I never, NEVER had the urge to have sex with him. Once a month of so I would give it up because I felt bad for him. I was never turned on, never instigated it, and never enjoyed it. I thought it was just me....didn't like to fuck.

Turns out it was him.

Now, my bf is fucking awesome. I can't get it enough...he wants to have sex everyday? done. 3 times a day? done. Why? because I am actually attracted and turned on by him. Also, he is fucking awesome in bed!

I'm not fucking with you...I'm not bragging and making light of your problem. And, it may not be ALL YOU....maybe you guys just aren't compatible in bed?

You need to make the choice on whether she is worth it or not. 10 years down the road, are you going to be happy jackin' it everyday in the shower b/c you haven't fucked her in a month?
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Old 11-06-2011, 10:12 AM   #45
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Old 11-06-2011, 01:08 PM   #46
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Maybe it's just you... girls don't like being told I WANNA FUCK LETS DO THIS!!!!

Nah man, you can't talk a girl into having sex unless your paying for it lol.

You have to turn her on or even be more open about sex.
Me and my girl are always talking about it and we talk about what turns us on and off etc etc
this is how you get better at it

Been with my girl for like 7 years or something, when we started going out we'd bang like 3-5 times a day. Our schedule was fuck fuck lunch fuck fuck dinner fuck fuck fuck sleep wake up repeat.
But now that were older and and we're busy it doesn't happen every single day. However sex is even better now.

If not just rub it out, There is no way a girl can match a guys sex drive thats what masturbating is all about lol. Keeps cheating in check and your dick in your pants.
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Old 11-06-2011, 10:43 PM   #47
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dinosaur: I sort of agree on what you have said. You're right, there are people who wants to have sex cause yes, you are banging a hot brad pitt and you want to bang him. Good looking, good in bed= good sex, yup, I totally agree. But I've had tons of girls, strippers, gfs, that were good solid 9/10 and as much as they are great in bed and always wanting it, being physically attracted to the person doesn't necessary mean you always have a high sex drive with the person.

We are talking about two different thing here; OP is asking how to match each other's sex drive, whereas in your case it's about being attracted to someone / being good in bed etc.
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Old 11-07-2011, 10:30 AM   #48
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Hahaha you forgot to put this as well:



As a side note, I'm not sure the readers in VLS know who dinosaur's bf is...
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Old 11-07-2011, 10:34 AM   #49
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Best thanks I ever gave on revscene.
Hahahahaha naice.
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Old 11-08-2011, 09:16 PM   #50
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Hahaha you forgot to put this as well:



As a side note, I'm not sure the readers in VLS know who dinosaur's bf is...
Well, hotdamn! I'm happy to say me.

wait for it.

















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