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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 10-28-2011, 01:40 AM   #1
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[Confidential] Having a hard time post-break up

The following post is from an anonymous member. If they would like to reply to any replies please pm me.


Me and my ex broke up about a year ago. To be honest I had a great thing going but I was too stupid to see it and took her for granted. After we broke up we agreed to call each other once a night to update each other on our lives. we stayed in close contact with each other, basically acting like a couple which being under the guise of a bestfriend (basically a friends with benefits). In the recent months she has found herself a new boyfriend and since then everything has changed, our constant txting and chatting as stopped, we never hang out anymore. I know it is clear that she is over me but the sad fact is that I am not over her. even though we broke up about a year ago it feels like we just broke up.

I am a mess right now, I can barely eat, I have no will to go out, i just do not know what to do with myself anymore. I also have her info to all her social networking outlets and can see the email/msgs sent between her and her boyfriend and it just kills me. Everyone keeps telling me to stop talking to her and to stop checking her social networking sites and as much as I try I just cant do it, I guess i am just not mentally strong enough. I am constantly wonder what she is doing and if she is with her boyfriend to an almost obsessive degree. The only contact I have with her is for 1 min before she goes to bed and even then i manage to hurt our relationship by asking stupid pathetic questions of "what ifs".

Everyday i just keep replaying the mistakes I made in my head and its driving me crazy. I dont want to die but i dont want to live either if that makes sense to anyone. I know there is plenty of fish in the sea and all that but in my current pathetic state i am in no shape to go out and do anything. I know my problems are small and petty compared to what some of you guys have been through but i just cant shake this feeling. I really dont know what I am expecting to get out of this thread besides the same advice that i am too weak to follow but I am hoping to get some new insight , anything to get me out of this depression.

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Old 10-28-2011, 08:40 AM   #2
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dont worry bro, we all go through hard break ups and most of the time, we are never really strong to carry on. Its definitely not easy to move on with your situation and it can really tear your apart but you have to realize that you are beating yourself up too much. Yes you feel guilty and blaming yourself for neglecting her and so forth but thats just life. We make mistakes and get punished by it but at the end of the it all, we learn from it and grow to be a better person. You were still in a fantasy world where everything seems to be working out with your life accordingly but when she found someone new, fantasy turned into reality and you got woken up on the wrong side of bed. Now you feel lost and confused where you stand because you've been so used to a "daily routine" with her that when she went out of the picture you dont know where to place yourself anymore. Your also getting depressed with the fact that you know shes happy with someone else while your sitting in your room lookin like a break up music video.

But enough about that. Lets focus on how to get you back on your feet!


As much as you wanna know everything that is going on with her, YOU HAVE TO STOP DOING SO! it does not bring you any peace knowing what she does now and then. It will only haunt you, make you lonely, and ruin your life. Move on my friend, move on. Stop communicating with her for a little while, dont try to find out what shes up to, if you have to delete her on facebook for now, and never call her friends asking how shes doing.
Now while your doing that, go hang out with your friends, socialize with new people, make new friends, take up a hobby or activity, join a sports game or whatever. The point of all of this is "keep yourself busy". If you stay at home or isolate yourself from the world, you will only give your brain a chance to think and relive past memories and trust me, it will hurt! you will get stuck in that situation and you will be putting yourself on an island with no one but you alone. You will lose your friends eventually because lets face it, who wants to hang out with a debbie downer... good friends will be there for you no matter what so dont lose the connection with them. They will help you whether directly or indirectly. One thing that has helped me get through a sad break up is socializing. Meeting new people especially girls will help you gain confidence, make you realize that there are plenty of fish in the sea, and lets you focus on a new beginning rather than getting stuck in history.

This is a crucial stage for you right now. You can either fall and call yourself unworthy or stand up and be proud knowing that you are strong enough to survive "the end of the world"

all the best to you bro. Like Rick Astley said:

Never give up
Never let yourself down
Never run around and desert yourself
Never cry
Never say goodbye
Never tell a lie
and hurt yourself!
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Old 10-28-2011, 08:43 AM   #3
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Cut all contacts and meet some new girls. Hell, go to the parlour. It will get you over her pretty quick. Speaking from experience. Delete her off all your social networking sites. Grow a set of nuts, and man-the-fuck up. Hang out with your buds. Play some damn sports and meet new people.
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Old 10-28-2011, 09:06 AM   #4
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I have a agree with the two guys above me. I just went through a 5 year relationship. It was a solid legit relationship too. I then 6 months later dated another girl for a month and a half. I was more torn up about the 1.5 month girlfriend than the 5 year one. I have no idea why I guess its because I tried hard to make it work but she wasnt as into me as I was into her.

Point being said. Keep yourself busy! Hit the gym (if you dont do so already), pick up a sport, do some volunteering. Basically put yourself out there! Its a weird feeling but you'll get used to it and enjoy meeting new people. I'm sure there has always been a sport of something you've wanted to pick up or a hobby that your ex held you back from doing. I believe in a relationship there is always something that will hold you back from doing what you want to do. For me I cant believe I had to go through a shitty break up. But that pushed me from being a loser who paintballs on a weekly basis shooting kids and first time players to being able to pick up hockey! I had been dying to play for years so I sold my paintball gear and now Im doing something I really love.

Being a guy who came from a BCIT program that was off compus 1 block I didnt get a chance to meet ALOT of people like most people do at UBC and SFU..etc. Do some networking. If youre curious and look good you might have a good chance at plenty of fish or OKcupid. frankly those sites dont really work all that well. Whatever you do...try not to rush into another relationship to fill in her place, doesnt work well...Ive been there done that.

As for the creeping and obsessiveness. Its something that you will have to conjure up some serious will power not to do. I personally think if things ended mutually dont delete her off FB or get rid of her number etc. I still believe exes can still be friends. After all if you had a good long lasting relationship she'd know you best! When you're down or she is be there for each other still or something.

Best luck to you and hope I somehow helped
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Old 10-28-2011, 09:27 AM   #5
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Yeah, you're not doing yourself any favors by checking her emails/facebook/whatehaveyous

Stop focusing so much on HER life and start building yours. Chill with your buddies, go out and meet some women, go to school and upgrade your skills.

I guarantee you'll be meeting new people in no time
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Old 10-28-2011, 09:38 AM   #6
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go to the gym, better yourself and you'll stop feeling sorry for yourself real quick.
try to be as social as possible and as soon as you meet girls you'll stop caring about what your ex is doing. i find that you lose the jealousy the moment you have your own thing going on.
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Old 10-28-2011, 09:41 AM   #7
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But that pushed me from being a loser who paintballs on a weekly basis shooting kids and first time players to being able to pick up hockey!
LOL you asshole! its guys like you that prevent me from going paintballing.

i also agree with the internet dating thing. its 2011 and thats a perfectly normal way to meet people who are also taking a leap of faith by using those sites. nothing wrong with that.
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Old 10-28-2011, 11:11 AM   #8
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LOL you asshole! its guys like you that prevent me from going paintballing.

i also agree with the internet dating thing. its 2011 and thats a perfectly normal way to meet people who are also taking a leap of faith by using those sites. nothing wrong with that.
Yeah...I used to play at richmond indoor all the time and play with the regulars. I honestly felt like a huge bully cause when there was a huge pack of noobies going or girls we'd try to act all alpha haha im so far grown up from that. I actually just lost a best friend because i didnt want to continue paintball he just couldnt see me move on to better sports.

Back to the topic. Id hold out on the online dating. I resorted to that right away and tried to find someone and everytime I msged someone and never got a reply (yes I know its funny i got owned ) it was disapppointing. Wait till you have some confidence in yourself and have begun to move on. The online dating reality is brutal. most of the time the ladies say "looking for kind hearted genuine man..love to laugh...doesnt care about looks" but lets face it when you have profile pictures to look at. OF COURSE youre going to spot out the more physically attractive girls over the "lesser attractive". Its window shoppng at its best.

You cant make someone else happy until you can be happy.

Try coming out to some of the random revscene meets most of these guys are really great people to hang with!
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Old 10-28-2011, 11:35 AM   #9
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I feel ya buddy! been through one of those and I can't say I am fully over things but you know, it gets better.

Cutting off all communication with her is probably the best thing. It is really hard, but once you do, the rebuilding process can start to begin.

Hope things get better for you. It's been two years since my ex and i have split and i still think about her more often than I should but it gets easier and easier to control.
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Old 10-28-2011, 12:05 PM   #10
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Someone needs to tell your ex to change all her passwords. OP, you need a good bro that will smack you upside the head when you start creeping again. The same bro should be helping you wipe out all traces of your ex from your life, and stop contacting her.
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Old 10-28-2011, 12:24 PM   #11
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Someone needs to tell your ex to change all her passwords. OP, you need a good bro that will smack you upside the head when you start creeping again. The same bro should be helping you wipe out all traces of your ex from your life, and stop contacting her.
BROmit her from his life?
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Old 10-28-2011, 12:52 PM   #12
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I've sort of been there before and let me tell you when I started lifting weights while single it was the best. Eat, train, sleep. A simple and very rewarding way to get your mind off things.
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Old 11-15-2011, 01:54 PM   #13
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I was where the op was at one point. Then I realized that it's wishful thinking to get back what is lost in a previous relationship. Although I still dream of her, and deep down I still care about what she does, it's a fleeting feeling because I spent my time doing other productive shit to keep myself occupied.

Do something to better youself whether it be studying up on something or taking up a hobby and going to the gym. In the end you come out a better person and eventually your thoughts about her will fade when you find a new flame, yourself. It might be a case of wanting something you can't have. I've come to accept that that's what happened to me. I broke it off with my ex because I couldn't stand her constant complaining about things that were within her control and her family imposing financial burdens on her that greatly affected me. When I found out she was dating some other dude, I thought, fine, he can deal with her issues and I won't have to anymore. Just focus on why you guys broke up and get yourself something to do that will focus your concentration. Talk to your friends and build your social circle. Meeting new people will definitely get your mind off your ex.
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Old 11-15-2011, 02:42 PM   #14
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Wow, this is funny that I am revisiting this thread again...only because I just found out yesterday my last ex was dating the guy I had thought she was cheating on me with. It hurt so much to see her in a group picture with his friends smiling. But at the same time I cant help but feel bad for the guy as he was my buddy back when I paintballed. Oh well every man for themselves. If I couldnt make her happy being with me then what would have been the point of continuing the relationship.

All I did was hit the gym that night and POOF problems gone haha I was too busy feeling sore and playing assassins creed: revelations! haha. But it does constantly make one wonder if she treated him just as badly as she treated me....
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Old 11-15-2011, 04:35 PM   #15
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Wow, this is funny that I am revisiting this thread again...only because I just found out yesterday my last ex was dating the guy I had thought she was cheating on me with. It hurt so much to see her in a group picture with his friends smiling. But at the same time I cant help but feel bad for the guy as he was my buddy back when I paintballed. Oh well every man for themselves. If I couldnt make her happy being with me then what would have been the point of continuing the relationship.

All I did was hit the gym that night and POOF problems gone haha I was too busy feeling sore and playing assassins creed: revelations! haha. But it does constantly make one wonder if she treated him just as badly as she treated me....

Damn that sucks man. That's just how fucked up the relationship game is. Girls are no better than guys when it comes to the foul shit they can do. It takes courage to be able to open up again and be able to love again.
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Old 11-16-2011, 01:09 AM   #16
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You cannot be a frds with your ex if you still have feeling for her. It will ruin your life. Believe me I tried.
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Old 11-16-2011, 09:27 AM   #17
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Damn that sucks man. That's just how fucked up the relationship game is. Girls are no better than guys when it comes to the foul shit they can do. It takes courage to be able to open up again and be able to love again.
Amen to all of that
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Old 11-16-2011, 10:58 AM   #18
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jesus christ tachy, you're avy almost made me throw up in my mouth.
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Old 11-16-2011, 08:45 PM   #19
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You cannot be a frds with your ex if you still have feeling for her. It will ruin your life. Believe me I tried.
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you can but you have to understand that it is not a relationship that you used to have...

as for the OP, to tell you the truth someone has to knock some sense into your thick head because a lot of us have been down that path before and i sure wished someone knocked some sense in me rather than mopping and feeling sorry for myself...

do what i did...i spent my times in the library...nice place to sleep..haha
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Old 11-16-2011, 09:22 PM   #20
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All this is gold, cause ive kinda been there, always wanting to know whatsup with her, but really, we havent talked in the last 2 months, frankly cause she found someone new too.

Working out is a great stress reliever, and makes you a better person. Try new things, im slowing forgetting about her...waste as it may seem, but theres nothing you can do about it...
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Old 11-18-2011, 10:45 PM   #21
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cutting all ties...no text calls emails what not... its hard but eventually things will turn out better.. its like how I can't get over the fact my ex is dating my used to be close friend. Even though we broke up over a year ago shit still bothers me.. but just learn to move on and go meet new chicks. shit happens.
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Old 11-18-2011, 11:24 PM   #22
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Hang in there man, it's tough but it is what it is.

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Old 11-19-2011, 03:07 AM   #23
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All this is gold, cause ive kinda been there, always wanting to know whatsup with her, but really, we havent talked in the last 2 months, frankly cause she found someone new too.

Working out is a great stress reliever, and makes you a better person. Try new things, im slowing forgetting about her...waste as it may seem, but theres nothing you can do about it...
+1 Pretty much exactly what I'm going through.
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Old 11-19-2011, 09:14 PM   #24
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It definitely helps if you have good people in your life. I got over my ex very quickly because of my friends, they kept me busy. I also don't use Facebook or any social networking websites so that might help as well.

Then again, I was mentally prepared for the break up since we were one of those break up and make up couples. I was ready to let go when I broke it off with him so my advice might not be a lot of help. But try cutting her out of your life, it'll make it easier.
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Old 11-21-2011, 11:03 AM   #25
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All this is gold, cause ive kinda been there, always wanting to know whatsup with her, but really, we havent talked in the last 2 months, frankly cause she found someone new too.

Working out is a great stress reliever, and makes you a better person. Try new things, im slowing forgetting about her...waste as it may seem, but theres nothing you can do about it...
now what do you do when your ex goes to the same gym as you do and you really like the gym and dont want to change? haha in all seriousness cause thats what im going through.
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