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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 12-16-2011, 07:39 AM   #1
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[Confidential] Should I try to work it out or break it off?

The following post is from an anonymous member. If they would like to reply to any replies please pm me.


So Ive been dating this girl for about 6 months now. We are both 29 years old. I was recently on vacation for 3 weeks where getting in touch with her was dam near impossible and she knew that but when i got back she was mad at me for not trying hard enough to communicate with her. Anyways she reemed me out saying she only gets to see me a couple times in a 6 week period (Me being on Vacay for 3 weeks, Both of us in town for 1 week and then She being on Vacay for 2 weeks). She told me communication is key which i agree but i hate the everyday mindless chatter over the phone where we talk about useless stuff. Id rather talk to each other in person maybe 3 times a week so conversation doesnt get boring.

So she says "maybe communication isnt important to you but its important to me and you know what? i dont think sex is important. I can go on not having sex but i know its important to you so thats why we do it" That made me think why im with a girl that doesnt care for it. I know she enjoys the oral side of it, but not the penetration side of it. So it made me alil pissed off inside and it got me thinking about everything she does that pisses me off, and it starting to outweigh the things that made me like her.

The stuff i hate
-I pay for dinner all the time (she offered to pay once and i let her, and later in the day she said "i cant believe u let me pay for dinner)
-Shes not really humble (she likes to talk about how smart she is, and how good she is at all theses things)
-Shes not really good in the sack(im kinda big for her so it kinda hurts for her)
-Shes not a party girl or drinker at all, where im a party guy and the biggest drinker
-She has some minor health issues that can be a problem down the line if we get really serious
-She got nothing for my birthday (No im not Gnomes)

The Stuff i Like
-She is a friendly person. My friends and family like her and she likes them
-I told her i dont like clingy girlfriends, i like gfs who have there own lives and can be indepedant. So far she has been.

Wow thats all i can think of, but i do like spending time with her just not everyday, i believe she feels the same way. I honestly dont believe she is the one but i could be totally wrong cause this is my longest relationship ive had so i dont know what i should be feeling at this point. Should i try harder or break it off b4 the holidays so she can move on

RS i need some advice

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please keep in mind Tachycardia is posting on BEHALF of the person asking for help.

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Old 12-16-2011, 08:45 AM   #2
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lol as you've both agreed, communication is key find a way to communicate with her to balance our both your needs in a way everyone is happy.

also just imo, differences between one another is what keeps a relationship interesting lol having too many similarities ends up with you dating yourself lol
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Old 12-16-2011, 09:27 AM   #3
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From that long list of dislikes, I think you just answered your own question.
Why would you keep dating someone that scores in the negatives on your points card?
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Old 12-16-2011, 10:43 AM   #4
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If I were you I would just break up.
You have only been with her for 6 months and she is already playing the no sex card.
Especially with the list of dislikes, it's time to go.
The ties aren't that deep yet,it is easier now than later
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Old 12-16-2011, 10:58 AM   #5
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I wouldv instantly broken up with her over the first dislike
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Old 12-16-2011, 12:30 PM   #6
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She's not a giver, and is very controlling from what you've told us. However there are always two perspectives to this so I'm not coming to conclusions at all. I don't believe that you should break up just for these little details because you're just treating her like an object: is she good for me, etc. If you don't FEEL anything for her, then break up; it's not worth your time.

These traits that you've listed out for her should be considered in the long term, as in if you planned to marry her and if she's wife material. Where it stands I just say have fun.
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Old 12-16-2011, 12:45 PM   #7
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6 months and already a no sex card? I am sure everyone on revscene will be like
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Old 12-16-2011, 02:07 PM   #8
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You're toast.

If, at 6 months, you are already thinking of crashing out, then you may as well, because it isn't suddenly going to get any better the longer it goes.

She's not suddenly gonna crave the cock, or pick up the tab occasionally without bitching about it or any of the other things on your list.

Seems to me that she's looking for a beta. Someone that kind of plays along with her game.

Serious question: She's really hot isn't she? And I'd suspect she knows it too.
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Old 12-16-2011, 02:13 PM   #9
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You already second guessing yourself at 6 months.. You've pointed out that the bads outweigh the goods. Your annoyed with most of the stuff she does by the sounds of it..

The real question is:

Why are you still thinking you could make things work? A relationship is a 2-way street, either you BOTH work, or you don't work.

Options:
1) Talk with her and bring up all this shit that annoys you.
2) Break up.

Good luck bud.
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Old 12-16-2011, 02:25 PM   #10
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This is what I hear (read):

-She is 29, but acts like she is 19
-You are not good enough
-She doesn't want to fuck you, but only does it so she can control you
-She is selfish and you don't give/buy her enough shit to keep her happy
-You don't like her as much as you want to because you are concerned her medical conditions are going to be a pain in your ass. If this was "the one", it would not matter.
-She is a bitch.

DTMFA.

You are 29! You should be in an adult relationship!
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Old 12-16-2011, 02:56 PM   #11
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You said it yourself, she ain't the one. The list from the stuff you like is pretty minor and relatively general, and the right one for you will definitely have those characteristics and many more, minus most if not all from your dislike list.

Walk away now.

Serious question: She's asian isn't she...


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Originally Posted by Glove View Post
I wouldv instantly broken up with her over the first dislike
+1

29 years old and complaining bout paying for 1 fucking dinner? If she don't wanna pay, tell her to learn to fucking cook

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DTMFA.
Dump This Mother Fucker Already?
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Old 12-16-2011, 03:09 PM   #12
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^ yep. ("this" or "the")
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Old 12-16-2011, 03:20 PM   #13
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number 1 on disklike
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Old 12-16-2011, 03:37 PM   #14
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I thought it was Dump the Motherfucking Asshole LOL
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Old 12-16-2011, 04:00 PM   #15
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Lol would have dumped after the first dislike you have.. If she has a job which I assume, 1 meal shouldn't be anything too much. Especially since you pay the other times.
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Old 12-16-2011, 04:02 PM   #16
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Quote:
So Ive been dating this girl for about 6 months now. We are both 29 years old. I was recently on vacation for 3 weeks where getting in touch with her was dam near impossible and she knew that but when i got back she was mad at me for not trying hard enough to communicate with her. Anyways she reemed me out saying she only gets to see me a couple times in a 6 week period (Me being on Vacay for 3 weeks, Both of us in town for 1 week and then She being on Vacay for 2 weeks). She told me communication is key which i agree but i hate the everyday mindless chatter over the phone where we talk about useless stuff. Id rather talk to each other in person maybe 3 times a week so conversation doesnt get boring.

The Stuff i Like
-She is a friendly person. My friends and family like her and she likes them
-I told her i dont like clingy girlfriends, i like gfs who have there own lives and can be indepedant. So far she has been.

Wow thats all i can think of, but i do like spending time with her just not everyday, i believe she feels the same way. I honestly dont believe she is the one but i could be totally wrong cause this is my longest relationship ive had so i dont know what i should be feeling at this point. Should i try harder or break it off b4 the holidays so she can move on
sounds pretty clingy to me.

you could either break up with her now and save yourself time/money

OR

spend more time/money over the holidays, new years and any other occasion complimented with no sex
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Last edited by NLY; 12-16-2011 at 04:08 PM.
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Old 12-16-2011, 04:05 PM   #17
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damn... for a 29 year old to NOT pay for shit wtf is wrong with you.

Here are the 3 Cs. Cook, Clean and Caregiving. I can cook and I can clean so all i look for is someone that's caregiving.

I JUST dumped my gf today because of that. I treat her like a princess but when I need something done, don't give me the "I don't feel like it" I dont' feel like washing toilets but I do it cause I know it makes you happy. You better don't say "i don't feel like having sex".... cuse i just dont' feel like it.

I try to be a selfless person to put her first; for a relationship to work you need to be selfless also. You can't be a selfish person.

word of advice, my gf is super independent, to a point where she can disappear for days on end which is gay ass. It's called a relationship. I am not your booty call, i am not your activity partner. If you want someone to care for you, you have to put out. You want the best, you need to give it your best.
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Old 12-16-2011, 04:10 PM   #18
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damn... for a 29 year old to NOT pay for shit wtf is wrong with you.

Here are the 3 Cs. Cook, Clean and Caregiving. I can cook and I can clean so all i look for is someone that's caregiving.

I JUST dumped my gf today because of that. I treat her like a princess but when I need something done, don't give me the "I don't feel like it" I dont' feel like washing toilets but I do it cause I know it makes you happy. You better don't say "i don't feel like having sex".... cuse i just dont' feel like it.

I try to be a selfless person to put her first; for a relationship to work you need to be selfless also. You can't be a selfish person.

word of advice, my gf is super independent, to a point where she can disappear for days on end which is gay ass. It's called a relationship. I am not your booty call, i am not your activity partner. If you want someone to care for you, you have to put out. You want the best, you need to give it your best.
Qft couldn't be said better.. Will thank you when I get home lol
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Old 12-16-2011, 06:36 PM   #19
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A vagina can push a kid out and she says your Dick is too big? More like shes just not interested in you .walk away.
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Old 12-17-2011, 12:14 AM   #20
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You can pretty much dump her because of the first reason alone. If she's complaining about paying for one meal then I'd be scare to think what it's like to live with her.
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Old 12-17-2011, 12:29 AM   #21
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walk away. dont look back.
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Old 12-17-2011, 08:59 AM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tachycardia! View Post
The following post is from an anonymous member. If they would like to reply to any replies please pm me.


So Ive been dating this girl for about 6 months now. We are both 29 years old. I was recently on vacation for 3 weeks where getting in touch with her was dam near impossible and she knew that but when i got back she was mad at me for not trying hard enough to communicate with her. Anyways she reemed me out saying she only gets to see me a couple times in a 6 week period (Me being on Vacay for 3 weeks, Both of us in town for 1 week and then She being on Vacay for 2 weeks). She told me communication is key which i agree but i hate the everyday mindless chatter over the phone where we talk about useless stuff. Id rather talk to each other in person maybe 3 times a week so conversation doesnt get boring.

So she says "maybe communication isnt important to you but its important to me and you know what? i dont think sex is important. I can go on not having sex but i know its important to you so thats why we do it" That made me think why im with a girl that doesnt care for it. I know she enjoys the oral side of it, but not the penetration side of it. So it made me alil pissed off inside and it got me thinking about everything she does that pisses me off, and it starting to outweigh the things that made me like her.

The stuff i hate
-I pay for dinner all the time (she offered to pay once and i let her, and later in the day she said "i cant believe u let me pay for dinner)
-Shes not really humble (she likes to talk about how smart she is, and how good she is at all theses things)
-Shes not really good in the sack(im kinda big for her so it kinda hurts for her)
-Shes not a party girl or drinker at all, where im a party guy and the biggest drinker
-She has some minor health issues that can be a problem down the line if we get really serious
-She got nothing for my birthday (No im not Gnomes)

The Stuff i Like
-She is a friendly person. My friends and family like her and she likes them
-I told her i dont like clingy girlfriends, i like gfs who have there own lives and can be indepedant. So far she has been.

Wow thats all i can think of, but i do like spending time with her just not everyday, i believe she feels the same way. I honestly dont believe she is the one but i could be totally wrong cause this is my longest relationship ive had so i dont know what i should be feeling at this point. Should i try harder or break it off b4 the holidays so she can move on

RS i need some advice
Holy f*ck are you dating my ex??? Does her name start with a letter 'J' ???
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Old 12-17-2011, 09:16 AM   #23
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Just so you know a girl that's 29 will start to lose marketability. Men.. enough said. You never have an issue with an old guy with girls. Girls are a dime a dozen. You WILL see girls that are lonely as shit, rich, but lonely as shit. You can't BUY guys. It just doesn't happen. You'll see a girl being so patient with an ugly guy and having the guy win the girl over because of his actions and his personality. You will NEVER see a guy saying "i'mgoing to give the ugly girl a chance since she's so nice to me".

When a girl hits 30, she'll realize damn, where are all the guys? 1) they are all married or they are gay. 2) What happened to all the people trying to ask me out? What happened to having guys being patient with me and wanting to talk to me? THEY ARE ALL GONE. It's cause you ain't in your 20s when everyone is trying to get into your pants.

Where are all the guysthat's wiling to pay for my shit.. GOOD fooking luck, we ain't in high school no more.
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Old 12-17-2011, 10:21 AM   #24
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I don't really have much to add except to say that probably what's keeping you from dumping this woman is that she's acceptable to your family (i.e. she's meek and she's pretty.) Like most Chinese guys, your girlfriend has to pass the "mom test" so that she can brag to all of her friends how good looking her son's girlfriend-wife-to-be is. I know - I have a mom like this. Or, perhaps your own ego is being stroked by being with this woman (i.e. your girlfriend is hotter than your friends' girlfriends.) I know - I've been there too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 6793026 View Post
Just so you know a girl that's 29 will start to lose marketability. Men.. enough said. You never have an issue with an old guy with girls. Girls are a dime a dozen. You WILL see girls that are lonely as shit, rich, but lonely as shit. You can't BUY guys. It just doesn't happen. You'll see a girl being so patient with an ugly guy and having the guy win the girl over because of his actions and his personality. You will NEVER see a guy saying "i'mgoing to give the ugly girl a chance since she's so nice to me".
IMHO, this doesn't really apply to Asian women because they age far more gracefully until about the age of 40 (when shit really goes downhill - freckles, etc.) There's an excess supply of Asian men around, so an Asian woman will always have attention until about 40-45.

And about men always having women around - that only applies if you take care of yourself. I've seen enough men who look like shit under the age of 30.

Last edited by Tapioca; 12-17-2011 at 11:39 AM.
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Old 12-17-2011, 11:56 AM   #25
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Wow complaining over buying one meal, I just spent 200 last night taking the guy im dating out for dinner and the bar/ pub afterwards for his birthday. Apparently that never happened in the 10 years of being with his ex. WTF is with the majority of lower mainland women :s
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