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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 12-25-2011, 04:49 PM   #1
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[Confidential] Have a hard time meeting people

The following post is from an anonymous member. If they would like to reply to any replies please pm me.


I have a bit of a situation, Heres how it goes: I graduated from high school with a 5 year relationship that ended in march of this year. After leaving high school I was left with the image of being the guy who was dating so and so. I then attended post secondary graduated and got a full time job with a great salary. I'm not into the party scene nor party girls, I just cant take them seriously. I work out daily I play hockey golf tennis etc. nearly any sport.

Here I am having a hard time networking with people and meeting ladies. Im not socially awkward. They say you meet people off friends of friends. Ive met a few good guys I call brothers and so forth but never any good ladies.

What can I do...I feel like im going through a crisis here.

BTW im not old im 22 haha

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Old 12-25-2011, 04:55 PM   #2
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i am like you in every way, i met my wife to be at work.

or maybe try getting out of your comfort zone and venture into the deep. you will never know what will turn up.

good luck.
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Old 12-25-2011, 05:11 PM   #3
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I'm in the same boat, but I graduated HS two years ago. Definitely gonna track this thread. I've only met a couple people introduced through having small get-togethers with high school friends, but it would be months at a time before I see them again, and by then they're taken.
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Old 12-25-2011, 05:17 PM   #4
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go do some actives off ur liking , ie sports,cooking courses etc., or join clubs with similar interests...where u would meet similar minded people
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Old 12-25-2011, 05:23 PM   #5
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try speed dating.

or what others have said; join clubs/groups and activities that you enjoy doing. Just be out and about.
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Old 12-25-2011, 05:40 PM   #6
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It gets harder to meet people as you get older. Your social circle starts to shrink and when you do meet people, they judge you based on your profession, where you live in the city, etc.

You're still young so you could easily join some of the big sports leagues that young people tend to want to join such as dodgeball and dragon boat. I was in dragon boat for 3 years and I met quite a few people through it, though I don't keep in touch with many now. I was also pretty active in attending a couple of Meetup groups catered to yuppies a couple of years ago and met some interesting women through there. I've scaled back my extracurricular activities the last 12 months, but I have been an active member of a local Toastmasters club and I have become pretty good friends with a few like-minded people.

The key to gaining and maintaining connections is to meet people who are social hubs - individuals everyone seems to know (or know of.) That way, you'll get invited to functions, etc. and increase your chances of meeting people in a controlled setting (i.e. not a bar.) You do need to have an open mind and be unafraid of putting yourself out there. You claim that you're not anti-social, so you've already won half the battle.
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Old 12-25-2011, 10:10 PM   #7
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find p/t work at fast food places or retail in the mall
i know a friend that worked at mcdonalds, the pay is shit for a manager but he gets all types of girls
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Old 12-25-2011, 10:22 PM   #8
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I don't know if you've reached that point of thinking but if it is what it is then I know what you're talking about

if you're dedicated to your activities/sports unlike other people who think sports are a joke then you'll go through this path sooner or later

especially girls, countless girls don't even know what a real relationship is all about and they're only focused on them getting satisfied, be it you buy her stuff or you cook meals whatever

you have to let it come naturally, just program yourself to find nice girls. Don't constantly think about it but you could just program your subconscious mind to carry it out. Before you sleep take a couple of breaths to relax your body then just say inwardly to yourself "I want to meet nice girls" for 5 times or so. However weird that may sound but it works, and that's the law of attraction
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Old 12-25-2011, 11:13 PM   #9
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Like others have mentioned, it would be great for you to join clubs and do activities on your free time. If it helps, you can always bring a friend or two to go with you as they could help you break the social awkwardness with other people that you may meet.

When you do meet other people, don't necessarily set your mind on finding a new girl. When the time is right you will know.
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Old 12-28-2011, 12:52 AM   #10
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I know exactly what u mean

I'm not sure if it's me or the ppl I'm meeting but lots of people in Vancouver r pretty cliquey

Just gotta meet ppl with the mind set of meeting ppl
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Old 12-28-2011, 12:22 PM   #11
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If you feel like getting some education out of it... take a part time class somewhere. Doesn't have to be calculus or computer science. Take some kind of writing class or cooking class. Gives you a natural setting to make some new friends/ladies.
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Old 12-28-2011, 12:35 PM   #12
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OP, you are 22 and still have many years ahead of you to meet some fine ladies.

First place, is going to be work. There, you will spend 40+ hours a week with the same people. Like highschool, you will be forced to talk to them and from them you can meet other people.
Second place is through your friends outside of work. Your friends will be working and they will become friends with their co-workers.
Third place is through activities. Cooking class, gym, co-ed sports, or church. Things that are repetitive ie the same people you will see each time. Hard to make friends with people you see once or twice and then not again for weeks at a time.
4th place is speed dating/dating sites. Get yourself out there and meet other people who are out for the same thing, to meet other people. At least you will know they are more willing to be friendly then a stuck up cliquey person at the club.
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Old 01-08-2012, 03:04 PM   #13
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Another reason you have not met a girl, is because you are looking. Work on yourself, have fun, and a girl will magically come knockin on your door.
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Old 01-08-2012, 03:15 PM   #14
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find p/t work at fast food places or retail in the mall
i know a friend that worked at mcdonalds, the pay is shit for a manager but he gets all types of girls
Cute how people is suggesting mcdonalds/fastfood when the op clearly states he has a degree and has a good salary job. Op, just be patient. A girl will appear when the time is right. If u are looking for friends to hangout, join more activities like dance or talk to old buddies and hangout
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Old 01-08-2012, 04:35 PM   #15
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Cute how people is suggesting mcdonalds/fastfood when the op clearly states he has a degree and has a good salary job. Op, just be patient. A girl will appear when the time is right. If u are looking for friends to hangout, join more activities like dance or talk to old buddies and hangout
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+1 on talk to old buddies.

I've reconnected with a number of old friends from high school through facebook, and then met numerous people through them.

Even if you hang out with one person and they see that you're nice maybe they will invite you out with their friends..
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Old 01-08-2012, 06:28 PM   #16
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Another reason you have not met a girl, is because you are looking. Work on yourself, have fun, and a girl will magically come knockin on your door.
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In my opinion, this cliché isn't really true.

Personally, I am in the best shape of my life (I'm just shy of 30) and of course, my net worth is the highest it's been in my life. But, focusing on yourself can only get you so far - you have to take risks and put yourself out there. Nothing in life happens if you close your eyes and wish for it.

If the OP is Asian (and I suspect he is) and if you do want to settle down with a good woman, have a family, etc., you need to get out there because when you get to my age, the only Asian women left are either unappealing (in mind, body, and spirit), or bat-shit crazy.
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Old 01-08-2012, 06:50 PM   #17
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In my opinion, this cliché isn't really true.

Personally, I am in the best shape of my life (I'm just shy of 30) and of course, my net worth is the highest it's been in my life. But, focusing on yourself can only get you so far - you have to take risks and put yourself out there. Nothing in life happens if you close your eyes and wish for it.

If the OP is Asian (and I suspect he is) and if you do want to settle down with a good woman, have a family, etc., you need to get out there because when you get to my age, the only Asian women left are either unappealing (in mind, body, and spirit), or bat-shit crazy.
Damn that depresses me regarding ur last statement

But I agree with taking risks
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Old 01-08-2012, 11:34 PM   #18
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same boat here, attitude and open minded is the key

i am sure, there are alot of unncessary events/invites that you always turn down because you don't have time (not a good excuse), don't know the people, don't feel comfortable, etc

try to be a yes man, start attending these events, you will be surprised who you going to meet

open up yourself to new stuff and people, give them a chance to meet you yet give yourself a chance to explore
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Old 01-09-2012, 12:03 AM   #19
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Hey man I'd like to share my experience. I'm a very sociable person, but I don't date much because I always felt like I was never in a good place in my life. I had plenty of chances to sleep with many good looking girls but always backed off because it wasn't my type of thing.

I recently returned to school at 24, I'm super sociable at school and I have no problems meeting people. Even though I'm still not in a good place I'm a year forward and about to enter a program for a career training. I've been dating lots of people throughout the year, some for experience and some that I've tried to chase.

Somethings i've learned

a) You have to be vocal in a group setting. You gotta be the party. Work on your comedy skills and what not.

b) Be a good person. If people know that you arn't some type of asshole the word spreads, and if you do get fucked over by some girl, it might work out in your favour

c) Never end a relationship whether platonic or sexual poorly. This just makes you seem bad.

D) no matter how much of a bad place you are in life, never ever have a low self esteem. It's a sign of weakness. Make sure you are confident.

e) Join activity clubs, and pick up a hobby that maybe has gatherings. That's also a good way to meet people

f) Make sure you are in good physical shape. The three most important things in life are Career, Health and Finances. Everything else comes.

And yes attitude is the most important part. I have very very low self esteem and this is a major turnoff for anybody. I grew up in a poor upbringing and don't have much to offer right now, and this is where personality trumps all. It also helps to have some type of quirky attitude.

Also never get too caught up on one girl. Could burn.

edit: Might as well add, make sure you put your intentions out front. Some girls are stupid and think that when you ask them to go do an activity solo, that it isn't a date. So make sure your intentions are there.
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Old 01-10-2012, 03:18 AM   #20
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edit: Might as well add, make sure you put your intentions out front. Some girls are stupid and think that when you ask them to go do an activity solo, that it isn't a date. So make sure your intentions are there.
thats a good point, to make sure the intentions are there.

im curious, so for example you wouldnt say just
lets go out for a movie?
instead, lets go out on a date. How about a movie?
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Old 01-10-2012, 11:06 AM   #21
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b) Be a good person. If people know that you arn't some type of asshole the word spreads, and if you do get fucked over by some girl, it might work out in your favour
To be honest, this is the best advice. If you are a good person, it goes a long long long way. Trust me on this. Friendship, relationships, whatever it is... It might be a short term thing, but you'll be surprised once you get old, your reputation, and your social recognition goes a long way.
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Old 01-10-2012, 12:22 PM   #22
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thats a good point, to make sure the intentions are there.

im curious, so for example you wouldnt say just
lets go out for a movie?
instead, lets go out on a date. How about a movie?
Yes, I recently went out with a girl for about a month and a half and she didn't think that when I asked her to go play badminton or ice skating that it wasn't a date because she thought we just wanted to hang out. So I suggest saying something along the lines of, "Hey you're pretty cute, are you interested in going out for a fun night?"

I later told her how I felt about her and she felt the same and we started dating. Then I don't know what happened. She is a really passive aggressive person. One day she would be super hot the other day she would be really cold. She has a bad case of social anxiety, and I could never look at her in the eyes or compliment her because she would freak her out. I have a bunch of her stuff (we have alot of similiar interests) and I've been trying to return it to her since she said some weird things to me New Years, (she told me that her friends said I was holding her things hostage).

So after a week of her ignoring me I just told her how I felt (had to do it through text, she wouldn't answer the phone), asking if she was still interested in seeing each other and she told me she was too busy too date this semester. Then she told me she still likes me more than a friend. Didn't make sense to me, honestly she should have just said no because it didn't make me feel any better. On top of that it started to get weird around Christmas Eve. It's such a shame. I really felt something for this girl, I didn't do anything wrong but too bad whatever spooked her off it didn't feel reciprocal. My fault for dating young girls I guess or not being where I want to be by my age. The last 2 weeks were terrible for me because I had no idea wtf was going on + the fact that I really like her before we started dating as a friend. This has probably really turned me off from dating, or working on girls for a bit. All well. 3 more years of school then I have a damn career. Shouldn't focus on anything other than my health and my career and my finances.

I'm meeting with her today (if she doesn't blow me off) to return her stuff, and hoenstly I don't know how to handle it. I want to tell her how terrible the last 2 weeks have been for me or ask her why she couldn't just tell me beforehand that she was too busy. But another part of me is just saying to return her stuff, and say goodbye.

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Old 01-10-2012, 12:29 PM   #23
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Take up swing dancing. Or any type of dancing. There are usually next to no girls there and you'll meet a few ladies for sure. And they'll be different than the type you'll pick up at a bar or club.
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Old 01-10-2012, 12:53 PM   #24
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I got out of a 11yr relationship (im 29) and I was in the same boat. How the hell do you meet people???? shit I had no clue so I signed up to POF. Ya it's kind of a joke site but try it out. In the long run it will help tune your skills to meeting more people in the future and put u back into the grove of things you haven't been having to worry about in years.

The way I looked at is go in with no expectations have fun if it doesnt work out on to the next one.
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Old 01-10-2012, 09:44 PM   #25
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sorry to hear that, hope you guys cleared the air and you made the right choice for yourself

i dont believe that shes "too busy to date this semester" though. if someone wants to make time, they will.

you said shes socially anxious, so maybe she just has to conquer herself before you can really conquer her. she just may be still in that position in life where she isnt comfortable in her own skin yet, so it probably isnt your fault

and back on topic for OP

i agree once your out of school, its harder to get into social circles.
it was posted before, but go to whatever parties you are invited to. always an easy way to meet girls.
you cant take them seriously? my friend said this same thing to me as they believed the girls are up to no good. it may be true for half of those girls, but for every girl thats fucked in the head theres another one thats fine and dandy

a friend of a friend is always a good way as well. im sure some of your buddies have some girls in their social circle. invite those girls out along with your buddies, and insist they bring some of their girlfriends out as well.
do some group activities and youll get closer to those girls. if it doesnt work out with those girls, im sure they have their own circle of girlfriends which you will get to know soon too

like Majin said, try and maintain a nice social rep too. u dont want a bad image to cascade down these circle of friends lol
as long as you are friendly and genuine, people/girls will gravitate towards you

and you say your 22? thats a great age. girls south of your age will love you
you have a great salary? they love a man of means. im not saying you need to be shitting out diamonds on the first date, but you can do things other guys are not in the position to do...that make dates not so boring

you shouldnt feel like you are in a crisis. things are never as bad as they seem. just remember to have fun with everything and things will fall into place. everyone has their dry patches
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[23-07, 02:03] shawn79 i find that at vietnamese place they cut ur hair like they cut grass
[23-07, 02:03] shawn79 do u go to vietnamese places for haircuts
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