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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 01-04-2012, 10:31 AM   #1
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People who still are in High School mode

okay so I have to rant about this and need some advice or feedback.

A few months ago I had a poker night with my buddies. After the game was over my best friend asks (ask usual) DO YOU GUYS WANNA PAINTBALL TMR?! I recently had just picked up hockey and was using old school skates and took a slap shot to the inside of my skate and was on the look for a new skate. I also had to be up at 6am to drive my friend to the airport, so I'd be tired. On top of that I have high end guns with electronics and I didnt want to get the wrecked since it was to rain that day. But he kept naggin and naggin and wouldnt let go so I said yes just to get him quiet.

He knows I hate the idea of playing paintball in the rain. So he texted my ex saying "Oh I finally got (me) to play paintball in the rain" that same night. My ex ignored it but did tell me he was talkin about me. So Saturday came I drove my friend in the morning and didnt wake till 11am. My paintball buddy calls and goes "YO WHERE ARE YOU!". I simply stated I didnt want to go and I was too tired and explained the things I needed to do on that day. He then goes okay and leaves it. He then had the balls to text my ex again saying
"(me) pussied out too bad we couldnt get him to play in the rain". At this point my ex then replied saying "(me) doesnt chicken out he just has better things to do with his time and money now that hes playing hockey again". He then replies with "He gave us his word hed go and thats being a pussy my dear".

See heres where hes the biggest hypocrite. He dated a girl I was friends with before I intro'd him to her. He dated her and dumped her and got mad that I still talked to her, He called it betraying.

So soon after I texted him back after having to put up with his childishness. Stating I didnt want to play and I had better priorities and paintball was no longer of interest to me anymore and said I had plans already. He didnt like that. Him being an emotional guy i guess we always catered to him because he lashes out and doesnt do anything but dota and sit at home. started calling me a little bitch, etc. Now hes telling everyone of my friends I intro'd him to that I talked smack about him when the fact is I just didnt want to paintball that day, I told him I was better going on sunday. So now hes making up shit telling people I talked smack about them.

Anyone else have people who have been graded for a few years and still living the high school dream? How do you deal with them...

yeah. i know cool story bros. Serious responses only please.

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Old 01-04-2012, 11:04 AM   #2
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this is gonna sound bad but you know how you always hear people saying stuff like, surround yourself with successful people and leave the negative out of your life?

thats something i sometimes struggle with when it comes to success and life in general, but you know at the end of the day its those friends you've had for a long time that will always come bail you out when you need them most. whether they're immature or piss you off or whatever, if you exclude old friends from your life, nobody will be there for you when it matters some day.

your buddy is being a baby but hes your best friend growing up and hes basically blood. blood > water.

tbh, if you didnt wanna go you should have simply not agreed to. not saying you're in the wrong here but you could have avoided the situation by handling it a bit different even if he was being annoying and nagging you to go. i think you should call him up and just confront the guy about the situation.
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Old 01-04-2012, 11:12 AM   #3
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this is gonna sound bad but you know how you always hear people saying stuff like, surround yourself with successful people and leave the negative out of your life?

thats something i sometimes struggle with when it comes to success and life in general, but you know at the end of the day its those friends you've had for a long time that will always come bail you out when you need them most. whether they're immature or piss you off or whatever, if you exclude old friends from your life, nobody will be there for you when it matters some day.

your buddy is being a baby but hes your best friend growing up and hes basically blood. blood > water.

tbh, if you didnt wanna go you should have simply not agreed to. not saying you're in the wrong here but you could have avoided the situation by handling it a bit different even if he was being annoying and nagging you to go. i think you should call him up and just confront the guy about the situation.
Its been a long time coming. Ever since I was successful with my life I noticed resentment towards me and my wanting to succeed and do things I want to do in my life. I did paintball neary EVERY time he went because he nagged me to go. But when it was my wanting to do something he always was like naw ill pass too tired, i hear it sucks, my friend has it it sucks, etc. just very negative in general. When i went through my shitty break up in august he never listened it was just i told you so. So through thick and thin guess not. Ive always apologized even when i know for a fact i wasnt wrong for over 6 years. this guy was my brother but i think theres only so much im gonna let him push me around.
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Old 01-04-2012, 11:12 AM   #4
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just call him out on it
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Old 01-04-2012, 11:20 AM   #5
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he seems like a big bitch/back stabber to me I would cut ties with him if he is making a big deal of you not going to paintball then thats pretty sad..
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Old 01-04-2012, 12:00 PM   #6
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I agree with both the 2 above..

If he's been a dick for awhile, either call him out for being a prick, or give him the cold shoulder. If he's always hanging out with your friends and you all hang out in a big group.. organize shit without him.
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Old 01-04-2012, 12:04 PM   #7
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Sometimes it takes a women to show the true mentality of a man.

Be the bigger man and just ignore him.

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we always catered to him because he lashes out and doesnt do anything but dota and sit at home
Let the baby have it's bottle, talking to your ex is probably the highlight of his day
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Old 01-04-2012, 12:15 PM   #8
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likes are everyone knows he's annoying already, so just ignore it.

and it was really your fault for saying yes. no means no and don't crumble to peer pressure. thought they taught that in elementary school.
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Old 01-04-2012, 01:04 PM   #9
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Sometimes even I forget what the word friendship means. I guess when priorities overcome your time to have fun, you tend to distant from your friends.

As we get older, there are errands and tasks that are more important than paintballing and hockey or whatever. You have to talk to him I guess.
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Old 01-04-2012, 01:10 PM   #10
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its funny cause i did ignore him. The next week another friend mentioned to me that i should go paintball next sunday. (i told this friend ive been dying to get my markers running again). When I told him that me and the other friend arent talking i guess he mentioned it to him and wanted to know whuy we arent talking anymore and the other guy assumed i was talking smack. He then texted me saying "If you have so much shit to say say it to my face personally infront of _____ and ______". im sitting here thinkin about why do i need two others involved it has nothing to do with him.

Its also even more funnier that more other people ditched that same day for no reasons too and he didnt give them a hard time. WHY ME
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Old 01-04-2012, 02:02 PM   #11
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Old 01-04-2012, 02:33 PM   #12
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If it were me, I dont have time for people like that. I wont even waste my time replying to their childish text messages. Text me if you have something important to say, otherwise just STFU.

If I were you, I'd just drop everything until your buddy grows up. Thats me though
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Old 01-04-2012, 02:38 PM   #13
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Are you serious? This is your 'best' friend. Tell him he's being a bitch about whatever your problem is. If he can't handle it and starts talking shit about you, he's not really a friend. If he understands where you're coming from and is willing to do something about it, then everything is good.

Are you sure you're not a female? I swear only females get into these types of situations.

Seriously not trying to be an asshole but this is some juvenile shit.

Honestly I wouldn't have time for someone who acts like they are 15. Tell them to grow the fuck up or we can't be friends. People change, but there's a limit to what I can handle. This is just me though.
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Old 01-04-2012, 04:44 PM   #14
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I agree with responses.

Don't bother associating yourself with "friends" who can only dish out (constructive) criticism but can't take it. When you give it to them and tell it like it is, they're the ones that call you a hater. Far too many of these type of people exist unfortunately. What kind of friend is that where you can't be honest with them. Cut them out.

As you become older your priorities should start to change as you become more responsible. It would make sense that the majority of your friends should also parallel this. Whether or not this will bother you is your choice but when they constantly nag you to play when one has to work, for example, I'd consider that they may never grow up and may even pull you down. Up to a point, I would even consider them as a loser especially if they resent you for forging ahead in life. Cut them out.

This might sound mightily cold, but also accept the fact that it shouldn't matter how long you've been "friends" with someone. Your friends should be a reflection of who you are and what makes up your personality. Your circle of friends will change as you get older since people themselves change as they mature so again, it's a tradeoff you'll have to decide. The makeup of each person in your circle of friends should be pretty similar to one another so why bother having to constantly deal with one that stands out negatively, ultimately the third wheel. I would cut them out.

Interesting point by unit about cutting the negatives out of one's life. I know far too many people on the opposite - those who are lucky to have the friends they do and have the nerve to assume that they're the positive influence and you're the negative yet they have a revolving door of friends who always eventually distant themselves from these people. Ignorance breeds.

I'm coming in at a different angle here but after dealing with quite a bit of this over the years, I learnt that sometimes it was not worth it to drag this along in the sake of "friendship" only. I've cut ties with people I use to consider as close friends since grade school (20+ years). No regrets.
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Old 01-04-2012, 05:38 PM   #15
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sorry bud, but i see a lot of girls in their late 20s thinking they are still in High School mode.

no guys will not always buy you shit. No, guys will not buy your forever friends bear and get your 100 paper roses.... NO, no guy will comfort you as if you're in high school during a 4 hr bubble tea session. you're 30....
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Old 01-04-2012, 05:59 PM   #16
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sorry bud, but i see a lot of girls in their late 20s thinking they are still in High School mode.

no guys will not always buy you shit. No, guys will not buy your forever friends bear and get your 100 paper roses.... NO, no guy will comfort you as if you're in high school during a 4 hr bubble tea session. you're 30....
HAHA!
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Old 01-04-2012, 07:34 PM   #17
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This is why you should have a Tippmann. They're not high-performing but hella rugged; kinda like the good ol' AK47 of the firearms world.

All jokes aside, the fact that you're getting wound up in the drama means you have a bit of childishness too. If you've had a long history with women, you'd most certainly develop the "tuning ppl out" skill.

Just gotta learn how to tune ppl out that you don't like. Less drama = good life; you won't believe how people out there revel in a dramatic life.
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Old 01-05-2012, 01:47 AM   #18
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Tell him to quit PMSing, change his fucking tampon, and stop treating you like his little bitch. If he will not act like an adult and treat you as one, he does not deserve your friendship.

Fuck this ignoring his calls and texts shit, reach down your pants, grab your balls, and speak your mind. He is not your bully....move on and find adult friends who compliment your life, not hinder it.
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Old 01-05-2012, 02:10 AM   #19
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I'm in sort of the same situation my self. Some of my H/S friends were like brothers to me.

But there comes a point where you grow and try to better yourself, and they seem to hold you back. I guess its our priorities in life. Also the closed mindedness of some really influence the rest of the 'crew'.

We can still have a beer and laugh about things, but its not the way it used to be.

Honestly, do what ever you feel is right in your mind. Having fun at your hobbies and enjoying ambitions you will make good connections and friends through out life. Don't be discouraged about losing contact with the people who are not right for you, even if you grew up with them.

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move on and find adult friends who compliment your life, not hinder it.
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Old 01-05-2012, 04:25 AM   #20
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Call him out on it, he'll grow up and realize. One day. Sooner or later.

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Old 01-05-2012, 01:15 PM   #21
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This is why you should have a Tippmann. They're not high-performing but hella rugged; kinda like the good ol' AK47 of the firearms world.

All jokes aside, the fact that you're getting wound up in the drama means you have a bit of childishness too. If you've had a long history with women, you'd most certainly develop the "tuning ppl out" skill.

Just gotta learn how to tune ppl out that you don't like. Less drama = good life; you won't believe how people out there revel in a dramatic life.
haha I do have a tippmann A5... haha its not as ass kicking compared to my egos.

but yeah after i decided some friendships arent worth keeping when they hold you back from your dreams. after all he did do was keep me from succeeding in life. he has been working for his parents for over 8 years now. still hasn't worked a real job where you need a resume and interview. Let alone have any real hobbies, and games 24/7...

I tried calling but no answer so I just decided to msg him on fb and tell him what exactly it was and he should learn to grow up. Still had nothing to say back. oh well its a win when you get the last say.
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Old 01-05-2012, 02:01 PM   #22
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An excellent piece of advice that a favorite high school teacher once told me, is "if you're the smartest guy in the room, you're in the wrong room." It sounds harsh, but stupid people will always weigh you down. It doesn't mean you have to end your friendships, but always strive to find smarter, more ambitious people, or you'll be dragged behind with their misfortunes.
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Old 01-05-2012, 03:26 PM   #23
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true but also if you choose your friends based on ambition, good chance they'll stomp on you and leave you behind when they can as well.
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Old 01-06-2012, 10:06 AM   #24
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true but also if you choose your friends based on ambition, good chance they'll stomp on you and leave you behind when they can as well.
I meant if all your friends are deadbeats and you don't find smarter friends you're less likely to excel.
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Old 01-06-2012, 10:55 AM   #25
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^ I would tend to agree.

I would also apply this to meeting new people and/or picking up women.
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