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Old 02-02-2012, 05:41 PM   #1
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Top five regrets of the dying

Top five regrets of the dying | Life and style | guardian.co.uk



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There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in particular, is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'.

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. "When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again."

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

What's your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?
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Old 02-02-2012, 05:44 PM   #2
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Old 02-02-2012, 05:50 PM   #3
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I haven't seen it yet.
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Old 02-02-2012, 05:51 PM   #4
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I don't see the fear of dieing what so ever, just think its the unknown and you finally get to find out what is actually next.
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Old 02-02-2012, 06:37 PM   #5
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I don't see the fear of dieing what so ever, just think its the unknown and you finally get to find out what is actually next.
You're not afraid of dying?
My friend isn't either. He says what's the point of being afraid, since we all die sooner or later.
I know we all eventually die, but I don't see how people like him and you aren't afraid. I wish I had your outlook.
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Old 02-02-2012, 06:41 PM   #6
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Ya, I've had a good wake up call. I'm not afraid of dying either. It's a strange feeling and usually causes your friends to feel uneasy when you bring it up.
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Old 02-02-2012, 06:45 PM   #7
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You're not afraid of dying?
My friend isn't either. He says what's the point of being afraid, since we all die sooner or later.
I know we all eventually die, but I don't see how people like him and you aren't afraid. I wish I had your outlook.
Whats there to be afraid of? if things were meant to be they were meant to be. Lifes to short to have to worry about it being over.
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Old 02-02-2012, 06:45 PM   #8
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I'm not afraid of dying, either. It's an inevitable part of life. Every beginning has an end. You live your life and can only accomplish so much. If you die, then you die. There's really not much more to it.
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Old 02-02-2012, 06:52 PM   #9
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mx703, Why are you afraid to die? I used to be very fearful of dying. Then, I had my car accident where I almost died, and just lost my fear. I was already a believer at the time, but the accident was a catalyst that affected me spiritually, and gave me great peace in regards to the future, and my eventual death. I look forward to what awaits me after I'm done here.
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Old 02-02-2012, 06:53 PM   #10
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mx703, Why are you afraid to die? I used to be very fearful of dying. Then, I had my car accident where I almost died, and just lost my fear. I was already a believer at the time, but the accident was a catalyst that affected me spiritually, and gave me great peace in regards to the future, and my eventual death. I look forward to what awaits me after I'm done here.
If more people had your mind frame this world would be a better place in a way
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Old 02-02-2012, 07:02 PM   #11
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I think the main fear of dying is that you may not see your loved ones again.
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Old 02-02-2012, 07:05 PM   #12
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mx703, Why are you afraid to die? I used to be very fearful of dying. Then, I had my car accident where I almost died, and just lost my fear. I was already a believer at the time, but the accident was a catalyst that affected me spiritually, and gave me great peace in regards to the future, and my eventual death. I look forward to what awaits me after I'm done here.
So you believe in God? or the after life?

I don't know. For me it just seems like when you die, you die.
And I don't have the mental capacity to deal with that yet.
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Old 02-02-2012, 07:13 PM   #13
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So you believe in God? or the after life?

I don't know. For me it just seems like when you die, you die.
And I don't have the mental capacity to deal with that yet.
the big question is do you just die? she I wanna know one day but I personally think this universe is way to complex to just be gone if you know what I mean.
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Old 02-02-2012, 07:58 PM   #14
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I think dying is like eternal slumber without a dream.. You just ain't "there". And I believe the only time you exist again is when you're reborn to someone else.
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Old 02-02-2012, 08:00 PM   #15
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100% bullshit

#1 should be: i wished i fucked that bitch when i had the chance
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Old 02-02-2012, 08:07 PM   #16
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Today, I can honestly say I don't fear death, but I bet when it comes time to die, things may turn out totally different. Also, it depends on your situation. If you are married, have children, single, young, old, etc.

My biggest fear would be somewhere along the lines of, who will look after my family and children when I'm gone? When my father passed away, I think he was at peace with himself. He had no worries, really. His house was paid off. His children were set for life (career, family, etc.). He got to watch his grandchildren grow up happy and healthy. He died knowing everything was going to be OK. He had done his job.
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Old 02-02-2012, 08:09 PM   #17
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so.. all of you guys up there that said your not afraid of dieing, If today mexican cartel kidnapped you and took you down to mexico, put you on camera. and within matter of seconds your going to get murked.

are you guys able to just be like Oh well, death is comming..

I know for fucking sure I cant.
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Old 02-02-2012, 08:14 PM   #18
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100% bullshit

#1 should be: i wished i fucked that bitch when i had the chance
I think about that everyday, my man.......... no need to wait till you're on your death bed taking your last few breaths. Better things to think about.........
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Old 02-02-2012, 08:16 PM   #19
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I'm only 26 and I'm already making all five wishes Sadly I don't see any way out of it, man has enslaved themselves to a system. Even some of the most basic things I'd like to accomplish in my life cost money, and taking money away from basics I need just to get by with food, housing and so on is not an option for me and many many other people like me. It's a very bad Catch 22. To be honest if I was paralysed or diagnosed with a terminal disease right now I would die enraged and with almost nothing BUT regret.
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Old 02-02-2012, 08:30 PM   #20
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So you believe in God? or the after life?

I don't know. For me it just seems like when you die, you die.
And I don't have the mental capacity to deal with that yet.
i'm the same with you on this.

intelligence tells me that when we die its over. but part of me also wishes that its just a start of another journey.
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Old 02-02-2012, 08:58 PM   #21
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Why worry about when/if your going to die? Hell why would you think about death in the first place? Its a given that we aren't immortal. Everyone has "regrets" I know I do but I dont dwell on them. When I die on my death bed I will die with a smile.
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Old 02-02-2012, 09:34 PM   #22
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maybe being dead is just like how you were before you were born
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Old 02-02-2012, 09:38 PM   #23
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No way I'd accept dieing anytime soon. I have unfinished business in this life, still lots to get done.

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Old 02-02-2012, 09:51 PM   #24
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You don't fear death, but do you fear cancer, diseases, am agonizing death?

How could you not? You may not care about yourself but you'd know you would be torturing others
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Old 02-03-2012, 12:26 AM   #25
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I'm not worried about dying, but more so about how I'm going to die. I hope when I go, it will be quick and painless.
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