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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 02-14-2012, 02:53 PM   #1
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[Confidential] How do I ask her out?

The following is a confidential post. If the member would like to reply to any comments please PM me

I am currently on my practicum as a lab tech and soon will have to return back to school after I finish up another two weeks of it. I've seen this cute lab assistant around but never actually spoke to her until recently.

I am always working in the lab whereas she is usually all over the place so we never get a chance to talk. I finally got a chance to speak to her out of luck.

She turns out to be really friendly and outgoing, I thought we got along. I made a suggestion to go out for lunch one day but she changed the topic. I really would like to go out for coffee or anything, I am not expecting much out of this but how would I go around to doing this? I don't know when I will see her again. She's really cute and I can't get her off my mind after I talked to her.

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Old 02-14-2012, 03:15 PM   #2
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You should just make light conversation and ask her what she's doing on the day you want to go out. If she changes the topic, change back to it. You gotta boss it out sometimes she's not really testing you per-say but you need to be firm and hold your ground. You said you asked her out for lunch but she changed the topic. Well change it back by saying you didn't answer my question. She'll give you a response the second time around. But if she's busy don't pressure too hard. If she likes you or is at least interested, she'll make it easy for you and tell you when she's free.

Don't be like, let's go out Thursday oh you're busy? Then how about Friday? No... then Saturday?
You need to posture up and show that you have a life.
And from what you've said about how you feel about her, I suggest you better control those feelings or those bitch butterflies are gonna get you good.
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Old 02-14-2012, 03:55 PM   #3
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You should just make light conversation and ask her what she's doing on the day you want to go out. If she changes the topic, change back to it. You gotta boss it out sometimes she's not really testing you per-say but you need to be firm and hold your ground. You said you asked her out for lunch but she changed the topic. Well change it back by saying you didn't answer my question. She'll give you a response the second time around. But if she's busy don't pressure too hard. If she likes you or is at least interested, she'll make it easy for you and tell you when she's free.

Don't be like, let's go out Thursday oh you're busy? Then how about Friday? No... then Saturday?
You need to posture up and show that you have a life.
And from what you've said about how you feel about her, I suggest you better control those feelings or those bitch butterflies are gonna get you good.
ive had women change the topic on me countless times, and ive always asked them again 3 seconds after they change the topic by telling them to answer the question....just make sure your smiling and you say it playfully/jokingly so she doesnt think your some serious wannabe stalker...

ps - dont come off like your trying to be her friend...or thats exactly what you'll become and nothing more....let her know from the getgo that you have a crush on her.
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Old 02-14-2012, 07:30 PM   #4
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ive had women change the topic on me countless times, and ive always asked them again 3 seconds after they change the topic by telling them to answer the question....just make sure your smiling and you say it playfully/jokingly so she doesnt think your some serious wannabe stalker...

ps - dont come off like your trying to be her friend...or thats exactly what you'll become and nothing more....let her know from the getgo that you have a crush on her.
Yes, do so by using the following dialogue:

"I would like to engage in some type of sexual relationship with you by purchasing you a simple lunch, held in a non-threatening location until I can form a minimal level of trust required for you to reciprocate my level of sexual arousal. Does Sushi work?"

No seriously...I totally agree. She changed the topic of conversation and you beta'd it by allowing it to change.

Ask for the sale. She says yes, or she says no. Bonus...you are leaving anyway, so potential awkwardness is avoided. Never shit where you eat.

Lift up your skirt, grab your balls(metaphorically) and ask her straight up. She's a woman, not an anaconda.
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Old 02-15-2012, 01:05 AM   #5
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Dude, if she heard you clearly the first time you mentioned taking her out for lunch and changed the subject with no answer...you are not going to like the answer the second time you ask.

If she had interest in you like that, she would have responded the first time. Don't embarass her by having to reject you twice.

Don't be the creeper at work that keeps asking her out that she laughs with her friends about.
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Old 02-15-2012, 01:12 AM   #6
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Maybe you caught her off guard when you asked her out to coffee, it doesn't necessarily mean she's not into you. I've remember countless times where I've asked a girl to hang out and she'll change the subject but later find me on facebook or text me (if she's got my number) to hang out.

I say ask her out again, you have nothing to lose OP.
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Old 02-15-2012, 01:50 AM   #7
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i had a similar situation when i was on practicum... i was there for about 6 weeks and was partnered with someone from another school. he was only there for the first 3 weeks and sometimes we'd be so busy and had to split up so we'd never get a chance to talk that day. we always made a point of saying hello to each other in the morning and bye when our shift ended. sometimes we'd pass each other in the hallway and just holler at one another for a minute.

he always talked about how we should hang out and looking back now, everytime he asked me what i was doing on the weekend i always mentioned i had crazy busy plans. i just thought he was being nice/polite.
he ended up asking for my number 3 times before i actually gave it to him on his very last day there. it didn't mean i wasn't into him, i saw him the first day and hoped so hard i got him as my partner... lol. i legit would just forget to give him my number and honestly just did have plans the whole time i was there.

he "bossed it out" though and now i have the biggest crush on him, we talk whenever we're both not crazy busy. he has multiple jobs and i'm in the middle of my last semester.

you got nothin to lose by asking her out or even asking for her number to keep in touch. i'd suggest maybe just trying to speak with her when you can then ask again the last week you're there.
there's a chance she won't want to get involved while you're still at practicum because its sort of conflict of interest if she works there. it might take some time but if you think she's really cute then take the risk, could be worth it in the long run.

good luck OP
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Old 02-15-2012, 08:48 AM   #8
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Dude, if she heard you clearly the first time you mentioned taking her out for lunch and changed the subject with no answer...you are not going to like the answer the second time you ask.

If she had interest in you like that, she would have responded the first time. Don't embarass her by having to reject you twice.

Don't be the creeper at work that keeps asking her out that she laughs with her friends about.
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Well, that is really up to him. If he made his intentions known and clear, and she awkwardly jumped to something different in conversation such as:

"I would really appreciate having sex with you"

"I am going to go and play with something shiny"

Then yeah, don't go there.

But he was there and if he was pussy footing around, "we should, um, get lunch, its noon, right?" Then its different. I could say that same thing to anyone, and its not even going to register as a statement worthy of significant response.
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Old 02-15-2012, 09:08 AM   #9
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But seriously... why not just leave to "get a coffee", and offer to bring her one... next time, ask her if she wants to come with (assuming it's a set break time or there's a lull) - use something like, "Wow, kinda stuffy in here, wanna go grab a quick coffee and some fresh air?" If she doesn't want to go, then go anyway, and bring her one back (now that you know what she likes). When you come back, act all refreshed and relaxed, like getting out of the room really did you good. Won't be long before she'll accept the invitation. From there, it should be easier to get her to go for a coffee AFTER work/class... then dinner on the weekend... etc.
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Old 02-15-2012, 09:38 AM   #10
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^make sure that there is no mistaking its a date and not just friends going for food
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Old 02-15-2012, 09:53 AM   #11
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But he was there and if he was pussy footing around, "we should, um, get lunch, its noon, right?" Then its different. I could say that same thing to anyone, and its not even going to register as a statement worthy of significant response.
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Dude, if she heard you clearly the first time you mentioned taking her out for lunch and changed the subject with no answer...
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Old 02-15-2012, 07:45 PM   #12
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i had a similar situation when i was on practicum... i was there for about 6 weeks and was partnered with someone from another school. he was only there for the first 3 weeks and sometimes we'd be so busy and had to split up so we'd never get a chance to talk that day. we always made a point of saying hello to each other in the morning and bye when our shift ended. sometimes we'd pass each other in the hallway and just holler at one another for a minute.

he always talked about how we should hang out and looking back now, everytime he asked me what i was doing on the weekend i always mentioned i had crazy busy plans. i just thought he was being nice/polite.
he ended up asking for my number 3 times before i actually gave it to him on his very last day there. it didn't mean i wasn't into him, i saw him the first day and hoped so hard i got him as my partner... lol. i legit would just forget to give him my number and honestly just did have plans the whole time i was there.

he "bossed it out" though and now i have the biggest crush on him, we talk whenever we're both not crazy busy. he has multiple jobs and i'm in the middle of my last semester.

you got nothin to lose by asking her out or even asking for her number to keep in touch. i'd suggest maybe just trying to speak with her when you can then ask again the last week you're there.
there's a chance she won't want to get involved while you're still at practicum because its sort of conflict of interest if she works there. it might take some time but if you think she's really cute then take the risk, could be worth it in the long run.

good luck OP
Always nice to see whats on the mind of the girl

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Old 03-12-2012, 03:41 PM   #13
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but what if she says "maybe later"????
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Old 03-12-2012, 05:45 PM   #14
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but what if she says "maybe later"????
then maybe you should ask again later

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Old 03-12-2012, 06:03 PM   #15
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Dude, if she heard you clearly the first time you mentioned taking her out for lunch and changed the subject with no answer...you are not going to like the answer the second time you ask.

If she had interest in you like that, she would have responded the first time. Don't embarass her by having to reject you twice.

Don't be the creeper at work that keeps asking her out that she laughs with her friends about.
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I disagree. There could be a dozen good reasons why she "rejected" him by changing the topic. Changing a topic is not a rejection yet.

To the OP, you said:
Quote:
really cute and I can't get her off my mind
Use your own words and tell her: "I feel you are very cute, can I interest you in a cup of coffee? I would love to get to know you better." It is not threatening and if she has a boyfriend/husband or otherwise not interested, she will let you know. It is general curtesy to explain your situation. Anything short of "I am sorry, but I cannot bla bla bla" is not a rejection yet in my books.

If you sound confident and honest, your chances will be much better! Grow a pair and just ask.

OP, you are not a mind reader and neither is she. Go up to her and say it how it is, the way you described it in your post
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Old 03-12-2012, 07:29 PM   #16
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then maybe you should ask again later

i did just now, and she isnt replying to my text. W/e fk it.
i thought usually when they say maybe it is usually a no?
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Old 03-12-2012, 07:45 PM   #17
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i did just now, and she isnt replying to my text. W/e fk it.
i thought usually when they say maybe it is usually a no?


Try again in a couple months, when she forgets the image of you chasing her
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Old 03-13-2012, 12:00 AM   #18
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i did just now, and she isnt replying to my text. W/e fk it.
i thought usually when they say maybe it is usually a no?

fuck sakes damnit, why did u text her, is this highschool?

Should have asked her in person, that way you can judge her body language and see whats up, or at least over the phone where u can notice a change in voice or something. But not smart doing it over a text...
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Old 03-13-2012, 03:34 AM   #19
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Lol fail. You texted her? Might as well email her. Grow a pair dude.
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Old 03-13-2012, 08:45 AM   #20
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there goes your chance
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Old 03-13-2012, 10:20 AM   #21
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I disagree. There could be a dozen good reasons why she "rejected" him by changing the topic. Changing a topic is not a rejection yet.
Dude, trust me as a female....if she was interested...even just a little, she would not have ignored and changed the subject.
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Old 03-13-2012, 11:32 AM   #22
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i can see that there are many interpretations of the situation and in my opinion, the best way to handle the situation is to simply be patient. she knows that you are already interested in her when you asked her for coffee. whether she rejected you or not is irrelevant at this point.

before you leave your practicum, you want to do something that will leave her a lasting memory of you. as you merely texted her for a coffee request, her perception of you can be improved.
what i like to do is to perform a bogus magic trick. ask her to hold open both of her hands. place a coin inside one of her hands and hold tightly her other hand. if her hold is loose, tell her that for the trick to work, her hold has to be firm. place your open hand underneath her hand with the coin on it. ask her a series of questions, whatever you want. i generally like to ask questions that help
me know the girl better ie what is your favourite hobbie. after each question, ask her to close her hand and reopen it when you start the next question. when you feel ready, simply tell her that there is no magic trick and that you simply wanted to hold her hands because you think she is cute

this trick is good because it will give you both a good laugh and something to talk about. you can also transition out of the magic trick by assessing her interest in you and if you so choose, ask her out one last time before you leave for good. you have nothing to lose.

if you choose not to use this trick for this girl, keep it in your toolbox for future endeavors. it is obvious that you should use this on a girl who you have already aquainted with and can prove to be powerful in the sense that it creates phyical contact between the yourself and the girl of interest with a seemingly legitimate reason.

this trick also makes your interest in the girl unequivocal, rendering your intentions clear and reducing the chances of the dreaded friendzone, albeit if she is just not interested she will friendzone you regardless.

i recently used this trick to ask for a girls number. this girl is a coworker of mine but she recently left to pursue a PhD. yes i know she is way out of my league.
i would invite her to hang out with me at the bar (we work in a restaurant) but she left without stopping by the bar. she texted me an apology later that night and i merely said "no problem. have a good night". about a week later i asked her to come chat with me after her shift as i wanted to catch up. again she didnt show and apologized via facebook message. at this point i was apathetic and did not pursue her anymore, and i did not contact her in anyway for about a week and a half.

before her last day, she messaged me on facebook that she was sorry about all the times she left without staying with me and that she would love to grab coffee with me when she comes back from her conference in singapore. due to her propensity to flake, i did not take her coffee offer with too much weight. i still felt pretty awesome having a cute girl asking me out for coffee though lol. anyways, i saw her at work yesterday when she stopped by to drop off her uniform and she spoke to me. in summation, she said that she was sad how this was the last time she would see me and that her schedule was just a mess etc. she told me that she gets back on mar26 and she would like to get together.

this is a terribly long winded example, but what i am trying to say is, state your interest and if she does not respond positively despite you giving her your attention, withdraw and simply ignore her. girls get confused and crave for the attention that they lost, and this can sometimes be beneficial to you, as illustrated by my example. dont lose hope but at the same time dont waste time and energy on her if the feeling and attraction is not reciprocated.

good luck op, and share the knowledge.


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Old 03-13-2012, 10:44 PM   #23
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he "bossed it out" though and now i have the biggest crush on him, we talk whenever we're both not crazy busy. he has multiple jobs and i'm in the middle of my last semester.
Please define "bossed it out".
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Old 03-14-2012, 09:40 PM   #24
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first step would be to not make a thread about it,

flirting = people skill applied to women.
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Old 03-14-2012, 09:59 PM   #25
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Hey i actually have some input to your story that miiighht help.

Ok so I during high school i met this girl, and she had BALLS she straight up admitted she liked me even though she knew i was seeing a girl at the time, (i was in grade 12, kinda lb but im a mature guy anyways lawlz) Anyways, a long time after, she would message me via text message and ask me to take her to sushi sometime. I agreed completely, and to make it clear it wasn't a, "lets catch up kinda thing", it was a this is a date kinda thing. Well, i assume this, because prior to her asking me out we hadn't talked at all for a very long time. So I said alright and it turns out I had plans for the next weekend, and the one after that. Eventually I lost track of my promise and a month later she would spark up casual conversation again via text (the reason i stress via text is because nowadays, everybody texts, so whether a person texts or calls to go out on a date doesn't really matter - to me). Obviously she brought up my promise to take her out again, and again i agreed. Again i forgot and again, she asked me. It wasn't about 3 months later that i finally took her out, and throughout the whole process of her pestering me I really wasn't creeped out at all, partially because she was hot to begin with and i just wanted to fuck the shit outta her. So yeah, in the end we went on the date; dinner and movie (my usual routine with dates). Bottom line is, you need to access what kind of person you are and whether or not the girl you want is compatible with you, and as superficial as this seems, you MUST look good first of all, for the girl to even have a slight interest for her to accept your advance and to take time out of her day to see you. If you aren't attractive and if you aren't on her "level", dont even think about it. Chances are, if shes cute, she's had a bunch of average joes like you nervously ask her out, that is, unless you have the chemistry of an electron and proton, which from the sounds of it, you don't. And to top off my story, if she wasn't good looking I would dodge the date for the life of me (i am not shallow in anyway, but non-goodlooking girls are just as creepy as creepy guys). So don't be that creeper OP! (and for those who are wondering, no I didnt get to bang her ... however, I asked her out for another date!).
Goodluck dude!
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