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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 02-17-2012, 09:12 AM   #1
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[Confidential] Are things going too fast?

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So I meet this girl around Nov of last year at a friend's party. We didn't speak much, it was more of a "Hi this is so and so" kinda of meet and greet. At that time I didn't think of it much.

Fast forward to Jan this year, from the friend that introduce us, she hinted that girl have sort of a interest in mine and being single so I though sure why not give it a chance so I got the girl phone# and we started to chat and txt everyday. Things went pretty well and we made plans for V-Day dinner.

Dinner went smooth and on the way home she mention something like she told her mom about me and her mom was happy for her. I was like and confuse because we have seen each other alone less than 5 times O_o. I didn't respond much to that and just said that's good your mom is happy for you. She invited me to her house for dinner on Thurs so I though sure why not is just dinner right.

Her friend told me the dinner was actually for her birthday (her birthday is a month away but she had final and stuff to do so she decided to celebrate early). Her friend even said she mention she meet a new guy. Pretty much i know that's me at that point. Since I didn't have time to prepare her a birthday present I folded about 500lish lucky stars and 100lish heart for her (stay up all night doing that ><). Also get her a build a bear (Since I got her roses for V-Day and the roses came with a teddy bear and I remember how much she likes the teddy bear so I got her one).

Went to her birthday party and she introduce me to all her frids as her bf. Handed her the present, we had a good dinner. When is time for cake her frds made us kiss we did it she seems quite happy about it since she went in for a 2nd one.......

We play some drinking games and stuff till around 12lish. Got home talk to her for a bit and she seems really happy, and really like my presents (I was thinking to myself man those aren't really caring gifts since I didn't put much though into it since I only spend a night making them......).

I mean I do like her, but I do think things is going a bit too fast @@. I haven't really get to know her all that well, and I am sure she haven't known me very well as well......... I do know she is the type of person when she sets a goal or decide to do something she have it all plan out and will try her hardest to achieve it. We get along fine and seem to click in well. She is currently going to school and I am working. So I just go with the flow or maybe slow down a bit? And no we are both pretty close to our 30's already.

Sorry for the long background details.....

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Old 02-17-2012, 09:27 AM   #2
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She's infatuated with you OR she's happy that she's found a reasonable guy she can settle down with (after all, her clock is probably starting to tick if you're both in your late 20s.)

To me, it doesn't really sound like you're into this woman. You need to decide what you want:
- Do you see a future with this woman?
- Or do you want a relationship with this woman because it's convenient? (Intimacy, nice company, status, etc)

If it's the latter, just prepare yourself for a messy breakup when you're ready to move on.
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Old 02-17-2012, 09:34 AM   #3
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Why not sit down and talk to her about this?
From the women I have dated I have learned one thing, they like someone who can communicate with them.
If you have a concern about what is going on or how things are moving, sit down and talk to her about things.
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Old 02-17-2012, 09:56 AM   #4
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I suspect that he doesn't want to have a chat yet because he likes the idea of being in a relationship, but just not with this woman (at least, not yet.) I've been there myself and it usually results in tough conversations down the road with plenty of tears shed.
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Old 02-17-2012, 11:26 AM   #5
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So I meet this girl around Nov of last year at a friend's party. We didn't speak much, it was more of a "Hi this is so and so" kinda of meet and greet. At that time I didn't think of it much.

Fast forward to Jan this year, from the friend that introduce us, she hinted that girl have sort of a interest in mine and being single so I though sure why not give it a chance so I got the girl phone# and we started to chat and txt everyday. Things went pretty well and we made plans for V-Day dinner.

Dinner went smooth and on the way home she mention something like she told her mom about me and her mom was happy for her. I was like and confuse because we have seen each other alone less than 5 times O_o. I didn't respond much to that and just said that's good your mom is happy for you. She invited me to her house for dinner on Thurs so I though sure why not is just dinner right.

Her friend told me the dinner was actually for her birthday (her birthday is a month away but she had final and stuff to do so she decided to celebrate early). Her friend even said she mention she meet a new guy. Pretty much i know that's me at that point. Since I didn't have time to prepare her a birthday present I folded about 500lish lucky stars and 100lish heart for her (stay up all night doing that ><). Also get her a build a bear (Since I got her roses for V-Day and the roses came with a teddy bear and I remember how much she likes the teddy bear so I got her one).

Went to her birthday party and she introduce me to all her frids as her bf. Handed her the present, we had a good dinner. When is time for cake her frds made us kiss we did it she seems quite happy about it since she went in for a 2nd one.......

We play some drinking games and stuff till around 12lish. Got home talk to her for a bit and she seems really happy, and really like my presents (I was thinking to myself man those aren't really caring gifts since I didn't put much though into it since I only spend a night making them......).

I mean I do like her, but I do think things is going a bit too fast @@. I haven't really get to know her all that well, and I am sure she haven't known me very well as well......... I do know she is the type of person when she sets a goal or decide to do something she have it all plan out and will try her hardest to achieve it. We get along fine and seem to click in well. She is currently going to school and I am working. So I just go with the flow or maybe slow down a bit? And no we are both pretty close to our 30's already.

Sorry for the long background details.....
Play along with it as long as you're getting some enjoyment out of it. There's no obligation for you to do things you don't want to because she's not going to leave you just because not all your interests are parallel; but there is enough of a parrallel to stay around.

The risk of it is... "what happens when there's another guys who she can share more parallel interests with her." Either she's worth stepping things up for, or she's not.

But I say cross that bridge when you get there (or its your call if you want to pre-empt it)
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Old 02-17-2012, 11:50 AM   #6
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I don't think it's too fast. Been in situations where things happened really fast before and you just have to accept the fact that it's happening. After all it's now or never right? But some also say "what starts fast ends fast" which is exactly what happened to me. Sounds like you're unsure of this/her at the moment maybe you don't know her well enough? You do seem to care anout her though. I don't know but whatever happens, good luck.
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Old 02-17-2012, 12:06 PM   #7
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It's not too fast, but that does depend on experience. If you were both in your teens, then yes, perhaps that is a bit quick. But, you're both around your 30s. You should have a good idea what you want in life, and you can even get a good idea if someone is the right one for you.

I can guarantee that she is sold on you, though. Your effort to fold all that shit will be forever etched in her memory, and kept in a box, ready for it's 100th telling of how you met and fell in love.
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Old 02-17-2012, 12:07 PM   #8
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Play along with it as long as you're getting some enjoyment out of it. There's no obligation for you to do things you don't want to because she's not going to leave you just because not all your interests are parallel; but there is enough of a parrallel to stay around.

The risk of it is... "what happens when there's another guys who she can share more parallel interests with her." Either she's worth stepping things up for, or she's not.

But I say cross that bridge when you get there (or its your call if you want to pre-empt it)
I agree that there is no obligation to really rush into anything more, but if she's aiming to settle down, I would say that you do have an obligation to very seriously consider a future with her. It doesn't sound like she's hoping to mess around for 2-3 years, then break up and find someone else. If that's what you have in mind, just because you have 'no obligation', then you're a jerk.
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Old 02-17-2012, 06:37 PM   #9
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[I] Since I didn't have time to prepare her a birthday present I folded about 500lish lucky stars and 100lish heart for her (stay up all night doing that ><). Also get her a build a bear (Since I got her roses for V-Day and the roses came with a teddy bear and I remember how much she likes the teddy bear so I got her one).
Quote:
(I was thinking to myself man those aren't really caring gifts since I didn't put much though into it since I only spend a night making them......).
dude, srs??

Quote:
I mean I do like her, but I do think things is going a bit too fast @@. I haven't really get to know her all that well, and I am sure she haven't known me very well as well......... I do know she is the type of person when she sets a goal or decide to do something she have it all plan out and will try her hardest to achieve it. We get along fine and seem to click in well. She is currently going to school and I am working. So I just go with the flow or maybe slow down a bit? And no we are both pretty close to our 30's already.

Sorry for the long background details.....
She sounds like a stage-five clinger. But on the other hand, you don't exactly seem to have it all together if you can't even talk to her about this stuff....If you guys are close to 30s, you both should be past this stage of dating awkwardness, etc.
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Old 02-17-2012, 08:54 PM   #10
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The following is a reply from the anonymous member

BoostedBB6 - I don't really want to sit down and talk to her about this because she might think I am just playing around or I am not that interested in her which can turn things pretty bad.

insomniatic - I been in that boat before where the another girl and I hit it off really fast and quick and of coz it ended very quick as well. I don't want this happen again lol.

Presto - We seem to click very well. Respect each other's company.

freakshow - Of coz I don't want to be a jerk lol.

I guess I just have a lot going on right now with work and life at the same time. I am in the market for a duplex with my family right now and if we do get one I will be pretty tie down to it financially so that means parents are going to live in the same place. So there goes my privacy lol

So I do have some family obligations at this point and I am not sure how will she react to it as well if we do decide to go on (I do think she is aiming to settle down). There are so many issues that can come up with parents living with their kids and wife/husband and that's something I want to avoid.

Maybe I am just thinking too far ahead?
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Old 02-17-2012, 09:05 PM   #11
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Old 02-17-2012, 09:08 PM   #12
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umm...u think she is moving to fast and making the relationship all official, but you are thinking about where you guys will be living when u marry her?

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