REVscene - Vancouver Automotive Forum


Welcome to the REVscene Automotive Forum forums.

Registration is Free!You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today! The banners on the left side and below do not show for registered users!

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact contact us.

Go Back   REVscene Automotive Forum > Vancouver LifeStyles (VLS) > Relationship & Gender Discussion

Relationship & Gender Discussion THIS SPACE OPEN FOR ADVERTISEMENT. YOU SHOULD BE ADVERTISING HERE!
The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 06-04-2012, 07:38 PM   #1
I contribute to threads in the offtopic forum
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Abbotsford
Posts: 2,542
Thanked 1,215 Times in 389 Posts
Opinions wanted on girl friend moving in..

So my girl friend and I have been together almost 2 years. I've owned my condo just over 2 years, and have never had a room mate. My girl friend, a full time student and part time worker wants to move in. In the past i've been kind of hesitant on letting her move in, but i've slowly opened up to the idea since shes here 5 days a week anyways.

Now here is where the opinions come in. This is "my" condo and I want to keep it that way. We've loosely discussed a price she would pay as "rent", but what im worried about is the common law rule. Now I have no intentions of us breaking up, but its always a possibility. Basically I dont want her to get half my shit, if things do go south. I've discussed this with her, and she insists if we did indeed split she would never try to take anything.

Does anyone on here have personal experience with this? If so could you share info, on how I can cover my ass "if" it came to that.

Thanks

cdizzle_996 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2012, 07:46 PM   #2
Banned By Establishment
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: bedroom
Posts: 3,111
Thanked 3,491 Times in 1,176 Posts
My friend did the same thing....and IIRC, as long as her name is not on the mortgage/deed, it is still yours regardless if she has paid you rent.

On the relationship side of things....yes, it is YOUR condo...but don't act like it when she moves in. If she is going to be paying you rent...and moving her belongings in, you are going to need to be flexible and comfortable.

Yes, you always have to think about "what ifs", but try not to let it affect your relationship.

Also, congrats on taking the next step...this should be a happy time for you two
dinosaur is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 06-04-2012, 07:51 PM   #3
Wanna have a threesome?
 
MindBomber's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Squamish
Posts: 4,886
Thanked 5,052 Times in 1,656 Posts
I can't offer advice on the legal aspect, but in general, I will never live with a girl (again) unless we're engaged or the ring is coming in the near future. People tend to underestimate how significantly moving in together changes the relationship, myself included, because they look primarily at the time aspect. Time isn't the big issue, sharing bills and the much increased difficulty in ending the relationship is what changes things. If you decide to end the relationship, it's suddenly not a simple conversation, you basically need to evict her. The next few days while she's looking for a place, packing, moving, not fun, a lot of added pressure.

I don't mean to sound negative, just offering my perspective.
MindBomber is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 06-04-2012, 08:03 PM   #4
Banned By Establishment
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: bedroom
Posts: 3,111
Thanked 3,491 Times in 1,176 Posts
^ well, poo.
dinosaur is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2012, 08:25 PM   #5
vvd
Proud to be called a RS Regular!
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: BC
Posts: 142
Thanked 87 Times in 29 Posts
The fact that she stays over 5 days a week is still completely different from her moving in. If you want it to stay "your" condo, it's going to be difficult when she starts moving all her stuff in. If you want to do anything to your place, you're going to have to take her into consideration too. I'm not saying "don't do it," but you both have to be completely sure and it doesn't sound like you feel that way just yet (I could be wrong).

I don't know the both of you so maybe it could work out. I've had friends who moved in together and have had it go both ways.

As for taking half your stuff... apparently common law spouses can also be entitled to "spousal support" otherwise known as "alimony." Spousal Support In short: it's basically child support... but the child is the spouse and you're paying her so she can sustain the lifestyle she had while she was with you.

It's always good to be cautious and realistic about the possible consequences, but if she says she won't take your stuff and you actually trust her, it shouldn't be a problem.

I wish you the best of luck!
vvd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2012, 08:44 PM   #6
I contribute to threads in the offtopic forum
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Abbotsford
Posts: 2,542
Thanked 1,215 Times in 389 Posts
Thanks for the prompt responses. Its obviously going to be a big step, but financially it makes sense, and it helps her get out of her current situation at home. We already spend a ton of time together, and have a good relationship. She doesnt plan on bringing a ton of stuff from her parents, as I already have a fully furnished place. I just wanted to get other opinions and such

Thanks
cdizzle_996 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2012, 08:47 PM   #7
14 dolla balla aint got nothing on me!
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 600
Thanked 353 Times in 166 Posts
How about a trial run?
Ask her to live with you at your conda for a month and see how it works out.

Having her completely move in, then to find out a month later you want to live alone again would be disasterous on both ends...
GGnoRE is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2012, 08:50 PM   #8
Even when im right, revscene.net is still right!
 
Gnomes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Richmond
Posts: 1,311
Thanked 609 Times in 187 Posts
The 6 month common law thing that is in OP's mind is worrisome. I kinda randomly googled and found from this link

Quote:
What rights do you have to property acquired during the relationship?
This is where there are the biggest differences between being married and being in a common-law relationship. For married couples, the Family Relations Act applies and they are presumed to be entitled to an equal division of all family assets (including the house, a car, bank accounts, etc.) regardless of who owns the asset, and almost every asset is considered to be a “family asset”.

The law is different for people in unmarried relationships. If just one partner owns an asset, that partner is presumed to be entitled to keep that asset. If you own an asset together (the house, a car, bank accounts, etc.), you are presumed to have an equal interest in the asset. If you contributed to the purchase of an asset owned only by your partner, or paid more for the purchase of a joint asset than your partner, you may be able to get out what you put in, however you have to be able to prove your contributions to the purchase and that you didn’t mean to give your extra contributions to your partner as a gift.

However, if you and your partner made an agreement about the ownership of assets – either during your relationship or after you separated – the parts of the Family Relations Act that apply to married couples’ property may be applied to your agreement, if either of you go to court about the fairness of the agreement.

The law in this area is complex and you should to speak to a lawyer.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by JSALES View Post
While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
Gnomes is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 06-05-2012, 10:25 AM   #9
Diagonally parked in a parallel universe
 
TheNewGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Coquitlam
Posts: 1,476
Thanked 521 Times in 263 Posts
I think one of the keys is to get a rental agreement, and establish that she's a tenant in your condo rather then having a loose agreement in which she could imply that she was assisting you in paying a portion of your mortgage. A trip to the lawyer would give you a good idea of what is nessesary.

That said if you're hesitant for reasons beyond the legal aspects then that should be a red flag to you that you're not ready.
__________________
~ Just another noob looking for a clue
TheNewGirl is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 06-05-2012, 12:56 PM   #10
I answer every Emotion with an emoticon
 
FerrariEnzo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: somewhere
Posts: 7,658
Thanked 2,352 Times in 949 Posts
make up a "contract"... if shes paying rent, you want to keep it that way... otherwise after 6months, both your titles are "Common Law"

have documents supporting that shes a "tenant"... otherwise if you guys have a bad breakup years down the road, she would prolly want half your shit including your condo... some girls can be crazy...
__________________
My Buy&Sell Feedback, Thanx
FerrariEnzo is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 06-05-2012, 03:51 PM   #11
I contribute to threads in the offtopic forum
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Abbotsford
Posts: 2,542
Thanked 1,215 Times in 389 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by FerrariEnzo View Post
make up a "contract"... if shes paying rent, you want to keep it that way... otherwise after 6months, both your titles are "Common Law"

have documents supporting that shes a "tenant"... otherwise if you guys have a bad breakup years down the road, she would prolly want half your shit including your condo... some girls can be crazy...
Thats exactly why this thread was created. Not that I think shes crazy but more or less to cover my ass.
cdizzle_996 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-05-2012, 04:50 PM   #12
My homepage has been set to RS
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 2,210
Thanked 1,410 Times in 521 Posts
I would get a good lawyer to set up a legal document which states that if you breakup, she gets nothing. Otherwise, if she goes after your assets, regardless who is right, you are going to spend a shit load on $300hr lawyers
__________________
86 944 Turbo with 340rwhp Lindsay Racing kit
15 991 GTS with Aerokit Cup
10 AMV8 6sp manual
16 Audi Q3 Technik Pkg (S Line)
Z3guy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-05-2012, 06:03 PM   #13
Banned By Establishment
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: bedroom
Posts: 3,111
Thanked 3,491 Times in 1,176 Posts
I love how we are planning the demise of your relationship.....its so romantical.
dinosaur is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
This post FAILED by:
Old 06-05-2012, 06:42 PM   #14
NEWBIE ACCOUNT!
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 11
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
Hey I'll give my experience.

So my girl moved in from not being together for 5 months, I was with her just under a year before that, been friends for maybe 4.. Anyways.

She made me food, cleaned up ocassionally, but unfortunately did not meet my standards as someone who I would want to spend the rest of my life (or share my house) with.

To be honest I think moving in is a great idea, if you can't do it, then why are you holding onto it? For the companionship, sex, fear of losing the friendship? I mean moving in is not socially excepted generally speaking unless you have been together for a certain amount of time, BUT I believe ...

that it is the best indicator of whether you should be with someone or not. As soon as you feel like you "love" someone, bam... they should be in your house, maybe even before that. But keep in mind, girls are messy man... and that's one thing I could deal with but going to school 30 hours a week and coming home to a messy house when she sat at home all day, is quite discouraging.

To tell you how the story ended, my bestfriend whom I had a crush on for years starting talking again, and some feelings came back.. She could tell and her mom insisted she leave. Well... nothing happened, but to be honest I felt I got off easy, LOL. I agree with the dude above saying it is like evicting someone cause it is a whole nother deal breaking up once they move in... I was lucky man, be careful still if you are in school and need to focus.. Hard call! I would do it over again though, cause now I can't get sex off my mind.
TDIkingaguy is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 06-05-2012, 10:21 PM   #15
Need to Seek Professional Help
 
2damaxmr2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Alpha Centauri
Posts: 1,017
Thanked 103 Times in 62 Posts
No.
__________________
RS firearm expert
2damaxmr2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-05-2012, 11:09 PM   #16
Banned By Establishment
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Richmond
Posts: 12,489
Thanked 2,090 Times in 773 Posts
a lot of girls will use the guy if it gets them out of the parents house.

be sure she's not that type. Especially if you live in DT or something, and she lives in surrey.
Meowjin is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 06-06-2012, 08:36 AM   #17
I contribute to threads in the offtopic forum
 
BoostedBB6's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 2,796
Thanked 1,831 Times in 587 Posts
Unless this girl is the one you see spending your life with then you should not go through with it....makes it harder on everyone in the end.
__________________
08' G37S 6MT Coupe - For Sale or Trade (Motorcycle)
05' TL A-Spec
00' Celica GTS
BoostedBB6 is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 06-06-2012, 08:37 AM   #18
HELP ME PLS!!!
 
6793026's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: BC, HK, USA
Posts: 5,735
Thanked 1,394 Times in 505 Posts
the reason why i don't want to move into my gf's place is cause she's going to take me for granted. she's going to expect me to cook and she's going to get by for not cooking and I don't like that.

if she doesn't smarten up and know that just cause I move in doesn't mean i'm obligated to do anything; moving in equal both of us doing things together; it's a joint efforts. if you expect to just have someone take care of you, sorry, i ain't falling for that.
__________________
Arguing on the internet is like running in the SPECIAL OLYMPICS.

Even if you win, you're still retarded.
6793026 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-06-2012, 10:18 AM   #19
Banned By Establishment
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 5,376
Thanked 435 Times in 189 Posts
There is NO reason to have a live-in girlfriend.


Other than potentially wanting a long term mate for children, you don't even need to be in a relationship to get steady sex with several young women at a time.
Jason00S2000 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-06-2012, 10:19 AM   #20
Ricer Mod
 
Berzerker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Smithers
Posts: 6,665
Thanked 4,675 Times in 1,352 Posts
And this is what RS has been dearly missing haha.

Berz out.
__________________
President of RS Beat Down Crew
Berzerker is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-06-2012, 10:44 AM   #21
Glorious Gaming PC Master Race
 
Psykopathik's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Coquitlam y0!
Posts: 21,240
Thanked 965 Times in 445 Posts
have her bring a few essentials and do a trial for 1 month minimum. if you don't want to kill her by then, you're good.

you don't know someone till you've lived with them.

Everything must be equal, chores, cleanup, cooking, finances, etc.

be explicit that it is a TRIAL and if YOU are not happy, seriously, its time to move on to someone else. Sending her away and expecting to be still cool with her is a delusion.
__________________
My 100+ Buy and Sell feedback
Psykopathik is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-06-2012, 11:15 AM   #22
Banned (ABWS)
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 69
Thanked 156 Times in 23 Posts
I've lived with 3 people in my relationships.

Since I'm single, that gives you an idea of how all of that turned out!

Logically, it usually makes way more sense to live together, especially if you're both currently out on your own.

You'll save money on rent/mortgage/bills and often food as well. You also think how great it would
be to see each other all the time since you love the other person and see them all the time anyway.

Wouldn't all this be so convenient!

With every good, there is a bad and the bad can be very bad.

If you are like me, and have a very demanding and stressful career, you can come home tired, stressed out
and not in a very social mood. When you come home, there she is, pissed off about the argument you had
last night that you didn't resolve because you were too tired to talk.

She's all ready to talk and you're still tired. Now you've left work, to come home to even more stress. There is
no "I'll call you later" or "I'm too tired to see you today".

I dated someone and I lived in her place. She had a very demanding career and so did I. I'd come home earlier
from work and not feel hungry so I'd destress by listening to music and just taking a bath or something. Then
she comes home, stressed and hungry. She would be like if you're home first make dinner! I just didn't
think about it sometimes, I was too tired and I wasn't hungry anyway. Now I'm a selfish asshole and she wasn't shy
about reminding me while she makes dinner for herself.

Of course, it's a condo so you're tripping over each other when you're fighting. Then I'd end up leaving to cool off for
a few hours at the gym and then maybe see some buddies somewhere. I come back and she's even more pissed
off that I just "walked out".

If you break up, it's a pain in the ass. I've been VERY lucky with this compared with some friends but it is still
a huge bunch of garbage to deal with.

Here is some advice from my experiences and friends as well.

Do not move in with a girl who has not lived on her own first. If she's going from mom and dad's to your place, have fun
with the potential issues you'll be forced to deal with. Often these girls don't know about things like bills (we're not talking
about shopping bills or cell phone bills here either) and some girls at 25 still don't even do their own laundry! They won't
likely be doing yours or if in my case, they will ruin your $400 shirts because "Dry-clean Only" means "Washing Machine
is Okay".

Do not move in with the person unless you can see a legitimate future with them. Don't just get blinded by love and attraction. Look at the situation logically and ask yourself is there the potential for something to happen with this on a permanent basis.
If the answer is no, maybe it's not a good idea.

Set ground rules long in advance and know the person well enough to know if they're the type to stick to it. Who makes dinner
why does the cleaning, who pays the bills, who does what and when? It may sound a little cold but it's a lot better to discuss
and establish this now rather then 6 months later when you're now angry at one another and you consider breaking up over
day-to-day activities.

While it makes sense to move in financially, don't let that be the reason. That is a bonus to moving in IF you're both in a position
to be contributing however if moving in is something to help you save, you're probably financially strapped and you'll now have a
new and exciting thing to both argue about (money and contribution is a huge argument pit).

Decide what you want to do and then establish the rules and see where it goes! It's a big step and the relationship may change,
not for the worse or better, but it will change.
jameswift is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 06-06-2012, 02:12 PM   #23
Banned By Establishment
 
Gridlock's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: New West
Posts: 3,998
Thanked 2,982 Times in 1,135 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jason00S2000 View Post
There is NO reason to have a live-in girlfriend.


Other than potentially wanting a long term mate for children, you don't even need to be in a relationship to get steady sex with several young women at a time.
So really then, women are a walking vagina for you.
Gridlock is offline   Reply With Quote
This post FAILED by:
Old 06-06-2012, 02:18 PM   #24
Ricer Mod
 
Berzerker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Smithers
Posts: 6,665
Thanked 4,675 Times in 1,352 Posts
Quit Whiteknighting bro. We all know you can't fart without your wifes permission...

Berz out.
__________________
President of RS Beat Down Crew
Berzerker is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
This post FAILED by:
Old 06-06-2012, 02:41 PM   #25
Banned By Establishment
 
Gridlock's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: New West
Posts: 3,998
Thanked 2,982 Times in 1,135 Posts
You know, I'm going to make this a bit bigger than the original topic here, but it relates.

Maybe if guys stopped acting like they are only spending time with a woman to the point of getting her to drop her skirt, they may find that women stop spending time with guys to get them to drop their wallet.

I get called a "whiteknight" when I call myself in a stable, healthy relationship. You know, one with feelings and shit. I myself found the chasing of women and the game of getting them into bed to be draining, and ultimately unfulfilling. If you find it to be fulfilling and (opposite of draining...more filling?), then its working for you, but please don't walk around casting others that don't share in your philosophy into a bracket of people that just don't get it. Sooner or later, you are too old and not rich enough and that list of one night stands doesn't provide the comfort it once did.

This guy wants to move in with his girlfriend, but he wants to be protected. Hot damn! Let's advise him that he could just get laid by many different women quick to put a leg over, because that just seems to tie right in to the subject at hand.
Gridlock is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Reply
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 05:32 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
SEO by vBSEO ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.
Revscene.net cannot be held accountable for the actions of its members nor does the opinions of the members represent that of Revscene.net