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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 06-12-2012, 09:59 PM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Glove View Post
Well i respect your opinion, i also think its retarded,

Your comparing family members, which youv spent approx 30 years of life with, and will spend with the rest of your life,

Vs some chick you bang for a couple years.

She is not your blood, not your kin. She is nothing in the grand scheme of things. If his ex died tomorrow, it wouldnt matter, if his family died tomorrow, it would.

To the original issue, he needs to just man up and get some balls, realise no chick is worth this turnoil, not after only 2 years together. She is nothing, just some stranger.

If he seriously needs closure on something this insignificant, then he's got a rough life ahead of him.

Unless ofcourse he is a teenager or something, then i can understand, but if he's hit his 20's, he will know time goes fast, and were all getting older, move on.
i agree with you Glove. MOVE the FUCK on and get your closure later down the road. I don't know if dinosaur is a girl or not but do NOT FUCKING go talking to the girl to get "feedback" or find an answer.

JUST LET IT GO. The last thing you want is "oh, i've fell for another guy" "I've cheated on you". When someone moves the fuck on says they don't love you, there is NOTHING YOU can do.

If she made a mistake and comes crawling back 2 weeks later, LET HER beg for you but move the fuck on cause you won't get over the fact she might dump you any other time.

Months / years down the road, you'll soon realize that everything will be ok. You will just accept that it's part of life. You will then get closure when you talk to her next time you talk to her. You will never get closure during these emotional days right now.

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Old 06-13-2012, 12:02 AM   #27
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Originally Posted by _Hotsauce_ View Post
My gf of 2 years broke up with me a few months ago, I wanted to marry her. We talked about having kids, getting married, settling down and growing old together etc.

Then randomly we start talking and she decides she doesn't love me anymore, and is no longer attracted to me; bam relationship ended out of no where.

I've been trying to deal with it and get over it but it's not getting any easier. I've tried dating, seeing other women but I really have 0 desire for anything physical or anything at all.

What the fuck can I do to make this shit ass situation get better?

**Drinking makes me depressed right now so I don't do it**

EDIT-->Im 27, first serious relationship, the rest have just been 3-5 month deals.
are you my twin?
because im going through exactly the same... except im a little younger.
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Old 06-13-2012, 04:06 AM   #28
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haha, negative sir. But I feel ya, shit situation is shit. Input is good....going to a music fest soon with a hot blonde...should be a good way to take my mind off it.
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Old 06-13-2012, 07:35 AM   #29
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Go to the gym
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Old 06-13-2012, 09:32 AM   #30
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Originally Posted by 6793026 View Post
i agree with you Glove. MOVE the FUCK on and get your closure later down the road. I don't know if dinosaur is a girl or not but do NOT FUCKING go talking to the girl to get "feedback" or find an answer.

JUST LET IT GO. The last thing you want is "oh, i've fell for another guy" "I've cheated on you". When someone moves the fuck on says they don't love you, there is NOTHING YOU can do.

If she made a mistake and comes crawling back 2 weeks later, LET HER beg for you but move the fuck on cause you won't get over the fact she might dump you any other time.

Months / years down the road, you'll soon realize that everything will be ok. You will just accept that it's part of life. You will then get closure when you talk to her next time you talk to her. You will never get closure during these emotional days right now.
So disagree.

Can we drop the "dudes don't have feelings...fuck hoes, go to gym, smooke weed" mentality for just a sec?

In 'real' relationships, you know, where both sides have invested into the relationship, you need to have closure.

I know! it sounds really lame.

You know those friends you have that constantly date the same person, over and over again, and it doesn't work out, over and over again?

It's because they don't actually sit and LEARN what went wrong. It was all Mary's fault! So we replace Mary...with someone that might as well BE Mary, because she treats you the exact same way. Then, in two years, its fuck Jill! It's all Jill's fault, so you replace Jill..and eventually you are left with your attitude being: "bitches".

Women are especially bad for it.

I'm not saying we need to join hands at a drum circle and get down with our inner selves, but that conversation is important...for both.

I was in a relationship for 6 years, and once I had my shit moved out and this was it...tonight I sleep at my own place(which was awesome!) we sat and we talked.

She got to get some of her anger out, frustration and got to have an answer as to why. I got to say my feelings on the subject, why I couldn't marry her and ultimately, why I left the country for a month, and came back to dump her.

I wanted her to have closure. I had spent 6 years with her, and although I couldn't be with her, I still cared for her. You'd have to be pretty heartless, or dishonest to say you don't. I wanted for her to be able to move past it, and have a happy life. She didn't really, and hasn't dated anyone since...but it ain't my fault! I tried.

Hell, I wanted closure.

I got to say the things that had been on the tip of my tongue for 6 fucking years.

I can say one thing from it all. I learned what went wrong, and despite what may have been said about me, it wasn't all my fault.

And I can tell you something else...I knew enough not to wrap that all up in the person, and went bigger and never dated that personality type again either.
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Old 06-13-2012, 09:45 AM   #31
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6 years vs 2 years is far different, thats triple the time,

also completely different circumstances, you obviously respected eachother enough to discuss what happend.

This chick walked out on this guy with no reason, why should he need closure? she was a cunt, thats closure enough for me.

Some people are compatible, some arent, you shouldnt need a chick to tell you what you did wrong, so you change who you are for the next girl,

like wtf is that?

you need to jell your hair more, you need to take out the garbage and do dishes once in a while, you need to not complain about money so much, or you need to go to the gym more, or perhaps take her out to dates more often, or what ever else they might say to you,

in the end you werent compatible, if your gonna bend over and change all that shit for the next girl, then that relationship is doomed to fail again because your a bitch and they pick up on that.

if your a couch potatoe, find a fuckin couch potatoe girl to date and enjoy it together, if your a gym jockey, find an active girl,

its not rocket science, do you really need a girl to tell you your not outgoing enough? find a girl who also isnt as outgoing, are you suddenly going to start doing the grouse grind every week because your ex said you should be more outdoorsy? forget it,

all that shit should be communicated early on in the relationship, so you guys can adjust to eachother, and find a balance and work it out, whats the point in telling the person afterwards?

hey were breaking up, but just so you know, we would still be together if you didnt have your xbox. really? couldnt have made that shit clear earlier? drop that chick off at the curb and move on.

again, millions of em out there, all shapes sizes and styles, find one thats compatible, dont need to be graded on your fuckin performance.
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Old 06-13-2012, 10:47 AM   #32
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Hands down working on yourself is the best solution. I know that feel bro.

Got out of my first what-I-thought-was-serious relationship like two years ago and felt like chit for almost a year. I think we were dating for like 2 years or so, I don't remember. Anyways, first 6 months out was depressed and chit because I missed her and wanted her back, eventually moved on and was like 'phuck this I have real things to deal with". I thought about what it was that might have went wrong and went from there. Started working on my flaws, learning about myself, and trying new hobbies. Think of your ex as the person who restricted you from trying new things and remember that at the end of it all there's only you in this world. You come in alone and you go out alone, the others you surround yourself with are people doing the same thing. I wish my friends were a bit more supportive when my ex and I broke up. Drinking doesn't help so don't even bother. Don't get too hung up on what others think, stay productive, be busy, and pursue what it is that you want out of life.

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Gridlock, I agree with your point that its important to be aware of what went wrong.
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:03 PM   #33
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Well, in my case I was wanting to crash out at year 3, so maybe the timelines work.

I would think there is value in a conversation as you get to: find out an answer to the question of why and you get to say "fuck you" in whatever form you want that to sound like.

If you cared about the person, its the only way to truly close it in your mind. There was nothing left undone, and nothing left unsaid.

Maybe you guys wouldn't feel like shit for a year after if you didn't try to man it out by doing everything but admitting that its not gay to gave feelings, its human.
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Old 06-13-2012, 12:45 PM   #34
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Originally Posted by Gridlock View Post
Can we drop the "dudes don't have feelings...fuck hoes, go to gym, smooke weed" mentality for just a sec?

I wanted her to have closure.

Hell, I wanted closure.
This is not a guy / girl mentality. In your case ,6 yrs, and BOTH of you wanted closure; ready to talk so that's not a problem. IF one side ain't ready to give or even UNDERSTAND what CLOSURE means, the OP, in your case), don't go chasing after closure. It might not even happen everrr until you bump into her later in life. * TONS of examples but that's another story.

In Gridlock's case, yes, both sides are mature able to talk it out, it hit home, bam, closure. But damn, there are so many times when people dump the bf/ gf cause they are out of love (which is fine). One side BEGS AND BEGS trying to closure but doesn't work. Not until like 3 booty calls, multiple gf/bfs later, pregnant with a kid and their fiancée cheated and then they realize.. oh, i was such retard back then...
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Old 06-13-2012, 01:01 PM   #35
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As a girl, I WOULD NOT ask for feedback. My mom has told me the first time I got dumped and it stuck ever since. NEVER ask why it ended for "closure."

1) "Oh it was me, not you.." "I'm not ready" etc etc. Whatever the reasoning is..you will never be satisfied. Example: If it's the "I'm not ready" excuse..you'll think to yourself..I'll give her time when really..she doesn't need anymore time. Maybe just more time to think how she's going to get rid of you from calling her. Overanalyzing the reasons she gives on why it didn't work will only turn you towards a further downward spiral than you already are in

2) Give yourself the respect that this girl just broke your heart and she doesn't deserve a 2nd/3rd etc chance to DUMP YOU ALL OVER AGAIN!!!

3) A person doesn't just break up with you in one day. Sorry to say, but she broke up with you a long time ago and just didn't know how or have the courage to do it to you sooner.

Not to sound harsh or anything, but the truth is...the relationship is done. Someone who values you as a partner isn't going to just throw away 2 years of a relationship for nothing.
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Old 06-13-2012, 03:51 PM   #36
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Not to thread jack, but the OP's story is identical to mine.

I've been with this girl for 2.5 yrs.
We shared laughs and sadness throughout the years. The first yr was the greatest, i still remember every moment of it. From the first day we met, and from the first time I told her "i want to grow old with you" eye to eye.
The past 1.5yrs it was a struggle, and i felt that our prime time was over. I somewhat for saw that this day would come but I just didn't know when. It was like a time bomb ready to explode.
As for me, I take shit. I literally eat shit... I take all the shit and just sweep it under the rug. Unfortunately I guess the rug finally got too full and when someone eventually stepped on the dust collected for 1.5yrs, its all coming back out.
Im dropping off all her stuff back to her place tonight, and I don't know if I should discuss or just drop and go.
Yesterday I took a day off work for once.. its been too long since i had a day off. It was all quiet and i finally had time to think to myself. I kept asking, maybe it's me... Maybe it's because I was no longer the romantic guy I use to be; always stay at home, trying to save money, never really going out...
I know she wants to go out from time to time, but my work schedule is literally mon-sat; and since its my family business and im the only son, i feel obligated to take some baggage off my fathers shoulders. He is getting old, and i need to grow up. So the past year or so i focused my work strictly on work and I had explained that. Thought she understood.
She did, she would whine from time to time, thats about it.
So i concluded it was mainly my fault for losing her, for not being there, for not giving her the attention she wants. I gave her what she wanted, but I wasnt able to give her what she needed.

For some reason today I woke up, cleared and out of my sobbing. The little voice inside of me told me to check our phone statement. Her phone is under my name, and so i did.
Unfortunately i found and saw things I completely did not want to see.

for the past 2 months on, shes been calling this person constantly... the phone time ranges from 5-10mins, 15-25mins, sometimes even 60-90 mins. Everyday.
I highlighted the times she called me in green, compare to that number in blue.
sadly, the 4 page long statement was mostly cover in blue...

I confessed her this morning asking who that number was.. she told me it was a close friends number who is having marriage problems with HER husband.
However, i lost will and called that number.
I asked for that girls name * lets pretend its Jane*
I asked for Jane, and the guy sounded confused and said wrong number.

Right then and there, my heart shattered like a mirror dropped from a 10 foot ceiling.
Its broken, and left in pieces.

Luckily i read over this thread, and a fellow RS'er gave an example, " just leave the broken pieces and walk away "
Tonight as i try to man up, and not show any weakest. I know im going to just drop it off, clear out the phone thing and pack my things and go.

Sorry for thread jacking, but i really needed to let it out.
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Old 06-13-2012, 04:13 PM   #37
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^ouch! sorry to hear dude...let us know how it goes.

stay strong!
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Old 06-13-2012, 05:02 PM   #38
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Originally Posted by hal0g0dv2 View Post
Go to the gym
Get shredddd and be a sick kunt
this x1000. I was a sad kunt who quit lifting after i found a chick cause there was no time sorry for the excuse. After breaking up, Sick kunt now, gonna gain 20+ pounds of muscle soon and wearing tight vnecks / shirts on the beach
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Old 06-13-2012, 05:10 PM   #39
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fuarrkkkk grim, hope for the best man. I would rage the hell out and murder that dude and your ex for lying. Whitepages or reverse phone that number

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Old 06-13-2012, 07:34 PM   #40
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grim View Post
Not to thread jack, but the OP's story is identical to mine.

I've been with this girl for 2.5 yrs.
We shared laughs and sadness throughout the years. The first yr was the greatest, i still remember every moment of it. From the first day we met, and from the first time I told her "i want to grow old with you" eye to eye.
The past 1.5yrs it was a struggle, and i felt that our prime time was over. I somewhat for saw that this day would come but I just didn't know when. It was like a time bomb ready to explode.
As for me, I take shit. I literally eat shit... I take all the shit and just sweep it under the rug. Unfortunately I guess the rug finally got too full and when someone eventually stepped on the dust collected for 1.5yrs, its all coming back out.
Im dropping off all her stuff back to her place tonight, and I don't know if I should discuss or just drop and go.
Yesterday I took a day off work for once.. its been too long since i had a day off. It was all quiet and i finally had time to think to myself. I kept asking, maybe it's me... Maybe it's because I was no longer the romantic guy I use to be; always stay at home, trying to save money, never really going out...
I know she wants to go out from time to time, but my work schedule is literally mon-sat; and since its my family business and im the only son, i feel obligated to take some baggage off my fathers shoulders. He is getting old, and i need to grow up. So the past year or so i focused my work strictly on work and I had explained that. Thought she understood.
She did, she would whine from time to time, thats about it.
So i concluded it was mainly my fault for losing her, for not being there, for not giving her the attention she wants. I gave her what she wanted, but I wasnt able to give her what she needed.

For some reason today I woke up, cleared and out of my sobbing. The little voice inside of me told me to check our phone statement. Her phone is under my name, and so i did.
Unfortunately i found and saw things I completely did not want to see.

for the past 2 months on, shes been calling this person constantly... the phone time ranges from 5-10mins, 15-25mins, sometimes even 60-90 mins. Everyday.
I highlighted the times she called me in green, compare to that number in blue.
sadly, the 4 page long statement was mostly cover in blue...

I confessed her this morning asking who that number was.. she told me it was a close friends number who is having marriage problems with HER husband.
However, i lost will and called that number.
I asked for that girls name * lets pretend its Jane*
I asked for Jane, and the guy sounded confused and said wrong number.

Right then and there, my heart shattered like a mirror dropped from a 10 foot ceiling.
Its broken, and left in pieces.

Luckily i read over this thread, and a fellow RS'er gave an example, " just leave the broken pieces and walk away "
Tonight as i try to man up, and not show any weakest. I know im going to just drop it off, clear out the phone thing and pack my things and go.

Sorry for thread jacking, but i really needed to let it out.
Maybe I'm just super exhausted after the gym, but I failed to see the reason why you guys broke up. Was it because you were working all the time?

That's a pretty shitty reason on her part man. You deserve better than that.
A real woman isnt going to leave you just because you're out making money. Obviously she was being selfish here. IMO none of this is your fault, its hers. If she failed to realize that relationships arent all rainbows and smiles, she's gonna be in for a bumpy ride.
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Old 06-13-2012, 10:08 PM   #41
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Originally Posted by !Yaminashi View Post
Maybe I'm just super exhausted after the gym, but I failed to see the reason why you guys broke up. Was it because you were working all the time?

That's a pretty shitty reason on her part man. You deserve better than that. A real woman isnt going to leave you just because you're out making money. Obviously she was being selfish here. IMO none of this is your fault, its hers. If she failed to realize that relationships arent all rainbows and smiles, she's gonna be in for a bumpy ride.
Usually there's more to it than that. Girls sometimes uses the most convenenient, and/or the less hurtful reason as a justification for separating.


So wether there's more to it than just... communication... he's working too hard... it's just soooo hard to judge at this point unless we're all already biased in favour of the OP by default.
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Old 06-13-2012, 11:27 PM   #42
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grim View Post
Not to thread jack, but the OP's story is identical to mine.

I've been with this girl for 2.5 yrs.
We shared laughs and sadness throughout the years. The first yr was the greatest, i still remember every moment of it. From the first day we met, and from the first time I told her "i want to grow old with you" eye to eye.
The past 1.5yrs it was a struggle, and i felt that our prime time was over. I somewhat for saw that this day would come but I just didn't know when. It was like a time bomb ready to explode.
As for me, I take shit. I literally eat shit... I take all the shit and just sweep it under the rug. Unfortunately I guess the rug finally got too full and when someone eventually stepped on the dust collected for 1.5yrs, its all coming back out.
Im dropping off all her stuff back to her place tonight, and I don't know if I should discuss or just drop and go.
Yesterday I took a day off work for once.. its been too long since i had a day off. It was all quiet and i finally had time to think to myself. I kept asking, maybe it's me... Maybe it's because I was no longer the romantic guy I use to be; always stay at home, trying to save money, never really going out...
I know she wants to go out from time to time, but my work schedule is literally mon-sat; and since its my family business and im the only son, i feel obligated to take some baggage off my fathers shoulders. He is getting old, and i need to grow up. So the past year or so i focused my work strictly on work and I had explained that. Thought she understood.
She did, she would whine from time to time, thats about it.
So i concluded it was mainly my fault for losing her, for not being there, for not giving her the attention she wants. I gave her what she wanted, but I wasnt able to give her what she needed.

For some reason today I woke up, cleared and out of my sobbing. The little voice inside of me told me to check our phone statement. Her phone is under my name, and so i did.
Unfortunately i found and saw things I completely did not want to see.

for the past 2 months on, shes been calling this person constantly... the phone time ranges from 5-10mins, 15-25mins, sometimes even 60-90 mins. Everyday.
I highlighted the times she called me in green, compare to that number in blue.
sadly, the 4 page long statement was mostly cover in blue...

I confessed her this morning asking who that number was.. she told me it was a close friends number who is having marriage problems with HER husband.
However, i lost will and called that number.
I asked for that girls name * lets pretend its Jane*
I asked for Jane, and the guy sounded confused and said wrong number.

Right then and there, my heart shattered like a mirror dropped from a 10 foot ceiling.
Its broken, and left in pieces.

Luckily i read over this thread, and a fellow RS'er gave an example, " just leave the broken pieces and walk away "
Tonight as i try to man up, and not show any weakest. I know im going to just drop it off, clear out the phone thing and pack my things and go.

Sorry for thread jacking, but i really needed to let it out.




youl come out stronger than ever man, and realise its not worth opening up to any old cunt unless they stick with you through thick and thin for a few years.
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Old 06-14-2012, 12:37 AM   #43
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Quote:
Originally Posted by miss_crayon View Post
As a girl, I WOULD NOT ask for feedback. My mom has told me the first time I got dumped and it stuck ever since. NEVER ask why it ended for "closure."

1) "Oh it was me, not you.." "I'm not ready" etc etc. Whatever the reasoning is..you will never be satisfied. Example: If it's the "I'm not ready" excuse..you'll think to yourself..I'll give her time when really..she doesn't need anymore time. Maybe just more time to think how she's going to get rid of you from calling her. Overanalyzing the reasons she gives on why it didn't work will only turn you towards a further downward spiral than you already are in

2) Give yourself the respect that this girl just broke your heart and she doesn't deserve a 2nd/3rd etc chance to DUMP YOU ALL OVER AGAIN!!!

3) A person doesn't just break up with you in one day. Sorry to say, but she broke up with you a long time ago and just didn't know how or have the courage to do it to you sooner.

Not to sound harsh or anything, but the truth is...the relationship is done. Someone who values you as a partner isn't going to just throw away 2 years of a relationship for nothing.
Crayon, thank you so much for writing this post.
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Old 06-14-2012, 12:43 AM   #44
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I this thread right now and almost want to sticky it. Great advice guys & girls, keep em coming.
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Old 06-14-2012, 01:12 AM   #45
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Best way to get over someone
is to get under someone else
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Old 06-14-2012, 01:22 AM   #46
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1, Box up her things and anything that will remind you of her.

2, Hit the gym, block her from facebook and from your phones, if you work; work your job like mad for the rest of the week... During the weekend get yourself something nice and hangout with friends. Give yourself three months before starting to date again, just so you can get yourself back in shape for the prowl.


Enjoy life, forget about her.
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Old 06-14-2012, 09:05 AM   #47
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I can understand. I've been there.

It's even worse if it's your first serious relationship.

This comment would be to everyone on here:

We all take things differently. Especially dependant on how much we have invested emotionally, monetarily, and physically.

The more we invest out of ourselves, the less we leave FOR ourselves.

At the end of the day, who's not there to expect a result/outcome after investment?

And in the OP's case, he invested, seemingly a lot. And he lost.

OP: I know everyone's got their way to get over someone. But YOU know what you need to help you out. Whether or not you want to recognize it and do it is another story.

Take the time you need. If you need to cry, whine, bitch, moan, groan, scream, yell or simply punch something, do it. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone.

There's not RIGHT way to get over someone. Just A WAY.

I commend you for staying off the alcohol, though.

One thing I CAN say for someone enduring a time of grievance, be it an S/O or FAMILY:

Anger.

Sometimes anger is needed to give focus. To channel it and use it to turn things around.
She dumped you. She probably thought about it alot and never bother addressing it. She hurt you. Be angry. It's ok. You have that right.
And don't be afraid to use it.

The important thing is: use it right.
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Old 06-14-2012, 09:08 AM   #48
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ehhhh to clarify: Use it to improve yourself. Not for revenge. LOL
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Old 06-14-2012, 09:46 AM   #49
Ask me about how I answered the question "How fat is TOO fat?"
 
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@Grim

Get a gun license and hit up the shooting range. Not sure how strict they are with personal belongings as targets though.
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Old 06-14-2012, 10:37 AM   #50
Need to Seek Professional Help
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hal0g0dv2 View Post
Go to the gym
Get shredddd and be a sick kunt
^this

focus on improving yourself and one day you may bump into her in the future and she gonna realize that your doing good in life and making good coin ..... WITHOUT HER.

maybe there is a lesson to be learned from this?
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