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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 06-12-2012, 02:12 AM   #1
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Getting over a girl

My gf of 2 years broke up with me a few months ago, I wanted to marry her. We talked about having kids, getting married, settling down and growing old together etc.

Then randomly we start talking and she decides she doesn't love me anymore, and is no longer attracted to me; bam relationship ended out of no where.

I've been trying to deal with it and get over it but it's not getting any easier. I've tried dating, seeing other women but I really have 0 desire for anything physical or anything at all.

What the fuck can I do to make this shit ass situation get better?

**Drinking makes me depressed right now so I don't do it**

EDIT-->Im 27, first serious relationship, the rest have just been 3-5 month deals.


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Old 06-12-2012, 02:50 AM   #2
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From my experience only time will heal your wounds. Getting out of the house and whatnot is good for sure but it takes more than a few months to truly get over someone you loved. Good news is eventually you won't feel like a bag of shit anymore and you'll meet someone else, true story.
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Old 06-12-2012, 03:42 AM   #3
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time.. and just doing what you want to do. going with friends having good times and all can only help but on a very small scale. it's not easy, im on the same boat but from an almost 4yr relationship
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Old 06-12-2012, 04:59 AM   #4
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yeah i will agree, only time will heal you.
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Old 06-12-2012, 05:30 AM   #5
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u will find another
i broke up wih my girl last year, yes it was sad but i'm keeping myself busy and have a new girl i'm interested in
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Old 06-12-2012, 08:11 AM   #6
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What everyone had said already. Time and keeping yourself busy. Take up a new hobby and occupy your time and get out and meet new people or get back in touch with old friends.
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Old 06-12-2012, 08:58 AM   #7
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Take emotion out of it and think logically,

There are 1 million girls in vancouver, so one breaks your heart, so what? go find another one out of those million, someone out there is always a better match.

You only have 80 years on this earth, do you really want to waste time sulking and being sad over 1 braud? Dont waste your limited time over a woman.

sure you had a connection with this person for 2 years, but when you find the right one and have a 20 year connection with them, thats real. 2 years is peanuts. 2 years go by in the blink of an eye.

be thankfull she left when she did, she obviously wasnt into it, now go find someone who is, wouldnt wanna spend your life with a chick who wasnt 100% invested.

and ofcourse, the obligatory, go have fun and fuck some bitches
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Old 06-12-2012, 10:13 AM   #8
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It doesn't sound like you have had closure. I know you are not happy or satisfied the relationship ended.....but are you satisfied with the reason (I don't mean 'happy' about it, I mean you understand it)?

Does it make sense to you and you are now just having a hard time getting over your love for her? Or, do you lay there at night and say, "what the fuck!?".

Maybe you need to phone her up and be honest?

"Hi, this is xxxxx. I don't want to get back together, but I have some questions....". Then, once you understand (whether is be rational or not), that book will close.
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Old 06-12-2012, 10:23 AM   #9
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have you tried talking to her about why she doesnt love you?
If she was with you only because only attraction, then it would have been doom a long time ago...

did you know when she started acting differently during your relationship? It would have been noticeable in her attitude. It can be that one day she woke up and decided she doesnt love you anymore...

You should try and talk with her and find out why, otherwise you will NEVER get over her, even if you find another girl.
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Old 06-12-2012, 10:36 AM   #10
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^ disagree, life is too short to wonder "why"

nothing good can come of trying to talk to her,

just drop that shit and move on, who cares what the reason was, she obviously didnt respect the guy enough to be honest with him in the first place, she is trash and doesnt deserve to be thinked about or talked to.

Never think about why, always think about whats next.
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Old 06-12-2012, 10:45 AM   #11
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“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation;

trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened...

or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.”

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Old 06-12-2012, 10:45 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Glove View Post
^ disagree, life is too short to wonder "why"

nothing good can come of trying to talk to her,

just drop that shit and move on, who cares what the reason was, she obviously didnt respect the guy enough to be honest with him in the first place, she is trash and doesnt deserve to be thinked about or talked to.

Never think about why, always think about whats next.


dude, people need closure. thats why we have funerals.
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Old 06-12-2012, 10:58 AM   #13
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dude, people need closure. thats why we have funerals.
a family member dying is completely different than some chick breaking up with you,

thats not even here nor there.

girlfriends can be replaced, family cant.

Whats he going to do? spend countless hours trying to think up what to say to her? what if she wont talk to him or give him closure? what if it just ends up being more painfull?

is closure really going to help him be a better person? or will it just raise more questions? maybe he couldv changed, maybe this, maybe that, forget it, what a waste of time that is.

fast forward a year he's wasted his time on trying to get closure, when she should have just kicked that shit to the curb and been like,
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Old 06-12-2012, 11:18 AM   #14
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i don't know how many break-ups or relationships you have been in, but it is like a death (yes, obviously not like your father dying, but it is a like a death).

all i am saying is that clearly he is having some struggles with trying to get over this girl and i think maybe it is because he did not get closure. if it has been months and what he is doing isn't working, he needs to try something else.

everyone in his life, i am assuming, is saying, "just get over it", "just stop thinking about her", "move on", etc....clearly it ain't working.

he doesn't have to like what she is going to say...he just as to hear it.

it is like a sudden death. with sudden deaths, you never get a chance to say good-bye...to reconcile feelings, etc. At least when the death is expected, you get to say things that you have always wanted to say...to have closure. The way this break-up went down was sudden....caught him off guard....he has not reconciled yet.
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Old 06-12-2012, 11:33 AM   #15
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Well i respect your opinion, i also think its retarded,

Your comparing family members, which youv spent approx 30 years of life with, and will spend with the rest of your life,

Vs some chick you bang for a couple years.

She is not your blood, not your kin. She is nothing in the grand scheme of things. If his ex died tomorrow, it wouldnt matter, if his family died tomorrow, it would.

To the original issue, he needs to just man up and get some balls, realise no chick is worth this turnoil, not after only 2 years together. She is nothing, just some stranger.

If he seriously needs closure on something this insignificant, then he's got a rough life ahead of him.

Unless ofcourse he is a teenager or something, then i can understand, but if he's hit his 20's, he will know time goes fast, and were all getting older, move on.
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Old 06-12-2012, 11:56 AM   #16
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also he can get back together with her or at least its possible but its not like you can bring a loved one back from the dead. Comparing a break up to death is crazy talk IMO.

You are gonig to feel like shit for a while and thats that. Being your 1st serious relationship I can understand why you want closure as this will most likely impact your future interactions with females as well as your confidence levels but seeking to know what went wrong can also be a bad thing. I have a friend who got his ex to explain what went wrong so she made a list of things she didn't like about him well he has never regain his confidence.

I think closure won't be that bad if you guys broke on good terms but given how sudden it was I think asking and wondering why will only hurt you more in the long run.

Let time go by and you will find that hell its not worth wasting your time on you only live for so long or at least thats how I felt
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Old 06-12-2012, 01:07 PM   #17
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omg, dudes!

it was a loose example! i know it is not the exact same thing....trust me, I have lost my father and have broken-up with a fiance of 9 years. you don't need to explain to me the difference.

However, you DO go through the same grieving feelings....whether they are as intense, obviously not. but think about it...

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

apply that to the break-up of a relationship, and it is similar.
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Old 06-12-2012, 01:31 PM   #18
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Thanks for all the input everyone. I think I've really just been hanging on for the sake of not wanting to be alone. Closure isn't the issue as I know why, we're on talking terms and still do talk so I know exactly why.

I just need time I suppose, and don't get me wrong, I am meeting other people and keeping busy, it's really just when I get home at night I get sad.
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Old 06-12-2012, 04:31 PM   #19
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Old 06-12-2012, 04:34 PM   #20
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You just need to see this breakup as an opportunity for personal growth. Sure, there are cliches such as going to the gym and getting back into shape, but think a little bit outside of the box:

-creative writing
-dance classes
-public speaking/Toastmasters
-ultimate frisbee, beach volleyball, etc.
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Old 06-12-2012, 05:03 PM   #21
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a

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Old 06-12-2012, 09:34 PM   #22
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You can't. Love is not something you can turn off like a light switch; and there's no amount of band-aid solutions that will ever fix the root of your problem that "the one you want" is gone for good.

Do what I did when this happened to me. Just do your time. The sooner you sulk and grieve the situation, the sooner you'll come to terms with it (rather than denying it). And if you have good friends (like I was luckily enough to have), they'll do their very best to keep you company during dark times in your life.

They won't solve your problems, hell, they won't even speed up the solution. But they're just there just so you're not going through your own personal hell alone. And when the time comes for you to return the favour (and it will), please pass it on forward.



edit:

TBH,

Good bro's may not solve your problem or be a source of solution but:

(a) They make good sounding boards for you to vent your feelings (which I'm sure is overwhelming right now), and good bros won't judge you because you're a bit of a pansy right now and very vulnerable.

(b) Good bros will be there to make sure you don't do anything destructive while you're grieving. Depending on how invested someone was, some people entertain the thoughts of suicide during depression. Is this normal? yes. But a good bro is there just to make sure you never follow through on anything stupid.

(c) In the odd chance you get pity sex, or have a chance at it, a good bro will wingman for you.


You need your friends (real friends) more than you need another girl, or you exgf. The last time I had to go through this, my friends made sure I was drunk all the time, high, and getting laid every now and then (either by hookups in clubs/party or other arrangements, lol). Was it healthy? Fuck no. But I thank them everyday for it.


Well sorry that was a long one, but I thought I'd share my story of when I was in your shoes.

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Old 06-12-2012, 09:40 PM   #23
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Quote:
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What everyone had said already. Time and keeping yourself busy. Take up a new hobby and occupy your time and get out and meet new people or get back in touch with old friends.
This. Maybe join a meetup.com group and socialize with people other than your long term friends?

I agree with Dinosaur...it's the death of a relationship - you go through similar emotions.
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Old 06-12-2012, 09:42 PM   #24
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i would never get over that man. i would mourn our one night stand like it was the end of my fucking world and just slit my wrists. he is. so. fucking. sexy.
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Old 06-12-2012, 09:42 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by _Hotsauce_ View Post
My gf of 2 years broke up with me a few months ago, I wanted to marry her. We talked about having kids, getting married, settling down and growing old together etc.

Then randomly we start talking and she decides she doesn't love me anymore, and is no longer attracted to me; bam relationship ended out of no where.

I've been trying to deal with it and get over it but it's not getting any easier. I've tried dating, seeing other women but I really have 0 desire for anything physical or anything at all.

What the fuck can I do to make this shit ass situation get better?

**Drinking makes me depressed right now so I don't do it**

EDIT-->Im 27, first serious relationship, the rest have just been 3-5 month deals.
Along with what everyone said,

If you're using porn, take a break from it.
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