[Confidential] What can I do to salvage my relationship with her?

[El Bastardo]

The following is a confidential post. If the member would like to reply to any comments please PM me

I really don't know where or even how to start. It all came at a sudden shock. First off, I'm 24 and shes 21, we WERE in a long distance relationship for 3 years(We see each other about 2 months a year during the Summer) and we recently just broke up. Like all relationships and especially LD Relationships, we all have fights with each other and sometimes it gets bad. But we've always calmed ourselves down after a day or two and get back together since we love each other. Fast forward to 2 weeks ago, she called me crying and complained that her mom was going to ship her off to UK(Shes from China) if she sleeps with me.

Her mom has never been a fan of us dating, be it I'm not a Brad Pitt model, I'm not driving 100k cars, spending lavishly on her daughter or that I'm not there to take care of her daughter. She gave her the ultimatum of making her not to sleep with me(shes a Virgin and I have tried to sleep with her last year, we were naked and in a hotel room but it was really hurting her, so I told her that since I love her, I don't want her to be in pain because I didn't bring enough lube with me at the time) I didn't care, I loved this girl, I didn't want her to be in pain, so I elected not to have sex with her and really hurt her.)

She'll ship her off to UK if I come and make her not see me and have her tested to see if shes a virgin. Like she's 21..I don't get why her mom is like that one bit, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, I'm not poor(Middle Class), I'm pretty good looking(but not model like etc) and I don't cheat on her. It just boggles my mind. Sorry if I'm getting a little off topic, so anyways. During the phone conversation, I told her to stop crying and everything will be alright. I can promise you and her that we don't have to sleep together or do any of that. I just want to spend time with you and that's all I want. I don't care about the sex stuff, cause if I did I would've took her Virginity. She agrees and told her mom and I thought that issue was resolved.

Fast forward to last Wednesday, she told me that she really wants to get into this UK school for a term and is trying her best. So I was like oh sure that's awesome! So on Thursday, I brought it up that, since shes going to UK anyways, than I guess we can have sex? She hesitated and replied with "I don't want to talk about it right now.." and "I'm really stressed", all I wanted was a simple Yes or No. But all she gave me was a stone-cold answer. I thought something was wrong, so I pushed the issue and explained to her. I confronted her about being different/cold compared to last year, last year she practically begged me to sleep with her. One thing lead to another and she said "Than lets break up than" and being in the middle of an argument and mad, I said "Sure whatever if that's what you want" and ended it there.

All couples fight and bicker and argue...especially when she and I care about each other so much.

Than we didn't kept in contact at all for 3 days and on Monday(2 days ago) I messaged her and told her that I still love you and stuff like that. We've always fought and we've broken up a few times and I thought this would be the same, either she would message me and make me happy or vice versa. This time I did and she read the message and never replied for 9 hours. I messaged her on another program and she said "Oh I deleted WhatsApp, what did you say?" So I told her and here's where the nightmare started.

She pretty told me that we weren't right for each other and we always fight and how she hates LD and that she doesn't love/want to be with me anymore. This was via text, so I knew it was getting serious, so I called her and we started talking. She said, she doesn't feel the same way about me anymore, I don't love you anymore, I did love you a lot before but slowly and slowly it started getting less and less. Obviously, I still love her and she did make me promise during the first year of our relationship that if either of us leaves, please try to get the other one back. So I tried my best to talk with her for a full hour but it didn't work. She said, she doesn't want to do LD, she wants a BF that will always let her be right and put her on a pedestal, that will make soup for her when shes sick and take care of her. I can't do that when we're LD. I promised her that after we both graduate, she can either move here(CAN) or I can move there(China) and we both have 1 more year left. She refused.

During the phone conversation she was crying her eyes out, like if you have absolutely zero feelings for me, like you said, you wouldn't be crying. She kept telling me no she doesn't love me anymore, move on etc. Told her that if she really didn't have any feelings for me right now, she wouldn't be crying. Last weekend on Wednesday, was also her birthday. She was so happy, I told her everything from the heart(how I love her and want to spend it with her) and she did the same. And now after a week you tell me that you have zero feelings for me? I really find that hard to believe.

I actually did try to get her back, it didn't really work. I told her to come see me when I'm in China in the middle of July(declined), told her to come spend 2 weeks with me and if you dont feel anything, than we can break up(also declined and told me that her mom wont let her and shes not gonna lie to her mom for me). She claims she doesnt want to see me(her ex-bf) this summer or this year, maybe after she studies in UK and has a year to think, she might but right now, she wants to be single, do her test and take a term in UK. She told me not to message her at all this year and not to call her, but wants to keep in contact via facebook or something, so we can still be friends maybe a year or two down the road but right now we shouldn't.

I declined, I didn't want to be friends with her, I was pissed and mad. And I'm not gonna wait 1year+ for you to think about it while I sit on the sidelines. So we removed each other on every app + FB. So yeah, during this time shes still crying, she kept emphasizing that she did really love me but now she doesnt, she doesnt have any feelings for me whats so ever, she says right now she doesnt want to talk to me but after a year or so, we can be friends etc, i was like dude the last thing i want to do is be friends with you, i was pissed lol

I told her to take a look at our pictures together and tell me she doesn't still have feelings for me. She refused.

Than she said that "slowly I started losing feelings for you, like 3 months ago it was like 50%, I kept telling myself that I still love him and I was just under a lot of stress, than the last two months, it started to go lower and lower and last weekends fight just made it to 0." She asked me if I will remember her and remember all the good memories we've had together. I told her no, you're out of my life, I don't want to talk or have anything to do with you. I'm going to forget everything we've ever had or done together. She says "Why? I will remember all the good times we've had etc" If I remember, all it will do is make my heart ache and hurt. I really don't want to.

I really wanted to spend time with her this year. I really wanted to at least talk to her in person about this but she won't even see me this year, even when I spent $2000(tickets already purchased) to fly to China to see her in 10 days. I don't want to break up over this thing, I don't want to break up over the phone or text messages. I told her to spend a day or a week with me and if she doesn't have feelings for me, she can break it off. But she won't even do that. I told her to say it in person and she said we can do it via FaceTime which I declined.

What hurts so much was, if you can see how much this girl really loved me for the first 2 years, you'd probably want to try to get her back too. I don't believe she's over me or doesn't love me anymore. Maybe I'm just trying to lie to myself? Who knows. I asked her if she met a new guy or found one? She swears she didn't and she won't want to date anyone now, she wants to stay single.

I stayed up the whole night on Monday night(Tuesday Morning) wide awake and thinking about it and her. I spent the whole Tuesday afternoon with my best friend, going out and doing activities, no dice. I still kept thinking about her. I really want her back, is there absolutely anything I can do? My gut feeling is she still loves me, she can't just turn on/off the love switch just like that. But I'm sure all the guys/girls gut feeling are the same once they broke up, so I'm not sure what to think. All I know is, I really wish last Friday never happened and we never talked on the phone. Her mom raised her alone since her dad had sold her to her mom when she was very little. I'm 99% sure her mom has been filling her head with lies and kept persuading her to end it with me and that I don't love you anymore, he just wants to have sex with you etc etc etc since she has done and said that to her in the past but I was able to calm my girlfriend(now ex) down and tell her that I really do care about her and make her feel secure.

I checked my WhatsApp at 6am, since I couldn't sleep and saw her listed as "Online" either she lied to me that she deleted it or she wanted to check what I wrote and misses me OR she has another friend on WhatsApp but as far as I know she doesn't and I'm the only person she talks to on WhatsApp.

I still really love her so much. I don't know what to do...I have already purchased my plane ticket last month and I don't want to waste it and do nothing and let this girl get away. I don't know what to do. Can anyone give some feedback or thoughts about this? Please?

Sorry for the long read and I do apologize. I know it's RS and you guys probably think I'm a pussy for thinking and loving her the way I do or did. But you can't blame me, after all I'm only human.

[Mr.HappySilp]

Let it go dude. There is always more fish in the pond. Not a lot of LD will work out.

She might be 21 but remember she is in China which means her parents have complete control over her financially (does she use her mom's money, live with them, drive parent's car?) You see if her parents cut her off finanically she have nothing.

I have known and get to know a few girls from China and from my experience the first things their parents always wanted to know is 1. If the guy rich 2. Does he own a house 3 does he have his business. To their parents Money is number 1 is dating. If you have no money you ain't dating my daughter. I am sorry but a lot people (not trying to be rasics but is true Chinese people tend to think money = true love and happy.).

Your ex most likely got pressure by her parents to end the relationship. Happen to me. You just have to leanr some ppl just think like that. Even if she is online it doens't matter at this point. Is over for good just face reality.

[Gridlock]

Sorry to say this, but dude you're done.

look at the relevant facts:

1. long distance-for years no less. A tough battle for anyone.
2. Momma-she may be into you, but as said above, she's more into the way that money is replenished in her wallet. That's not being a golddigger, that's being practical.
3. She may be 21, but she sounds young. Lying about an app on her phone? Bah-drama.

Find yourself a girl that you can see in person on a regular basis.

[Presto]

LD relationships are tough, and 3 years is a long time to hold onto one. I could see either side getting impatient, and envious of their peers, and their local relationships. Were there plans to stop being LD, and establish a normal relationship? Anyways, this is done. I hope you both find someone closer for your next relationship.

[dinosaur]

Alright, lets start at the beginning!

Problem #1:

You have been exclusively dating her for 3 years but only see each other for about 2 months every year. That means that out of the 36 months you guys have been together, you have physically only been in her presence only 6 of them. Even though you both rarely see each other, you still manage to bicker and fight. Somehow, that does not seem possible if you have not had physical contact with each for the last 30 out of 36 months.

What do you guys fight about? How do they get 'really bad'? The only thing you guys should be fighting with seeing each other 6/36 months is who misses each other more.

Problem #2:

She is too controlled by her mother. You may not blame her for this...but ya should. She is 21. If she did not want to deal with her mother being a cunt, she wouldn't have to. Yes, I know that everyone will say, "oh, but she has no choice...its a different culture...she has nowhere to go....blah blah blah". I dig all of that. But here is what she needs to do to remove herself from her mother's control: Pack a bag and move the fuck out.

Does this mean she will have to drop out of school? Yes.
Does this mean she may have to get a job she doesn't want? Yes.
Does this mean she may be financially, emotionally, physically, etc. cut off from her family? Yes.

But ya know what? She won't be controlled by her mother anymore. She has a choice. All this check for her virginity, sending her to another country, not approving of you , etc bullshit is just that-bullshit!

And when does it end? When she is 23? 25? When will you be good enough? Will she ever approve? If she is never going to approve of you and has that much control over her daughter, what makes you think that your relationship will ever be able to move forward? It ain't going to happen bro. This will forever be an issue b/w you two. Even is shit were to work out and you get back together (which I do not recommend), this mother thing will never go away. Want to get married? too bad, mom says no. Want kids? too bad, mom says no. And, you will not be able to convince her to stand up to her mom. She is going to have to make that decision for herself. If she does it for you, you will be forever in debt to her..."take out the trash, i told my mom to fuck off for you!"...."buy be a new purse, i told my mom to fuck off for you!". I think you get the point.

Problem #3:

You are having a problem accepting the break-up or wanting to accept the break-up because, 1. it was not done in person; 2. you think it isn't her, but her mother; 3. she was crying; 4. you don't want to accept that this relationship was not all that great.

Right not you are romanticizing the the relationship and make it something that it wasn't. It does not appear to be a positive, mature, constructive relationship built on a solid foundation. This, IMO, is not the type of relationship a 24 yo guy should be having right now. You need to find out who you are. Find out what you like. Date someone who lives in the same damn city! You don't even know what it is like to juggle a gf who lives within 30 mins of your house!

You both started dating each other when you were children....this point has been proven by the type of issue/problems you guys have. You are 24....you are an adult. Fighting over what country her mom is going to send her to get away from you....and having her virginity test is shit that should never come up at 24.

She did you a favour by breaking up. You may hurt now, but its a fucking gift. Be sad, mourn the relationship, talk to your friends about it, shed a few tears....and then pick yourself up and move the fuck on.

Also, don't go to China. Do something else with that ticket.

[spideyv2]

time to move on bro, long distance relationships pretty much never work.

[miss_crayon]

You must like romance movies because half of the stuff you said would only happen in movies. You guys made a promise if the relationship was to ever end that one of you would chase the other one back? Her mom would bring her to a doctor to see if her hymen is broken? The fact that she's crying means she's not over you?!

What were you expecting?? That you'd chase her and she'd come crying back to you because she suddenly realized how amazing you are? Or she'd come to a realization with the amount of tears she spent on this 'breakup' that she'd be like "OH FUCK I NEED HIM IN MY LIFE?!" The tears she shed doesn't mean she still has feelings for you....please try to understand that. Some girls will cry for the hell of it and some cry because they don't know what else to do.

A person doesn't break up with someone within a day or 2 over something so trivial. She told you straight up she's been having feelings of uncertainty 3 months ago..she broke up with you a long time ago but just didn't know how to tell you. She said she still wants to be friends and hope you guys remember the happy times because she is too much of a loser to just say "hey...the feelings are gone but I'd still like you to obsess over me because I'm a LG. OH and with the possibility that if I do want you again..you'll be here waiting"

Like someone said..you're 24. Pack your bags and move out of fantasy land. Everyone has been hurt before and has said "oh she was a great girl..you'd think that too if you knew her" kinda bullshit. Everyone thinks their ex is amazing and gods gift to the world but you'll look back at this years from now and think 'What was I thinking?'

Do not call her, do not msg her, she is dead to you from here on out.

[yray]

Op, just let it go. Chinese girls are really attached to their mothers, in a way, it's like dating their mother through a proxy. If their mother says no, it's pretty much 100% no unless she decides to revolt.

Parents will always try to think of the future. Imagine what will you do when you go to China or her coming to Canada. Will you both be able to find a place to live, friends, jobs? My ex and I were in the same position; for a lack of a better term, she was too fob to work in Canada even with a double masters and I refused to move to the mainland because I can't find a job there for sure (well I could go to HK but she doesn't want to), and eventually we buckled under the stress of figuring out the future and just broke up.

Just take the plane ticket and go on vacation. You might meet people as you go around.

[El Bastardo]

The following is a reply from the anonymous member

Originally Posted by Mr.HappySilp

Let it go dude. There is always more fish in the pond. Not a lot of LD will work out.

She might be 21 but remember she is in China which means her parents have complete control over her financially (does she use her mom's money, live with them, drive parent's car?) You see if her parents cut her off finanically she have nothing.

I have known and get to know a few girls from China and from my experience the first things their parents always wanted to know is 1. If the guy rich 2. Does he own a house 3 does he have his business. To their parents Money is number 1 is dating. If you have no money you ain't dating my daughter. I am sorry but a lot people (not trying to be rasics but is true Chinese people tend to think money = true love and happy.).

Your ex most likely got pressure by her parents to end the relationship. Happen to me. You just have to leanr some ppl just think like that. Even if she is online it doens't matter at this point. Is over for good just face reality.

I know a lot of LD doesn't work. I just thought it was different for us, maybe I was a bit naive in thinking that. We've endured 2 and almost 3 years of LD and the light is starting to show at the end of the tunnel since we're both graduating soon. You are bang on with the culture they have over there. Since shes still in school, she relies on her mom and I guess dad too. Unfortunately, I'd have to agree too, money talks. She kept telling me before that money doesn't matter and if she wanted money, she'd be with someone else and that shes with me now when I have no money and hope I don't leave her when I start making a lot of money. Shes always scared of me leaving her once I get rich.

And yeah, all the pressure comes from her mom. Her dad doesn't really talk with her and lives somewhere else. Her mom tells her lies and makes her cry randomly if she sees shes I'm making her daughter really happy. How fucked up is that?

Thx!

Originally Posted by Gridlock

Sorry to say this, but dude you're done.

look at the relevant facts:

1. long distance-for years no less. A tough battle for anyone.
2. Momma-she may be into you, but as said above, she's more into the way that money is replenished in her wallet. That's not being a golddigger, that's being practical.
3. She may be 21, but she sounds young. Lying about an app on her phone? Bah-drama.

Find yourself a girl that you can see in person on a regular basis.

I was hoping their was a way but it seemed like the consensus is it's over. I really hate it but I have no choice. She's 21 but she's extremely sheltered. Her mom goes with her everywhere and shes had one very short bf before me. Their was a lot of firsts for her when we started dating.

I will try! It's much easier said than done!

Thx!

Originally Posted by Presto

LD relationships are tough, and 3 years is a long time to hold onto one. I could see either side getting impatient, and envious of their peers, and their local relationships. Were there plans to stop being LD, and establish a normal relationship? Anyways, this is done. I hope you both find someone closer for your next relationship.

LD sucks, big time. 3 years is a long time, I thought it was working, everyone was asking how are we and how they're surprised at us doing LD since most LD relationships break up. We called each other everyday and talk for hours and hours. Even after 2+ years, we still do, just to keep up to date with each others lives and activities. Although, theirs a lot of doubters since I'm gonna guess 9/10 LD relationships don't work.

As much as I hate to admit it, I think it is done as well. Thanks, I really hope I do find one closer to me.

Originally Posted by dinosaur

Alright, lets start at the beginning!

Problem #1:

You have been exclusively dating her for 3 years but only see each other for about 2 months every year. That means that out of the 36 months you guys have been together, you have physically only been in her presence only 6 of them. Even though you both rarely see each other, you still manage to bicker and fight. Somehow, that does not seem possible if you have not had physical contact with each for the last 30 out of 36 months.

What do you guys fight about? How do they get 'really bad'? The only thing you guys should be fighting with seeing each other 6/36 months is who misses each other more.

Problem #2:

She is too controlled by her mother. You may not blame her for this...but ya should. She is 21. If she did not want to deal with her mother being a cunt, she wouldn't have to. Yes, I know that everyone will say, "oh, but she has no choice...its a different culture...she has nowhere to go....blah blah blah". I dig all of that. But here is what she needs to do to remove herself from her mother's control: Pack a bag and move the fuck out.

Does this mean she will have to drop out of school? Yes.
Does this mean she may have to get a job she doesn't want? Yes.
Does this mean she may be financially, emotionally, physically, etc. cut off from her family? Yes.

But ya know what? She won't be controlled by her mother anymore. She has a choice. All this check for her virginity, sending her to another country, not approving of you , etc bullshit is just that-bullshit!

And when does it end? When she is 23? 25? When will you be good enough? Will she ever approve? If she is never going to approve of you and has that much control over her daughter, what makes you think that your relationship will ever be able to move forward? It ain't going to happen bro. This will forever be an issue b/w you two. Even is shit were to work out and you get back together (which I do not recommend), this mother thing will never go away. Want to get married? too bad, mom says no. Want kids? too bad, mom says no. And, you will not be able to convince her to stand up to her mom. She is going to have to make that decision for herself. If she does it for you, you will be forever in debt to her..."take out the trash, i told my mom to fuck off for you!"...."buy be a new purse, i told my mom to fuck off for you!". I think you get the point.

Problem #3:

You are having a problem accepting the break-up or wanting to accept the break-up because, 1. it was not done in person; 2. you think it isn't her, but her mother; 3. she was crying; 4. you don't want to accept that this relationship was not all that great.

Right not you are romanticizing the the relationship and make it something that it wasn't. It does not appear to be a positive, mature, constructive relationship built on a solid foundation. This, IMO, is not the type of relationship a 24 yo guy should be having right now. You need to find out who you are. Find out what you like. Date someone who lives in the same damn city! You don't even know what it is like to juggle a gf who lives within 30 mins of your house!

You both started dating each other when you were children....this point has been proven by the type of issue/problems you guys have. You are 24....you are an adult. Fighting over what country her mom is going to send her to get away from you....and having her virginity test is shit that should never come up at 24.

She did you a favour by breaking up. You may hurt now, but its a fucking gift. Be sad, mourn the relationship, talk to your friends about it, shed a few tears....and then pick yourself up and move the fuck on.

Also, don't go to China. Do something else with that ticket.

[El Bastardo]

The following is a continuation of the reply from the anonymous poster
Yep, we do bicker and fight. We were born and grew up with different cultures and ways of life. Theirs tons of misunderstandings during a LDR, sometimes you say things and without seeing your expression or body language, you might interperet as something else. I think it's normal for people in relationships and especially LDR to fight and bicker since we can't talk/see each other in person therefore a lot of misunderstandings.

What do we fight about? It's nothing serious most of the time, just minor or sometimes major misunderstandings over the phone like how I act towards certain things. It was pretty good when I do see her, we don't fight in person, we get along extremely well, it was probably the best moments of my life spending it with her lol although we did fight once or twice during those 6 months, she was having bad cramps and her mom made her go out into the city(in 38'C+ weather) to pick up her heels/shoes, I kept asking her why won't her mom wait another day til you're feeling better and not having cramps and shit like that. That was probably the only fight and another fight was how she kept saying I won't be coming back for her and if I will leave her when I go back and find another girl. Shes quite insecure I might add..

Problem 2:

Yes she is. Theirs no doubt about it, I don't like it one bit. Shes old enough to make her decisions and shes trying to ruin her mood and day when shes happy talking to me? I'm not kidding, she would tell her how I'm probably gonna leave her and I don't love her and shit like that when her daughter gets too happy talking to me. She wants her daughter to live the life SHE wants her to live and not her daughter. Her daughter doesn't really get to choose a lot of the choices, she makes the decisions for her. Unfortunately, she can't pack and move out, her dad kidnapped her when she was like 6, demanded money from the mom and sold her to her mom after she gave him the money. So she says her mom raised her by herself and stuff like that, so she can't just leave her when she took care of me when my dad didn't want me.

X2, it is fucking bullshit the things she does to her and makes her do. If I really wanted to, she wouldn't even be a virgin anymore. Maybe it was my good-heart that got me into this mess, maybe if I tooken her virginity last year, this might not have happened. My heart told me, we love each other and if we don't do it now, we can just do it next time. She was crying and hurting a lot on the bed naked but kept telling me she doesn't care and just wants to do it with me. I couldn't stand the thought of her hurting, screaming and crying.

This mother thing won't end unless she somehow turns over a new leaf. I've never met a mother like that, controlling everything, even when her daughter is laughing and happy with me. I would think, since I'm treating her well and making her daughter happy, she would approve and let us be and let nature take it's course without her forcing shit to happen. If I was treating her like shit and bad, than maybe she would interrupt and tell her daughter NO!

#4

Yes I think it's extremely unfair to me, doing it over text/phone. The least she could do is tell me in person, which she replied with "Facetime than?" 2. I think her mother played a huge part in this, no doubt. 4. It wasn't like a fairy tale, we had ups and downs but it was good, or at least in my POV. And I'm guessing in her POV too since she says she loved every moment she spent with me and all those happy memories, she'll always remember.

To be honest, I was pretty happy with my life. I found the girl I love(or I thought I did..), good friends, school is going well and good health. Everything seemed great and all I wanted to focus on was how to better myself to get a good job and make a lot of money, so we can have a good future. It was pretty damn good I must say. I had no complaints.

I agree. That's just some immature bullshit that I shouldn't even be having. I will start looking at it from your POV, it does hurt now, it hurts a lot now but I'm trying my best lol And I really don't want to head to China, I have nothing to do there, it's dirty and I'd rather stay in Vancouver, gonna see if I can refund my ticket..since the sole reason of this ticket was to see her and spend time with her.

Thx for all your good points and reasoning!

Originally Posted by jayare604

time to move on bro, long distance relationships pretty much never work.

I know, I know. I thought we could beat the odds. I really thought we could, especially after the first 2 years.

Thx!

Originally Posted by miss_crayon

You must like romance movies because half of the stuff you said would only happen in movies. You guys made a promise if the relationship was to ever end that one of you would chase the other one back? Her mom would bring her to a doctor to see if her hymen is broken? The fact that she's crying means she's not over you?!

What were you expecting?? That you'd chase her and she'd come crying back to you because she suddenly realized how amazing you are? Or she'd come to a realization with the amount of tears she spent on this 'breakup' that she'd be like "OH FUCK I NEED HIM IN MY LIFE?!" The tears she shed doesn't mean she still has feelings for you....please try to understand that. Some girls will cry for the hell of it and some cry because they don't know what else to do.

A person doesn't break up with someone within a day or 2 over something so trivial. She told you straight up she's been having feelings of uncertainty 3 months ago..she broke up with you a long time ago but just didn't know how to tell you. She said she still wants to be friends and hope you guys remember the happy times because she is too much of a loser to just say "hey...the feelings are gone but I'd still like you to obsess over me because I'm a LG. OH and with the possibility that if I do want you again..you'll be here waiting"

Like someone said..you're 24. Pack your bags and move out of fantasy land. Everyone has been hurt before and has said "oh she was a great girl..you'd think that too if you knew her" kinda bullshit. Everyone thinks their ex is amazing and gods gift to the world but you'll look back at this years from now and think 'What was I thinking?'

Do not call her, do not msg her, she is dead to you from here on out.

I'm not a fan of romance movies, yes we did. She told me that during our first year, she made me promise her and shit like that. Which I did. I'm guessing she likes those types of things? Who knows. Yep, her mom did say that and she was crying in the car(on her way to school) and balling her eyes out during class, I had to call her to calm her down. That's what I would assume, if I didn't like the girl, I wouldn't be shedding a single tear for her, even if I'm breaking up with her.

I was expecting, I could convince her to come back to me since it seemed like such a minor thing and we have argued over other minor things before and after a day or two, it'd be all gravy. We'd talk about it and everything would be fine. I didn't expect her to come crying back, I expected her to realize that she actually loves me and I love her and she just made that decision out of anger and in the heat of the moment type of thing. Not exactly, more like "Oh fuck...why did I...when I still like him "

Exactly what I thought, it was such a minor issue..she didn't know how to tell me but she would still act the same and keep feeding me lies about how she can't wait for me to come and plan things we'd do together when I arrive in July? Could be a possibility no doubt but I don't think so or I don't know.

Fuck I know, I know..everyone probably thinks that about their ex's. I won't and I'm trying my absolutely best not to think about her. But it's quite hard since the wounds are still fresh and the habit of talking to her everyday and sharing things together is hard to change.

Thx!

Originally Posted by yray

Op, just let it go. Chinese girls are really attached to their mothers, in a way, it's like dating their mother through a proxy. If their mother says no, it's pretty much 100% no unless she decides to revolt.

Parents will always try to think of the future. Imagine what will you do when you go to China or her coming to Canada. Will you both be able to find a place to live, friends, jobs? My ex and I were in the same position; for a lack of a better term, she was too fob to work in Canada even with a double masters and I refused to move to the mainland because I can't find a job there for sure (well I could go to HK but she doesn't want to), and eventually we buckled under the stress of figuring out the future and just broke up.

Just take the plane ticket and go on vacation. You might meet people on your as you go around.

[El Bastardo]

The following is the conclusion to the reply from the anonymous poster

Thanks, I'm trying but it will take time. I actually loved her and jumped in with both feet, without fearing anything bad would happen. I was wrong. Especially during the first year, I was extra cautious, I didn't want to fall head over heels for her but after the first year, I did. Fuck does it ever suck and did it ever came back to bite me in the ass! In general they are and especially what happened with her during her childhood, I'm guessing moreso Well she did say no during the start and during the relationship but she would always have my back and argue with her(which she never does) and tried her best to "revolt" back.

I don't think we're sure but I'm sure we can make it work. Even though shes from China, shes fluent in English(read/write), so I don't think she'd have trouble working here and I can work in HK, since I know English/Chinese. We're pretty flexible with our futures. I just wanted her to come here because it's safer for her here than over there. Hard to go on vacation in China, don't have that many friends, like only 1 or 2. The only reason to go back was for her and gonna see if I can get a refund(doubt it but I'll try lol) It's gonna be tough since the last two times I went back, it was for her. And being so close to her and not being able to see her hurts, it hurts so much right now and I'm not even on the plane yet! lol

Thx for sharing your experience and advice!

A part of me or shall I say, a big part of me still really likes her, but I'm guessing that's normal after breaking up. Would you guys recommend us to be friends right now? Or even add each other on FB etc. In the heat of the moment, I deleted her FB on Friday and on Monday, she removed everything else, like Whatsapp etc.

We ended on quite bad terms. My temper is bad and I was pissed, like all guys and girls would be, when you get blind-sided and have this come all the way from left-field AND spent a full hour trying to win her back and fail. So I said some awful things, like I hope you don't get accepted to the school in UK and shit like that. I'm an asshole and I feel so fucking bad about it and I'm a fucking idiot I know. I shouldn't have said that.

Would you give her some time off and than talk to her? Like after her English Exam(In August 4th)? A full year? or In January(after her semester is over)?

Thx!

[jimmyrustler]

op your cliffs are too vague
pls tell us the whole story

[j3welz]

What you have is a serious case of oneitis that's clouding all of your judgement. You're more afraid of losing her and her possibly finding another bf (maybe in UK) that's gonna rawdog that pussy which you never got.

Think of the current circumstances:
1) you're both living on opposite sides of the world
2) i'm assuming she doesn't have Canadian citizenship so it's not like she can just come and work here right after she graduates
3) if you go to HK to work, you'll still be in LD as she's in China
4) her mom will always be saying negative shit to her

Unfortunately, your only mistake in this situation was not dumping her sooner. Let me explain.

If you dump a girl “too fast,” one who was a good fit for you, the consequences are relatively insignificant. You will find someone else who can make you just as happy or possibly happier; assuming you have enough ambition to pursue another relationship. If you allow yourself to get duped by the soul mate propaganda war, you will not find someone else because you aren’t allowing yourself to.

On the other hand, if you mistakenly AVOID dumping a girl you AREN’T a good fit for, the consequences are far more severe. The monotony of a loveless life co-inhabited by a succubus will compulsively strip your existence of all color. But even worse than actually living through such an ordeal is the nagging voice in the back of your head constantly telling you that you might have been able to live a better life if you had the courage to overcome your fear of loss. The unhappiness from a break up with a “good fit” will be temporary; it will last until you find someone else. The unhappiness from staying with a “bad fit” is eternal. It is a mistake that cannot be fixed.

You've already wasted 3 years on this relationship. It's time to cut off all contact and just move on. None of this "let's be friends" BS.

[miss_crayon]

I'm sorry if this is mean but the more I read your answers the more of a push over I think you are! Stop being a woman and grow the eff up! Stop asking if you should be friends and giving yourself and herself poor excuses "it was in the heat of the moment that I deleted her off FB etc etc" or "I don't think we're sure but I'm sure we can make it work. Even though shes from China, shes fluent in English(read/write), so I don't think she'd have trouble working here and I can work in HK, since I know English/Chinese."

Listen to yourself.

THE RELATIONSHIP IS DONE! Thank your lucky stars she's halfway around the world so you don't have to worry about bumping into her and shit like that. You're 24, not 14. I know the wounds are fresh but you keep telling yourself over and over and over and over AND OVER again that you're perfect for one another which is unhealthy for you.

[!Nhan]

you know even if you think/she still does love you, it doesn't change the fact that she broke up with you. people break up with their SO even when they're still in love because it just won't work. it's a hard fact and people will argue that if you love someone you should be with them, but sometimes loving someone also means letting them go for the good. dunno if that makes any sense, but time to move on bud.

[FI-Z33]

^couldn't have said it any better

[mk1freak]

sorry bro, just reading your posts made me think about this song. not sure what they are saying in the song but my friends used to sing this waaaaaay back when they were feeling down and dumped by a girl especially after we sucked back hundreds of coors light. sigh zodiac memories.

so sad

be strong, mourn the loss of something special, make the resolution to never stop looking for that special someone, let her go and move on, you will heal, and you will be a better person for it.

[Jason00S2000]

Originally Posted by !Nhan

you know even if you think/she still does love you, it doesn't change the fact that she broke up with you. people break up with their SO even when they're still in love because it just won't work. it's a hard fact and people will argue that if you love someone you should be with them, but sometimes loving someone also means letting them go for the good. dunno if that makes any sense, but time to move on bud.

So true. I left a girl who I loved and it was VERY hard to do, even though I loved her I knew it was not going to work.


OP, the girl might even love you back still, but let her go dude. If it's meant to be she'll call you.


Focus on being the best man you can possibly be, that will get her attention again, seeing you grabbing life by the balls.

[El Bastardo]

The following is a reply from the anonymous member

Originally Posted by j3welz

What you have is a serious case of oneitis that's clouding all of your judgement. You're more afraid of losing her and her possibly finding another bf (maybe in UK) that's gonna rawdog that pussy which you never got.

Think of the current circumstances:
1) you're both living on opposite sides of the world
2) i'm assuming she doesn't have Canadian citizenship so it's not like she can just come and work here right after she graduates
3) if you go to HK to work, you'll still be in LD as she's in China
4) her mom will always be saying negative shit to her

Unfortunately, your only mistake in this situation was not dumping her sooner. Let me explain.

If you dump a girl “too fast,” one who was a good fit for you, the consequences are relatively insignificant. You will find someone else who can make you just as happy or possibly happier; assuming you have enough ambition to pursue another relationship. If you allow yourself to get duped by the soul mate propaganda war, you will not find someone else because you aren’t allowing yourself to.

On the other hand, if you mistakenly AVOID dumping a girl you AREN’T a good fit for, the consequences are far more severe. The monotony of a loveless life co-inhabited by a succubus will compulsively strip your existence of all color. But even worse than actually living through such an ordeal is the nagging voice in the back of your head constantly telling you that you might have been able to live a better life if you had the courage to overcome your fear of loss. The unhappiness from a break up with a “good fit” will be temporary; it will last until you find someone else. The unhappiness from staying with a “bad fit” is eternal. It is a mistake that cannot be fixed.

You've already wasted 3 years on this relationship. It's time to cut off all contact and just move on. None of this "let's be friends" BS.

Yes and no. I do really regret not fucking her, I guess the term "nice guys finish last" is true. Last time I ever do something stupid like that! What a fucking idiot I am...

You make some very good points! I guess it's because I haven't gotten another girl yet and haven't found someone else. So right now everything is still her.

Originally Posted by miss_crayon

I'm sorry if this is mean but the more I read your answers the more of a push over I think you are! Stop being a woman and grow the eff up! Stop asking if you should be friends and giving yourself and herself poor excuses "it was in the heat of the moment that I deleted her off FB etc etc" or "I don't think we're sure but I'm sure we can make it work. Even though shes from China, shes fluent in English(read/write), so I don't think she'd have trouble working here and I can work in HK, since I know English/Chinese."

Listen to yourself.

THE RELATIONSHIP IS DONE! Thank your lucky stars she's halfway around the world so you don't have to worry about bumping into her and shit like that. You're 24, not 14. I know the wounds are fresh but you keep telling yourself over and over and over and over AND OVER again that you're perfect for one another which is unhealthy for you.

I agree it's unhealthy, trying not to. But everything right now is reminding me of her cause every Summer, well for the past 2(and now 3) years, it's a time when I take a plane back to China and see her but now I'm taking a plane back but I won't be seeing her. Bittersweet at best.

Originally Posted by !Nhan

you know even if you think/she still does love you, it doesn't change the fact that she broke up with you. people break up with their SO even when they're still in love because it just won't work. it's a hard fact and people will argue that if you love someone you should be with them, but sometimes loving someone also means letting them go for the good. dunno if that makes any sense, but time to move on bud.

I know it doesn't change. She brought it up and I acknowledged in the heat of the moment, which I thought was like the other times were after a day or two, we'll both be calmed down. Guess not, just caught me by left field. Far left field. Time to move on..

Originally Posted by mk1freak

sorry bro, just reading your posts made me think about this song. not sure what they are saying in the song but my friends used to sing this waaaaaay back when they were feeling down and dumped by a girl especially after we sucked back hundreds of coors light. sigh zodiac memories.

so sad

be strong, mourn the loss of something special, make the resolution to never stop looking for that special someone, let her go and move on, you will heal, and you will be a better person for it.

Unfortunately I don't understand mandarin or what the song is about : Trying my best to be strong, days are fine, I get busy and hang out and do shit. But nights is where I get fucked over. (15 hour time difference, Vancouver and China) So when I'm bored at night, I always have her to talk to or at nights I'm always talking to her until like 3am... lol so having this much free time at night is weird and makes my brain think.

Originally Posted by Jason00S2000

So true. I left a girl who I loved and it was VERY hard to do, even though I loved her I knew it was not going to work.


OP, the girl might even love you back still, but let her go dude. If it's meant to be she'll call you.


Focus on being the best man you can possibly be, that will get her attention again, seeing you grabbing life by the balls.

Sucks to here that. That's true...She has my number and everything, if she wants to contact me, than I'm here.

Good advice, going to work my ass off in school and see what happens. I've been slacking a lot but this is probably the best motivation I'll ever have.


Is this normal? I really want to call her or even text her and asks how shes doing and how her other tests went. But at the same time, I don't want to look like a desperate bitch...It's hard to resist contacting her.. very hard lol I actually really want to see her this year and be friends and just hang out and what-not but I guess that's probably not a good decision on my part? Since I was suppose to fly back just for her and even if we aren't dating, I'd still hoped we could hang out because I don't have many friends in China.

I made a personalized calender of us that starts in 2013 with pictures of us on every month and special days. I was gonna give it to her this year, should I throw it out, keep it or should I tell her about it and give it to her?

[Jason00S2000]

Originally Posted by El Bastardo

The following is a reply from the anonymous member
Yes and no. I do really regret not fucking her

You wouldn't have such fond memories of her if you had, my worst memory of this girl was the night we first hooked up



I woke up soaked in her piss, we were both hammered

Good advice, going to work my ass off in school and see what happens. I've been slacking a lot but this is probably the best motivation I'll ever have.

Head down, eyes on the prize, your ambition will pull in the ladies and is the BEST bait to lure her back.

Is this normal? I really want to call her or even text her and asks how shes doing and how her other tests went. But at the same time, I don't want to look like a desperate bitch...It's hard to resist contacting her.. very hard lol

Totally normal, figure out what you want from life and that will keep the girls chasing you. In times where you're unsure of yourself or your future, those are the times girls leave.

I made a personalized calender of us that starts in 2013 with pictures of us on every month and special days. I was gonna give it to her this year, should I throw it out, keep it or should I tell her about it and give it to her?

Send it to her, but don't make a big deal about it. If it means something to her, she'll feel it.

The #1 thing, IMO, that men can do to get over the memory of a lost love is to better themselves. Think of how awesome it will be when a woman you love as much as her is head-over-heels in love with you, and impressed by all that you do.