Sex: What to expect

[El Bastardo]

After watching a conversation in Revscene Chat grow into a decent discussion, I thought that we should talk about what to expect when you're having sex.

I know that most of us may already know the "ins and outs" of having sex, but there may be some things that you're curious about and ideally this thread would be a great place to have a little Q and A session about what to expect from sex.

This thread will accept anonymous submissions. We understand that asking questions of a sexual nature can be, at times, a delicate topic and we'd rather have you ask them via an anonymous posting than to not ask them at all.

Trolling in a safe area (like this one) is a great way to be banned from the Relationship & Gender Discussion forum. Don't do it. Seriously.

[MindBomber]

What to expect?

The answer to that question depends entirely on the specific sexual act in question; I'd like to take a momentary step back from discussing specifics and give my thoughts on the topic as a whole, the exploration of your individual sexual interests.

Society imposes definite boundaries on the realm of sexuality. Of the nearly infinite array of possible sexual acts, but a few dozen are accepted by society. People have been taught to fixate on numbers of partners, who it is okay to have sexual relations with, what types of acts are okay and so on. The boundaries of acceptability have steadily grown, but are still very constrictive. I would suggest that those boundaries are not of importance and that there is no need to acknowledge them, instead, people should simply do what feels good for them as long as the act does not violate the most basic moral principles in the process.

If a person has had more than the average number of partners they are branded as a slut, a whore, or some other derogatory term, especially females. The low acceptable number of partners is nothing more than a subjective and randomly assigned number. If a person has made poor choices in their sexual life, that will reflect in their sexual health and they will undergo suffering as a result. Otherwise, sex is a good, enjoyable activity, and the number of partners a person has had is of no importance - just like there are no numerical restrictions on how often anyone should partake in any other good, enjoyable activity.

The quintessential male fantasy is a threesome with two women, and should a male achieve that sexual milestone, he will be the recipient of great praise by friends. Although a threesome with two women is not necessarily the simplest sexual achievement, it's also not all that difficult. The reason for is quite simple: society is very accepting overall of female sexual experimentation even when it includes subtle same sex scenarios. I'm not saying sexual experimentation as in two girls going down on one another; I'm speaking in much more general terms. It is socially acceptable for women to be in close proximity to one another during a sexual act, during a FMF threesome for example, or to give another example, it is socially acceptable for women to discuss fondling each others boobies. Men are not privilege to that same open mindedness, and it does inhibit many men. Like before, I'm not speaking in terms of outright same sex activities, because that's a whole separate discussion. I'm talking about activities like pegging (female with a strap on), MFM threesomes, and the classic prostate stimulation while receiving oral. None of those activities are gay, but they aren't necessarily socially acceptable because of the very subtle same sex under tones. So, what point am I trying to make? Social stigmas inhibit men, but they shouldn't, because they're groundless. If a male wants to experiment with a MFM threesome (which lots of girls fantasize about), prostate stimulation or anything else, they should pursue it without concern.

[FerrariEnzo]

First and foremost, Use a Condom.. no matter the good the feel is.. its NOT only for preventing babies but also from diseases..


Foreplay alot... get the girl wet before going in.. she will listen to you and do what you say

[Drow]

^

good areas on the girl to get em wet as fuark is:

neck, ears, nips

[dinosaur]

What to expect when losing your virginity (female perspective):

So…RS is clearly about 98% male and many have post here with problems with their gfs or girls they like or girls they want to have sex with. Many of you are around the age where you start losing your virginity so, as one of the few females on RS, I’d thought I would share some insight on having sex for the first time in hopes to give you dudes some insight (in no particular order) which could help make the experience less weird and awkward. It should also be noted that this is coming from a pre-martial sex perspective.

The Talk

So…you have decided to give lady virginity the heave-ho! You picked your lady, bought the condoms, booked the night off work, and you are ready to de-flower your maiden! But…wait for a second…have you guys talked about it yet?

I’m not talking about, “hey, wanna fuck?” I’m talking like, “are you ready to fuck”.

What does ‘ready’ mean? Is it your age? How long you have been dating? Are you exclusive? Are you just dating? Plans to get married? You are in love? Tired being a virgin? All your friends are having sex? Etc…

In reality, it doesn’t really matter…you still need the talk. You may not want to talk about it, but she might. Talk about expectations, feelings about the whole situation, what are you comfortable with…what is she comfortable with, etc. Don’t plan big moves (ie. Doggy style, reverse cow-girl, anal, etc…you are not there yet). Keeping open communication is the key, I can not stress that enough. She needs to feel comfortable enough to tell you if it hurts or if she wants it to stop. If you plan the night and either you or she have second thoughts, it needs to be okay to express it without judgement.

What is your form of birth control? The easiest to use is condoms. However, her being on the pill and you using a condom is your safest bet. Condoms can break and/or come off and the girl can forget to take the pill….let’s hope that that never happens at the same time. And yes, you can get pregnant the first time (watch 16 & Pregnant…that shit happens so much, they have dedicated a TV show to it).

Don’t over plan, don’t hold high expectations, don’t be disappointed if it doesn’t work out the way you think it will. Make sure you are both on the same page.

Note, if you are too shy to talk about it…or too embarrassed, you may not be ready. Being comfortable with the subject is imperative as it shows maturity and confidence.

Lower Thy Expectations.

You may be sitting around one day when your buddy announces that he finally got laid. After a round of high-fives, “fuck yeahs”, and “about fucking time, man”, you ask him, “how was it”. Surrounded by a bunch of dudes, he is going to brag about how ‘kick ass’ it was, how he lasted ‘forever’, and make his chick orgasm like she never has before. This is all an exaggeration (if not, a lie (however, some guys have a problem finishing the first time, so it really can last ‘forever’). Sit down with a good friend, brothers, cousins, etc. One on one and you’ll get the real story:

-It was weird.
-It was quiet.
-It was awkward.
-There was no rhythm.
-It was over very fast.
-It didn’t feel like I thought it would and it is very different than masturbating.
-The first thought in your mind is, “that was it?”
-“Did I look okay?”
-“What do we do now?”

We all hold losing our virginity way too high on the pedestal. We act like it is the holy grail and that once it is lost, we need to wear a button to prove that we are now part of ‘the club’. Don’t get me wrong…sex is great…but great sex does not happen the first time…and if YOU think its great, I can guarantee you, she doesn’t. Don’t expect fireworks, balloons, cookies, or a parade. Go in knowing that it is going to be better. By not holding such high expectation may actually make the first time less weird and awkward. Having an understanding that sex takes practice…and discussing that with your partner is a great way to remove the barriers b/w you and her BEFORE you have sex. Be open. Be understanding. Never pressure.

Pretend To Have A Vagina

Females are different (duh!). You dudes all know this….you are told in almost every thread about sex that females need to be turned-on, oven needs to be warm, foreplay needs to happen, etc…but, I can tell you one thing: No matter how much foreplay you do…not matter how warm that oven is…losing your virginity hurts. A lot. I’m not talking about, “ouch I have a paper cut” pain….I’m talking about kicked in the balls/pain the shoots through your body/I think I need to go to the hospital-type pain. My friend told me that when she lost her virginity all she saw was red. She could barely remember the experience b/c she was in so much pain. My other friend told me it felt like her vagina was being ripped open. Its not fun.

Along with the pain, comes blood. It may be just a little…or it may be a lot. Like, A LOT….to the point where you are still bleeding the next day. As a guy, you need to be aware of and prepared for this. Maybe your first time should not be in your parent’s bed….or on new bed sheets….or on anything white. Put a towel down or an older dark coloured blanket and do not make a big deal out of it. . It can be a very embarrassing situation for a girl.

She will feel ‘weird’ down there…it may ache or be sore so, don’t go to have sex with her again until she gives you the green light. It maybe be in a couple hours…it may be in a couple weeks. After being fucked like a rabbit (b/c lets all face it, that’s how you dudes do it the first time), she will need a little ‘down-time’.

Also, it may take a couple times for you both to ACTUALLY have sex. Sometimes, you won’t fit. I know I know…give yourself a high-five and pat yourself on the back b/c your genetics have dictated that you have a big dong…..or, not. No matter how small the penis it…it still may not fit the first time. You may have to work at it and it may take a few times for her to 1.) Relax enough; 2.) Her vagina to be lubricated enough; or, 3.) Her vagina to stretch enough. Don’t be disheartened or disappointed if your “first time” is pushed back a few days or weeks.

The vagina is a tricky lil bitch that most women don’t learn to enjoy until they are in their 20s. SO, as a dude, be sympathetic….be slow….be understanding that there may be hick-ups along the way and she will be very self-conscious about them.

How To Make It The Best Possible Experience

So, how do you avoid the hick-ups discussed above?

Accept the fact that the first time having sex will suck. Even if it doesn’t TOTALLY suck, lowering the expectations can ease the situation and help your sub-conscious. Also, it may not suck for you….but it will for her. I have not met one woman who has told me that her first time was the best time of her life. It’s not. You will not fuck like a porn star, she will not orgasm, you will not be the stallion you had always imagined yourself to be, and she will not have the best time of her life. I

-Talking about it and being open will lower the awkwardness.
-Having background music with help with it being so quiet.
-Dim lights will help her feel better about her body.
-Easing in will help the pain.
-Going slowly will help have fast you shoot (and also help with pain).
-Ask her if she is okay and make her feel comfortable enough to say no.
-Relax, relax, relax. It is okay to laugh (not AT her, but with her).
-If something wrong happens (weird sound, knock teeth, bang heads), play it off…make a small joke…don’t let it ruin everything b/c it is not PERFECT.
-Talk about it after.

Also, IMO, planning an over-the-top date night is a little too much. Make it a little more casual. Renting a $500/night hotel suite littered with rose pedals after an extravagant meal is going to set you up for failure. That is far too much pressure for the first time. On the flip side, don’t fuck her during your free period in the back of your car in the school parking lot. The best thing to do is to have that talk and everything beforehand….like days or weeks. Be prepared (birth control/condoms) and let it happen naturally. The way you treat her, talk to her, hold her after, and make her feel comfortable will be what makes the event ‘special’…not how great the hotel room looks or what the dinner bill was.

What Do You Do Next?

-Talk about it! Did she like it? Did you like it? How are you feeling? How is she feeling? Discuss what you would do different or different things you would like to try.

-Is her vagina okay? Make she that area is good to go before you jump her again.

-Now that you have busted your nut inside a girl….education yourself on how to get her off. I wouldn’t focus on it TOO much the first time as the chances of getting her off is pretty slim to none. Google vagina. Look at it. Take note of where the clit is. Make friends. If she is bold enough and masturbates (and will tell you she does), get her to tell you where hers is and how she gets herself off. Flick? Rub? Vibrate? Suck? More pressure? Less pressure? Everyone is different and it will take some time.

-Discuss kink. What do you guys want to try? Positions, anal, toys, fantasies, etc…Have fun with it and never judge. If you are not cool with doing something, it is okay…make some boundaries.


I am positive others can add more and remember EVERYONE is different. Some stuff may apply and obviously other stuff may not.

Happy fucking!

[miss_crayon]

+1 on wrapping it up. Nothing worse than the idea of having some asshole or crazy ass bitch giving you a baby or unwanted lifelong STD. I mean...have yo guys not watched teen mom?!
Oh and get checked after every sex partner. Keeping your health in check is important and recommended!

[tiger_handheld]

Be sure to read everything here as well - http://www.revscene.net/forums/397617-ow-wow.html(health and wellness section - also part of VLS)

[miss_crayon]

^totes forgot about that thread!! BDY did a great job in there

[BaoTurbo]

Interesting question that's been on my mind: How easy can a comdom break due to what certain circumstances. Let's say I was having one in my pocket for a couple hours in between where I keep my phone pocket; will it then break more easily? I hear stories that people keep it in their wallets, but also hear that keeping it in there will actually increase the likelihood of it breaking when using.

[dinosaur]

From what I understand....having it in your pocket for a few hours is okay.

Condoms that are in wallets or pockets for long periods of time are no good as the wrapper wears down. They are pretty damn durable, but the more friction is gets, the more likely it is to get damaged. The heat from your body can also wear it down.

And, obviously anything in your pocket, like keys, increases the likelihood of it being damaged.

[Lomac]

Originally Posted by miss_crayon

+1 on wrapping it up. Nothing worse than the idea of having some asshole or crazy ass bitch giving you a baby or unwanted lifelong STD. I mean...have yo guys not watched teen mom?!
Oh and get checked after every sex partner. Keeping your health in check is important and recommended!

Depending on how many partners you have, I would suggest you might want to get checked on a regular basis instead of simply after each partner. Certain STI's lay dormant and may not show up on a test until some time has passed.

[Alatar]

Get yourself a Condom Pal/Condom Keeper if you intend to have it in your pocket.

[BaoTurbo]

Condom Pal? What a discrete and safe way to put in a condom. No pun intentded. It could be anything inside if anyone else sees it; possibly pills :P. Never heard of these actually.

[El Bastardo]

Sex feels good. That's an almost universal truth. You feel a dopamine rush that corresponds with a physical sensation. This physical sensation will culminate in a climax of sexual energy that will cause both physical and mental euphoria.
This is what gives us our incentive to have sex. Well, part of it.

These are the ends by which we go through great lengths to reach at times. We date. We woo. We wow.
Like other animals in nature, we adorn ourselves with things that make us look like a more attractive mating partner. Unlike animals, we have things like push-up bras, makeup, spanx, and stupid hipster glasses.

Its all about the ends. Getting that rush at the end of the act, those precious few seconds when everything feels alright. (I'm talking to you, men. Because women know that it lasts longer for them)

After that, your body undergoes immediate changes. Your metabolism temporarily slows. Muscles relax. And the rhythmic sensations that your genitalia have been feeling, pumping towards this moment, slow down and eventually stop.

We know about the physical act of sex. We can have it any number of ways, with any number of people. But what about what gets us in the mood?

On Kink:

There is no one simple thing that turns people on. For some, its simply the IDEA of sexual activity that gets a person's engine going. For others, its dirty talk. Maybe its dressing sexy, or a little bump and grind.

But what about those other folks who have interests a little "off the beaten path"

kink [kingk]
noun
Slang .
a.
bizarre or unconventional sexual preferences or behavior.

I had a conversation with a friend a couple of days ago. They said to me "How can I tell my partner that vanilla sex just isn't doing it for me lately? I want to get a little wilder"

I answered "Politely"



Getting "kinky" is still a societal taboo for some. Its not surprising. It was less than 50 years ago that western society had it's "sexual revolution" and the idea of getting down went from a hush hush topic spoken of in analogies and whispers, to a ubiquitous subject that can be found on daytime television and in discussion magazines.
We're still warming up to the subject of "kinky" but by the time the 2060's roll around I can imagine that it'll be commonplace to read about getting the most out of your latex fetish suit, or which riding crop will leave you without welts in the new Cosmo.


It is a very broad subject and we couldn't possibly discuss each fetish or kinky hangup individually. The only thing we can do address our attitudes to these things. And how we bring them up with our partners.

One of the things associated with a kink or a fetish is shame. There has been so much shame associated with sexuality that anything a little south of normal immediately elicits cringes or sneers. Shame may prevent a person from opening up their sexual experience because they're afraid to be looked upon as a "weirdo" or a freak. Yeah, it may be a little freaky. And yeah, you have to consider who you're trying that leather sex swing with because chances are that if they can barely muster the courage to let you see them naked, they won't want to be hanging from the ceiling cradled in straps of cow.
Don't put someone in an uncomfortable situation that they may not be ready for. And don't let your own hangup prevent you from opening up to your partner. Get over yourself, and give your significant other (or others) time to get over themselves.


Before engaging in, or trying to engage someone in a new sexual behavior you need to ask yourself is it safe?
For every foot or tickling fetish, there is an asphyxiation, scat, or bloodletting fetish. Some people like to go to extremes to pop their cork and yeah, it could be fun, but it could also be dangerous. I'm not judging you, but please be aware of the risks your particular fetish contains. From accidental strangulation to a pathogenic infection transmitting from one partner to another (even if you're practicing "safe sex") you need to really think about if you want to go from spectating fetish porn to participating in an activity that could put you or another person in harm's way. Know your risks and remember, some things aren't worth it!

Your fetish is more mental than it is physical. There is something about this act that feeds a part of you deep inside. It scratches a mental itch. In some ways, its about your (or another person's) vanity. But is it right for everyone?
Imagine this. You're with your sexual partner or significant other, and things have been fine until this point. Suddenly you approach them with your furry fetish. They're initially unsure but you're a smooth talker, right? After heading to your closet and pulling out your fursuit, ready to hand them a squirrel head to put on, they've gotten their clothes back on and have walked out the door. Don't push anyone on anything, and don't let anyone talk you into anything you're not completely comfortable with.
There is a difference between overcoming shame and just being explicit. Try to gather a little public perception about your particular hangup before you try it out with a playmate. They may be fine with you dressing up in a nightie and a horse mask, but may not want to treat you like a giant toddler.





I know that this is barely scratching the tip of the iceberg but I'm hoping that this post will inspire a little conversation. I also hope that it'll cause people to feel a little better about the unique kinks that they themselves may have. I'm certainly no authority, but between a couple of threads that I've been watching lately, and a few conversations I've had on MSN, I thought this would be a decent topic to broach in a thread like this. Sadly, I can't speak from personal experience because I'm not aroused but turnips, but I don't judge you if you are.

People with fetishes are all around you. They're the coworker who held the door for you this morning. The guy behind the counter making your lunch. The person you copied off of in high school. The neighbour you wave to occasionally. Even people here on Revscene. They're people like you and me, just with a few interests you may find... odd... but gets their engine purring. Don't judge, and don't live half a life being afraid of what could make you happy.

[FerrariEnzo]

Originally Posted by Drow

^

good areas on the girl to get em wet as fuark is:

neck, ears, nips

dont forget the back...

One time I massage this girl and started kissing her back all the way down... let me tell you... it was like a swimming pool when I got to her women spot!

[!Nhan]

Originally Posted by FerrariEnzo

dont forget the back...

One time I massage this girl and started kissing her back all the way down... let me tell you... it was like a swimming pool when I got to her women spot!

shoulders work wonders as well.

[spideyv2]

Nip nibbling

[6793026]

holy fuck. damn there are some long paragraphs.

i'm not young like some of you fookers so i'm going to lay down some shit that you'll learn later in life.

To the girls... men are animals, we are all about porn, we are visual people, if you're still trying to lay in bed and play missionary, i'm sorry, your guy is going to bored. I tell this to a lot of people, if you take care of the man in the bedroom, he gets laid all the time and he's getting on demand sex or surprise blow job, it's HIGHLY unlikely he'll cheat on you. Why would a guy want to cheat if your gf gives you random BJs or when you whisper into his ear "want to do anal". PERIOD.

"When the fuck did I become a toy" " i shouldn't be treated like a cum dump" "oh, so i have to satisfy him even though i don't want sex" AGAIN... there are a lot of things MEN don't like to you, like pay a bigger chunk of rent, like driving 90% of the time and you never chipping in for gas... there are A LOT of things MEN do that they don't want to do but still put up with it... We do it to maintain the relationship (could be a million of htings.... you're lucky, it's only 1 thing for men: SEX)

to the men: women are NOT cum dumps, they are not your sasha grey that will let you gang bang her, blast on her face, swallow like a champ. Anal ain't as big as you think and 3somes are not as fun when you end up fooking the slut while your gf is just sitting there not knowing what to do cause she ain't making herself useful. Treat women with respect and 90% of the kinky shit you see in porn, your gf would never ever do.

Girls have to be in the mood, talk to them, talk sexy kinky to them and build up their fantasy. There is a reason why 50 shades of grey is a huge book for people in their late 30-40s and yet men have been reading porn since we were kids.

to make women want you, you have to fuck with their brains and THEN they fuck you hard.

[Prolowtone]

If your planning to have sex in a vehicle, There is never as much room as you thought there would be..... unless your in a truck bed or a hatch back :P

[monkeywrench]

Originally Posted by Prolowtone

If your planning to have sex in a vehicle, There is never as much room as you thought there would be..... unless your in a truck bed or a hatch back :P

Coupes are the worst

[Alatar]

Originally Posted by monkeywrench

Coupes are the worst

Coupes, at least the front seats fold/slide forward a lot further than sedans.

[Prolowtone]

Try a manual 92 Toyota pickup seats barely go back and there is more then one knob :P

[buddy]

Originally Posted by Prolowtone

If your planning to have sex in a vehicle, There is never as much room as you thought there would be....

... no one plans to have sex in a vehicle imo, for me it's always an impulse thing ... it's the "never as much room" makes it more intense, tight is good, right?

[!Yaminashi]

Originally Posted by El Bastardo

Unlike animals, we have things like push-up bras, makeup, spanx, and stupid hipster glasses.

[Prolowtone]

Originally Posted by buddy

... no one plans to have sex in a vehicle imo, for me it's always an impulse thing ... it's the "never as much room" makes it more intense, tight is good, right?

We did.... roadside to (long road that was closed at the time but accessible to other drivers, no pedestrians )

Tight is good, And if there is a little bit more for her the more comfortable you will be