Relationship with someone you're not attracted to physically?
 

I've been hanging out with this girl for the last few weeks and we've gotten pretty close. We get into really good deep conversations that, for whatever reason, doesn't seem possible with most of my other friends. She's fairly accomplished, well into her career, keeps up with me intellectually (my ex couldn't and it was frustrating), has a rather cute voice and personality, and is a pretty upbeat positive person. I'm starting to like her and I should probably ask her out soon if I'm ever going to.

Only issue is that I don't particularly find her attractive, physically. Definitely my ex was better looking, and that's a little troubling for me. Almost feels like it would be a downgrade if we got together (this makes me an asshole, yes?). I could get past this for now because everything else about her is pretty awesome, but can anyone think of any potential future issues that might come up because of this?

What is it that you find unattractive?

Hair?
Body?
Face?

Does her physical appearance turn you "off"? Do you feel that her personality makes her more attractive?

Be brutally honest...

If someone better looking came along you might be more tempted to cheat on her?

doomed to the shitter

if you're lookin for a long-term relationship, looks do matter
however, if you really liked her, physical appearance shouldn't matter as much
unless she looks like this


it's not shallow or anythin, 'cause it's you & your preferences
you either find a way to look past that factor, or don't go for her at all. you're just gonna fuck shit up for yourself
without the physical attraction, where's the romance gonna be?

Her face I guess? It's not really a turn-off per se, it's just when I look at her I don't really feel anything. If I had come across her picture on facebook or saw her at a coffee place I probably wouldn't take a second look.

Definitely it's her personality that makes her attractive. When we're driving somewhere and I'm not looking directly at her (because I'm driving) and we're just chatting, that's when it's especially good. Because I'm just talking to her and hearing her cute voice and laughter back.

K yeah, pretty sure this makes me an asshole. LOL


Yeah she's not ugly or anything, she's just very average looking. Like the typical girl you'd see walking through a crowd, who doesn't stand out to you in any particular way.

Personality > Physical attraction

Period.

People's looks fade over time. Hell, even after a couple months, there's only so much you can take from a relationship if all there is is each other's looks. Someone's personality is there for life. Looks, not so much.

There will always be someone better looking out there. It doesn't matter if you've snagged the hottest girl you've ever met. If her personality is only subpar, then what's the point?

Well, i dont think you are an asshole so much as trying to figure out what matters most to you.

This is a cliche...corny...and lame....but it really is true what 'they' say...its what is in the inside that matters.

You may be getting lust and love (or 'like' in this case) mixed up....dude are taught from a young age that hotness counts (women too). How big her tits are....how tight the ass is...how small the waist is...plump lips....long legs...etc. Chicks are the same: ass, muscles, hairs, eyes, teeth, height, etc.

Look around....the vast majority of people are not that good looking. at all.

As you get older and start to look for "the one", you look for "the package". This person may not be a head turner...may not have legs for miles or the perkiest tits...but as a whole (personality, smarts, humour, some physical characteristics) may be the ticket to a long term happy relationship for you.

Maybe you should try not to think about it as much (easy to say, hard to do). Go with the flow...stop analyzing her angles, staring at her fb pics, worrying about what other may think, thinking about dating up or down, etc.

If you date...the more you like her or fall for her...the attractive you will find her, I guarantee it.

what Lomac said is right (so rarely it happens ;))

people get fat, people get too skinny, people go bald, get bad skin, wrinkles, get moles, dress weird, etc...that being said...people also get better looking!

depending on you age....look back at some pics of you 10 years ago. How much have you changed? i look at pics of my bf from 10-12 years ago....i wouldnt have looked twice. now? i think he is VERY attractive!

Holy! I'm in the same boat as you are my friend. Its been a bit more than one month and its great so far. If you are looking for long term
relationship its gonna work . Look ahead like 10 year she will be as pretty but personality will stay

You're absolutely not an asshole. The opposite. Given that you are considering entering a relationship with the girl, and being honest with yourself that physical attraction may be a barrier to long term success, you're approaching the situation with a good deal of maturity.

Attraction to a person on a romantic level isn't based purely on physical attractiveness, personality, or intelligence, it's a mosaic of all of the above. If one of those qualities is seriously lacking in your subjective opinion, the mosaic will likely never entirely come together and you won't be completely fulfilled. In your prior relationship an intellectual attraction was lacking, it's now a prior relationship. If in this potential relationship physical attractiveness is seriously lacking, there's a good chance it would also become a prior relationship. Let's be honest, one day you're probably going to meet a girl who ticks all your boxes and if you're stuck in this relationship when that happens, well....

I don't think this is superficial, quintessentially male, assholesq, or anything else negative.

I agree that personality and intelligence are probably a bit more important than physical attraction, but that doesn't negate the importance of it.

Either way, I'd at least form a lasting friendship with her if you have a good connection.

Pics so we can further evaluate

a girl's gotta have assets man; there's usually something that makes her stand out from the rest
if you can shift past that barrier & fall in love with her, you won't even think twice about her physical features later on .. hopefully
personally, physical appearance catches my attention at first, then personality captures my heart. the moment the girl comes off as a bitch, she can pack her shit

it's sounds pretty shallow if you are basing her on looks wise, it is personality or character that really counts

+1 that she has a cute voice

It is shallow but let's not kid ourselves. Looks matter to everyone to a certain extent, some more than others

Can't say he's shallow... Its preference.
People weigh their factors different.

lol @ a month. that's nowhere close enough to a long enough time period to judge whether it's gonna work out or not.

You can't believe how many hot girls you see out there in downtown are actually average without their nice clothes and makeup. That being said, can her being average be remedied by just... you know, teaching her to pamper herself?


Now before some people get uppity against me saying that "people shouldn't have to change themselves" well, I know for a fact that some girls enjoy dressing their guys up and I for one don't mind it when a girl shops for me (even if it's not my taste). It's taught me how to diversify my style. I don't look at it as "she's changing who I am" but moreso she's teaching me various ways to dress up.

Just curious, would she appreciate the same influence?

You will never see "your" real women until shes sleeping in the same bed with you and you looked at her face when she wakes up.

It's all up to your standards, everyone is different. Some people can't take ugly women, some people can... if you think you can handle it, go ahead and give it a shot. You might find her inner beauty after dating her for a bit that other men can't find.

dude, i think he meant that he was in the same situation to begin with (had the same thoughts, etc) and decided to make a go of it....so far the "looks" aspect have not been an issue...meaning he has moved past that. he has looked at the bigger picture.

If shes not willing to fix herself up to look good for you, in public or not, it tells you something about her character. She wants you to PUT UP with her. You will have to 'take her as she is' without her needing to lift a finger.

This is going to set the entire tone to the relationship. Fast forward ten years. Shes pumped out a couple of kids. Who did all the diaper changes? You. Whos the only person working in the household? You. Who gets all of the responsibility without any of the thanks? You.

This chick is literally Peggy Bundy.

She has a 'great personality' because having a great personality (or at least pretending to have one) takes no effort at all.

+1
You just read my thoughts

i think shes a tom-boy

Dude, I don't this OP is saying is isn't attractive b/c she is a slob or anything....I think it is more of a facial structure thing....like, she can't help that her eyes or too close or her lips are too thin, etc.

Spackle in those dents in yo face girl

+1

I don't consider myself shallow. But the girl I date must physically attract me, at least to a certain degree.

The more attractive someone is, the shittier the personality they can get away with having. It's a shitty reality, but that's the truth.

It's a balance. Does her awesome personality offset her below-average looks? I think as long as she's not UNattractive, personality can make up for the rest.