[Confidential] Want my own life too

[El Bastardo]

The following is a confidential post. If the member would like to reply to any comments please PM me

I've been dating my girlfriend for about 18 months, and it's been great. We do not fight much at all and we spend a lot of time together, but lately I'm finding myself wanting to go out and party with my guy buddies.

Here's the main problem, I love my girlfriend and all, but I am very scared that I'm not going to get to live my life fully with her. I want to go out with my buddies, and just relax and not worry about what my gf is thinking. I am the furthest thing from jealous, so I don't mind if my gf does anything, but she does get jealous and will mention it, but she would never tell me to not do something.

She doesn't have many close friends besides for me either. I'm just not sure if this is just me being scared of commitment or something. At times I feel like leaving her, then I think about how much I'd miss her and how close I got to her and her family, and how me and her went on a couple vacations together.

I guess I really don't know what I want. Any advice? Also I work with this girl, so that might be weird too.

[yogenfruz]

First off, workplace relationships rarely, if ever will end well and just make work awkward. Secondly, be straight with her, tell her you understand her jealousy issues, but reassure her that she has nothing to worry about; you're not going to go hook up with some broad at the bar. Maybe she's had that happen before and that's why she's being protective.

[Glove]

grass is greener syndrome,

this feeling passes with age,

how old are you?

[dinosaur]

My advice:

Tell her you are going to go out with the guys one night.

What the hell are you scared of? Has she even said she didn't want you going out? You said she would never tell you not to do something.....so do it!

You may be questioning your love and want to be with her....she may be doing the same thing. Never going out with your friends and spending every night with her is not cool. Not having your own life or identity within a relationship is not an attractive quality.

If I wanted to date someone who did everything I did, I would just date myself.

[highres604]

Spending all your time with your GF is a recipe for co-dependence disaster.
Any relationship that limits you from doing something you want to do is a bad one. Your GF should be spending time with her friends and you should be doing the same.

[XplicitLuder]

i would actually think both working in the same place is better then if you worked diff places lol cus think of it this way, if you both had diff work places : she has her boss, you have yours, she has her responsibilities, you have yours, she has her co-workers, you have yours, she has her friends, you have yours , then you meet and change into comfy clothes and fight LOL (well this may i apply more for married couple in my opinion..so maybe not to you)

but i get what you mean OP, sometimes i feel the same way with my gf, but with my gf she says i just have to let her know in advance im doing something with my guy friends and she'll be "semi" ok with it i guess haha rather then if i tell her "oh im going out with the guys tonight " she'll get choked cus she think ill be with her tonight until i told her. Which kinda sucks =/ good luck!

[PJ]

Originally Posted by highres604

Spending all your time with your GF is a recipe for co-dependence disaster.
Any relationship that limits you from doing something you want to do is a bad one. Your GF should be spending time with her friends and you should be doing the same.

So, very, true.

A restrictive relationship is not healthy. You already work together, if you spend all your free time together, what are you guys going to talk about? When are you going to see your friends?

There's no reason why you can't go out and party with your friends. Same goes for her and her friends. As long as you two aren't out making moves on other girls/guys.. but that's a different story.

Have a talk with her. It's an important one.

[JKam]

I would encourage her to go out more with her friends. Doesn't have to be close friends. That's what I do and my gf does the same for me. It's refreshing to talk to someone other than your SO.

If she gets jealous, find out why and overcome it together. Thinking of leaving her is not the way to work towards a long lasting relationship. I call it work because it's not always pleasant but you get rewarded in the end.

[miss_crayon]

I've always been a firm believer to never mix personal with business. If you guys work together and can't do anything about that..then it is what it is. But when it comes to personal time and you feel trapped..it's not going to end well. A lot of girls (guys even) can get the way you described your gf when they feel insecure. Insecure about what?? Well it could be a mixture of things...insecure about themselves, their looks, not having enough friends, etc etc but they're too proud to ever admit that they feel so low about themselves.

I've heard stories where gfs/ex gfs would get crazy jealous and want their guys to spend every damn second with them and if the doesn't it means:

1) He don't love her as much she loves him
2) He's off cheating and doing unmentionable things
3) He's a bad boyfriend

The more you give into her selfish needs and demands..the more she's going to abuse your kindness/giving ways and you're going to resent her more and more. To me, she sounds like a LG and needs some growing up to do. A grown and mature woman isn't going to stop her man from doing the things he wants to do and need him to be at her constant beck and call. What kind of a man wants to be with someone who isn't even confident enough to be on her own?!

A couple needs to be able to do their own thing at their own time. Personal space should be a given freely, not a requirement.

I say you need to have a serious convo with your girl and lay it all out.

[BrRsn]

Start going out with your friends, you don't wanna be in this same relationship 3 yrs down the road and resent her because you missed out on all those good times with your buddies. In the short run, you might be able to spend all your time with her and be happy. In the long run, everyone gets tired of everyone eventually.

Remember when you didn't have a girlfriend, and sometimes you'd get drunk and think about how awesome it would be to have a girlfriend? It's the complete opposite feeling when you only do couples things.

Hang out with the bros, drink your face off, swear like you can't swear infront of the gf, etc. The next time you see her you'll actually enjoy being with her more. You need time away from something to miss it, this goes for anything.

[Noir]

Originally Posted by El Bastardo

The following is a confidential post. If the member would like to reply to any comments please PM me

I've been dating my girlfriend for about 18 months, and it's been great. We do not fight much at all and we spend a lot of time together, but lately I'm finding myself wanting to go out and party with my guy buddies.

Here's the main problem, I love my girlfriend and all, but I am very scared that I'm not going to get to live my life fully with her. I want to go out with my buddies, and just relax and not worry about what my gf is thinking. I am the furthest thing from jealous, so I don't mind if my gf does anything, but she does get jealous and will mention it, but she would never tell me to not do something.

She doesn't have many close friends besides for me either. I'm just not sure if this is just me being scared of commitment or something. At times I feel like leaving her, then I think about how much I'd miss her and how close I got to her and her family, and how me and her went on a couple vacations together.

I guess I really don't know what I want. Any advice? Also I work with this girl, so that might be weird too.

I've been in your situation back when I was in my early 20's. The thing is, an argument can be made for either decision; so the "correct answer/decision" really comes down to who you are, what you want, and what your values or priorities may be. The arguments for staying with your current partner are along the lines of:

* Play it safe, appreciate your current assets and you don't risk losing it all.
* You won't know what you've got until its gone
* etc.

The contrary arguments are:

* You're young, you could be missing out on some amazing moments in your life.
* Settle now, and you may have live with regret your whole life
* etc.



The thing is, I came to my own decision because I'm not a "play it safe" kinda guy. I'm a gambler. I'm a risk taker. There are times in my life where this has been detrimental, but in the overall, my risk taking attitude has afforded me more benefits than I thought.

1) When a life gamble pays off, when I win, it's one of the great feelings in life that I have experienced. I feel very accomplished. I feel like I've grown; or that I've personally moved my life forward.

2) Even when I lose, I get afforded more life lessons in the resulting hardship that I would probably have never learned or known had I always "played it safe" my whole life. So essentially, even in losing, I still view it as I'm still growing.



Now, there's nothing wrong with philosophy contrary to mine. Just wanted to show you my thought process when I went through the exact same things you're going through and why I chose one decision over the other.

Just keep in mind my decision is subjective based on my personal values as stated above.

[Wanton0]

Push the boundaries as much as you can. Piss her off as often as you reasonably can and if she still loves you then marry her. Be a jerkwad but be a respectable one.