REVscene - Vancouver Automotive Forum

El Bastardo · 08-21-2012, 10:33 AM

The following is a confidential post. If the member would like to reply to any comments please PM me

I met a girl through a friend back in January and it was from the start 100% a friendship based relationship. I didn't have many close friends at the time and she didn't either so it was easy for both of us to share our problems with each other. Be it parent issues, work, school, it was just easy to talk to her and I know she felt the same way.

We didn't just talk to each other often we started going to dinner, watching movies, and going to whitecaps/canucks games. If not every week every second week I would see her. I wasn't the one always asking to hang out either. I was not paying the bills we both paid our ways and sometimes we would treat the other like on a birthday or for some other reason.

Last month it just hit me when we went out for drinks ones night and she wore a very nice dress and looked, for the first time in my eyes, absolutely beautiful and I knew I had a problem.

I told her that I started to have feelings for her and that I couldn't help it. She told me she didn't have the same feelings and was worried that our friendship would be over. She brushed it off and thought we could get around it.

A couple weeks of not talking, which I thought would help me get back to just being her friend, we went out again and the feeling was still there so I was honest with her and I told her that I'd have to avoid her until my feelings go away and we can be what we used to be.

The question for RS members is; Has this ever happened to you but you eventually grew into a relationship with the girl/guy. The feelings I have for her aren't going to go away in a few weeks. What I'm wondering is if she will have a change of heart from not seeing me for a long period of time.

Or should I just try my hardest to forget her and movie on IE plenty of fish in the sea

lavisxice · 08-21-2012, 10:55 AM

she seems pretty important in your life right now and that goes for her to. I think many not seeing her so often would help more. maybe even try to go out and meet new people so u two can be friends about without the feelings this time!

dinosaur · 08-21-2012, 11:17 AM

Maybe she just needs more time? Some times it can take people longer to realize their feelings.

I am not saying just sit there and wait forever...but I certainly wouldn't shun her. Just keep doing what you are doing. Has she recently been in a relationship? Where is she in her life right now? Still in school? Working? Maybe she just doesn't want a commitment right now...

It took almost 10 years a friendship for my SO and I to get together. It was a very long wait and both of us went through other relationships, jobs, school, etc...when we both became single at the same time, had finished out schooling, and were working in our careers, it just all clicked. 4 years in and things are pretty kick-ass.

Good things come to those who wait

heisenberg · 08-21-2012, 05:28 PM

i've had the same problem before actually.. well a couple of time D:

with one girl it was during school and i saw her everyday, and i randomly just told her that i had feelings for her. she said she didnt feel the same so i had to go through everyday seeing her. it was weird at first yes, but after a while it kinda got normal again. saying hi here and there. after about two years we're steady friends

with another girl it was also during school, and she knew through a friend that i had feelings for her. she said we could still be friends, which worked out in the end for me. it was really awkward seeing her around and hanging out with her. but sometimes a friend is better than a gf/bf. who are you suppose to go to when you need relationship help?

Noir · 08-21-2012, 06:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by El Bastardo

The following is a confidential post. If the member would like to reply to any comments please PM me

A couple weeks of not talking, which I thought would help me get back to just being her friend, we went out again and the feeling was still there so I was honest with her and I told her that I'd have to avoid her until my feelings go away and we can be what we used to be.

You should've stopped being a drama queen and not told her that.

Even if you had a relationship, all of us will always have yearning, urges, attractions and feelings for people that we either know or don't. Therefore, it's unreasonable for you (or anyone else) to perpetually avoid all the "fine" people of the world because we all have so little self control.

Me thinks you just said that because you'd hope that the threat (or idea) of denying her your friendship will be leverage enough to bend her to your will; and perhaps force her into a relationship.

What you should do:
Be a good friend. Don't pull that kind of crap and just be a REAL friend for her. If you guys get closer as time goes on, good for you; but if not, a REAL friend of hers would still have loved and appreciated her company regardless whether she reciprocates any romantic feelings or not. Right now, even on the internet all the vibes you're projecting is that you just want to bone.

BossFrancis · 08-21-2012, 07:23 PM

I had the same experience. I was friends with her sorta and I didn't talk to her but this year I did. Yet again same thing, she didn't have the same feelings for me. I didn't talk to her for a week and after that I was pretty much over it. We started talking a lot after that and my feelings came right back. I still really like her but I'm good with how things are for now.

You could keep persevering and be there hoping some day she'll have the same feelings for you back or you could just be friends. I think you should just be friends, it won't drive you insane this way.

etodac · 08-21-2012, 09:00 PM

Same experience. She felt the same way for a year and I never knew, then she told me and I thought I should put our friendship first. Now she's my best friend, I started to have feelings for her, but she's constantly dating and I like being her friend a lot. It's tough when they're your really good friend because it gets weird if it doesn't work out. Wish you luck bro.

RacePace · 08-21-2012, 09:52 PM

El Bastardo · 08-22-2012, 12:01 AM

The following is a reply from the anonymous original poster

Noir I want to thank you for your reply but I want to clarify that I'm not looking for a bone as much as it might sound like I am. I'm at the point where I want to find something a little more emotional/long term.

What I did was very selfish, I understand that, but I can't turn it back so it is what it is.

I told her that I would still talk to her and listen because she means that much to me and I know the feeling is mutual. I just can't stand to see her. I can't really explain it anymore.

She told me, "I really respect that how you feel and what you think. I would like you go back to time when we first met. I can wait until your feelings go away if you don't mind. I'm good at waiting."

Thanks for the reply's guys, I'll keep reading.

melloman · 08-22-2012, 07:50 AM

You followed your heart.. Nothing wrong with that. If you don't try, you'll never know.

But I'd highly recommend taking some time, and putting this past you. You might not be able to stand seeing her right now but you have to consider this:

True Friends are very hard to come by. Reading how she is still accepting and willing to wait for you to be comfortable, is a big thing. My 0.02c.

Durrann · 08-22-2012, 09:22 AM

thats tough bro
but you guys will remain friends thats for sure
and you just need to keep on finding that special girl
make more friends..
maybe not hang with her so much for the time being.

James Bond · 09-01-2012, 12:46 AM

Noir is 100% right. Grow a pair and be a man of the situation. Never confess your feelings like that, women love mystery.

flipkc · 09-09-2012, 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Noir

You should've stopped being a drama queen and not told her that.

Even if you had a relationship, all of us will always have yearning, urges, attractions and feelings for people that we either know or don't. Therefore, it's unreasonable for you (or anyone else) to perpetually avoid all the "fine" people of the world because we all have so little self control.

Me thinks you just said that because you'd hope that the threat (or idea) of denying her your friendship will be leverage enough to bend her to your will; and perhaps force her into a relationship.

What you should do:
Be a good friend. Don't pull that kind of crap and just be a REAL friend for her. If you guys get closer as time goes on, good for you; but if not, a REAL friend of hers would still have loved and appreciated her company regardless whether she reciprocates any romantic feelings or not. Right now, even on the internet all the vibes you're projecting is that you just want to bone.

Mind blown, forever thanking you for this. Thank you!