Male minds
 

My mind will automatically play a whole life type scenario with any decent looking girl that I encounter somewhat frequently. Dont know why I do this, it just sort of happens. Do you guys do this, or any ideas why I do this?

Im in a great relationship right now for 4 + years and I'm pretty happy and I will always love her, but when these sort of auto mind scenarios happen I always doubt my relationship. Like if she is a active fun chick and I do the auto mind life thing and I will doubt myself in my current relationship with pretty bullshit excuses like "I can have more fun doing active things like biking!". Is this something we as men just ignore, and continue on with our good relationship? Or is this a sign to YOLO and consider alternative routes? It really freaks me out because many days she feels like the one, but when I consider my whole life it feels that I am going to be bored, stagnate. Yet when I do my mind thing with other girls (I have one specifically in mind) I feel that yea sure it will be fun, but what about those days I just want to lay back relax, do nothing, be a boring asian. I dont know if I want to mostly be a boring asian or always have fun doing active things. D: Confused

My mind: Would you hit that?
Me: yep.
My Mind: cool. What about that one?
Me: totally
...
Repeat.

Also in a 5+ year relationship. That's as far as the conversation between myself goes though...

Why not be active with ur gf?

I get similar feelings everytime I see a hot chick. But I just imagine banging them. None of that relationship stuff.
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You're obviously not completely satisfied with your current relationship

Why don't you just give a wink to that girl and mindfuck her ;)

kidding.


Perhaps it's just that you have been with your girlfriend for way too long and you seem to be settling down although you are young your hormones are flying and you are thinking that you are missing out since you settled down so early. Your goal at the moment is not to settle down and have a family but she is PERHAPS the right one but you just don't want it to happen this early.

I think it's a phase and as you mature you will realize that a lot more. As a friend I hope that you don't make the wrong choice for a fling of fun and lose your girlfriend. If that does happens I am sure it will be one of the worst mistakes that you will blame yourself for.

Well all that only counts if she IS the one.

Perhaps if you are in your mid to late 20's and settled down with a job and getting ready to buy a place you won't have this stuff on your mind since right now you don't have as much to worry about and your mind starts wandering.

But this is all just an assumption by me and I hope it helps :)

Cheers

If not we can grab a beer and discuss!

Only in the sense that I feel so static.

Im just a romantic I guess LOL

When I wanna do fun active things she many times wont want to. Refused to even touch a basketball when I just wanted to shoot around very casually. "I just dont like basketball" That was a uber mood killer :/


Thats true, I do feel really young to think about settling and it really sucks that in my mind I pretty much did. I feel like I am missing out on meeting new interesting women, but my current seems so perfect for my later life (28+).

Dont really know what sort of answer im looking for here; I keep it maybe im wasting my youth, I end it and I miss out on one of the most perfect girls out there. Mostly getting this stuff out so I can visually see it. But who knows! Maybe someone will give me the answer I am looking for.

You have "the grass is greener" syndrome. I do too.

^ Ditto. I think a lot of guys get it at some point. It's whether you choose to act upon that thought that matters; risk losing something great for something (not necessarily) better, or stay where you are.

Doesn't sound like you have a case of the "male mind". That to me, is the urge to bang every chick, regardless of how much happy you are in a relationship.

I think you are just bored of your girl.
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Why are you in your current relationship?

i feel exactly the same way.

been with my gf 5+ years been with her since grade 12

and lately ive been thinking i just want to fuck around because i never really have had the chance to, i love women too much to be with one. I think you just have to look deep down and think about it. maybe try to find similar interests in outdoor activities, or get involved in each others hobbies

whatever the case you have to talk it out, which i hate personally lol

A few years ago when I picked up my brand new car, I swore I'd never eat in it, I washed it all the time, I was careful not to park too close to a minivan with kids.

A year later, I eat in the car. I throw my sweaty tennis gear in the back seat, I park in Aberdeen mall, clearly I don't care.

I often want to sell my car (in my case because my lease is killing me) and it's just way too much money for what I can afford right now.

Relationships are much the same.

In the beginning, the car was so dam fun and sexy and I knew it wasn't cheap, but I loved the car enough to buy it. The excitement faded.

I really like my car. I know for a fact that it's a good car and something I really enjoy but I take it for granted.

An example is the other night I go for BBT and I park in the parking lot and a few cars over there is a white Lambo SV. As nice as my car is, it's pretty basic compared with something like that.

So I look. I wonder about it. I think to myself, dam, that's pretty cool - I wouldn't mind getting one of those. It would be so fast and fun and just the experience of having such a beast would be crazy.

For a moment I forget about my car. I think to myself that if I had the money, why would I have the car I have now when I could have that.

It's the same thing with woman. We always want the next thing. We may have something good but when we see something else, we end up wanting what we see with our eyes and make it out to be in our head.

Lucky for me, I've owned a baby lambo at one point in my younger years and have friends with exotics. I know that with the joy, comes a lot of bad as well.

Overall, when I stop and think with my mind, I know the car I have now is actually the better car for me. It suits what I need and I do really enjoy it.

Guys are always going to look at the smoking hot girls, or the athletic girls, or the person that has or does something we like.

What we don't see is the person they really are. Maybe they're not loyal, maybe they're a head case with drama out of this world. There is no such thing as the perfect person.

At the end it comes down to what you want in your life.

You have a two seater convertible when you're younger, you move into a luxury car later, maybe get an SUV down the road.

We all have different phases in life. If you're at the stage where you're considering getting married, you should have a different set of expectations then when you're clubbing with the boys.

No matter what you drive, you're always going to notice other cars, and you'll always wonder (this is why if you can, drive a bunch of stuff and get it out of your system when you're young).

Otherwise you'll decide at 50 you'll sell the 4 door and buy a lambo even though it's going to break your back.

End of the day, figure out what stage your at, what matters most to you, then go from there.

^very accurate James. Thanks for that insight.

I know I have a more conservative view of relationships, but I would dread dating someone like jameswift.

You can look at relationships in two ways: a consumer relationship, or a covenantal relationship.
A consumer relationship is like the one you have with your car or your grocer. You just want the best product at the best price. When something better comes along, you go for it because the product is more important than the relationship. So if you're in a relationship with someone, and someone just happens to present a much better package, of course you would go for it, doesn't matter if you're dating, married, kids, whatever.

A covenantal relationship is like the ones [most] parents have with their kids. You've made a choice and decision to love someone no matter what happens because the relationship is what's important.

Which one do you think would be healthier for people? Which one do you think someone would be more inclined to want to commit to?
Which one do you think produces more honesty and security? The one where you always have to put on your best face, hoping they won't leave? Or the one where you be yourself and grow together?

It depends on your worldview. If you think, OP, that it's all about you, dump that girl, enjoy life, when it gets 'boring', you can settle down, find someone else, and live a boring life together. Then when you need some excitement, just divorce and 'buy a lambo'. nbd. YOLO! :rolleyes:

I question myself on this all the time but im sure anyone who gives it more thought knows that its such an amazingly loading question given how simple the question is worded.

Am I with her because its easy? Or are there an infinite amount of small things that off the top of my head we could only think of maybe 20% of the full amount? Even thinking of it now its so hard to tell, it is easier, and I do love her, but do i just love her because its so easy and its tried and true given how long we been together, or do I really really love her. It always goes back to the question that can never be answered, "Is this it?".


Great post, thanks for the insight.

Using the car analogy I feel like I am driving a more than decent Lexus, lets say is350, great car and has been reliable its whole life. But im eyeballing that BMW m6, could be a lot more fun, difference brand (race LOL), but who the fuck knows how reliable it is. What if I have tonnes of fun with the m6 but days where I miss just having my is350 sitting at my garage rather than an m6 who would always want to go out n party.

Also I feel I'm some what peculiar guy, to get that m6 I would do my little routines, get the girl hooked, all that bullshit; for me to be normal with someone it takes a really long time. No one, not even my mother, makes me be myself than that is350.

I dont really give a shit about the m6, just the thought of it (i plan to help the guy beside me get the m6 cause he is obviously into her) makes me a little sick. I want to explore, but I dont want to have those days where Im just so lonely, and just want a girl to be there and do nothing with me.


I will probably stay with my current, learned some shit today that really turned me off on the m6. Its really fucking weird, yesterday night is350 texted me and said she needs to talk to me about our relationship and wouldnt tell me over text because she says I will jump to conclusions, Im sure it can only be bad things, is this a sign D:? Im 99+% that it will be fine though. When its time to end it, it will be time to move on...

Okay, z3german's relationship is officially on deathwatch. Let me know if anyone wants to start a pool. :troll:

sounds like you gonna be taking the bus for a while :troll:

that car is parked beside me every night now. hahaha...

Heh, I think I am in a similar position, turning 20 next month and been with the same person for 2+ years. Often have the "this is easy" and "better than nothing" feelings, but lately especially I have more of the "there's more out there" feeling. In the back of my mind I know there is more that I am looking for but I have no idea how to find it. I don't feel like my current relationship is perfect and I don't feel it ever will be, you are probably in different shoes since you would considering putting a ring on it.

There are girls I interact with that are so much smarter and have a better sense of humour than my GF which I really want in my life, but at the end of the day I don't know if I could sustain a relationship with those people, and I don't really see the faults of these girls so I never make up my mind... Perhaps I've been with my current for so long I can't help but to see her faults and the rose tinted glasses have faded. I think it's instinctual for your mind to wander and try to see if there is anywhere you can maximize happiness/satisfaction in your life, it's what makes you not want to work a dead end job etc.

Here's my personal take on the car analogy, if you really want something different than what you have, but you've already invested so much time and money into this one it only makes it worse to move on to the one that better suits you. When I bought my first Miata it was the cheapest (easiest) one I found and I replaced EVERYTHING on it and invested so much time and money into it, a year later I realize that after all the upgrades/repairs it still isn't what I really want and wouldn't make sense in the long term. So I went out and bought a newer, better model that more suited my long term goals.
I can't say I have no regrets even though there is a lot I learned through the process with the first car, I would've saved significant amounts of money and time but ultimately would've come out on top had I realized what I really wanted earlier in the process. The longer you drag it out the harder it is for both parties, and that's the mentality that made me try to break it off several times.

I'm the first to admit I'm not easy to date lol

I do want to clarify that I do not believe a relationships should be consumer although I agree my post made a very strong reference to that. In fact, a large reason for failed marriages is a result of society's shift towards being more consumer oriented in their relationship views.

To be fair, I think we'd agree that most people are more consumer when they are younger and typically 'grow up' or 'mature' into a conventional way of thinking.

Most woman at 20 years old are looking for very different qualities then at 30.
For a lot of men, this is also true. This is a car forum so I used the car example since it's an easy analogy.

Consumer vs. conventional is also something in general behaviors as well. Consumerism is generally geared towards teens and young adults as a general rule. :)

I was behind it and it did turn down your street. I was very impressed that the driver was VERY cautious and drove super slow. No idea the age of the driver.

I do know it was one of the few times I rolled down my window to hear the sound of someone else's car over the sound of my own ;)

I think most guys appreciate the finer women even if they're in a relationship.
It's not like us girls dont look at a good looking dude passing by.
As long as you're mature enough to know where you are and what you're happy with its all good. If the car theme continues, it's like a kid with a license who transits.. but looks at lambos when really, he can't afford one.
I think guys should play around all they want when younger so they don't have cold feet locked into a serious relationship. :d
Doubt late in the stage just hurts.. I saw a few couples go through this.
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In other words...

http://i491.photobucket.com/albums/r...f_her_shit.jpg

Just an update.

The wheels are turning, I ended it in the best way possible with my now ex.

my decision was based on age and what we learn from each other. I still feel we are meant for each other, but this separation will allow us to grow in ways that would either take forever, or just not happen if we stayed together. She needs to grow up and learn money, handle problems independently etc. Whilst i feel i need to learn how to open up and have fun around people, in essence maybe be more childish. I spend so much of my youth trying to grow up where now I feel really closed and not as spontaneous as i would like. It was really emotional when I was breaking it to her yesterday but at least she says she understands that I need to learn at a faster pace than what I am with her. I still love her but I fear if i try to keep the relationship i will hurt her more because I will always question whether I should have dated this other girl, I am just stubborn like that, ideas are really hard to get out of me.

This new girl I will ask out soon i suppose, I havnt been on a first date in like 5 years and i forgot how nerve wracking it is. But i feel this might be better for me, first interracial relationship, only 1 mutual friend on facebook, different city, everything seems so new and fresh. And if she says no I will keep it really casual, i just want to be her friend if anything but a really good one.

Exciting stuff, breakups are always intense and dating right after one even moreso. I've been with six girls since high school and I can tell you the feeling never went away no matter how satisfied I was with the relationship. Grass is always going to be greener. I've wanted to be single desperately every time I've dated, and wanted to be with a girl every time I've been single. You just can't win with these things