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Relationship & Gender DiscussionTHIS SPACE OPEN FOR ADVERTISEMENT. YOU SHOULD BE ADVERTISING HERE! The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...
agree, i also try to figure out if she need something from me ahead of time. like rent or bills. so i pretty much knew when the silence treatment is gonna stop. anticipate scenario.
I honestly think its an asian thing. Thats the way her whole family communicated all the time, with silent treatments to eachother for months on end, they would never work it out because the person who brings it up is the one who "gives up the silent war"
You know I think you're right. My mom is one of those people who doesn't talk when something bothers her or she's upset at you. When I was a kid growing up, I remember I made her mad and she stopped talking to me for around 4 months. No exaggeration. She wouldn't talk to me. I didn't know what I did wrong. I was maybe 12 or 13 years old. She stopped talking to me, so I stopped talking to her. Silence. I was a kid, I didn't know how to handle it.
Because I grew up with this shitty impression of how to deal with problems, now I've adopted that shitty personality. I can't deal with my problems well. If someone bothers me, I won't talk to them.
Again, when I was younger, early teens I think, my sister and I had a disagreement. Some dumb shit. I wouldn't admit to being wrong, wouldn't talk to her about it either, and we didn't talk for around 6-7 years. It got a little bit better after about the 8th year or so. Still weird to talk to her these days.
I absolutely hate how I've become like this. My default reaction is silence. It's horrible. What's worse, I can't seem to change either. I can't get out of this instinctive reflex. I resent my mom for this.
Everyone, take it from me. If you have this silent treatment, please don't pass it on to your kids. Think of it as a disease. It's poison. Don't let someone else's life turn out like mine.
being silent doesn't = being assertive. in the end, they just end up hating their personality. by being silent= they mean they have no love for you.. childish..
You know I think you're right. My mom is one of those people who doesn't talk when something bothers her or she's upset at you. When I was a kid growing up, I remember I made her mad and she stopped talking to me for around 4 months. No exaggeration. She wouldn't talk to me. I didn't know what I did wrong. I was maybe 12 or 13 years old. She stopped talking to me, so I stopped talking to her. Silence. I was a kid, I didn't know how to handle it.
Because I grew up with this shitty impression of how to deal with problems, now I've adopted that shitty personality. I can't deal with my problems well. If someone bothers me, I won't talk to them.
Again, when I was younger, early teens I think, my sister and I had a disagreement. Some dumb shit. I wouldn't admit to being wrong, wouldn't talk to her about it either, and we didn't talk for around 6-7 years. It got a little bit better after about the 8th year or so. Still weird to talk to her these days.
I absolutely hate how I've become like this. My default reaction is silence. It's horrible. What's worse, I can't seem to change either. I can't get out of this instinctive reflex. I resent my mom for this.
Everyone, take it from me. If you have this silent treatment, please don't pass it on to your kids. Think of it as a disease. It's poison. Don't let someone else's life turn out like mine.
bro, I don't think reacting to a disagreement/argument with silence is necessarily what the bad thing is here.
I think what the bad thing is here is the quality that some people like to hang onto grudges for an unreasonably lengthy amount of time; like 4 months long or 6 years long.
(unless it's something big that you've done something that would change how others will look at you forever, that length of grudge holding is just wayyyyyyy beyond reasonable IMO).
What hasn't Killed me, has made me more tolerant of RS!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Glove
this just seems so fucking odd to me,
when im upset I know exactly whats making me upset, and I know exactly what resolution I require to make myself un-upset.
I dont understand why a woman would need time to think about why she's upset, if you dont know why your upset, then why the hell even be upset in the first place?
and then if you need time to think, it might be understandable if it was like 1 day to mull it over, but then why do chicks take a week to mull it over?
my now ex gf and i always had this problem, we could never communicate properly because our personalities clashed like this.
When she would get upset, and like you, not even know why she's upset, would give me the silent treatment for a week!
it got to the point where whenever I knew she was upset, i would just say "ok talk to you in a week" then just not give a shit until she was cooled down, and THEN i would always have to probe her as to why she was mad in the first fucking place, then she would blow up at me a week later anyway because it was all bottled up. Then I would always say, why the fuck couldnt we talk about it right away and not waste a week of our time?
what a fucking nightmare it was for me, the entire time.
the next girl I date i'd prefer if she threw plates at me, and atleast hash it out right there on the spot, rather than just go mia for weeks at a time in a hissy fit of rage.
I honestly think its an asian thing. Thats the way her whole family communicated all the time, with silent treatments to eachother for months on end, they would never work it out because the person who brings it up is the one who "gives up the silent war"
whereas me coming from a euro family, we always hashed shit out right on the spot, yelled at eachother and my mom would yank my ears n shit, she still does. But atleast when its over that shit is settled and we eat dinner together and talk about current events.
fuckin childish retarded silent treatments.
I need me a white chick
It could be an Asian thing because the general rule-of-thumb in Asian culture is to be quiet and not cause any trouble whenever something happens.
Then again I think it's kinda how men and women thinks differently too. Girls in general are emotional beings. We over think things and we add all kinds of emotions behind everything we think and do.
Men on the other hand are more logical and are a lot more straight forward in order to get to the point.
Another common reason that leads to arguments that men often simply don't understand is when girls rant about their day/troubles. From most girl's point of few they just want someone to be there to listen and tell them everything is going to be ok.
From a guy's point of view; he hears there is an issue and will automatically begin to process the problems behind this issue and the available solutions.
Most girls are not looking for option A,B and C here. They just want a little emotional support to make them feel better at the end of the day.
EDIT: Woops posted on the bf's account. This is Yuffa here.
You know I think you're right. My mom is one of those people who doesn't talk when something bothers her or she's upset at you. When I was a kid growing up, I remember I made her mad and she stopped talking to me for around 4 months. No exaggeration. She wouldn't talk to me. I didn't know what I did wrong. I was maybe 12 or 13 years old. She stopped talking to me, so I stopped talking to her. Silence. I was a kid, I didn't know how to handle it.
Because I grew up with this shitty impression of how to deal with problems, now I've adopted that shitty personality. I can't deal with my problems well. If someone bothers me, I won't talk to them.
Again, when I was younger, early teens I think, my sister and I had a disagreement. Some dumb shit. I wouldn't admit to being wrong, wouldn't talk to her about it either, and we didn't talk for around 6-7 years. It got a little bit better after about the 8th year or so. Still weird to talk to her these days.
I absolutely hate how I've become like this. My default reaction is silence. It's horrible. What's worse, I can't seem to change either. I can't get out of this instinctive reflex. I resent my mom for this.
Everyone, take it from me. If you have this silent treatment, please don't pass it on to your kids. Think of it as a disease. It's poison. Don't let someone else's life turn out like mine.
First, I feel for you. I think you should consider some therapy. If you've tanked relationships as a result of this, then talk it through in a professional setting and get some help on how to deal with it. It may be the single most important investment you make in your life.
Not a comparison at all to your situation, but my mom's classic passive aggressive move was the fucking bathroom. I can still play this out in my head clear as day.
So my sister would do something to piss them off(near constantly actually), they'd get to yelling downstairs, so I'd take off(i knew that pissed off parents were infectious). Yelling would stop. My sister would inevitably end up in her room upstairs, but my mom, for some reason, would know that this was too easy.
So Mom would always feel the need to clean the bathroom. We had these stupid plastic soap dishes and toothbrush holders that would sound like throwing an ice cube in the bathtub when you hurl them into a sink. It was like nails on a chalkboard.
It was your classic indicator that you are still in the dog house. Forget sitting in your room and relaxing after a long day of getting in trouble...nope, it was fuck you, you deserve a headache.
The silent treatment can be a gift. Depends on what you did to get it...sometimes the silence is sweet sweet piece.
I dated a girl once, let's call her "Tyrannosaurus Rex" just to maintain a little anonymity. She occasionally likes to give me the silent treatment. Usually, we ride it out for a bit, I start doing things like talking more to piss her off, or making noise or otherwise just being an immature ass(my specialty). Usually, we just end up talking it out, and realizing that we were both being kind of stupid about it. We don't ever really fight about srs stuff..we just get pissed off about work, as we work together, doing the same thing, and live at work..work comes up quite a bit.
It usually end up in hugs. Occasionally naked hugs.
bro, I don't think reacting to a disagreement/argument with silence is necessarily what the bad thing is here.
I think what the bad thing is here is the quality that some people like to hang onto grudges for an unreasonably lengthy amount of time; like 4 months long or 6 years long.
(unless it's something big that you've done something that would change how others will look at you forever, that length of grudge holding is just wayyyyyyy beyond reasonable IMO).
I make no excuses. I don't understand it either.
Only thing I can add is that it seems to get easier, the non-communication, as time goes on. Yea, it's messed up.
You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!
The banners on the left side and below do not show for registered users!
