REVscene - Vancouver Automotive Forum

blue_noise · 12-23-2012, 04:16 PM

personally i think silent treatment is just passive aggressive tactic. it is just as worse as someone who is bitching you out. so how to deal with it.

bloodline129 · 12-23-2012, 04:27 PM

Why deal with it? If I had to choose between silent treatment and a barrage of yapping ill take the silent treatment... Goes both ways...
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Iceman-19 · 12-23-2012, 04:37 PM

Thats exactly what it is, passive aggressive. They dont want to say anything, continue on with your day and be happy. When they start talking, say "I liked you more when you weren't talking to me", and receive a free gift of MORE silence!

blue_noise · 12-23-2012, 04:41 PM

any creative way of dealing with silence treatment

SumAznGuy · 12-23-2012, 04:46 PM

Troll post: Carry on with your day and make sure you have a big smile while enjoying the silence. That will piss them off even more.

Serious post: There is a reason they are doing the silent treatment. Sometimes it is a breakdown in communication. Sometimes you just have to let them have the last word so they can cool down before you guys can talk about what the problem is/was.
It all depends on the person and situation. But remember not to raise your voice or lose your cool when dealing with them. It could be as simple as that time of the month or H'angry.

Excelsis · 12-23-2012, 04:55 PM

how to deal with it?

talk it out.. otherwise all you're going to do is guess work in solving the situation

Matlock · 12-23-2012, 05:47 PM

Sure silence sounds great, but if being in a relationship for 8 years has taught me anything it's a fucking trap. I've found that ignoring problems just make it worse.

racerman88 · 01-01-2013, 04:14 PM

Being silent is the best thing.
Better to not say anything instead of saying something and regretting it later

Stormspirit · 01-01-2013, 07:32 PM

The less u give a shit, the less shit u will get.

vafanculo · 01-01-2013, 07:52 PM

Its a lose lose. Personally I get a smile inside me cause silent treamtent is 100 times better than loud treatment.I keep quiet till she breaks down and speaks. But, if you are with a girl that seeks attention, she will get angrier if you keep silent. Forcing you to talk yourself into even more trouble.
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Isaiah11 · 01-01-2013, 08:06 PM

problem is my woman is a ticking time bomb when she does the silent treatment

she explodes in rage, sometimes violent, if I ignore her when she's on silent treatment

rsx · 01-01-2013, 08:39 PM

Why not just ask what's upsetting her? If she decides to act like a little child then you're better off. These are red flags and definitely huge warning signs for her inability to resolve conflicts.

TopsyCrett · 01-01-2013, 09:24 PM

Make them smile, without being annoying.

Spoon · 01-01-2013, 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TopsyCrett

Make them smile, without being annoying.

I do the exact opposite. I do dumb things to make her laugh. Laughter cures everything.

Fcukedd · 01-01-2013, 10:23 PM

Making your girl laugh while she's trying not to when she's mad at you

Glove · 01-01-2013, 10:30 PM

disagree with all of you,

when your with one girl for almost a decade, and the only way they communicate is through silent treatments,

it really starts making you want one that will actually yell and hash it out,

i prefer to just argue it out and sort shit out, rather than them staying silent for a week at a time

Razor Ramon HG · 01-02-2013, 05:19 AM

Only kids use the silent treatment. Tell your GF to grow up and talk about the problem like a grownup.

What_the? · 01-03-2013, 12:07 AM

^agreed...

If there really is a problem, nothing is being resolved by not communicating like adults.

Go out and do something you enjoy, give her time to herself if that's what she wants. If she doesn't want you to go do something productive and/or fun while she's mad, then she better start talking or else it's wasting everyone's time. Nothing gets resolved when you're sitting there staring at each other in silence. Go make better use of your time, and tell her to let you know when she's good and ready to talk. Again, she's an adult.

Noir · 01-03-2013, 07:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Glove

disagree with all of you,

when your with one girl for almost a decade, and the only way they communicate is through silent treatments,

it really starts making you want one that will actually yell and hash it out,

i prefer to just argue it out and sort shit out, rather than them staying silent for a week at a time

Mine works the other way.

We usually do the silent treatment until the awkwardness hits a breaking point and one of us gives up; which by that time the other party has also cooled down and is more receptive for an apology, and in most cases, even reciprocative of an apology.

For some reason I find that it works well. It sure as hell suits me more than the over dramatic, emotionally charged, lovers quarrel. The times I found myself in those kind of relationships in the past, I find the experience both tiring and a little bit embarrassing when caught in a blow up(esp. if its in public).

It's funny, Ramon considers "silent treatment" as a kiddish quality but in my experiences, it's incendiary people who deal with their problems by blowing up is what I feel more "kiddish" IMO

eurochevy · 01-03-2013, 07:46 PM

They want to be a kid just play your video games / watch your shows whatever you do at home and wait for them to stop being a baby and talk to you about it. If its something you did then say sorry and you wouldn't mind talking about it if they continue then what I said above

insomniac · 01-03-2013, 07:59 PM

I think it's best to not give a shit about the silent treatment. I mean the silent treatment only works on you if you give a shit about it. When my girlfriend does that I just carry on and it doesn't bug me. She can get mad all she wants but its just wasting her own time when she does it and I don't give a shit. After my girlfriend realized that it doesn't work anymore she stopped doing it. At first she got mad it didn't work but she grew up lol
You can apologize if it's your fault but when you argue and you stand to your own point or view them yeah just don't give a shit and don't escalate it by continuing to argue
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Yuffa · 01-04-2013, 11:34 AM

From a girl's point of view, I don't really know how to communicate when I'm upset because sometimes I'm not even sure what I am upset about exactly. It might or might not have to do with the guy or it can be a combination of different things. (ie lack of sleep/hunger that leads to grumpiness)

For me, instead of exploding in anger and ranting about whatever comes up in my mind, I rather take some time to think it through before communicating about what happened. Reason being words that come out while I'm angry might be hurtful and often does not reflect how I truly feel.

And of course when I'm upset that will cause the bf to be upset and it will just turn into a big argument that goes no where except hurting the both of us at the end.

One solution that have worked for me brilliantly so far is email. First of all I let the bf know whenever I'm silent, it means that I am upset/grumpy but I'm just not sure why yet. It doesn't necessary mean he did something wrong. I just need some time/space to process my thoughts.

So when I go to work the next day I will write up an email as to what happened and how it could've lead to my grumpiness. Then we just kinda email/text back and forth during the day and eventually talk it out in person after work.

And this works vice visa whenever there are any issues he wants to bring up as well.

Yuffa · 01-04-2013, 11:44 AM

O and I want to mention that "Pretend to not give a crap" is the worse solution. You obviously do give a crap because otherwise you wouldn't still be with her.

Giving her the cold shoulder just escalates whatever negative thought that is in her head and makes the situation worse. Patience is the key here. Give her a timeline as to when you want to talk this out. (IE I know you are upset so I will give you some space. Can we talk about this tomorrow after work?)

If problems and issues continued to be ignored weeks in time and get brushed off into a pile, eventually the solution will be loving each other less and less so you will numb yourself from ever giving a crap.

And then what happens next will be inevitable.....=\

finbar · 01-04-2013, 12:28 PM

It's not always about you.
Forcing the issue will make it about you. Yikes!
She'll talk when ready.

Glove · 01-04-2013, 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yuffa

From a girl's point of view, I don't really know how to communicate when I'm upset because sometimes I'm not even sure what I am upset about exactly. It might or might not have to do with the guy or it can be a combination of different things. (ie lack of sleep/hunger that leads to grumpiness)

For me, instead of exploding in anger and ranting about whatever comes up in my mind, I rather take some time to think it through before communicating about what happened. Reason being words that come out while I'm angry might be hurtful and often does not reflect how I truly feel.

And of course when I'm upset that will cause the bf to be upset and it will just turn into a big argument that goes no where except hurting the both of us at the end.

One solution that have worked for me brilliantly so far is email. First of all I let the bf know whenever I'm silent, it means that I am upset/grumpy but I'm just not sure why yet. It doesn't necessary mean he did something wrong. I just need some time/space to process my thoughts.

So when I go to work the next day I will write up an email as to what happened and how it could've lead to my grumpiness. Then we just kinda email/text back and forth during the day and eventually talk it out in person after work.

And this works vice visa whenever there are any issues he wants to bring up as well.

this just seems so fucking odd to me,

when im upset I know exactly whats making me upset, and I know exactly what resolution I require to make myself un-upset.

I dont understand why a woman would need time to think about why she's upset, if you dont know why your upset, then why the hell even be upset in the first place?

and then if you need time to think, it might be understandable if it was like 1 day to mull it over, but then why do chicks take a week to mull it over?

my now ex gf and i always had this problem, we could never communicate properly because our personalities clashed like this.

When she would get upset, and like you, not even know why she's upset, would give me the silent treatment for a week!

it got to the point where whenever I knew she was upset, i would just say "ok talk to you in a week" then just not give a shit until she was cooled down, and THEN i would always have to probe her as to why she was mad in the first fucking place, then she would blow up at me a week later anyway because it was all bottled up. Then I would always say, why the fuck couldnt we talk about it right away and not waste a week of our time?

what a fucking nightmare it was for me, the entire time.

the next girl I date i'd prefer if she threw plates at me, and atleast hash it out right there on the spot, rather than just go mia for weeks at a time in a hissy fit of rage.

I honestly think its an asian thing. Thats the way her whole family communicated all the time, with silent treatments to eachother for months on end, they would never work it out because the person who brings it up is the one who "gives up the silent war"

whereas me coming from a euro family, we always hashed shit out right on the spot, yelled at eachother and my mom would yank my ears n shit, she still does. But atleast when its over that shit is settled and we eat dinner together and talk about current events.

fuckin childish retarded silent treatments.

I need me a white chick