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Old 04-29-2013, 09:49 AM   #1
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Owner of shelter for abused men and children commits suicide after financial ruin, ri

Owner of shelter for abused men and children commits suicide after financial ruin, ridicule | WomensPost.ca

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Erin Pizzey took to internet community Reddit this past weekend to answer questions from users. She is known for her integral hand and tireless efforts in exposing domestic violence to the public consciousness throughout the 1970s by setting up one of the first battered women’s shelters and writing the groundbreaking book on the subject of domestic assault: Scream Quietly or the Neighbours Will Hear. In more recent years she has taken on neglect and abuse of men and boys as her cause and this is where the majority of her questions and answers focused.

andreipmbcn:
Looking at it from a perspective of abuse and neglect, would you say that there is
a general attitude of neglect towards men today?

erinpizzey:
[...] My problem is that it’s men who’ve been victims of domestic violence, which is
largely ignored by society… and not only ignored, but ridiculed. Billions are spent
- billions I say – across the world for women’s refuges and virtually nothing for men.
And the one men’s refuge in Canada was so denigrated and despised by the Canadian
government, as you will see from our introduction, Earl committed suicide after he
was forced to sell his home and he lost everything.

The Earl she is referring to is Earl Silverman, a Canadian man who spent 20 years of his life crusading for better access to victim and emergency services for men and boys who are victims of abuse. Earl was a victim of abuse at the hands of a former spouse and dedicated his time, energy, and money towards creating a shelter specifically for male victims fleeing abusive situations.

For three years Silverman ran the Men’s Alternative Safe House out of his own home, taking in about 20 men and children over that period. Earl spent the entirety of his own savings to keep MASH running while trying, unsuccessfully, to convince the government to allocate funds for his and other projects directed at male victims. MASH was the only refuge of its kind in Canada.

After years of being unable to keep the shelter through his own funds and meagre private donations he was driven to financial ruin and forced to sell his home and, by association, give up his hopes for helping other victims. After selling his house he committed suicide on Friday, April 26, by hanging himself in the garage.

Silverman’s death appears to be caused entirely by what he and Prizzy have been fighting. He was a victim of abuse whose inability to find services eventually killed him.

Suicide is a predominantly male problem with rates in Canada making it the seventh highest cause of death for men here. In Canada just under one in every 5,000 men will kill themselves. In Yukon, Quebec, and Northwest Territories it is one in every 4,000 men. In Nunavut one in every 1,000 men will commit suicide.

There are many who would argue that men are incapable of experiencing abuse, physical or otherwise. Police statistics, for example, seem to tell a different story where only 20 percent of victims from domestic calls are male.

In fact, according to Statistics Canada, men are almost exactly as likely as women to be victims of domestic abuse:

“A similar proportion of men and women reported experiencing spousal violence
during the five years prior to the survey. Among men, 6.0% or about 585,000,
encountered spousal violence during this period, compared with 6.4% or
601,000 women.”

Perhaps the low rate of police calls for men in distress is not indicative of low rates of abused males but rather indicative of men being afraid to coming forward to police or attempt to escape their situation.

Male victims are being told from all sides that they are not victims; that statistics are so low they don’t matter; that if they were a real man they would just suck it up and take it; that women aren’t capable of delivering the same kinds of abuse that men can; that what they are experiencing is normal.

After hearing enough of that, it is no surprise that men would be afraid to step forward.

Even if they did manage to overcome everything they’ve ever been told, now that Canada’s only shelter for men is gone, where would they even go?
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Old 04-29-2013, 10:14 AM   #2
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I'm not sure what I take away from this.

It's a laudable goal. It is. But, you took the risk. The operator knew that he was going against decades of society's thoughts and feelings on the subject. Just because you decide to do something on this subject, the government should jump in and fund you?

It's sad that he met with financial ruin, and its sad that he chose suicide. But I don't get "martyr" from this.
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Old 04-29-2013, 10:33 AM   #3
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I've never liked how some people dismiss men's issues. Remember when SFU opened its men's centre? The woman's centre said that the men's centre is "everywhere else on campus". That's pretty short sighted if you ask me. Men are facing real issues that need to be discussed. Off the top of my head I can think of male rape (both women raping men and male-male), alimony/divorce laws, child support, adoption...these are legitimate, tangible issues, and I'm sure that there are feminists who are willing to work with men to improve these rights, but they get drowned out by the loud, militant feminists-such as the ones who protested Warren Farrell at the University of Toronto. If you're a Redditor, you may see people like them on the subreddit /r/shitredditsays and ancillary subreddits (known as the "Fempire").

Anyway, I don't want this to turn into a feminist vs. men's rights battleground, so that's all I'll say on the subject.
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Old 04-29-2013, 05:34 PM   #4
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Thanks feminists for gender equality, that killed off the real "boys clubs" of the world. Golf clubs, cigar clubs/gentlemen's clubs etc. Too bad. Guys need a place they can go to hang out with other dudes without worrying about a woman walking by when they're joking around and then be sued for some bullshit human rights issue because some woman got offended over something that wasn't directed at them.
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Old 04-29-2013, 06:07 PM   #5
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Thanks feminists for gender equality
I failed you for this.

I think it is fine for each gender to have their own gathering place to be themselves if need be, but don't think for one second that gender equality is bad thing.
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Old 04-29-2013, 09:49 PM   #6
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I failed you for this.

I think it is fine for each gender to have their own gathering place to be themselves if need be, but don't think for one second that gender equality is bad thing.
i dont think he was against gender equality but rather some feminist using gender equality to further unreasonable goals.
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Old 04-29-2013, 10:05 PM   #7
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I failed you for this.

I think it is fine for each gender to have their own gathering place to be themselves if need be, but don't think for one second that gender equality is bad thing.
I highly disagree that feminism is about gender equality.
More bad apples than good.
In general, if anything it's accomplished the opposite.
Bringing about gender equality by putting down and attempting to limit men.
Not by bringing up women.
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Old 04-29-2013, 10:16 PM   #8
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I highly disagree that feminism is about gender equality.
More bad apples than good.
In general, if anything it's accomplished the opposite.
Bringing about gender equality by putting down and attempting to limit men.
Not by bringing up women.
I agree with this.

Just to clarify...I am not a feminist and I do not agree with putting down the male gender to benefit females. I truly believe in equality but do not agree with limiting male rights to do so.

I failed\disagreed with the post specifically because I interpreted the first sentence as gender equality=bad.
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Old 04-29-2013, 10:33 PM   #9
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What a shame, he put in so much effort for a really good cause.
It sucks to see whatever doesn't profit government or capitalist pretty much ends up being destroyed or ignored.
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Old 04-30-2013, 12:19 AM   #10
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Yes, sad story.

And, it's probably true that many men who are abused don't come forward simply because "guys are suppose to just take it and suck it up because men are SUPPOSE to be "macho".

I like this fact (quote from OP's article):

In fact, according to Statistics Canada, men are almost exactly as likely as women to be victims of domestic abuse:

“A similar proportion of men and women reported experiencing spousal violence
during the five years prior to the survey. Among men, 6.0% or about 585,000,
encountered spousal violence during this period, compared with 6.4% or
601,000 women.”

Wow, striking!

Also, I think men might face more emotional types of abuse than physical (though they probably face both types... just more emotional types).

Both genders are EQUALLY capable of hurling verbal insults that demean and denigrate the other sex, and this leads to emotional abuse.
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Old 04-30-2013, 12:37 AM   #11
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RIP...

But honestly, gender equality my ass.

Feminists have been lobbying female right for so long that they forgot another specie, men, actually exist.

It's unfair that women had all sort of resources (law, community, moral perception... etc) on their side if anything happen to them. If those thing happened to any guy, people just ask men to suck it up and carry on. Where is the equality there?

Canada is a highly developed country in term of human rights. Feminists need to learn to STFU and stop looking differently at men and women. Because frankly, the only group seeing women differently seems to be feminists themselves.
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Old 04-30-2013, 12:55 AM   #12
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RIP...

But honestly, gender equality my ass.

Feminists have been lobbying female right for so long that they forgot another specie, men, actually exist.

It's unfair that women had all sort of resources (law, community, moral perception... etc) on their side if anything happen to them. If those thing happened to any guy, people just ask men to suck it up and carry on. Where is the equality there?

Canada is a highly developed country in term of human rights. Feminists need to learn to STFU and stop looking differently at men and women. Because frankly, the only group seeing women differently seems to be feminists themselves.
Wrong. it's not true at all females get "all sort of resources" on their side. Despite the fact Canada is one of the top gender equal countries there's no doubt western culture is still under influence of patriarchal power. Feminist DO NOT enforce "women should be better than men". It's actually not the feminist that enforced "guys should suck it up" mentality. feminists are taught to realize media influence on masculinity and femininity = influence which is majorly under PATRICARCHAL influence. You think the whole shit about "men should be tough" majorly came from feminist movement? Wrong. Look at all CEO's that control gender perception via medium. They're (not all but) mostly male. Feminists are also taught to recognize medium influence on forced perception of women; ie oh all girls should be loving pink, be girly, go for macho men, be the barbie. They are taught to fight against that idea.

I wouldn't call myself a feminist but educating myself with gender and sexuality sure opened up my eyes to a lot of things. "Feminists need to learn to STFU" ?? You should go tell that to the male population that enforce the whole masculinity deal.
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Old 04-30-2013, 12:55 AM   #13
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Old 04-30-2013, 01:01 AM   #14
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Oh hey since we're on the topic of gender, abuse and shelters...

I'll be playing in a concert to benefit a shelter for abused women and children in June. I'll have more details later but each ticket sold will go directly to the shelter. Donations above $20 are tax deductible.
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Old 04-30-2013, 01:07 AM   #15
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"In fact, according to Statistics Canada, men are almost exactly as likely as women to be victims of domestic abuse:

“A similar proportion of men and women reported experiencing spousal violence
during the five years prior to the survey. Among men, 6.0% or about 585,000,
encountered spousal violence during this period, compared with 6.4% or
601,000 women.”

Perhaps the low rate of police calls for men in distress is not indicative of low rates of abused males but rather indicative of men being afraid to coming forward to police or attempt to escape their situation.
General Society Survey vs. Uniform Crime Report? One of the eye openers I had taking Crim101. based on stigma or some other factor, official stats don't necessarily represent the true victimization rates.
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Old 05-01-2013, 02:13 PM   #16
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Oh hey since we're on the topic of gender, abuse and shelters...

I'll be playing in a concert to benefit a shelter for abused women and children in June. I'll have more details later but each ticket sold will go directly to the shelter. Donations above $20 are tax deductible.
Hey folks - details posted!

http://www.revscene.net/forums/68357...ml#post8226211
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Old 05-01-2013, 05:40 PM   #17
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Dedicating your life to a charitable goal is always a laudable thing.

However, I have noticed a lot of the people who go into these things (often as a career) have a personality that is driven primarily by emotion (rather than objectivity and practicality) and are often crisis junkies themselves. Lurching from saving a person to from a crisis to another often gives them an excuse to burn through a budget prematurely. Just think credit card and any air travel website to "save" a family of 3. Recurring cc card debt, then it goes on to the carry over debt in charitable organisation budget, then leads to audits to Revenue Canada, then loss of charitable status which cost about 20k of legal cost to file in the first place.. it is like staring at the swirl in a toilet.

The rigours and the mechanics of running a charity and sometimes the lack of specificity (could it be geography, types of clients etc) will inevitably lead to financial ruin. I think just the travel cost across Canada will sink any small charity. Unfortunately a lot of the people do these things by themselves (usually after a fall out with a more rational and pragmatic partner) and fall into a "me against the world" type mentality.

Small charities just have to realise their limitations and take comfort in the ones they saved rather than the ones they want to save.

There are way too many nuances that is not in the article to make any heads and tails of what's going on other than the guy committed suicide for a cause he believed in.

Last edited by godwin; 05-01-2013 at 06:04 PM.
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Old 05-05-2013, 07:45 PM   #18
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I failed you for this.

I think it is fine for each gender to have their own gathering place to be themselves if need be, but don't think for one second that gender equality is bad thing.
You misunderstood what I meant. The reason all these places are gone is because some women came along and wanted to be a part of these clubs and thought it was sexist and against their human rights to be denied entry. Nothing against equality, I think it's good. Take for instance womens only gyms. I have nothing against this, BUT... try to make a mens only gym and you would be burned at the stake for being sexist.
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Old 05-05-2013, 08:04 PM   #19
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Thanks feminists for gender equality, that killed off the real "boys clubs" of the world. Golf clubs, cigar clubs/gentlemen's clubs etc. Too bad. Guys need a place they can go to hang out with other dudes without worrying about a woman walking by when they're joking around and then be sued for some bullshit human rights issue because some woman got offended over something that wasn't directed at them.
Isn't that what RS mini meets are all about?
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Old 05-05-2013, 08:19 PM   #20
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lets face it guys

we live in a pretty gender unequal world

men dominate society, and always have been from the past. i don't really mind the feminists, let them do their thing, its the least we can put up with
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Old 05-05-2013, 08:32 PM   #21
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........as long as chicks keep wearing short shorts on days like today, I don't give a shit.


Or women who wear leggings like they were pants....... I'm OK with that, too.
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Old 05-05-2013, 09:35 PM   #22
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Nothing against equality, I think it's good. Take for instance womens only gyms. I have nothing against this, BUT... try to make a mens only gym and you would be burned at the stake for being sexist.
same, im all up for equality, but if females are allowed female only clubs, guys should be allowed to.

one of the ones that really pissed me off was playing sports as a kid/teenager. there were mens league lacrosse teams, and womens as well. 1 girl wanted to play with the guys on my team which meant that we were no longer allowed to make jokes in the locker room...take showers after a game cause a "lady" was present...we were told to ease up on her during practices, and other teams we played would ease up on her as well cause they didn't want to hurt her cause she was a fragile lil thing...



pretty much the way it seems.
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Old 05-05-2013, 09:45 PM   #23
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hey, im all in for gender equality too, but there will always be some dumb ass male or female taking it to the extreme... its something that will never work out like world peace, one can dream...
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Old 05-06-2013, 08:23 AM   #24
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Isn't that what RS mini meets are all about?
Yes, apparently.
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