Family of autistic boy asked to leave Ontario community - or have him euthanized

[Gridlock]

Originally Posted by Traum

Buddy, what you mentioned above would be a direct open threat that would 1000% get police investigation going, and probably charges laid if the person is found. The way euthanasia is mentioned in the letter would be an implied threat.

Hi! Welcome to the point of my post.

Usually TL;DR's are shorter.

[mk1freak]

so apparently the letter didn't meet the "legal" requirements to be a hate crime...


"The Crown Attorney's Office in Ontario says a letter asking the family of a boy with autism to move or euthanize him falls below the threshold for a hate crime, despite the hateful language, Durham Regional Police Service said in a release Tuesday.

However, police will consider whether the letter violates other sections of the Criminal Code."
msn link here
GG

[murd0c]

This is the mothers response to the hate letter. Great response being the better person by taking the higher road even tho I'm sure it was very hard.

This is the response letter to the Person who wrote that dreadful letter to the family of the Autistic Child by the child's mother...

Dear “One pissed off mother”,

Your letter has left me feeling terribly sad. Not for me, or for my son Maxwell -- that’s his name by the way, not “retard” or “wild animal kid” -- but for you. In reality, I will never share your thoughts with my son, because he is a happy child who brings an incredible amount of joy to those who know him. And while your words were very hurtful to read, the support I receive from my family, friends, and my more understanding neighbours lifts me up on a daily basis and outweighs anything you could ever say to me.

The fact that you have chosen to address me anonymously gives me some insight that somewhere deep down, you know that what you wrote to me is wrong, and that gives me hope. Because those who know that they've done wrong sometimes want to do better, I want to help you know my son. Perhaps then you will open your heart to the beautiful person he is. If not, I will at least know that you have been provided with the opportunity to become educated, and that maybe something good will come out of your negativity and misguided hatred.

Maxwell has a diagnosis of autism. He is not “mentally handicapped” or “retarded”. Autism is a disorder of brain development characterized by difficulties in social interaction, verbal and nonverbal communication, and repetitive behaviours. The noises he makes that you describe as “dreadful” are in fact the way he expresses happiness. He loves being outside, and shares the right to enjoy the outdoors just as you or I do. Perhaps you find his form of expression unpleasant, but if you took the time to meet Maxwell and got to know him, I would like to think he could bring a smile to your face.

Maxwell loves jumping on his trampoline, playing on his iPad, hanging out with his family, and reading books. Most of the time he has a smile on his face, and he has never said a cruel word to anybody. You could actually learn a lot from him.

Because of the lack of empathy in your letter, it seems likely to me that you have not had the privilege of having a close friend or family member with special needs. This is a great shame for you and your “normal" children. You do yourself and them a disservice by limiting who you interact with. There is no reason to be scared. In fact, people with special needs have much more reason to fear intolerant individuals such as yourself. My son is a gentle soul who would never want to hurt anyone -- physically or with hateful words such as the ones you typed in that letter.

A great man named Mahatma Gandhi once said, "A nation's greatness is measured by how it treats its weakest members." While you and I clearly have very little in common, we both live in Canada -- a nation that passed The Canadian Human Rights Act in 1977, which states, "All individuals should have an opportunity equal with other individuals to make for themselves the lives that they are able and wish to have and to have their needs accommodated, consistent with their duties and obligations as members of society, without being hindered in or prevented from doing so by discriminatory practices based on race, national or ethnic origin, colour, religion, age, sex, sexual orientation, marital status, family status, disability or conviction for an offence for which a pardon has been granted or in respect of which a record suspension has been ordered."

If you need me to put that in simpler terms for you, the law states that Maxwell has just as much right to live his life without being discriminated against as you do. If you have a problem with that, it seems to me that you're the one who should move to a trailer in the woods where you hopefully won't be too annoyed by the sounds made by actual wild animals.

Yours truly,

Katrina Carefoot, one proud mother

[gilly]

the ending to that letter is the best part!

[noclue]

This is a controversial comment but I've read there is the moral discussion of the consequences of medical advancements, how it saves babies who were supposed to die due to whatever conditions such as pre-mature birth, deformities, cognitive/physical problem etc. They will be dependent on their parents for the rest of their lives thus putting a huge strain on the lives of the parents and not contribute to society.

[Hondaracer]

obviously depending on the severity it's a life changing burden.

Autism is not diagnosed until some development has taken place no? so damn, what a financial burden alone it could be to a family that is not capable of caring for their child. A guy at work [not sure how well he's informed on the situation] said that family friends have a severely autistic 21 year old son, he said they pay 5k a month in round the clock care

[Redlines_Daily]

Originally Posted by noclue

This is a controversial comment but I've read there is the moral discussion of the consequences of medical advancements, how it saves babies who were supposed to die due to whatever conditions such as pre-mature birth, deformities, cognitive/physical problem etc. They will be dependent on their parents for the rest of their lives thus putting a huge strain on the lives of the parents and not contribute to society.

It's a valid comment. There are markers now that help predict if an unborn child may or may not have developmental disabilities. When discovered early, the mother can actually choose to terminate the pregnancy. It would be an incredibly difficult choice..one I would think carefully about if it were me. On one side I see the joy these children can bring to peoples lives but on the other I also see how much work and resources it takes. If I had to make that choice, I honestly don't know which way I would go.

[Lomac]

Originally Posted by Hondaracer

obviously depending on the severity it's a life changing burden.

Autism is not diagnosed until some development has taken place no? so damn, what a financial burden alone it could be to a family that is not capable of caring for their child. A guy at work [not sure how well he's informed on the situation] said that family friends have a severely autistic 21 year old son, he said they pay 5k a month in round the clock care

For proper nursing care, that price wouldn't surprise me one bit. That shit's not cheap.

[stewie]

Originally Posted by Redlines_Daily

It's a valid comment. There are markers now that help predict if an unborn child may or may not have developmental disabilities. When discovered early, the mother can actually choose to terminate the pregnancy. It would be an incredibly difficult choice..one I would think carefully about if it were me. On one side I see the joy these children can bring to peoples lives but on the other I also see how much work and resources it takes. If I had to make that choice, I honestly don't know which way I would go.

never knew that.

hopefully i'll never have to go down that path. but if I did, i'd probably want to terminate the process (how soon do they detect it? 3 months? 6?). I probably wouldn't have the resources to give the kid a happy childhood while affording to pay for round the clock care..id probably end up being stressed to the point where id become an alcoholic or something. id rather just stop everything before it gets past the point of no return.

[dinosaur]

Originally Posted by Lomac

For proper nursing care, that price wouldn't surprise me one bit. That shit's not cheap.

This is why it is so devastating when group homes, programs, and out reach services are cut. For example: the debacle that happened last year with Community Living BC.

Most families do not have the resources to facilitate proper care.

[FerrariEnzo]

So any news if police found out who wrote it?

[mikemhg]

Originally Posted by Gridlock

Honesty time.

We had this kid move into the neighborhood that barked. We heard him come up the street every morning, and down the street every afternoon. And it was loud. Now, it was the day that I looked down and he's whacking the trees and bushes in the yard with a stick that put me over the edge.

So I went and had a chat, or "chat" with his handler. She barely spoke english, and would just stand there and watch him.

Now...prick move? Maybe. It's not "my" street, but its disrupting a lot of people. It was NEVER the kids fault, but that of the handler(and parents that hired her).

Point is, the letter is a PRICK move. But I also get where people just lose their shit.
Posted via RS Mobile

I agree 100%. I have the EXACT same story as you, I lived in a condo where an autistic kid lived downstairs from me. The kid would scream on the balcony all summer and his mother would never take him anywhere. He'd run down the halls, and shout and bang shit all day, parents would do nothing about it. No word of a lie, some afternoons on the weekend when he'd be wailing and howling away on the balcony, I would envision myself blowing him in the face with a can of mace. Fail away, I don't care. I COMPLETELY understand when people reach the breaking point, we've seen parents want to kill their own child with autism, what do you expect when it's not even your kid?

[Hondaracer]

Originally Posted by dinosaur

This is why it is so devastating when group homes, programs, and out reach services are cut. For example: the debacle that happened last year with Community Living BC.

Most families do not have the resources to facilitate proper care.

Yea the 5K figure I posted as well was WITH govt subsidies as well I believe
Posted via RS Mobile

[Gridlock]

I worked with a girl years ago who had a brother that was severely autistic. He ended up dying while I worked with her.

Her parents had a bit of coin to them, and could do things to make life easier. They opened a bed and breakfast so the wife could have something to do, while still staying at home. Vacation decisions, life decisions...hell, Tuesday decisions were constantly affected by the fact that they couldn't just pack into the car and go.

So at his funeral, the father gave a eulogy that basically said that while he will forever be altered by the loss of his son, in a way it gives 3 lives back.

It was an honest moment that really speaks to the day to day challenge that people go through in raising a child with severe disabilities.

In the same token, I can't imagine that man would ever put his son in the backyard and tell his neighbors to suck it.

[Traum]

Originally Posted by mikemhg

I agree 100%. I have the EXACT same story as you, I lived in a condo where an autistic kid lived downstairs from me. The kid would scream on the balcony all summer and his mother would never take him anywhere. He'd run down the halls, and shout and bang shit all day, parents would do nothing about it. No word of a lie, some afternoons on the weekend when he'd be wailing and howling away on the balcony, I would envision myself blowing him in the face with a can of mace. Fail away, I don't care. I COMPLETELY understand when people reach the breaking point, we've seen parents want to kill their own child with autism, what do you expect when it's not even your kid?

Here in BC, we have some very good support for autistic children through the Ministry of Children and Family, and this is despite all the government program cuts that the Liberals have put us through. (It is usually when severely autistic children turns 18 that their families get fxxked, but that's another story and another debate for another time.)

Clearly in your case, the failure lies with the parent. Behavioural training exists for autistic children, and the majority of the time they can provide varying degrees of help. The thing to do in your case is to speak to the parent about the help that he can get for his child, instead of continuing to watch and put up with the kid running wild. I dunno what the exact details might be, but the help is there.

It isn't just for your sake. It's for the child's sake as well. Please go do something.

[Redlines_Daily]

I worked at a school specifically for children with ASD, tuition was $2000 per month, and that is on the LOW side, I've heard of many other facilities charging 50-70k per year. Behavior consultants can do a proper diagnosis and behavior/treatment plan..they charge $100-200 per hour, diagnosis takes 30 hours of observation, behavior plan in addition to that.

Behavior interventionists can implement the plan and do intensive teaching, they come in $12-$20 per hour depending on experience. Plan can range from a few hours per week to daily sessions if the families budget allows. Consultant still stays on for a couple hours per month to monitor the program($100-200/hr).

Children with autism usually have other disabilities such as speech or gross motor problems(or both). Speech therapy and occupational therapist both come in around $100-150 per hour.

That is all just specialized care. Ontop of that, there is basic care needs and staff to provide respite care, baby sitting, monitoring, etc..



Government funding for children with autism over the age of 6 is $500 per month.

[Traum]

Originally Posted by Redlines_Daily

Government funding for children with autism over the age of 6 is $500 per month.

In the face of all the expenses, $500/month may not be a lot. But as far as government support is concerned, I would say that $500 is already HUGE.

Additionally, if the parents can justify to the child's case manager, additional funding can also be approved. Of course, this is done on a case-by-case basis. But in my experience, the Ministry usually isn't super stingy. The parents would obviously need to make a compelling argument for additional funding, and I think the process is at least somewhat reasonable.