Quote:
Originally Posted by saucywoman  aside from the coke use,
this is reason enough to not want to be with him. Like Mr. C said, be wary of emotional manipulation and the potential for physical abuse. If he really wants to be with you, then knowing your feelings on drugs he would quit.
I'm not going to comment about use in itself but one of my good friends was a functioning addict for a few years, her boyf basically told her that either she stopped cold turkey or they would no longer be together. Her bestf happened to be a dealer so she had to basically stop hanging out with her and would never go out when she knew there was a chance of people indulging. So there's no excuse for him to take part if he says he really loves you and wants you in his life |
Quote:
Originally Posted by miss_crayon Any updates? |
Thanks a lot for all your input. I've done a lot of self-reflection over the last several months and realized a lot of things. I never really thought before how much relationships are all about
choice. Every relationship goes through its up and downs and both partners fuck up at one time or another. No matter the extent the mistake, its a choice how the other partner deals with it- do they choose to stay or do they choose to leave- do they choose to love or do they choose to no longer be in love with the person? It's always easy to judge from the outside as I can recall back to so many times when I have told my gf/s how they shouldnt forgive their bfs or take them back - but they choose to love and make it work - and some of them really do work it out. And now I look at their relationship years after and they're stronger than they've ever been. People grow out of each other - but it's also a choice whether you want to try to find other ways to grow together.
But some things, like values, isn't a choice people make. It's their experiences and upbringings that mould their character which is fundamentally formed by the values of that person.
In the last few months, I've thought so many times about going back. I feel very guilty for just upping and leaving that relationship without giving it a chance. But here is why I want to share the second part of the story..
I admit that when I ended things, it was very rash. So naturally, for anyone, the suddenness is hard to take in and understand. He became quite angry over the phone and text messages.. I was a bit shocked.. I had NEVER seen him act or speak that way to me before.. but I didn't think too much of it as I knew he was just dealing with his emotions.
However, the next day, I started receiving a series of messages the entire day at work. That he was "disgusted" with me, how could I be so stupid to leave someone that loves me so much. Other keywords: toxic, cancer, waste of time, etc. This lasted for at least 8 hours.. completely killed me.. Until the next day where he said he couldn't live without me and was willing to do anything for this to work.
The next month was just a pattern of highs and lows, emotional roller coaster. From saying that I put nothing into the relationship / complete devaluation / to how much he loves me / then it quickly became how everything was my fault/ he wasted too much time and effort on me. Everything was my fault bringing up mistakes I made in the past which "he should've just left me then." Even when I brought up that a big reason why I cant get back into it was because I couldn't get over the things he said his response was that I made him that way, I created this blow-up, made him behave this way/how much resentment he has for me. That he wants me to feel his pain, and "everything is your fault, i was willing to do anything for you" .. Eventually it became that it scared me to try to talk to him because I know he would just try to say stuff to hurt me. I became so confused too.. how can you want me back so bad if you think I'm such a piece of shit?!
If it was only the coke issue, perhaps things would be a lot more different. I really wish I hadn't seen this other side of him. I can't trust him not to try to hurt me. If I go back, would he be spiteful and try to punish me?
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