Drugs & Relationships
 

Hello,

Need some advice and perspective :(

I recently broke up with my bf of almost a year. Throughout the relationship he was always very honest about his views on drugs (can open your mind, good conversations etc as long as not abused.) However, I've always been concerned about his use of coke esp if we are getting serious.

I know prior to us he partied most days of the week. Once we got into a relationship he stopped partying really and we spent most of our time together. I know he put in a lot of effort to make me happy. Though my best guess is that he would probably still use it once a week on average.. pretty much if he goes out/drinks. I never gave him shit for it but personally choose to not be around that environment.

Doesn't seem like its affected his life in terms of career but he says that he probably has 3g a week and obvs inevitably shares with some friends (he says his use has dramatically cut down from before).

I've NEVER tried and don't plan on it. We got in a bad fight and brought up all these issues (the drug use was a concern among others). one of the things he said was that he has cut down a lot since us dating, he wants to have a family with me and will give it all up.

Sometimes I feel like he can be a little bit manipulative.. Considering whether to give it a chance. I miss him and love him.. but I need to know if this is just me being blind. I want to be in for the long haul.

Since I know nothing about the drug.. Is this amount a lot/considered an addiction? Would he really be able to stop or more likely to just hide it from me? He says it's common, I shouldn't need to be this against it and calls it an excuse and gets angry.

Thanks so much for reading!

My friend was in the same boat as you They were together for 3 years 2 of which he claimed to be coke free because of her.. she recently ended it as well because she found out he was lying the whole time. He would even do it around her and she had no idea that he was high.
I agree with your decision though, why put yourself through the stress of wondering all the time if he's hiding it. I think that would put a huge strain on the relationship and you.
I know I would have trouble with it. My best friend and my brother both struggle with addiction and it started out as "just partying" its not worth it at all to me. I tried it once 6 years ago and don't have any desire to do it again.

so far my friends ex claims to drug free for good... but who knows. She's not taking him back anyways. But maybe he'll realize you're more important than getting high.

So your boyfriend can afford a coke habit, and is generous and sharing with his coke?

someone hit the jackpot!

ALL INCLUSIVE SKI TRIP PLS

I have only ever smoked weed or eaten shrooms, but 3g of coke seems like a decent amount of blow in a week. From what I understand, with the use of Google, a line of coke is around 150mg (0.15g). That's 20 lines, per week. I think that goes beyond casual use. The guy is addicted.

he in love wit da coco

If you are willing to be the intervention and can handle it on your own without airing your issues to friends/family/others, give it a second chance.
Because as soon as you get back and air your issues to and decide to ask 10 people, 33% will say leave, 33% will say stay, 33% will say do what makes you happy.

also color coded phrases from original post that are just :\

that song is so terrible
it's now my alarm clock sound, thanks.

Cocaine makes people the biggest liars.

Just gonna leave that here.

I wouldn't say thats a large amount, however the consistency of it would be a problem. It's not how much he's having, some people are okay with key bumps at a time, but the fact that he consistently is using is the bigger issue.

The only person that can help him is himself. Again cocaine makes people the biggest liars. He would most likely hide it from you and keep using secretly. But I'm just saying from multiple personal experiences.

PM me if you really want to chat about it.

hows that soft dick in bed?..enough to keep him?....from experience of another female,she left the guy because he couldn't get it up from his coke use.

lol if he says he does 3G's a week, hes probably doing even more, when has a coke head accurately potrayed his use or underestimated lol.

like Nabs said, coke heads lie.

Uh, do you know Xavier?

3g per week x 52 weeks in a year. You're telling us that he and his friends go through 156g of coke per year? I'd say that's an addiction. Let's put that into perspective. They are snorting 3 and a half normal sized Mars bars per year by weight.

People on coke are different than when not and it's a profound difference. I have a friend who was on blow for a while and he was super energetic and aggressive occasionally when he was on it.

One year hasn't even elapsed yet, and chances are it's going to get worse when he can't get his high that easily. Coke has cumulative effects and causes physiological changes for the worse.

Depends yourself really. I won't date a girl who is addicted to drugs or smoke. That's jsut me. I know it will affect my relationship so why start.

Sweetheart, sometimes love is not always the answer. You can love someone with all your heart, and yet, there are some things that even love can't overcome. I know nothing about snorting coke, but from what our Google wizards on RS have found, your boy is snorting more coke than he should.

I think that fighting over the same things over and over again really come back to haunt you sooner or later, which is an early indication that a relationship won't work. Any fight that usually involves family, money, and drugs between two people 'in love' and 'trying to make it work' and 'fight against the odds' most of the time will not have a happy ending.

As you get older you realize the need for family support- if mom, dad, sister, best friends, general social circle or your cat don't really connect with your significant other, it's kind of awkward bringing them together.

As unromantic as it is, love doesn't provide a roof and food. If you're not transparent about money and spending habits, it will definitely not work. I've seen families and people crumble and die because of gambling addiction, and heard plenty more stories of people my family knows who spent all their money on drugs and died, and what have you.

Considering that he's said to you he wants a family in the future, you still need to caution yourself, monitor his actions closely, should you decide to stay. I'm sure you've seen the crowd on East Hastings and saw movies that depict drug use in a relationship. If his addiction has never really gone away and you're married to him one day with kids... well... it's not going to have a glamorous ending like those Hollywood films where Richard Gere sweeps you off your feet and implies he'll take care of you the rest of your life.

this needs to be a poll.


I vote move on.

One can only change so much when one doesn't really want to change.

Actions speak louder then words.

Your stupid if you stay.
He's an addict, and clearly sees no problem.

Is your bf multicartual? :troll:

I wonder if he is on rev scene... this is her first post why would she choose a car forum to post then leave? maybe she wants him to see it.

No he's not on here. I wouldn't want him to see my post, like airing private issues.

Chose RS cos I know the demographics and I appreciate the people here.

Thanks for all your responses so far guys. It's very helpful. I think I know the right thing to do but just very hard. Like hedonist said, love is not always the answer. Trying to think rationally in relationships is ridiculously difficult.

Will respond to some of the comments later today.

Thank you thank you thank you!

I wouldn't even think twice about getting into these kinds of friendships or relationships. Drugs ruin families. Why else are there so many bums and homeless people in downtown east side. I've done some volunteering in the past by handling out food to the less fortunate in downtown and have spoken to some of the guys down there. They aren't "bad" people, as they all have a story behind their lives. It's just that, they took a bad path and game over. Drugs, addictions, you name it. That's just my 2 cents. :pokerface:

hedonist is right.

why choose the hard way and the complicated relationship when you don't have to? we all like to think that love conquers all, but it really doesn't.. and it most certainly does not put food on the table and a roof over your head.

think carefully - do you really want to start a family with a coke head? what are the chances of him snorting it in front of the kids? if it comes down to using money to feed the family or buy drugs, what will be his priority?

you made the right choice, just give yourself time to get over the withdrawal (no pun intended). there are better guys out there for you.. drug free and addiction free.

Thank you to everyone that read my post and took the time to give your comments.

The past few days have been very difficult. I miss him a lot and miss our life together but in the bigger scheme of things, I know I could never marry a man who needs to do blow for a good night out. It's one thing if you do some when you're offered at a party, or pick up for a particular night but he always has it at his place.

At the same time, I know he has made a lot of changes for me since we started dating. For one, he quit smoking without me even asking him and acknowledged that there are certain lifestyle changes that he needs to make. I also recognize the effort that he has put in to make this work. I just don't know if I'm considering this because I want to think "love conquers all" or that I really do believe he can be that man I want to settle down with.

Beyond that, post break-up, I saw a side of him I had never seen before- putting me down in any way possible - saying anything he knows that could hurt me. He also admitted that he did say those things on purpose because "i love you so much but you hurt me so bad". I dont want to hold this against him because I know he was really broken but it concerns me that he can be so emotionally hurtful, on purpose.

I've never found letting go to be so hard.. but such as life.

Thanks everyone.