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It's Fathers Day! Happy Fathers Day, RS. Anything Fathers Day related.......... What did you get for fathers Day? What did you give good ol' pops on Fathers Day? Upload any photos of Fathers Day cards you got from your kids (hand drawn ones, of course). Tell us about your dad and why he's so great. I'll start off. My father was a commercial fisherman. He kept on keeping on (working) until he was 80. Small 45 footer. Wooden hull, later covered in fibreglass. My father quit school in grade two, so very little education. However, he was one of the smartest and wisest person I knew. He learned to read charts (pretty important when you travel from Lower Mainland to the Charlottes in a small boat), use communications devices, etc. He worked 24/7, slept in the middle of nowhere in his boat that was anchored off shore. I remember seeing his hands once. Damn, it was scarred and rough. We never held hands, as traditional Asian fathers aren't the hugging /hold hands type. I remember having to help my father every freakin' weekend in the off season. My friends were like, wtf? We never see you other than at school. Always, cauking the boat, working on the trolling and gill net equipment. Climbing up to the top of the mast via a ladder made of cable while boat is rocking back and forth (two inches of movement down below is like two feet of movement up top), going out in the middle of the night to check up on the boat during a storm (Celtic Shipyards), etc. The positive of it all was, I learned some really important skills. Woodworking (I remember having to bend/form huge-ass timber in a steam box to add higher guards on front of boat), metalworking (fabricating some of the weirdest shit known to man), mechanics (working on a super old gas motor that should have blown up decades ago). He finally had the money to buy a brand new Ford Marine, diesel engine (he was so proud to finally get one). Trying to fit it into a small area and aligning the exhaust that was lined with asbestos (yeah, good times). Most important skill was troubleshooting and having to come up with ways to make shit work. The lessons I learned back then came in so handy for me over the years. Cheers to you pops. He passed away from cancer years ago. If it wasn't due to the diesel fumes (he slept and navigated right next to the engine which was not in a properly sealed compartment - actually not even a compartment), it was probably due to the amount of cigarettes he smoked in a day. Anyway.................... |
This is my first fathers day being a dad and all i want is for everyone else to be happy. I remember about 25 years ago me and my 2 brothers went out trick or treating like normal kids did back in the day. As the night was ending we were about 3-4 houses away from home with our dad watching us in our driveway when 3-4 teenagers came up to us demanding we give them our candies, we said no but then a tugawar insued. My dad yelled and started running towards them, and the teens started running away, my dad managed to take 1 of the teens down and got my brothers candy back. I just remembered how i felt soo protected by him and that nothing bad would ever happen to me if i was around him. I also thought my dad was the fastest runner on the planet. Happy Fathers Day everyone |
My dad is very difficult to talk to and we aren’t close at all. I think to a certain degree between him and my mom never getting along (yet staying together) he kind of sees me and my sister as a burden / reminders of a life lived somewhat wishing he had done things differently, but he did his best in his own unhappiness to always do my science projects with me and taught me mechanicals of a car (he’s an electrical engineer). As stupid as it sounds, when he actually came out to a drinking night my buddies put on one weekend cuz my best friend invited him, he might have been drunk and he was about 6 months removed from a quadruple bypass he barely survived, but he stood up in front of everyone and patted me on the back and said “This is a good guy I can be proud of right here” it’s the closest thing he’s ever said to anything resembling affection that I can ever remember... We were able to have lunch together yesterday and actually talk a bit and ever since his 2nd heart operation a few months ago he’s finally started to realize that maybe he’s been shunning things in his life that could have brought him joy, especially with my sister having kids now too and he’s coming out of his shell a bit... and even with him never being there for me emotionally or mentally, I still appreciate that he gave me life and a roof and paid for my school. I hope despite his numerous health issues to have more opportunities to expand our relationship before the inevitable happens to one of us, so it wasn’t the happiest father’s day ever, but it was a big step in the name of progress. |
in for the stories. all i can say about my father is, alcoholism sucks. |
I like this, sorry mine might be long winded. My dad dropped out of school in grade 9 to work and help his parents out. Eventually he met my mom when she was in high school and they've been together ever since. I didn't see him a lot as a kid because we lived in Sask. and he worked construction which meant he had to go where the work was so he was constantly working out of town. My dad moved to BC in 1988 for a fresh start well we stayed in Sask, eventually we all moved to BC in 1989 and my dad started his own construction business here. He made me work summers and winter holidays from grade 8 onward, was good and bad because I worked my holidays through high school but always had money. He worked 7 days a week 12+ hour days so I didn't see him a ton even when working for him he'd be in the office and I was on site. His business did really well for a while built it up from about 6 employees to over 100 when he was really busy. When I graduated high school I didn't want anything to do with my dads business, i went to school for different things and worked other jobs. Eventually in early 2000 I ended up working for my dad again after trying different things but this time I was working in the office with him. I'm not going to lie he was a terrible teacher and very hard on me, pretty toxic relationship we formed working together that closely. I learned some stuff from him but with a combination of me taking advantage of the situation and him being a terrible teacher I could have learned so much more and honestly today it's one of my biggest regrets. In the mid 2000's my dad had a lot of bad jobs, combination of the economy and Contractors not paying him for projects complete. He ended up in a bunch of lawsuits trying to recover money and it was the beginning of the end for his company. It put him in a big hole, he became a very angry and stressed out person. He would take it out on me, my mom and anyone else that would put up with it. Eventually in 2011 he had a massive heart attack he died twice once on the way to the hospital and once well waiting for surgery. He had a quadruple bypass and a bunch of complications he was hospitalized for months. I was given power of attorney and started running his company.....Although I had been involved with most aspects he was a control freak so he did a lot of it himself, I had no idea what the fuck I was doing but I learned real quick because I had no choice. I finished all the projects we had on hand and after that I made the decision that we were liquidating everything and shutting the doors. That wasn't something my dad wanted to do but I had to do it because it was going to kill him. He resented that decision and was upset with me for a while. After about a year off he eventually moved back to Sask. with my mom, sister and my niece, I stayed here. He got a job opportunity that he couldn't turn down. He built a house out there and is still working at 66 he'll never retire. My sister died unexpectedly 18 months ago, my parents are raising my niece. That hit my dad so hard, she was always his favorite. My mom had a stroked about a month ago ended up falling and breaking her tailbone. She was back at home and fell again last weekend, broke her hip.... My dad is still working, taking care of my niece getting back and forth to hospital to see my mom he has so much on his plate. I'm going there next week to help out for a minute but he's a superstar. He sent me a letter last year apologizing for how he treated me in earlier years and telling me how proud he was of me for everything I've accomplished. Since my sisters passing we talk all the time on the phone now, sometimes shop sometimes life but I've never been closer with my dad then I am today despite the distance, he's my best friend. If I can be half the man my dad is I'll feel like I made it. |
Personally I don't celebrate Fathers Day or Mothers Day, not really a significance in my family. I don't get why there is one day we should honor them when everyday should be a Fathers Day or Mothers Day. There are no words in this world that I can use to describe the sacrifices my dad has done for our family. He didn't really go to school when young, started working at a really young age and when he came to Canada in the 1970s, started working for $2/hour that time. He would then commit the next 40 years of his life working 10-12 hours graveyard making sacrifices to ensure food is on the table, bills are paid and the entire family is well-taken care of. He is a reserved and quiet guy that didn't say much. I don't have that much common with my dad as he grew up mostly working and didn't have hobbies or interests aside from working. Now that he is retired, all I can give my dad is time at home, spending money to buy whatever he likes. I know life gets in the way a lot of times that we tend to forget our parents are getting older too, appreciate their presence when possible. Thanks Dad! |
My Father left when I was 1. I don't actually know his last name even. I don't bring it up with my mother, as I don't want her to feel like she wasn't enough of a parent. On the other hand, my grandfather always filled the void. Took me and my friends to hockey, snowboarding, etc. and was never a minute late for anything in his life. He understood the value of peoples time and instilled the attitude into me over the years. He's also supported me in my career path and lack thereof at times and allowed me to take risks to get forward in life, as I knew that I would never be left without the necessities. He worked as an ATC for 30 years, and was the boss out at YEG. He's 80 now, has a rare form of lymphoma but still works at the golf course, golfs 4 days a week and basically just says fuck you to Cancer and is living well with no signs of slowing down. Luckily its a form thats incredibly slow growing and people have known to live 10+ years with it. Hoping to get him and my Grandmother to move out to Vancouver so he can golf year round, and so we can take care of them when they need it. Happy (grand)fathers day. Fuck you though Dad, fuckin deadbeat piece of shit. |
There are some people who don't have fathers or parents for that matter, but somewhere, somehow, a person steps up and becomes the surrogate parent. Fathers Day, Mothers Day are one day in the year and most of us are thankful for our parents or people who have looked after us growing up, day in and day out. For some, there needs to be a day to remind them to say thanks....... as a parent, I don't need to be thanked. It's what being a parent is. You bring children into this world, you have an obligation to do your best to raise them and look after them. I despise deadbeat dads to the nth degree. They will burn in hell. When growing up, I didn't have a father in the summer, because he was up north for 6 months of the year. A lot of the kids in the neighbourhood (DTES) were left to fend for themselves, as their parents held multiple jobs to make ends meet. There was this one dad in the neighbourhood we all looked up to. He always made sure we were safe and guided us. Thanks to what westopher said about his grandfather, I am going to call up this person and thank him for all he did for us back then. I'll tell him, "You were a father to all of us." I hear he is not doing well, health wise. Anyway..................... |
I dont have too much to say about my dad. He made life hell for my mom and me but nevertheless, he's still my dad. I think i got more negatives from him than positives but i still love him even with all his many flaws. I sometimes wished my mom had the guts to just leave but whatever, they are all in their 60's now and no point in looking at the past. Here here to all the good dads and even to the not so good ones. Cheers. |
My dad grew up dirt poor and came from a very shitty family. One full of addicts, wife beaters, thieves etc. I never met anyone from his side of the family. But anyway, my dad didn’t graduate high school but was able to end up working in a steel factory. He got paid terribly due to his low education. My mom (who came from a dirt poor background as well) worked too but we were still lower middle class. I remember dinner consisting of rice, butter and salt. That’s it. My dad worked damn hard. So hard, he needed the alcohol too. He made stupid purchases and racked up debt which caused tons of drama at the time. He was also abusive to everyone. He could drink 10 Kokanees a night or half a bottle of Johnnie Walker, depending on his mood. Our family was never touchy / feely. We just acknowledged each other’s existence. I always asked myself as a kid if I was adopted by them because I couldn’t feel a connection what with all the drama in the way. He didn’t teach me any hobbies, any sports. Nothing. He lived a very basic life and was only powered by the bottle. He made the best gains out of any of his 8 siblings but I think he was damaged by whatever went on in the household he grew up in. Many many years later: He was eventually able to stop the bad habits. He still drinks but only casually and during our small family gatherings. He quit red meat and eats more veg. He lost a lot of weight, partially due to the fact that he never stopped working. He should have retired years ago but chooses not to. The fact he never picked up any hobbies at all in his life came back to bite him because he doesn’t know what to do in his spare time. Also, I think growing up poor has haunted him and he fears going back to that state if he stops working despite getting his pensions. It’s a mental thing I guess. When my brother had his first kid, I think that’s when my dad changed completely for the better. He speaks and interacts with them (2 kids total) in ways he never did with my brother and I. Something inside him must have clicked and he became more of a human and less of a broken robot. My dad like many other dads out there was dealt a bad hand. Not everyone can handle the situation in the same manner. It ends up being what it is. But man, the power to forgive is something bigger than life itself… |
My dad had mental health issues for the majority of my life. We never got along. we never celebrated b-days or fathers day.. not once.. ever. Back in January, we did something we never did, we sat down and talked. He apologised for all of the shit that he had put my brother and I through and how proud he was of us. That he didn't make life easy for us but yet we've worked ourselves stupid to get to where we are. He just wanted just a little more time to witness us get even more. When we argued, he would tell us not to come to his funeral one day and we would yell back that it was fine by us. He passed on Feb 25, 2019 with my brother and I by his side clutching his hand as he took his last breath. Yeah.. so much for that. He came to Canada with just $10 in his pocket. Would walk from Rupert to Chinatown everyday for work when he arrived. I called him a lot of things when we argued but lazy was never something I said. This has been an odd f#cking day with mixed emotions. |
Yes, no father is perfect. |
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my post might not be what u hope for Spoiler! sorry for the sad post |
it looks like i'm not the only one with a shit bag "father". the guy basically got into the wrong crowd of oil rig workers who would do hard drugs like coke while at work on "off-time" and got way too carried away in the party lifestyle later on,drinking every weekend like there's something to celebrate. the ugly party bitch he left my mother for ended up kicking his ass out of her place recently after his stupid ass got a DUI while trying to refill his truck up drunk pretty recently,Homeless now staying with other family members in the beginning of all this BS his reasons for leaving was "oh you guys are old enough to be on your own anyways"...with us in our mid 20's,for him to go down his path of alcohol. i dont really know what to think of him,i never keep in contact with him any holiday,my life just continued to go on,like a stranger to me now that i think more about it,i just know i don't live like a fucking idiot and that's always good for me,lot of people i meet in the city know i am reliable & very straight centered person |
Ae101 you can't blame yourself for this. You aren't responsible for him developing this illness and it was your good intentions that kept him longer than if you didn't put him in that home. He's smiling looking down on his son and I'm sure he's damn proud of you. Don't beat yourself up bro. |
^ thanks but its hard to face the.fact that he starve to death on purpose just prove his point yesterday was fathers day, i went piss drunk last night and didnt go back home till the sun came out (hung over as fuck) and also started randomly crying too i think mr.money and west would make.great parents, cuz none of their fathers were there in their lifes |
I share the same sentiments as a lot of you, with your dad's. I will say that we can learn a lot from what our parents did and what they didn't do. Knowing how it feels to not be supported and talked down to, is a constant reminder of how I don't want my kids to feel, growing up. No, of course I'd rather be doing something other than sitting through recitals and driving all over the place for different activities but their happiness is my happiness and I'll always cheer and support them. |
Ae101 .. just wanted to say that I appreciate you sharing your story. Spoiler! |
AE101 while its no shame to be upset for how things happened, remember, you cant control your fathers actions, and you cant predict peoples behaviour, especially when dementia has taken control. You did your best to do what you believed was right for him and yourself. I'm sure there is so much more to it, and I won't pretend to know. I hope you feel better later today. Eat some good food and spend some time with the ones you love. |
my mothers boyfriends dad had dementia,he would have good days and really terrible days that effected his personality in a bad way that wasn't his regular self,he would stay quite & look kind of worried trying to figure out somebody staying to himself like a type of paranoia ...it was just a really weird vibe knowing he was having a internal battle on those type of days. one time he put himself at risk and set up his bed outside in the front lawn and it freaked the hell out of his family because it was a first time of the incident happening,He wasn't inside the house checking all the rooms & basement,The front Door was wide open the entire night while he slept out there with blankets and pillows on the grass his son ended up taking him to a old folks care home while he was attending education,my mother was pissed because she has the strong idea family was suppose to look after everything,But i know sooner or later dementia is gonna really start taking over a person with time,its not if but when...and i think the guy started slowly deteriorating mentally wise so it was the best plan his son could think of so he wouldn't end up homeless spending time with his dad 24/7 the whole year without work or getting his life together. tough choices but sometimes you have to do whats best for you to survive in the end,nobody's looking out for you But You,That family on his side was pretty split up too,nobody helping anyone,Divorced and all,he couldn't even get a ride or anything from his family he was such a socially awkward weirdo to have any support system for his dad,you can only hold so many things till its gets too much. |
1 Attachment(s) A little levity is overdue... |
The idea that family is suppose to care for somone with major health issues or dementia as opposed to being put in a home is assanine. I know it’s probably a cultural thing but people are not able to care for somone else at the same time as looking out for a parent etc. full time. Hell, my grandma is in a “assisted living” home now and has had some fairly major health issues lately and it’s been hell for my dad etc. just dealing with that let alone trying to take care of then with no help whatsoever. I have nothing but good things to say about my dad, incredibly hard worker and an honest, trustworthy friend. Him and I are quite a like and although I was probably a pain in the ass time to time growing up I definitely regret a few major things I did which eventually came around full circle. Ie. My dad virtually singlehandedly built out 3700sq ft house in surrey from foundation up over about 15 years. I was always reluctant to help and hated working outside in thay type of construction work (which makes me really question why I ever stayed in the construction industry for 12+ years in my adult life lol) it came full circle when I got my own home and had to do everything myself from virtually studs in. It made really appreciate the work he did on top of his regular job to literally put a roof over our heads. My grandparents on my dads side came from Finland in the 50’s with not only no money in their pockets, but they actually owed Canadian immigration $250 with interest..lol My grandfather fell into the category a lot of you guys are talking about, the never ending work to put food on the table, never home, alcoholism etc. My dad and his brothers all pretty much succeeded into very good careers despite of their situation and my dad now is in upper management making great money in a relatively cushy job that allows lots of time off, golfing all the time etc. It’s nice to see him enjoy life and do things and spend $ while in good health still. It’s really sad actually to look back at my grandpa who has since passsed and was one of the best men I’ve ever know, and while he had sometime to enjoy retired life before he passed away, like many described in this thread, they basically spent their whole living life working simply to provide for their family. |
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I'm not big on most holidays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays, whatever are just days to me. This was Fathers Day #2 for me and it was weird having people tell me happy fathers day. But for situations like this: Quote:
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