Parental Thread

[Traum]

Originally Posted by EvoFire

For the majority of the heat and air quality issues, chances are it's August and the kids are out of school anyways. There's probably a select few days in Sept that there's an issue. To rectify the problem is going to be a mid 8 figure project minimum, if not into the early 9s, there's simply no budget for that, and nor is there enough public will.

Some teachers have portable air conditioners that I've seen, not sure if on their own dime or not, or the school or PAC/PTA pulled some money for south or west facing rooms.

Yeah, we're lucky here in Metro Vancouver that the majority of the worse heat and air quality warning days are gonna take place outside of the normal school year. That said, even back in my HS days, which was a good 30+ years ago, I remember being stuck in a hot, stuffy, and stinky portable classroom, and it wasn't very pleasant at all lol~

A lot of teachers at public schools frequently spend their own money on buying necessary supplies for their classes, even though that money should have been spent by the School Board. So I have no doubts that many of the portable air conditioners that might be found in school classrooms are also paid for by the teachers themselves. Many teachers really love their jobs, and they like the kids as well. Plus, they would benefit from having a more pleasant classroom themselves as well. But what I find interesting is -- while I was watching the news in the summer, it was mentioned that in a lot of the older schools, it is actually their electrical infrastructure that would not be able to support the power demands if every classroom had air conditioning. And the costs to rectify that problem is HUUUUUGE.

[Traum]

OK, quick change of topics, and I could really use some help for this one -- how do you break the news to your kid that a dog familiar to him has passed?

The backstory is -- my kid is in middle elementary school. We typically swing by his godmother's place to visit her and play with her dogs on the weekend for a bit since her place is along the way to one of the extracuricullar classes. Ms. Godmother has recently accquired a new and relatively young dog from animal shelter, and my kid had played with her (Persia) since the first week when she was taken home. Unfortunately, after the initial few weeks of being brought into her new home, Persia has started showing signs of being sick, and despite ongoing tests with the vet, her condition has continued to get worse. When we were visiting last week, Persia had already gotten quite weak, and I was more or less expecting her to pass into heaven soon, or that Ms. Godmother would end her misery by putting her to sleep.

Tonight became the night when Ms. Godmother made the difficult decision to send her onwards to cross the rainbow bridge.

We're gonna be visiting Godmother again on the weekend, and I think it is only appropriate that I break the news to my kid prior to our visit. The problem is -- I dunno how. Or rather, I dunno what the best way is to do this.

My kid has been playing with Persia for just under 2 months now, and he has taken on a liking to her. Godmother still has another young-ish dog -- 3 - 4 yrs old? -- that my kid has played with for the past several years, and she definitely knows and likes the kiddo dog more. Prior to that, Godmother also had an old dog, Granny. Although my kid had played with Granny as well, he was really too young back then to remember or feel too strongly about losing a dog. He knew Granny has passed, and that Godmother was very much heart-broken at her passing. But he never felt or understood the emotional loss because it all happened when he was just too young to understand any of that.

But by now in middle elementary school, he knows at a basic level what death is. I know full well that no matter how I tell him this time, his affection and emotions are gonna be strong enough that there'll be some good amount of crying.

I hope we can turn this into a valuable life lesson somehow, and I hope I can minimize the hurt and the pain (for my kid). Persia is not my dog, so while I am sad about her passing, I am also rather logical to feel thankful that she no longer has to suffer, and that she had gotten the chance to have and know what a loving family is before she passed. But I really dunno how I can break the news to my kid, and I'd have to do it some time on Friday before we visit Godmother again on the weekend.

I would really appreciate your help. ��

[SSM_DC5]

Dog got loose and ran away, your next weekend can then consist of putting up lost dog posters in the neighbourhood.

[roastpuff]

I think you should just break it straight. Don't lie to them. Don't mislead them.

"Persia got sick and wasn't going to get better, so Auntie X decided it was better that Persia wasn't going to suffer longer."

Kids understand more than you think. It may suck for them to learn about loss, but the crying will lead to (hopefully) more emotional growth in your child.

[westopher]

Yeah our dog died when our daughter was about 7-8 months and her friends dog died when she was like 3.5. Just tried to explain it best we could to her. We aren’t a religious family so there was no doggy heaven in the convo, but we did say we hope Monty and Kobe meet and get to play together wherever they are now, but they were too sick and they can’t be here with us anymore.

[Traum]

As a quick follow up -- I broke the news to him after dinner last night, and the kiddo took it surprisingly well.

I kept it brief, and pretty much just told him Persia had gotten too sick, so she has pass on through the Rainbow Bridge to go play with Granny dog in heaven.

I was 1000% expecting him to cry, and he did not, which was really surprising to me. He was of course very sad about it, and instantly went quiet as I told him the news. He was visibly depressed for the remainder of the evening as well, but from what I can tell, he was not surprised by the news either.

I can only tell that he was processing the news after I told him about it, but I have no idea what might have been going through his head.

We still dropped by Ms. Godmother's place today, and he went to play with her 2 dogs as usual. He did give Godmother a hug when he first arrived, but he didn't mention anything about Persia otherwise.

I guess this is how his first real encounter with death has turned out.

[RabidRat]

Originally Posted by Traum

I used to tutor math for high school kids. By some stroke of luck, there was a 2 or 3 year run when I worked with a few kids from different private schools. I forgot exactly which ones, but they were the better ones, including at least one kid from West Point Grey Academy.

They were of course all good kids from good, supportive families, so I'm sure they would still have thrived had they went to public schools. But what struck me the most were the additional opportunities that were there to open their eyes to a bigger, wider world outside of just the academics. There were out-of-country trips -- can't remember whether it was to Spain or France -- where they students were only allowed to speak the foreign language while they were on the school organized portions of the trip. I think band had a US or European tour of some sort. Every grade seems to have a "big marquee event" within a school year, plus other events over the course of the school year as well. And the parents had to be really involved. In hindsight, I think all of these events and stuff outside of just school and socializing probably helped opened their eyes, grew their awareness, and helped them mature by at least a year or 2, if not more.

Imagine being fresh out of highschool, but instead of just having a highschool student's attitude towards your next phase in life, if you already have the mindset and maturity of a 1st or 2nd year student when you pursue post secondary studies, that would obivously put you ahead of the others by quite a bit.

Unfortunately, I don't have the $25 - $30k that I'd need each year to put my kid in private school. And I obviously don't have the additional money to send them on to these additional trips and activities either. I also wouldn't have the time (nor the desire or patience) to participate in the PTA as if it was my 2nd job as well.

So no, I can't put my kid into a (good) private school, and I sure as heck isn't gonna put him into a crappy one -- from first hand experience, I seem to think St. Francis Xavier is pretty chaotic.

Man this is great insight. My wife and I were mostly thinking about the obvious downsides like risking the kids hanging out with entitled, unmotivated, pretentious jerks. But we never thought about this angle.

And actually the whole "expected to be involved" thing would be a big upside for me: I want to volunteer and participate, especially if I'd be doing it hanging out with all the other parents lol!

We went out of our way to buy a house in a good catchment area, but now I'm wondering if we should move into a bad neighborhood and free up a ton of money to send the kids to private school lol.

[EvoFire]

You still don't want to live in a bad neighbourhood.

[bcrdukes]

I'm not trying to make this about me, but case in point, I went to two of the poorest ranked schools in all of BC and lived in the poorest postal code in all of Canada. Use me as your primary example of what your kids could become and as motivation to do what's best for your kids. Don't move to a worse neighbourhood for the sake of putting your kids in to a private school.

This sounds vain, but consider the perception your kids have to deal with among their classmates and possibly other parents when they find out you're not in a good neighbourhood. Life is tough and kids are mean.

[EvoFire]

Originally Posted by bcrdukes

I'm not trying to make this about me, but case in point, I went to two of the poorest ranked schools in all of BC and lived in the poorest postal code in all of Canada. Use me as your primary example of what your kids could become and as motivation to do what's best for your kids. Don't move to a worse neighbourhood for the sake of putting your kids in to a private school.

This sounds vain, but consider the perception your kids have to deal with among their classmates and possibly other parents when they find out you're not in a good neighbourhood. Life is tough and kids are mean.

You went to Tupper? JO? You should be too old for Byrne Creek

[bcrdukes]

Feel free to make your assumptions and be sure to tell your kids of a legendary loser named bcrdukes so they do better in life and in school while making a positive impact on society!

[supafamous]

Originally Posted by RabidRat

And actually the whole "expected to be involved" thing would be a big upside for me: I want to volunteer and participate, especially if I'd be doing it hanging out with all the other parents lol!

It takes a special kind of person to want to volunteer for the torture of volunteering at school. Haha.

While there are parents I like at my kid's school I have zero desire to spend any time with random parents - some of them are just fine and not my type but there are those who just aren't very likeable people (like the dad who writes ranting screeds for the National Post and just looks perpetually angry at everyone). I'd hate to join a PTA or volunteer at my kid's school and be stuck with any of the unlikeable parents. Just tell me how much money you need and I'll send a cheque.

[GLOW]

Originally Posted by bcrdukes

I went to Britannia. Look how I turned out (poor, dumb, and broke dick.)

Let me be the example your children should NOT become!

school just off "the drive"... hipster was ingrained to you early on i see

[bcrdukes]

Being dumb and poor is cool, man.

[Traum]

Originally Posted by supafamous

It takes a special kind of person to want to volunteer for the torture of volunteering at school. Haha.

While there are parents I like at my kid's school I have zero desire to spend any time with random parents - some of them are just fine and not my type but there are those who just aren't very likeable people (like the dad who writes ranting screeds for the National Post and just looks perpetually angry at everyone). I'd hate to join a PTA or volunteer at my kid's school and be stuck with any of the unlikeable parents. Just tell me how much money you need and I'll send a cheque.

With volunteering at school, I actually find it pretty enjoyable if I am just there to "do stuff" -- say, accompany kids on a field trip as chaperone. Now, there are a couple of large caveats -- the kids have to be at least somewhat well behaved, the plan of action needs to be "not dumb", school staff and other volunteers can't be micro-managing, etc.

Where things quickly become not enjoyable is when a lot of decisions need to be made, and certain participants make that decision process difficult, or insist on making dumb / nonsensical choices. In my biased opinion, volunteering in the PTA would probably include a lot of that, so I helping out there is a hard pass for me.

[Tapioca]

I think everyone who is a parent should at least attend a few PAC meetings to understand what's going on at your school and to understand where your money is going.

I've been on the executive of our PAC for the last 3 years. We had quite a bit of dysfunction about 2 years ago, but we did some hard work and amended our bylaws to bring our governance up to a more professional standard.

The nice thing about PAC, at least at an elementary school level, is that it's low stakes.

[supafamous]

Anyone here have a kid with ADHD?

My 6 year old is ishowing moderate signs of it (teachers have completed an evaluation that my pediatrician has reviewed) and we're going to start working with an occupational therapist. Her teacher reports she's highly distracted at school - can't focus on completing school work and extremely chatty. At home she's got a VERY high energy motor.

Curious to hear what you've done and what's worked/not worked. What resources did you find helpful in understanding ADHD?

[mikemhg]

Are they still prescribing Ritalin nowadays for ADHD?

[supafamous]

Originally Posted by mikemhg

Are they still prescribing Ritalin nowadays for ADHD?

I think in some cases yes though our doctor wants to avoid that at this point as my kid hasn't received any other kinds of support yet. At her age it can be hard to tell how much of what we're seeing is really ADHD vs "being a child" so the preference is to provide support first and see how she adapts.

[mikemhg]

I truly think kids are just more distracted nowadays with phones, tablets, games, etc. The food we eat is a contributing factor (foods with red dye, processed foods) and like how IBS is used for people with stomach problems, ADHD is just a blanket diagnosis doctors tend to attribute when there isn't a real answer.

[supafamous]

Originally Posted by mikemhg

I truly think kids are just more distracted nowadays with phones, tablets, games, etc. The food we eat is a contributing factor (foods with red dye, processed foods) and like how IBS is used for people with stomach problems, ADHD is just a blanket diagnosis doctors tend to attribute when there isn't a real answer.

Yeah, it's definitely way worse with phones and tablets etc even for myself and my friends - I had one friend say he can only pay attention to things for 9 seconds now due to reels and TikTok's speed.

We've cut our kid off from her iPad since ADHD has come up and she doesn't really miss it. I feel a bit guilty about allowing the iPad in the first place now - I felt she'd learn a lot about problem solving with some of the games she played but I can see the other side of it too.

[RabidRat]

Originally Posted by supafamous

[...]I feel a bit guilty about allowing the iPad in the first place now - I felt she'd learn a lot about problem solving with some of the games she played but I can see the other side of it too.

I guess it's hard to predict which way things are going to go. Feels like making choices in parenting has parallels to investment in finances :/.

[Traum]

Originally Posted by supafamous

We've cut our kid off from her iPad since ADHD has come up and she doesn't really miss it. I feel a bit guilty about allowing the iPad in the first place now - I felt she'd learn a lot about problem solving with some of the games she played but I can see the other side of it too.

You're helping and protecting her by cutting her off from the iPad. On top of feeding your child all those quick dopamine hits, the screen time also isn't doing her any favours.

My kid's school class this year has really ramped up on the computer / tablet usage, and while I'd certainly acknowledge it is doing him some good, his vision has also deterioated rather noticeably since school started (ie. within the last 3 - 4 months). Myopia worsens most quickly before a child reaches 12 - 13 yrs old, and I'd really hope we can hold the myopia off for as long as we can.

[EvoFire]

From what I read, ADHD manifests differently in girls vs boys. Distracted is a symptom, but high energy doesn't seem to fit in

https://childmind.org/article/how-to...hter-has-adhd/
https://chadd.org/for-adults/symptom...men-and-girls/

The tablet thing is definitely and issue imo and neither of my kids miss screen time too much when we've had to take it away. My son's class is introducing tablets in class once a week and we are using it for reading exercises at home as well - gamifying education if you will but it's not been detrimental so far.

My wife has been anxious about our 6yo having ADHD but I'm not really buying it. We've found that they do need a physical outlet everyday ideally. He can stay home for one day fine but day 2 and day 3 would get increasingly challenging for everyone. Our conclusion is the education system has the correct things in place where kids are required to go outside or just have active physical play time.

If you guys have been cooping up at home through the break, you guys might need to just go out and do something. Go skating, go swimming, go to a playground if it's not raining, organize some playdates.

It was our little one's 3rd birthday yesterday and we did a party at Mino's for her. My two kids mostly have their own friend groups because they are 3 years and 4 months apart, all except this one pair of siblings who are 7 and 4. My older one had a HUGE blast playing with them yesterday and after the party he was overall much more mellow and kind than usual. Might just need to drain her battery more often and more thoroughly.

[6793026]

how do you all deal with kids jetlag?