The Modern Dating Thread

[Gerbs]

Originally Posted by MarkyMark

This new dude was the reason she got "the ick" with her man, he didn't just conveniently stumble into her life as soon as she started getting annoyed by her boyfriend. Someone she liked better and gave her attention came into her life and she needed a reason to cheat on him so "the ick" was her excuse.

women operate on emotions and stability, so one day for whatever reason if a light switches, she'll decide you're not the one for her. any good that you've had will suddenly be forgotten. if you'd asked her 2 weeks ago before she met the dude in the elevator, she would have swore she was going to marry you, has never been happier.

after she switches, she feels as though she hasn't been happy with you for a long time and justify to herself that she never loved you.

hard to conceptualize but brings peace

[roastpuff]

Originally Posted by bcrdukes

What is solo living?

Has their own place without roommate/not living with parents presumably.

[Gerbs]

Originally Posted by Razor Ramon HG

TBH, there is nothing wrong if you want to spend hundreds of dollars on a first date. I think it's when men expect to get something back in return -- nothing is guaranteed.

The issue is when you start date one at $100-200, and you see them weekly, that ends up being close to $600-800 depending on what you do. That's just for dinner, add activities, and weekend long trips.


I'm at this odd stage where there's 4 people that I've had good vibes with, but I have zero energy or desire to spend $$ on more than 1-2 dates a week, so now that I've given up, I'm getting max attention from all 4. Funny how dating works.

I also concluded if I'm not down to spend money on them, maybe I'm not into them like that? Probably cause some of them told me they prefer a 80-100 / 0-20 dynamic for paying for dates. and i have no capacity atm to want to plan dates like that.

Originally Posted by roastpuff

Has their own place without roommate/not living with parents presumably.

basements are okay if you're 6'1+ and built like ohtani, otherwise cooked if you want a pretty girl

Originally Posted by spoon.ek9

The problem is who they tell each other to aim for (top 1-3% of guys).

If you manage to find a girl who listens when you call out her bs, she's got a better head on her shoulders than most. Chances are, that one's a keeper. The ones who continue to be delusional in the current market will find themselves alone or doing IVF to have a baby on their own (I've got stories about this too).

single girls love keeping other single girls single

[HonestTea]

Originally Posted by Gerbs

single girls love keeping other single girls single

Misery loves company lol

[BIC_BAWS]

Originally Posted by Gerbs

I also concluded if I'm not down to spend money on them, maybe I'm not into them like that? Probably cause some of them told me they prefer a 80-100 / 0-20 dynamic for paying for dates. and i have no capacity atm to want to plan dates like that.

I realized that I don't mind spending some money on someone that I actually vibe really well with, ie. paying for brunch with no expectations to (she did cook me dinner so i guess it evens out?), picking them up and driving them everywhere, hanging out with them doing silly things (like shopping I normally hate shopping), holding their bags/jackets (weirdly it did not make me feel emasculated).

But it's when they *expect* a specific structured dynamic of 80-110 / 0-20, is when that pisses me off or when they expect that dynamic, right off the rip and I don't even know who tf you are LOL.

I also realized my AuDHD (internet diagnosis) has an impact on dating - I'm either 0 or 100. If I don't vibe with them, I'm bored and out. If I vibe with them, I'm down to be all in (and then also over invest lol). My problem is that I find it so difficult to find someone I vibe with. Tbh, all I want is someone who I can be shamelessly stupid and silly with, and not have glaring red flags LOL

[spoon.ek9]

Originally Posted by Gerbs

there's a lot of good girls locally. and I think I could find one at any moment. as my friends would say, I'm only experiencing the delulu one's cause I'm tryna go for the prettiest girls. I will pay the price though at least until I'm 32ish, then be more realistic



difficult in the sense that they want
- taller than them
- health/fit
- non smoker/vaping/occasional drug or weed / non excessive alcohol
- makes more than them masked as ambition
- car (optional if you live in DT)
- solo living (optional for some girls)
- provider + considerate + consistent


^
me?? I want a pretty girl who treats me well, family oriented, makes over $60K, then doesn't have to work after 40.

1. There was this 4'8 girl on Subtle Asian Dating that had 6'+ as a requirement. She got roasted in the comments lol. Girl is almost legally considered a midget but she absolutely has to have a guy that tall, no exceptions. Other girls of course tried to defend her saying she can have whatever expectations she wants but the problem generally is that women don't think what men want is important or a factor at all. IE, I can expect the world, YOU should be thankful anyone wants to be with you at all.

2. Very often they want a man who is fit/physically active while they themselves could be 20-50lbs overweight. I shit you not, this is common. Just shows how obvious the double standard is.

3. Absolutely insisting on the man making more money than her is how they try to weed out those who are "beneath" them. In reality, if someone makes the same money as you, you are equal. But girl math will tell you, no that means you're less than her. All the talk about being independent and "I don't need no man" but when it comes time to pay the bill? Yeah, you better be paying 80-100% of everything at all times.

4. Always asking for traditional aspects of a man in a relationship while they themselves are free to hoe around with zero accountability. They'll tell you things like body count doesn't matter because in the end they chose YOU This is an actual quote from my co-worker. She contradicted herself because right before that comment she was agreeing with me how neither one of us were the type to sleep around with a high number of partners before finding the one.



Man, this shit never ends. There are so many more things I haven't told you guys about dating in the past 10 years. I'm in a long term relationship now but all of this is still fresh in my mind. I'm in the same boat as others, if this future marriage doesn't work out, I'd rather be on my own. I just want peace and a dog (or several dogs).

[Gerbs]

Originally Posted by BIC_BAWS

I realized that I don't mind spending some money on someone that I actually vibe really well with, ie. paying for brunch with no expectations to (she did cook me dinner so i guess it evens out?), picking them up and driving them everywhere, hanging out with them doing silly things (like shopping I normally hate shopping), holding their bags/jackets (weirdly it did not make me feel emasculated).

But it's when they *expect* a specific structured dynamic of 80-110 / 0-20, is when that pisses me off or when they expect that dynamic, right off the rip and I don't even know who tf you are LOL.

The expectation throws me off too, I love the illusion of me providing but it's okay if I don't. It's so weird

Maybe it's because in the back of my mind, if I stop paying for shit they'll leave, idk. Also maybe it's the lack of reciprocity

[BIC_BAWS]

Originally Posted by Gerbs

I love the illusion of me providing but it's okay if I don't. It's so weird

This.

Originally Posted by Gerbs

Also maybe it's the lack of reciprocity

And this.

Reciprocity is nice tho. Never had a girl offer to cook for me after hanging out all day. That was nice xD

LOL sometimes I think I like the illusion/appearance/attention of dating more than actually dating.

[EvoFire]

Originally Posted by BIC_BAWS

This.



And this.

Reciprocity is nice tho. Never had a girl offer to cook for me after hanging out all day. That was nice xD

LOL sometimes I think I like the illusion/appearance/attention of dating more than actually dating.

Do you also like the illusion of sex more than actual sex?

[spoon.ek9]

Originally Posted by Gerbs

The expectation throws me off too, I love the illusion of me providing but it's okay if I don't. It's so weird

This is a lie, they'll drop you so fast if you don't pay or for many, even suggesting they pay half is a "red flag".

Maybe it's because in the back of my mind, if I stop paying for shit they'll leave, idk. Also maybe it's the lack of reciprocity

To be fair, some of them will eventually reciprocate but large majority of them insist that YOU prove yourself first and then MAYBE down the line they will do something in return. The worst ones will think they don't have to reciprocate at all. I'll never forget this one girl on a podcast when asked "what do you bring to the table?" and her reply was "my presence". She was dead serious.

[BIC_BAWS]

Originally Posted by EvoFire

Do you also like the illusion of sex more than actual sex?

Sometimes the convenience of my hand is better

[Gerbs]

Just got off a long convo with one of the girls. tldr; she expects guys to be 90-100/0 until they date and then she'll contribute 30%

Which is kinda funny because everyone I've dated longterm showed 30-60% effort, I cuffed and was happy to shift to 80/20. She got it backwards haha.



//////////

Side note, i'm honestly confused as to what to even look for in terms of recipriocity, effort or gratitude in this dating phase. Girls put so much more effort when they were 20-25, wtf is wrong with 27+ market, my older girl friends said they're all tired and damaged, then told me to date younger


Also noted that one girl was said thank you so many times, I was shook, specific thank you's made me feel like they valued my effort
- "thank you for booking the ticket, I didn't know Vancouver even had this"
- "thank you for driving, to the venue, dinner, home, 3x wtf?"
- "thanks for dinner, I love chinese food"
- "thanks for snacks, you're so sweet"

vs
a shy quick "tenk you" on the way out, the bar is low

[Badhobz]

Thank you for destroying my ass! Thank you thank you

[supafamous]

https://www.reddit.com/r/askvan/comm...w_do_you_date/

Somebody here posting on Reddit about dating? Another thread asking how people date.

[AstulzerRZD]

my older girl friends said they're all tired and damaged, then told me to date younger

low key they got played cuz they didn't have the social aptitude to lock down the man they want - now they guarded af

Originally Posted by Gerbs

everyone I've dated longterm showed 30-60% effort, I cuffed and was happy to shift to 80/20. She got it backwards haha.

Low key every girl who ain't playing is bringing small little gifts to me on 2nd/3rd date - they aren't in "logical, I got played so now i'm thinking about numbers" mode like the bitter ones are.

My general principle is that it's not about any specific number. Both people should make their interest and 'choosing' of the other person kinda clear because it's no fun to be on a date where both people aren't "running towards each other".

for example, on 1st date? If I do planning and get meal/drinks - she should offer to get the dessert at the 2nd spot when i decline her offer to help with the meal.

"thank you for driving, to the venue, dinner, home, 3x wtf?"

this is such a green flag because the effort/contribution gap gets far worse when we do step into the provider role and deal with more bs around the house in the future. also shows she respects your time

that said, some girls are different and afraid of expressing their appreciation. doesn't mean i have to be ok with it tho.

[Badhobz]

stop saying low key you fucking low key muppet. HIGH KEY HIGH KEY !

[68style]

Y’all looking at the wrong type of girls, long nails fake lashes get the “Ew.” face when anything involving effort comes up?

Haaaaaard pass let the 60+ year old divorced dudes with $$$ fuck with those ones.

[EvoFire]

Would it be a red flag if I asked them to go brunch with no makeup on for like a 3rd date?

[AstulzerRZD]

gotta find the ones with more cuffed friends than single friends
when they be listening to their perpetually single friends, its' a bad time

[AstulzerRZD]

Originally Posted by EvoFire

Would it be a red flag if I asked them to go brunch with no makeup on for like a 3rd date?

If u got the figure for it, take her on a pool or surf date

[68style]

Evo already planning his divorce escapades???

[Acura604]

Online Dating Story #1

chatted with some woman for a few weeks... she's out in east abbotsford... decided to meet up at moxies 200th/hwy 1 area -

she was ALOT older in person - wrinkles everywhere (fkin filters hide dat shit) - wasn't interested so i let her know that. she got angry - real angry..saying stupid shit like "well what are you afraid of? i'm a good loving person i would treat you good...i wish i never met you!" had to block her. ..fckin bipolar freak!!!


(more stories coming)

[BIC_BAWS]

Originally Posted by BIC_BAWS

My friend got the ick from her bf over the holiday season, apparently he was being too feminine/clingy for her - they're LDR and she would just be turned off by the things he does or how he behaves when he visits. So she starts flirting with another man - "for fun" / "it was harmless" she says. Fast forward to the day before Valentine's, she made out with this man in the elevator, hooked up with him multiple times throughout the night/next day, and then breaks up with her bf on valentine's day. Fast forward some more, the now-ex-bf wanted closure and asked if she even feels sad, she puts on an act and then gaslight herself into being sad. Then went to a therapist who used therapy words to label her behavior and let her avoid accountability. Ironically, this bf is the guy she starting flirting with, when she was in her last (albeit abusive) relationship. And while all this is happening, her ex-bf from like 20 years ago drops in with a msg/email/dm every now and then for last 20 years while she's in other r/s... idk why (well I know why) she doesn't just no contact and block/ignore him on everything. "Judgement free-zone" but I called her a whore and told her there's a pattern of lacking accountability.

Originally Posted by BIC_BAWS

I realized that I don't mind spending some money on someone that I actually vibe really well with, ie. paying for brunch with no expectations to (she did cook me dinner so i guess it evens out?), picking them up and driving them everywhere, hanging out with them doing silly things (like shopping I normally hate shopping), holding their bags/jackets (weirdly it did not make me feel emasculated).

So this is the same chick and my friends were like "hard launch?" and my initial reaction is HELL NO, this chick is a walking red flag and she would fucking ruin me more than a SMG E60 M5. This is retard meets retard, it'd be like dating myself.

But my other (female) friend started to gas light me into thinking more about it - that IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THAT - dating yourself. So I'm like but you'd have to be attracted to them first right? Apparently, not LOL.

And then I gas lit myself into thinking about it.. that it's really nice getting to be silly and unrelentlessly goofy with someone. And that for once, I actually feel seen. I can't really describe our dynamic aside from we're just shamelessly stupid with each other since there's no judgement whatsoever, and I wouldn't ever act this retarded with anyone else. Even with the boys, I always have a wall or two up.

Is this what "slow burn" looks like??

Ngl, I had so much fun taking her out and taking care of her, and just having a good time together. It beats all the other dates, whom I just don't vibe - like that with.

The other night when I was over, she asked me if a certain picture was sexy, from a man's perspective and I didn't want to answer cause I didn't want to think of her that way (I said iunno you're not my type LOL - bitch is flat as a board) - can't go back after that.

Aside from the above glaring red flags, it would also be really messy cause it would put our mutual friend in a difficult position (who is an informal therapist for both of us lol) and we're both very involved with our mutual friend's kid's life. But otoh, if it worked out, it'd already be perfect :clown:

Anyway, since this chick would FUCKING RUIN ME, I think imma go take a trip to Campbell River to go bang this viet chick to get my mind off this LOL. Also have a trip planned for South Korea next month (work trip), so gonna be hitting up shawties there too. I moved my Hinge location to Seoul, and I instantly got 4-5 "likes" from the equivalent of Vancouver 7/8s LOL. It's wild.

[68style]

Can’t wait for the next $1000 drink bill night!

[Badhobz]

uhhhh.... ummm.... would be easier if you guys all turned into fags. way less drama.