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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 01-10-2009, 11:25 AM   #26
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Even when I was younger I always have known that if I were to become pregnant that I would have the baby and keep it. Yes the stress would be great and money would be tight. If the guy didn't feel ready then that is his right. I think something like this the two partners in a relationship that is sexual should discuss before it comes up though. My boyfriend knows my beliefs on it and fortunately he feels the same way.

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Old 01-10-2009, 11:32 AM   #27
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Even when I was younger I always have known that if I were to become pregnant that I would have the baby and keep it. Yes the stress would be great and money would be tight. If the guy didn't feel ready then that is his right. I think something like this the two partners in a relationship that is sexual should discuss before it comes up though. My boyfriend knows my beliefs on it and fortunately he feels the same way.
girls like you scare the hell out of me. at least make the decision when it happens, not based on some feeling you felt back when you were a kid.
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Old 01-10-2009, 11:33 AM   #28
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one of my buddies is in a situation like that, only he has the kid now...and that dream of getting married...all the stress from everything just broke the two of them apart.

id tell the girl she has an option, have the child and lose me, or lose the child and we can always make another
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Old 01-10-2009, 11:43 AM   #29
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+1

and if she still disagrees...

*falcon punch*
what is falcon punch? is it same as donkey punch?
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Old 01-10-2009, 11:59 AM   #30
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abortion would be bad for a 20 year old, mess her body up good, might not be able to have another one

i would keep it, i'll take responsibility for my actions

my cousin got preggo when she was still in high school, she kept it and the kid turns out pretty good, even though he can be a brat
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Old 01-10-2009, 12:09 PM   #31
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girls like you scare the hell out of me. at least make the decision when it happens, not based on some feeling you felt back when you were a kid.
I always have felt that way and still do. I was refering back to when I was 20, as that is what approximate age the poster was asking about.
I don't understand how knowing for sure what you would do would be scary. I would be more worried if someone hadn't put any thought into it and then had to decide on the spot. I figure if your mature enough to have sex with someone then you should be able to discuss with them what you would do if the girl did get pregnant.
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Old 01-10-2009, 12:13 PM   #32
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no pregnancy is good. abortion is the only rational choice. having to talk craazy girls out of killing thier already doomed fetus is difficult at best, and impossible at worst, and every guy fears having to have that conversation, cause, most girls will know to bring it up when he's hungover, or just lost his job, or at some other time when its just not what he wants to hear, when he may not be up to the argument.

scary stuff
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Old 01-10-2009, 07:44 PM   #33
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a baby is not a toy/prop/dog for someone to carry around in their purse.
You don't understand how many girls think that this is what motherhood is all about. Makes me want to slap the "stupid" out of them.
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Old 01-10-2009, 07:55 PM   #34
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wow you guys al say abort it... why not give it up for adoption?
i've always thought about that too if i ever came face to face with the situation of being preggos and not being able to care for it. it is another solution, but for me i don't think i could ever bear to give up my baby. especially not after seeing him/her for the first time..breathing and living.

i also don't want to concern myself with wondering in the future if my baby is growing up in a good home or the worst, having him or her feel like i didn't want him/her. no child should ever feel like they were not wanted from their own parents. i know there are tons of good families out there who do take great care for their adoptive children, i do! but i just don't think putting my kid up for adoption would ever be something i'd consider.

THIS IS JUST ME THOUGH!
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Old 01-10-2009, 10:46 PM   #35
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I ask this: Is she or is she not pregnant?

If she is, deal with it. If it isn't, tell her that you don't need to talk about this. Someone always gets hurt with these "what would you do" conversations.
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Old 01-10-2009, 11:13 PM   #36
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wow you guys al say abort it... why not give it up for adoption?
Why would that be a better option?
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Old 01-11-2009, 12:09 AM   #37
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wow...

Do whatever your heart says. There is no right or wrong decision. Life will go on no matter which decision he or she makes.

Get more advice from family or close friends. They might not know any better than you, but they are definitely there to help.
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Old 01-11-2009, 12:25 AM   #38
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Why would that be a better option?
I'm not saying abortion would be better, I was just posing a question..

I am completely pro-choice but I know if I ever got pregant when I was younger I would not have been able to go through with an abortion because I believe it's a living thing as soon as conception happens and TO ME it would feel like I was killing it. For ME PERSONALLY I would rather not feel like I killed my child and would give it up for adoption to give people that want kids but can't have them the opportunity to have one.

Everyone has to do what is best for themselves, I was just curious about another option as it seemed like the answer was 100% to abort it.
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Old 01-11-2009, 12:59 AM   #39
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I'm not saying abortion would be better, I was just posing a question..

I am completely pro-choice but I know if I ever got pregant when I was younger I would not have been able to go through with an abortion because I believe it's a living thing as soon as conception happens and TO ME it would feel like I was killing it. For ME PERSONALLY I would rather not feel like I killed my child and would give it up for adoption to give people that want kids but can't have them the opportunity to have one.

Everyone has to do what is best for themselves, I was just curious about another option as it seemed like the answer was 100% to abort it.
Well, for us guys we're not the ones with the baby in our belly; I would go so far as to assume that men would be less emotionally attached to the infant in question. In parallel, we are not the ones who will go through the actual processes of child birth or abortion. I say this because without the emotional attachment to the child that a mother would have, we men are more likely to think of the infant as a problem rather than a human being in the making.

The mother would naturally want to think for the well-being of the child. However, the father would take into consideration everything from child support to the pain that the mother would have at birth and the effects it would have on her body.

Now I'm not saying all men will say that abortion would be the answer, but I'm rationalizing why it's a logical answer from a man's point of view. My belief is that when it comes down to pregnancy, the father would want more control over when they have children, and the mother would be more flexible with welcoming an unexpected child in their life.
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Old 01-11-2009, 01:28 AM   #40
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Old 01-11-2009, 09:40 AM   #41
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min.tee that akes sense, thanks
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Old 01-11-2009, 06:01 PM   #42
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This is not directed to anyone directly, and feel free to flame me all you want, but:

I've seen many friends who are my age and their kids are now between 3-7 years old. I'm 25. The parents of the 7 year old were completely religious and their family was the most important thing to them in the world. They're broken up now. And you know what each one said when i talked to them? (Keep in mind that the custody of the kids was not determined yet. ) They both said:
"i love my family. for the past 7years i lived for them and only them. but now, i'm free. I can go back to school, I can upgrade myself and get a better job. I can get out of this industry I'm in (we worked together for 6years). I can be better. I can think of myself for once."

Despite the best intentions, I don't think that having a child when one is not ready for the emotional, physical and financial toll it takes - all in the name of helping you sleep better at night by not thinking you committed murder, did not take responsibility for your actions, strayed from your faith etc.
It is a completely different life. the first year: basically almost no sleep. money is tighter. you may have to move to a bigger place as the one bedroom you and your gf shared is no longer enough. you work more to earn more. you come home exhausted. the two of you almost never spend time together as your schedules are now opposite to accommodate the child. you think that 2 or 3 year contract with fido/rogers is long? try an 18year contract.

I dont think that there are many people ready for this. And I think it's completely unfair to the child to be raised in such a situation just because one of both parents did not want to feel bad. I'm not talking about just money and electronics to keep up with the jones' either. I'm talking about spending time with both parents at the same time. The two kids I mentioned, my god-sons, they have been spoiled with love by their parents and material posessions by his godparents. but the toll it took on his parents eventually split them up. Their sense of relief now is proof to that.
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Old 01-11-2009, 10:58 PM   #43
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This is not directed to anyone directly, and feel free to flame me all you want, but:

I've seen many friends who are my age and their kids are now between 3-7 years old. I'm 25. The parents of the 7 year old were completely religious and their family was the most important thing to them in the world. They're broken up now. And you know what each one said when i talked to them? (Keep in mind that the custody of the kids was not determined yet. ) They both said:
"i love my family. for the past 7years i lived for them and only them. but now, i'm free. I can go back to school, I can upgrade myself and get a better job. I can get out of this industry I'm in (we worked together for 6years). I can be better. I can think of myself for once."

Despite the best intentions, I don't think that having a child when one is not ready for the emotional, physical and financial toll it takes - all in the name of helping you sleep better at night by not thinking you committed murder, did not take responsibility for your actions, strayed from your faith etc.
It is a completely different life. the first year: basically almost no sleep. money is tighter. you may have to move to a bigger place as the one bedroom you and your gf shared is no longer enough. you work more to earn more. you come home exhausted. the two of you almost never spend time together as your schedules are now opposite to accommodate the child. you think that 2 or 3 year contract with fido/rogers is long? try an 18year contract.

I dont think that there are many people ready for this. And I think it's completely unfair to the child to be raised in such a situation just because one of both parents did not want to feel bad. I'm not talking about just money and electronics to keep up with the jones' either. I'm talking about spending time with both parents at the same time. The two kids I mentioned, my god-sons, they have been spoiled with love by their parents and material posessions by his godparents. but the toll it took on his parents eventually split them up. Their sense of relief now is proof to that.
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Old 01-12-2009, 03:49 AM   #44
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I don't think it just depends on financial stability whether or not to keep the child or not.

Have you guys thought about mental stability? I mean if the girl were to abort, remember to do it asap because the longer you wait, the more likely the girl is going to regret what happens to her body later on in life. I've actually heard an abortion is just as bad, if not sometimes worse than actually giving birth to a child. That's because some women end up not being able to have children later on in life (rare, but it happens).

There is also a risk of postpartum depression after abortions and birth.

Guys don't have to deal with that kinda stuff. If anything, just a lack of sleep and money in the wallet. For the girl, we're talking about long term health risks.


In the end, remember kids:

- Use protection.
- BEFORE sex, make sure your girl remembered to take her birth control pills
- If the condom breaks, get Plan B asap from your local youth clinic (most effective within 24hrs)
- Make sure your partner is clean of STDs (girls get a swab, guys pee in a cup)

Lastly, make sure you know the consequences of not protecting yourself.
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Old 01-12-2009, 12:39 PM   #45
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This is not directed to anyone directly, and feel free to flame me all you want, but:

I've seen many friends who are my age and their kids are now between 3-7 years old. I'm 25. The parents of the 7 year old were completely religious and their family was the most important thing to them in the world. They're broken up now. And you know what each one said when i talked to them? (Keep in mind that the custody of the kids was not determined yet. ) They both said:
"i love my family. for the past 7years i lived for them and only them. but now, i'm free. I can go back to school, I can upgrade myself and get a better job. I can get out of this industry I'm in (we worked together for 6years). I can be better. I can think of myself for once."

Despite the best intentions, I don't think that having a child when one is not ready for the emotional, physical and financial toll it takes - all in the name of helping you sleep better at night by not thinking you committed murder, did not take responsibility for your actions, strayed from your faith etc.
It is a completely different life. the first year: basically almost no sleep. money is tighter. you may have to move to a bigger place as the one bedroom you and your gf shared is no longer enough. you work more to earn more. you come home exhausted. the two of you almost never spend time together as your schedules are now opposite to accommodate the child. you think that 2 or 3 year contract with fido/rogers is long? try an 18year contract.

I dont think that there are many people ready for this. And I think it's completely unfair to the child to be raised in such a situation just because one of both parents did not want to feel bad. I'm not talking about just money and electronics to keep up with the jones' either. I'm talking about spending time with both parents at the same time. The two kids I mentioned, my god-sons, they have been spoiled with love by their parents and material posessions by his godparents. but the toll it took on his parents eventually split them up. Their sense of relief now is proof to that.
Wow you sound like a young parent yourself!

Funny thing is, I also know of a couple who married and had 2 kids when they were young, and now they're separated. Any chance the parents' names' initials are T & V?
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Old 01-12-2009, 05:16 PM   #46
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^ nope. different initials.
not a young parent. but when i did therapy for 2yrs they made up the majority of my clientele.

it's just that many of the parents to be criticize others for thinking of the short term only - as has been done here. when in actuality, they're doing the same thing when they say ''i wouldnt be able to live with myself for committing murder etc'' and on top of that, it's selfish.
Perhaps in another city, or another country. but let's face it, as much as we'd like to think that love would make up for any other deficits, we're in vancouver! rent is nuts, food is nuts, clothing is nuts, welfare is diddly-squat, child assistance helps (the more kids you have like mr. abbottsford and his 18kids!!) but not much. if I were to have a kid now, i'd be in financial ruins! I'd most likely have to move in with my friends' place and house hop.

Neither of these are fair to the kid.

as u can tell, i'm a lil jaded hahahhahahaha hence why i'm on a nice lil hiatus lol
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Old 01-14-2009, 10:02 AM   #47
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Guys don't have to deal with that kinda stuff. If anything, just a lack of sleep and money in the wallet. For the girl, we're talking about long term health risks.
Wow! You talk about it like its no big thing. I mean, its just money in the wallet right? That has no serious adverse effects whatsoever right? I mean who needs money when you have love?

Oh well, its just money. Great job perpetuating the negative stereotype.


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^ nope. different initials.
not a young parent. but when i did therapy for 2yrs they made up the majority of my clientele.

it's just that many of the parents to be criticize others for thinking of the short term only - as has been done here. when in actuality, they're doing the same thing when they say ''i wouldnt be able to live with myself for committing murder etc'' and on top of that, it's selfish.
Perhaps in another city, or another country. but let's face it, as much as we'd like to think that love would make up for any other deficits, we're in vancouver! rent is nuts, food is nuts, clothing is nuts, welfare is diddly-squat, child assistance helps (the more kids you have like mr. abbottsford and his 18kids!!) but not much. if I were to have a kid now, i'd be in financial ruins! I'd most likely have to move in with my friends' place and house hop.

Neither of these are fair to the kid.

as u can tell, i'm a lil jaded hahahhahahaha hence why i'm on a nice lil hiatus lol
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Old 01-14-2009, 02:46 PM   #48
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Wow! You talk about it like its no big thing. I mean, its just money in the wallet right? That has no serious adverse effects whatsoever right? I mean who needs money when you have love?

Oh well, its just money. Great job perpetuating the negative stereotype
I know there's more to it than that. But to keep it simple, I just went with the stereotype. If a man really does step it up when his girl is pregnant, he's definitely more than just a walking zombie with concerns for his wallet.

I'm sure there's a lot of stress involved and maybe even depression for a guy. Maybe psychological confrontations too. But I just don't see the guy suffering more physically than the girl. That's just my opinion. But feel free to prove me wrong with examples
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Old 01-14-2009, 04:51 PM   #49
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I know there's more to it than that. But to keep it simple, I just went with the stereotype. If a man really does step it up when his girl is pregnant, he's definitely more than just a walking zombie with concerns for his wallet.

I'm sure there's a lot of stress involved and maybe even depression for a guy. Maybe psychological confrontations too. But I just don't see the guy suffering more physically than the girl. That's just my opinion. But feel free to prove me wrong with examples
of course the guy won't be able to suffer more physically compared to a woman. the woman is the one that has to carry a baby for 9 months before popping him/her out of her vagina. on top of that, doctors have to cut a slit at the bottom of the vag so it won't tear while the baby is coming out. a woman's body will never really be the same after having a child with all that stretching and stress her body has to go through.

but if it's in regards to emotional pain, a man suffers equally as a woman when he has to give up a child. especially if the love is there, but being able to provide at that time isn't. yeah it's hard on a mom, but i can't even imagine the guilt a man has to go through when he isn't able to take care of his lover and child.
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Old 01-14-2009, 04:56 PM   #50
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I'm sure there's a lot of stress involved and maybe even depression for a guy. Maybe psychological confrontations too. But I just don't see the guy suffering more physically than the girl. That's just my opinion. But feel free to prove me wrong with examples
If you're talking about suffering due to abortion-enduced depression, the same can be said about pre-mature motherhood. Do you think starting a family when it is beyond ones means to do so is still like the picturesque family you always see on TV?

Our society has the means to promote family planning. We can curb the phenomenon of teen pregancy or pre-mature parenthood. We would do well to use it, not ignore it.

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