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02-20-2009, 04:27 PM
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#51 | | I don't get it
Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 408
Thanked 12 Times in 9 Posts
Failed 5 Times in 4 Posts
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Today, I complimented my mom with "Hey, I think you lost some weight." She replied with "Yeah, I think you found it." FML
Today, in school my shoulder was killing me from a softball injury. I went to the nurse's office and asked "Can I have some ice?" They responded with "Why, what happened to your face?" FML
Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response: "Lucky you." FML
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02-20-2009, 04:35 PM
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#52 | | I is Romanian
Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Vansterdam
Posts: 1,756
Thanked 868 Times in 228 Posts
Failed 417 Times in 94 Posts
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Originally Posted by danny_d19  "Today, I was looking down at my paper in class and my spanish teacher asked if I was sleeping or not. I'm Asian. My eyes were open. FML"
lol |  | |
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02-20-2009, 08:27 PM
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#53 | | OMGWTFBBQ is a common word I say everyday
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 6,044
Thanked 315 Times in 149 Posts
Failed 53 Times in 33 Posts
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lol this site makes me feel so good about myself
Is it bad that i find humour in other people's hilarious misery?
although some of this shit sounds made up.
__________________ 1996 Honda Accord 1995 Nissan 240sx 2004 Infiniti G35 2005 Honda Jazz BuySell Feedback Quote: |
"It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries... Yep, it's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good ... They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time it works, every time. "
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02-20-2009, 09:56 PM
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#54 | | Chinese Guy, Swedish Rides
Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: In da GV-ehhhh
Posts: 11,821
Thanked 611 Times in 203 Posts
Failed 57 Times in 28 Posts
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Today my lesbian sister enthusiastically showed me her new strap on. Not only does she get more girls than me, she now has a bigger penis too. FML
| OMGWTLAKBASHHLOLLLLL
Damn you avinayyar, I may not sleep until I've read all the top FMLs hahahahahaah EDIT: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Quote: |
Today, I got really depressed and decided to call Kids Help Phone. An operator answered, and as I started to talk about my problem, I stuttered a couple times because I was nervous and upset. The operator hung up on me. FML
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02-20-2009, 10:04 PM
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#55 | | Banned (ABWS)
Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: vancouver
Posts: 3,303
Thanked 1,107 Times in 271 Posts
Failed 66 Times in 25 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by danny_d19 "Today, I was looking down at my paper in class and my spanish teacher asked if I was sleeping or not. I'm Asian. My eyes were open. FML"
lol | LOLLOLOLOLOLOL. That happened to a guy in my highschool, but in French class. OH MY LAWD
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02-20-2009, 11:47 PM
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#56 | | I is Romanian
Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Vansterdam
Posts: 1,756
Thanked 868 Times in 228 Posts
Failed 417 Times in 94 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by +Kardboard+ OMGWTLAKBASHHLOLLLLL
Damn you avinayyar, I may not sleep until I've read all the top FMLs hahahahahaah EDIT: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA | LMAO! I told you this thread was funny!
Last edited by avinayyar; 02-24-2009 at 09:29 PM.
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02-21-2009, 02:32 AM
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#57 | | Kick' In' Duh' Bass
Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Burnaby
Posts: 2,619
Thanked 1,692 Times in 405 Posts
Failed 434 Times in 65 Posts
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Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me. Instead, I found my cell phone with a text message from him that said "you should really do something about the pimples on your ass."
HAHAHAHAHH OH MANNNN
__________________ Flickr The DC5 Member's Journal > 2005 Acura TSX ASPEC < > 2003 Acura RSX-S < > 1994 Acura Intergra LS < > 1994 Honda Civic SI < > 1991 Acura Integra GS < ( RIP ) | |
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02-24-2009, 02:00 PM
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#58 | | HELP ME PLS!!!
Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: vancouver
Posts: 5,688
Thanked 251 Times in 71 Posts
Failed 40 Times in 12 Posts
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Today, I stopped at a lemonade stand on my way to work. A cute little girl handed me a mouthwash-sized cup of juice, and her adorable little brother told me it would be $.25. All I had was a $20. He shoved it into his overalls pocket, looked up with huge brown eyes and just said "Thank you." FML
owned
Today, I was running by a school and saw that a deer had caught his antlers in the fence. I felt bad for it so I tried to help it free. Finally, he became unstuck. Then he rammed his antlers into my hip. Now I can't run in the marathon I have been training for a year to race in. FML
LOL
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02-24-2009, 03:48 PM
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#59 | | Willing to sell body for a few minutes on RS
Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: vancouver
Posts: 10,849
Thanked 291 Times in 122 Posts
Failed 20 Times in 8 Posts
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hahahah ROFL.. Gold!!!
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03-17-2009, 08:31 PM
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#60 | | Chinese Guy, Swedish Rides
Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: In da GV-ehhhh
Posts: 11,821
Thanked 611 Times in 203 Posts
Failed 57 Times in 28 Posts
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03-17-2009, 10:17 PM
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#61 | | My homepage has been set to RS
Join Date: May 2006 Location: PoCo
Posts: 2,062
Thanked 551 Times in 141 Posts
Failed 84 Times in 48 Posts
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Today, I went to my friends house when his parents were out to smoke weed. 45 minutes into smoking, his parents called to say they'd be home 5 minutes. We sprayed the house with Lysol and Frebreeze to mask the smell. We were high and in a rush; it was bug spray and shaving cream. FML
| hahahaha please be true!
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03-18-2009, 12:07 AM
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#62 | | What hasn't Killed me, has made me more tolerant of RS!
Join Date: May 2005 Location: vancity
Posts: 161
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Failed 0 Times in 0 Posts
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Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML
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03-19-2009, 07:34 AM
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#63 | | I answer every Emotion with an emoticon
Join Date: May 2002 Location: pc
Posts: 7,554
Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts
Failed 0 Times in 0 Posts
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Today, my boyfriend and I were at his house having sex. After about 30 minutes, his mom came home and was knocking on the door asking "What are you doing?" Thinking I might have a chance to sneak out, I got dressed real quiet. Then my boyfriend answers, "Zoe. I'm doing Zoe." FML
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03-19-2009, 11:31 AM
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#64 | | I *Fwap* *Fwap* *Fwap* to RS
Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: bby
Posts: 1,514
Thanked 596 Times in 107 Posts
Failed 93 Times in 26 Posts
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This just happened to me 5 mins ago...
So I just got to the library to meet up with a buddy to study together
Me: Fuck, I have an oral today can I practice on u?
Him: .... that sounds so wrong
FML
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03-19-2009, 02:20 PM
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#65 | | I STILL don't get it
Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: vancouver
Posts: 481
Thanked 46 Times in 4 Posts
Failed 17 Times in 3 Posts
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So i decided to post one but it went into the screening stage and i doubt it will get out.
"today i went to the store to buy heavy duty garbage bags and lime. When i arrived they only had regular strength bags. Once home i started filling the bags with the remains of the deadhookers in my bathtub. I carried them to the curb but they broke and now i have hooker gibblets on my nice shoes-FML"
"Today i told the captive slave girl under my bed to stop whinning. I told her her tears would only applify my rage. She persisted. upon removing her eyes with a rusty spoon i realized i had nothing to cauterize the wounds with and she bled out-FML"
__________________
if you aim at nothing your sure to hit it.
Last edited by Sean@Home; 03-19-2009 at 02:26 PM.
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03-19-2009, 03:56 PM
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#66 | | Chinese Guy, Swedish Rides
Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: In da GV-ehhhh
Posts: 11,821
Thanked 611 Times in 203 Posts
Failed 57 Times in 28 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by Sean@Home So i decided to post one but it went into the screening stage and i doubt it will get out.
"today i went to the store to buy heavy duty garbage bags and lime. When i arrived they only had regular strength bags. Once home i started filling the bags with the remains of the deadhookers in my bathtub. I carried them to the curb but they broke and now i have hooker gibblets on my nice shoes-FML"
"Today i told the captive slave girl under my bed to stop whinning. I told her her tears would only applify my rage. She persisted. upon removing her eyes with a rusty spoon i realized i had nothing to cauterize the wounds with and she bled out-FML" | Um...OK fail. -_-
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03-19-2009, 05:15 PM
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#67 | | I am Hook'd on RS
Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: vancouver
Posts: 57
Thanked 3 Times in 2 Posts
Failed 0 Times in 0 Posts
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Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend at his college and when I walked into the dorm he was lying in his bed with another girl. When he saw me he simply said, "April Fool's!" It's March 19th. FML
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03-19-2009, 11:30 PM
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#68 | | Rs has made me the man i am today!
Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Surrey
Posts: 3,327
Thanked 9 Times in 7 Posts
Failed 5 Times in 2 Posts
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read 30+pages yesterday. some pretty funny stuff.
__________________
'08 TW FA5
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03-21-2009, 02:15 PM
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#69 | | reads most threads with his pants around his ankles, especially in the Forced Induction forum.
Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 10,645
Thanked 2,191 Times in 1,131 Posts
Failed 929 Times in 340 Posts
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Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML
Today, I had to sleep in the same room as my grandparents. They checked to see if I was asleep, so I pretended to be to avoid getting scolded for staying up. Turns out they were checking so that they could make love. I witnessed two 70-year-olds have sex in the bed next to me for 20 minutes. FML
Today, my town had a carnival to raise money for cancer. I ran a kissing booth, when a really cute guy came up paid his $20, looked at me, and said "not even for cancer." He took his money and left. FML
Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in there today and there was a note that said "Little Sister, stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML
Last edited by Mr.HappySilp; 03-21-2009 at 02:22 PM.
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03-21-2009, 03:39 PM
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#70 | | ESKETIT
Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Shambhala
Posts: 23,366
Thanked 9,698 Times in 2,328 Posts
Failed 998 Times in 241 Posts
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LOLOLOL nice ones ^
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03-21-2009, 03:45 PM
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#71 | | RS.net, helping ugly ppl have sex since 2001
Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 8,858
Thanked 2,420 Times in 669 Posts
Failed 530 Times in 136 Posts
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Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML
that one is the best lol!
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03-21-2009, 05:01 PM
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#72 | | I contribute to threads in the offtopic forum
Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: East Vancouver
Posts: 2,605
Thanked 966 Times in 248 Posts
Failed 39 Times in 17 Posts
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"Today, my parents said that they bought me a car. I had been begging for one for a year and they always said that I would have to pay for it myself. I got really excited and went to the garage to see my new ride. It was a Hot Wheels car with a note saying "save your money". FML
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03-26-2009, 10:04 AM
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#73 | | Blood tests positive for LOL mod
Join Date: May 2002 Location: World
Posts: 12,999
Thanked 1,263 Times in 325 Posts
Failed 83 Times in 18 Posts
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Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole. I got it." in plain English. FML
Today, a co-worker and I walked out of our office at the same time. He got in his car, which was parked right out front. I asked him what I had to do to get a sweet parking spot like that. He proceeded to roll up his pant leg and show me his prosthesis. He was in the handicapped spot. FML
Today, I repaired a boiler for a wealthy guy in a big house. While there, I fixed a leaking tap for free. When I went to go, the man slipped something into my shirt pocket and said "have a drink on me." When I got to my truck, I discovered that he'd given me a tea bag. FML
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03-26-2009, 12:44 PM
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#74 | | HELP ME PLS!!!
Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: vancouver
Posts: 5,688
Thanked 251 Times in 71 Posts
Failed 40 Times in 12 Posts
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^ HAHAHAH the asian one
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03-26-2009, 04:54 PM
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#75 | | I Will not Admit my Addiction to RS
Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Richmond
Posts: 519
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Failed 22 Times in 2 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by Mananetwork Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole. I got it." in plain English. FML | | |
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