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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 04-04-2009, 05:18 PM   #1
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Got shutdown hard, Ouch!!

I wanna make it crystal clear my intentions today was not to go hitting up random chicks. Sorry, errr... I'm not creepy like that
But... when you see a real hot chick alone how can you or I or anyone else for that matter resist the temptation?

This girl was a real gem. Its not like I was second guessing myself yet I still had an intuitive feeling I was setting myself up for an unmitigated disaster.
My initial plan was to get her number but that would've been like pulling a rabbit out of a hat. Instead, I decided to just go for the friendly approach and do the simple 'hi' that everyone seems to think so highly of. Big mistake..

I get the balls to approach her after a minute or two of just trying to think of excuses why I shouldn't engage her. Bad I know. She's standing there gorgeous as a model's silhouette so I flank her from the rear and try to do the subtle smooth tap on the shoulder to get her attention. Now that I've gotten her attention, except she has this mediocre expression on her face which completely fazed me. You know that gif with the dog staring at the cupcakes.. thats the look I had. One thing to remember about me; I don't usually have the cajones to do this type of shit. Fuck.. it was a nice day and I was like whatever you only live once. You win some you lose some. The conversation wasn't bad but I could tell she was talking to me just out of politeness. Sucks big time cause this girl was smoking hot. Think of a tricked up version of Misa Campo.

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Old 04-04-2009, 05:26 PM   #2
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Never approach a girl from the rear....comes off stalker like even though you're not.
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Old 04-04-2009, 05:41 PM   #3
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haha i remember the last time i fucked up. i approached a girl at a club who i thought i saw checking me out. i step to her and get her attention and she faces me, big smile and we start talking. only problem is i have shit to say. 2 seconds later im walking away wondering what i was thinking.
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Old 04-05-2009, 01:58 AM   #4
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haha i remember the last time i fucked up. i approached a girl at a club who i thought i saw checking me out. i step to her and get her attention and she faces me, big smile and we start talking. only problem is i have shit to say. 2 seconds later im walking away wondering what i was thinking.
its harder for conversations at the club rather get drinks and small talks


as for the OP.. i give you props for the effort... i've done it many times with my friends and its not always successful... but once you get a conversation rolling its ok

remember... use your charm, control the conversation, and focus on the girl

lol i remember when I started I used to ask stupid questions... like... are you drinking bbt... at a bbt store...
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Old 04-05-2009, 11:07 AM   #5
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I keep saying on this part of the forum that people over-analyze things way too much.

Do you want to know what you did wrong? You didn't approach her the moment you wanted to. Instead, you waited it out and thought of a game plan.
Now logically speaking, there's nothing wrong with that; but what you're actually doing as you're thinking of the game plan is you're plundering your own confidence and initial reason for approach. The more you analyze how to approach on the spot, the more likely it is that you're going to get cold feet. The underlining message in this is that, the more you analyze, the more you're fucking with yourself psychologically. My advice to you is, if you're going to make an approach, make a fucking approach; don't wait and see if she will notice you and approach you on her own; don't wait to look for the 'best' time to approach; don't wait for anything. You'll have plenty of time to analyze the approach after you get her number, or better yet, after she blows you off. Because that way you KNOW you're doing something wrong. So rather than wonder "what am I going to do wrong?" go out there and find out for yourself.

You're right. "Hi" is the golden opener in establishing any sort of a relationship. But that's ONLY given that you're READY to use it. If your voice shakes when you say 'hi', then you're going to come across as a wimp RIGHT away.
If you say it too quietly, she won't notice that you're talking to her and (coupled with the fact that she knows you're within her comfort zone), she'll start to think you're hovering over her; and ultimately get uncomfortable.
If you have to say 'hi' twice to get her to notice you, you're already coming across as needy and wanting her attention. Remember, you should be the one holding the ball of yarn, and not her.
If you say it too loudly and boldly, she'll think you're arrogant and self-centered. When they think that, it's never a good thing.
There are a million things to look for when interacting--because remember, a hefty chunk of human interactions is non-verbal. Your tone, your gesture, your posture, your body language, etc. are all things she looks for subconsciously. You could give a guy the greatest opener in the world and he won't be able to pick up a single girl unless he whips up his confidence first.

If you're going to approach a girl, approach her with confidence. Make her get the "I'M ON TOP OF THE FUCKING WORLD! LOVE ME!" vibe from you. Don't get this mixed up with arrogance and being self-centered; because confidence to arrogance is analogous to driving a Supra compared to driving a riced out Civic. They both look fast; but anybody who understands cars will know that only one is the real deal.
Women find confidence attractive; and you don't need to ponder at the night sky as to why, because I have done that for you:

"Confidence" in its own essence is a very poetic trait. It's like hearing somebody mention 'courage' and 'honor' in a film starring Bruce Willis.
It's a trait a girl would go, "My type of guy is a guy who's confident, comfortable with himself and his surroundings, etc. etc." when you ask her what type of guys she finds attractive. Even if she doesn't say that, she's thinking it.
But honestly, how many people actually UNDERSTAND the integrity of courage and honor? They're just positive words that have been beautified; just like the word 'confidence'.
Which is why, when a man can exuberate confidence, he completes her image of her Casanova. Subconsciously, she will become attracted to him.

On a last note, OP, when you have a freeze out as to what to say (and everybody gets this, even the most confident guys), a good thing to do is to throw in a story. Simply ask her, "Since we're already talking, let me ask you a quick question...*insert story*...."; or "I had this really funny thing happen to me last week, and I've been dying to tell somebody about it. Since we're already talking anyways, I'll tell you....*insert story*..."
She won't be bugged by this. In fact, if anything, she'll be relieved that you can end the awkward silence.
Why a story as opposed to anything else? A story firstly demonstrates that (like you said), your approach was a friendly one; secondly you get her to open up and give you her opinion; and thirdly (if your story is genuine or you're congruent with it), you could think of other things to say while you're telling the story.
A story also demonstrates that you're refreshing and original--that you can talk about more things than just Warcraft and Counterstrike. Originality is a good trait.






Having said all that, I know this doesn't have ANYTHING to do with this thread, but I'd like to share that I also approached a perfect HB10 yesterday. And I got her number.

-Physixx
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Old 04-05-2009, 11:37 AM   #6
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its harder for conversations at the club rather get drinks and small talks
its not the only time ive ever done that and usually i dont think about what im going to do or say and just go over and do or say it. it was just this time when i went over, nothing came out.
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Old 04-05-2009, 03:28 PM   #7
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keep at it. we all stumble.
you'll learn to fine tune body language with practice
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Old 04-05-2009, 03:54 PM   #8
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Hey OP
i mean u didnt realli get shutdown HARD...
she talked to u still

i mean she didnt..tell u to fuck off or nething

and props for u to making an attempt to approach
not many guys can do that
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Old 04-05-2009, 04:18 PM   #9
DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH?
 
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Hey OP
i mean u didnt realli get shutdown HARD...
she talked to u still

i mean she didnt..tell u to fuck off or nething

and props for u to making an attempt to approach
not many guys can do that
Not meaning to be a buzzkill...

but most girls don't say "fuck off" simply out of politeness.
You can bet your ass they're thinking it though--particularly if your approach was not finely executed.

It also (by large) depends on the environment. In a bar or a night club, they're far more likely to say to you "fuck off" than if you met them at say, a bookstore.

But yes, I forgot to mention in my last post,
props, AsRealAsItGets, for having the big brass balls to approach a 10.
If you're not afraid to fail, then you'll definitely be successful some day.
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Old 04-05-2009, 04:25 PM   #10
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+1 no one succeeds on their first try. Most don't conjure up the guts to fail.
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Old 04-05-2009, 05:56 PM   #11
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Don't worry..there's still CH
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Old 04-05-2009, 09:35 PM   #12
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consider that u are one step closer to a success
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Old 04-05-2009, 09:43 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by Physixx View Post
I keep saying on this part of the forum that people over-analyze things way too much.

Do you want to know what you did wrong? You didn't approach her the moment you wanted to. Instead, you waited it out and thought of a game plan.
Now logically speaking, there's nothing wrong with that; but what you're actually doing as you're thinking of the game plan is you're plundering your own confidence and initial reason for approach. The more you analyze how to approach on the spot, the more likely it is that you're going to get cold feet. The underlining message in this is that, the more you analyze, the more you're fucking with yourself psychologically. My advice to you is, if you're going to make an approach, make a fucking approach; don't wait and see if she will notice you and approach you on her own; don't wait to look for the 'best' time to approach; don't wait for anything. You'll have plenty of time to analyze the approach after you get her number, or better yet, after she blows you off. Because that way you KNOW you're doing something wrong. So rather than wonder "what am I going to do wrong?" go out there and find out for yourself.

You're right. "Hi" is the golden opener in establishing any sort of a relationship. But that's ONLY given that you're READY to use it. If your voice shakes when you say 'hi', then you're going to come across as a wimp RIGHT away.
If you say it too quietly, she won't notice that you're talking to her and (coupled with the fact that she knows you're within her comfort zone), she'll start to think you're hovering over her; and ultimately get uncomfortable.
If you have to say 'hi' twice to get her to notice you, you're already coming across as needy and wanting her attention. Remember, you should be the one holding the ball of yarn, and not her.
If you say it too loudly and boldly, she'll think you're arrogant and self-centered. When they think that, it's never a good thing.
There are a million things to look for when interacting--because remember, a hefty chunk of human interactions is non-verbal. Your tone, your gesture, your posture, your body language, etc. are all things she looks for subconsciously. You could give a guy the greatest opener in the world and he won't be able to pick up a single girl unless he whips up his confidence first.

If you're going to approach a girl, approach her with confidence. Make her get the "I'M ON TOP OF THE FUCKING WORLD! LOVE ME!" vibe from you. Don't get this mixed up with arrogance and being self-centered; because confidence to arrogance is analogous to driving a Supra compared to driving a riced out Civic. They both look fast; but anybody who understands cars will know that only one is the real deal.
Women find confidence attractive; and you don't need to ponder at the night sky as to why, because I have done that for you:

"Confidence" in its own essence is a very poetic trait. It's like hearing somebody mention 'courage' and 'honor' in a film starring Bruce Willis.
It's a trait a girl would go, "My type of guy is a guy who's confident, comfortable with himself and his surroundings, etc. etc." when you ask her what type of guys she finds attractive. Even if she doesn't say that, she's thinking it.
But honestly, how many people actually UNDERSTAND the integrity of courage and honor? They're just positive words that have been beautified; just like the word 'confidence'.
Which is why, when a man can exuberate confidence, he completes her image of her Casanova. Subconsciously, she will become attracted to him.

On a last note, OP, when you have a freeze out as to what to say (and everybody gets this, even the most confident guys), a good thing to do is to throw in a story. Simply ask her, "Since we're already talking, let me ask you a quick question...*insert story*...."; or "I had this really funny thing happen to me last week, and I've been dying to tell somebody about it. Since we're already talking anyways, I'll tell you....*insert story*..."
She won't be bugged by this. In fact, if anything, she'll be relieved that you can end the awkward silence.
Why a story as opposed to anything else? A story firstly demonstrates that (like you said), your approach was a friendly one; secondly you get her to open up and give you her opinion; and thirdly (if your story is genuine or you're congruent with it), you could think of other things to say while you're telling the story.
A story also demonstrates that you're refreshing and original--that you can talk about more things than just Warcraft and Counterstrike. Originality is a good trait.






Having said all that, I know this doesn't have ANYTHING to do with this thread, but I'd like to share that I also approached a perfect HB10 yesterday. And I got her number.

-Physixx
you sound like Jerry Seinfeld, that is how he totality picks up chicks in Seinfeld i know its a show but im just saying, he always tells a joke and such
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Old 04-05-2009, 10:38 PM   #14
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haha i remember the last time i fucked up. i approached a girl at a club who i thought i saw checking me out. i step to her and get her attention and she faces me, big smile and we start talking. only problem is i have shit to say. 2 seconds later im walking away wondering what i was thinking.
k this is a bit offtopic but how can you guys and girls talk to each in clubs? its so fucking loud and personally i find it annoying that we have to mouth to ear in order to talk... plz tell me how you do it lol
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Old 04-05-2009, 11:42 PM   #15
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I wanna make it crystal clear my intentions today was not to go hitting up random chicks. Sorry, errr... I'm not creepy like that
But... when you see a real hot chick alone how can you or I or anyone else for that matter resist the temptation?

This girl was a real gem. Its not like I was second guessing myself yet I still had an intuitive feeling I was setting myself up for an unmitigated disaster.
My initial plan was to get her number but that would've been like pulling a rabbit out of a hat. Instead, I decided to just go for the friendly approach and do the simple 'hi' that everyone seems to think so highly of. Big mistake..

I get the balls to approach her after a minute or two of just trying to think of excuses why I shouldn't engage her. Bad I know. She's standing there gorgeous as a model's silhouette so I flank her from the rear and try to do the subtle smooth tap on the shoulder to get her attention. Now that I've gotten her attention, except she has this mediocre expression on her face which completely fazed me. You know that gif with the dog staring at the cupcakes.. thats the look I had. One thing to remember about me; I don't usually have the cajones to do this type of shit. Fuck.. it was a nice day and I was like whatever you only live once. You win some you lose some. The conversation wasn't bad but I could tell she was talking to me just out of politeness. Sucks big time cause this girl was smoking hot. Think of a tricked up version of Misa Campo.

iPhail

3 second rule. u took too long. you built up insecurities about yourself hah.

women, like horses, you never approach from behind.

last thing: good job, you did what most people couldn't. go do it again.
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Old 04-06-2009, 02:03 AM   #16
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k this is a bit offtopic but how can you guys and girls talk to each in clubs? its so fucking loud and personally i find it annoying that we have to mouth to ear in order to talk... plz tell me how you do it lol
either cause i go enough and listen to crazy loud music all the time i only find it so loud. or cause the music is loud on purpose to force people to get really close when they are talking. regardless i just get really close when im talking. sounds annoying but its what works for me. Also if you're dancing and stuff you're forced to be that close anyway.

if anything, use the music to your advantage. say something that makes no sense and see if she rolls with it. if she catches it, then 'correct her' to what you actually said. ive actually just mouthed words sometimes and then laughed just to see if a girl will too. if you do that, have something actually prepared in advance though. cause if she says pardon me, but then doesnt 'hear' it later ( if you know what i mean) then you are fucked. makes for funny stories though.
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Old 04-06-2009, 04:10 AM   #17
DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH?
 
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you sound like Jerry Seinfeld, that is how he totality picks up chicks in Seinfeld i know its a show but im just saying, he always tells a joke and such
*shrugs* because it works?

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k this is a bit offtopic but how can you guys and girls talk to each in clubs? its so fucking loud and personally i find it annoying that we have to mouth to ear in order to talk... plz tell me how you do it lol
What's so wrong with speaking up?
As long as your tone is correct, the volume does not matter.
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Old 04-06-2009, 07:24 AM   #18
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Even Caesar and Napoleon had a first battle. =P
Keep trying.
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Old 04-06-2009, 08:01 AM   #19
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Even Caesar and Napoleon had a first battle. =P
Keep trying.
You make it sound like that they later had a cross-temporal, homosexual affair.
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Old 04-06-2009, 09:11 AM   #20
DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH?
 
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^Caesar was a bisexual.
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Old 04-06-2009, 10:56 AM   #21
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Well, I know that (weren't all Roman dignitaries? ), but he didn't TIME TRAVEL.

Regardless, the point has been made. No pain, no gain, no guts, no glory!
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Old 04-07-2009, 12:55 PM   #22
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Sounds like Physixx is the next Mystery!

Post your kill stories (with pics, fatties don't count, in fact, they should be minus points).
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Old 04-07-2009, 12:59 PM   #23
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btw..

op: you didnt' get shut down at all! don't think about it too much. You had the balls to talk to her, major kudos to you! Just approach from the front, slight angle preferrably, smile and say, "Hi". Be confident. You don't really need an opening line, just say hi. If she digs you she'll play along.
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Old 04-07-2009, 01:57 PM   #24
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What can I say, that's as real as it gets. Good luck next time
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Old 04-07-2009, 02:39 PM   #25
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+1 no one succeeds on their first try. Most don't conjure up the guts to fail.
Yeah but if he's either average or less than, which I can sort of surmise from his post, he would never succeed on a perfect 10 misa campo type of girl no matter how many chances he gets.

Either up your stock in other ways or go home.

Not saying its not doable. I'm sure there are cases of exception, but that's like hitting the lottery.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BoneThug View Post
either cause i go enough and listen to crazy loud music all the time i only find it so loud. or cause the music is loud on purpose to force people to get really close when they are talking. regardless i just get really close when im talking. sounds annoying but its what works for me. Also if you're dancing and stuff you're forced to be that close anyway.
This is why i favour bars > clubs. It's just that difficult to get your personality through. Even with the benefit of music forcing 2 couples to socialize in close proximity, you find yourself having to shout each sentence at each other's ear 2 or 3 teams just to get 1 sentence through. It gets tiresome.

Clubs are only a good venue for me when I've already met someone and laid the groundwork down and need to push things along. But going to club cold is either a hit or miss.
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