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Emails from an asshole

Quote:

Camry Killer
Posted at: 2009-06-09 18:52:47
Original ad:
selling 1997 toyota camry. 146k miles. engine and transmission in good shape. was in minor fender bender, damage shown in pictures
From Mike Anderson to ***********@***********.org

Hello,

Let me just introduce myself. My name is Mike, and two weeks ago my dog was hit and killed by a car in Manayunk. The driver did not stop. He was hit by a white '97 Toyota Camry. With the side of the bumper bashed in like in your pictures. I thought I would never find the killer, but then I saw the murderers car for sale in Manayunk on **********! YOURS. What, are you trying to get rid of the evidence? You killed my dog of 8 years, and didn't even stop. I had to tell my kids that they would never see him again. Now they just look dead inside, like their soul was taken from them. I can't blame them.

We can't bring Skip back to life, but I want you to come here and apologize to my kids. And buy them a new dog. It is the least you could do.

E-mail me back and we'll set up a time.

- Mike

From derek ******* to Me

what? i didnt hit your fucking dog. no way im buying you a new dog

From Mike Anderson to derek *******

There's no denying it. I've got you dead to rights. The car that hit my dog is unmistakably yours. I even remember seeing your Outer Banks bumper sticker as I watched the car drive away, leaving Skip in a mangled mess in the middle of the street.

Maybe you were drunk and didn't remember? That doesn't make you any less guilty.

From derek ******* to Me

are you fucking serious i didnt hit your dog!!! i even called my girlfriend and she had no idea what i was talking about. you are mistaken

From Mike Anderson to derek *******

No I am not. Does your girlfriend have long hair? I didn't get a good look at the killer's face, but I saw long hair from behind as they sped away. I just assumed it was a man because of their huge shoulders.

From derek ******* to Me

yes she has long hair but she didnt hit your dog. where did this happen?

From Mike Anderson to derek *******

You know where it happened. Right here in Manayunk. I think your girlfriend is lying to you. I would like to meet both of you and have a good chat with you two so I can figure out which one of you is lying.

From derek ******* to Me

no this is ridiculous neither of us hit your dog. im sorry it happened but this is not my fault

From Mike Anderson to derek *******

Why would you be sorry if you didn't do it? Seems like you feel guilty about murdering my dog. Just own up to it. Do the right thing. For my kids.

Quote:

Stupid Dog Sweater Lady
Posted at: 2009-06-09 18:38:14
Original ad:
I am looking for inexpensive dog apparel (T shirts, sweaters, etc.). My dog is a Minature Pinscher. He is a boy and he is around 12 lbs. Maybe you bought some clothes for you pet and they have grown out of them. Also, if you know of any places or websites that offer cheap dog clothing. Either one, please let me know! I really do not want to pay $20 for dog accessories! Thank you!
From Mike Anderson to ***********@***********.org

Hi,

I saw that you are looking for clothing for your dog, so I think it is a fair assumption that you are the type of person who likes to buy stupid shit. In that case, I just broke up with my girlfriend, and she has a ton of crap like that that I want to get rid of. I have a "no place like home" welcome mat, a valentine bear that talks when you squeeze it, the first season of Gilmore Girls on DVD, and one of those singing fish things. Let me know if you want any of this shit.

Thanks,

Mike

From Katie ******** to Me

Your assumption is incorrect. I do not like to buy stupid shit. I just like to pamper my dog as I do not have any kids. Thanks, but I am not interested in any of those items.

From Mike Anderson to Katie *******

In that case, I have a 32" Sony LCD TV for your dog. You can put on the Animal Channel for him. I'll sell it to you for $400.

- Mike

http://www.dontevenreply.com/all.php

I think I've found my soulmate

lol... those ppl are such losers

these e-mail are awesome!

LOL i bet he just saw the ad and pieced it together.

:haha::haha::haha: good laughs man hahaha thanks

OMFG this is halarious

Fat Bitch Won't Ride the Bus

Quote:

Original ad:
im looking for ride from the philadelphia area to pittsburgh next friday. i will split the cost of gas with you. I am female, and would prefer to ride with another female or young(21-ish) person.
From Mike Anderson to ************@*********.org

Hey! I am going to Pittsburgh and can give you a ride. Can you meet me at 30th St. Station 11 AM on Friday? By the way, I'm 21, so you don't have to worry about riding with some old creeper.
Mike

From Melanie ******** to Me
hey mike! that sounds good. how much do you want for gas? let me get your number so we can work out the details

From Mike Anderson to Melanie ********
Melanie,

I was thinking around $70 should cover it. Unfortunately I do not have a cell phone because I accidentally forgot to take my pants off when I was taking a bath last night and forgot my cell phone was in the pocket. It won't turn on! Could you just stand outside of the west entrance with a sign that says "I'm Melanie" ? I'll look for you.

Mike

From Melanie ******** to Me
wow i wasnt expecting to pay $70! why so much? i was thinking more around 30-35 bucks! also im not standing out there with a sign lol.

From Mike Anderson to Melanie ********
Melanie, I'm sorry but the price is not negotiable. Unfortunately the cheapest bus ticket is $70. Do you want to just meet me on the bus if you don't want to stand out there with a sign?

From Melanie ******** to Me
what?! i didnt want to ride a bus! i thought you were driving a car to pittsburgh. wtf dude

From Mike Anderson to Melanie ********
Well shit Melanie, I didn't think you would be so picky about what kind of vehicle you wanted to ride in. If price is an issue, I can sneak you on the bus. I've done it before with my son. I have a duffel bag that is pretty big, and you can just hide inside it and not move and they will load you under the bus. I'll make sure that they put you on top of all the other luggage so you aren't crushed. You can have my video ipod to stay entertained during the bus ride. It has the first season of Deadwood on it. You aren't fat, are you? I don't want the bag to rip from underneath when they lift it up.

Mike

From Melanie ******** to Me
are you fucking with me? this has to be a joke. there is no fucking way im doing that

From Mike Anderson to Melanie ********
Oh, you aren't a Deadwood fan? I think I have the Ben Affleck hit "Gigli" on my iPod if you wanted to watch that instead.

From Melanie ******** to Me
NO! IM NOT SNEAKING ON TO THE FUCKING BUS IN A GODDAMN SUITCASE

From Mike Anderson to Melanie ********
Okay, I didn't realize you were so sensitive about your weight. If you can't fit in the duffel bag that's fine. I just went and ordered you the bus ticket. It is pretty much first-come first-serve for seating on the bus. You can sit next to me if you want, but I want the window seat. I also have to get up a lot to pee so you will have to get up so I can squeeze out.

From Melanie ******** to Me
IM NOT RIDING THE BUS! I'LL FIND ANOTHER RIDE

From Mike Anderson to Melanie ********
Well you owe me $70 for the ticket! I can't return it!

From Melanie ******** to Me
I NEVER SAID TO BUY IT! THAT IS YOUR FAULT DUDE GOODBYE

^LMAO

HAHAHAHAHA WTF!!

The guy Mike in the 1st e-mail so fucking annoying, if it was real.

awesome site! the next FML hahaha

Air Hockey Sex Table
Posted at: 2009-06-09 01:56:51
This guy is the shit.
Original ad:
From Timmy Tucker to **********@***********.org
RE: Air Hockey Table

Hello,

I saw your ad for an air hockey table and had a question about it. My girlfriend tells me has always wanted to have sex on an air hockey table. Before I shell out $150 for this, I just wanted to know if sex on an air hockey table is practical and/or really even worth it. I told her if she wanted air blowing on her we could just lay on a window fan, but she is insisting that I get an air hockey table. What do you think?

Tim

From ***********@yahoo.com to Me

Dont think it is as sturdy as my pool table but you two can c0ome try it out and let me know

From Timmy Tucker to **********@yahoo.com

Great. I'll let my girlfriend know. Will we have privacy, or are you going to be there to make sure we don't break it?

From ***********@yahoo.com to Me

I will be there for support and help but very private

:haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha:

lol, that is way to much awesome. hahahahaha.

ahahaha oh shit, great site made my day ;)

im starting to think whichever mod who wrote that tag under my name is right :/

jesus that site is GOLD

NICE! Another way for me to kill time at work!

Well I just read every single one of those when I was supposed to wash my car.

hahahha great site! the shaniqua wanting an explorer were the best, especially the jurassic park one!

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

There are some good sites late..
texts from last night
fuck my life
etc

Kittens for my Tiger
Posted at: 2009-06-09 02:00:01
Original ad:
litter of 6 kittens up for adoption! they are all 3 weeks old and are looking for a good home. contact if interested.
From Mike Hunt to *********@***********.org

Hi,

I am interested in taking all six kittens off of your hands. How much do you want for them?

Mike

From Shannon ******* to Me

Mike,

Are you going to take care of all of these kittens? I want to make sure they all find a good home, and was expecting to sell them one at a time. Are you able to house all six of them?

From Mike Hunt to Shannon *******

Shannon,

To be honest, I own a pet Bengal Tiger and he is on a strict diet of cats. I usually feed him one cat every couple of days, so this litter should hold him over for a while. Don't worry though, I'll take good care of the kittens until I feed them to him.

Mike

From Shannon ******* to Me

That is horrible! You will not get a single kitten from me. I really hope you are not serious.

From Mike Hunt to Shannon *******

Shannon,

I was kidding. I seriously need all six kittens though. Disregard anything I said about a tiger.

From Shannon ******* to Me

NO.

I just read all of it, I NEEEEEED MORRRRRRE!!!!

I COULD NOT STOP LAUGHING AT THE BUS ONE !!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHHAHAHA

Wow...some people just have nothing to do..

rofl this is awesome...