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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 06-27-2009, 10:38 PM   #26
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She should have just told her husband she knows you from elementary school and you are gay. Reality is it shouldn't even be a big deal but some people are so insecure sometimes it creates less stress just bending the truth a bit. If you're percieved to be gay theres no threat there, it's like she's hanging out with one of her lady friends.

My wife goes shopping with her gay guy friend from work. I've met him and he's a full blown nancy so no threat there.

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Old 06-28-2009, 12:33 AM   #27
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I can see that you see her as a really good friend, but to be honest if i was her husband i wouldn't like it either. Don't talk to her anymore and just wait it out until she apologizes or something, but even then, you should keep your distance.


P.S. - Do you like her? or did you have feelings for her before?
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Old 06-28-2009, 12:52 AM   #28
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She's giving reason for her husband to be suspicious. Have you even tried meet him before? And have you tried to have dinner with the both of them?

If you really want to help your friend regardless of who is right and wrong, it would be better for their marriage if you did see less of her.
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Old 06-28-2009, 01:47 AM   #29
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I think the biggest problem here is not the fact that you're hanging out with her, it's HER LIEING to her BF about chilling with you. If she needs to lie to chill with you than maybe it's not a good idea to hang out with her. If you know she's lieing to her bf to chill with you than you are supporting her lies, you should tell her straight up chilling with you should not be a secret because this causes suspicion that there is something going on between you two.
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Old 06-28-2009, 05:56 AM   #30
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husband >>>>>>>>>> you

She did the right thing. However, you are not at fault. you asked and she answered. Simple.

If she does not want text messages from you regarding you inviting her for dinner, she should tell you - which she did.

Keep in mind, when you have a wife:

wife>>>>>>>> than your female friends. If not, you married the wrong woman.
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Old 06-28-2009, 11:21 AM   #31
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my girlfriend has no problem with me going out with my female friends. Thats because she trusts me that i wont do anything. I have a few female friends that i go out to dinner with go shopping with etc. that ive known for a long time and would never even think of making a move on. It goes both ways as well I have no problem with my gf going to hang out with her guy friends. Now if it was someone that she doesnt know very well or whatever than I would have a problem with it. But just because your in a relationship doesnt mean you cant hang out with all your old friends.
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Old 06-28-2009, 02:43 PM   #32
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my girlfriend has no problem with me going out with my female friends. Thats because she trusts me that i wont do anything. I have a few female friends that i go out to dinner with go shopping with etc. that ive known for a long time and would never even think of making a move on. It goes both ways as well I have no problem with my gf going to hang out with her guy friends. Now if it was someone that she doesnt know very well or whatever than I would have a problem with it. But just because your in a relationship doesnt mean you cant hang out with all your old friends.
what if your gf has a guy friend that she hangs out with frequently, you've never met this guy before, she claims to be a childhood friend, and will not even give you get the chance to meet him. ??
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Old 06-28-2009, 02:51 PM   #33
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^ to add on top of that, the girl is hiding the guy from the husband... only way husband finds out is by a text on her phone...
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Old 06-28-2009, 04:52 PM   #34
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^ I have met all her guy friends that she goes to dinner with or whatever and she has met all my gf that i do that stuff with as well. I would be suspicous if she was trying to hide someone from me. If i found a text on her phone from someone I didnt know saying lets meet up for dinner i would be quetioning that.
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Old 06-28-2009, 09:29 PM   #35
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It's 100% the girls fault. If she was just smart enough to introduce you the her husband and say "oh this is my friend willy, we've known each other since grade 2" or something he would not have a problem with you. But because in her stupid little head she thought that maybe this friendship, dating back to elementary school, needs to for some reason be hidden from her husband, you are now no longer friends. And now convenient she blames it on you too. Tell her to fuck herself
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Old 06-28-2009, 10:11 PM   #36
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No, YOU'RE the dumbass that thinks that once a long time female friend gets a boyfriend, you're magically never supposed to talk to her again.

HEllo... LONG TIME FEMALE FRIEND... FRIEND HERE... Do you have NO idea what friendship is?? Are you from some backwards place like Iran where you treat woman as objects?? Not friends??

But anyways. I'd just leave her alone and let your friend and her husband sort it all out
HELLO? If she's ready to move on than so should he and start a new life of his own. You obviously don't have a big group of friends to hang around.
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Old 06-28-2009, 11:23 PM   #37
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HELLO? If she's ready to move on than so should he and start a new life of his own. You obviously don't have a big group of friends to hang around.
lol, you're an ass.

But on topic, it's the woman's fault (~as always) for not being truthful with her insecure husband, which likely is because there's a trust issue where she hasn't been truthful in the past.

On the other hand, marriage > you, so you should back off for awhile and take it a step at a time. But a 14-yr friendship shouldn't be abandoned so quickly...even if you...uh...have "a big group of friends to hang around..."

The ball is in her court on how to handle the situation. Would she ditch you for her husband? Come clean with her husband and earn some trust? Or continue with the lies? Proceed with caution.
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Old 06-29-2009, 08:07 AM   #38
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my girlfriend has no problem with me going out with my female friends. Thats because she trusts me that i wont do anything. I have a few female friends that i go out to dinner with go shopping with etc. that ive known for a long time and would never even think of making a move on. It goes both ways as well I have no problem with my gf going to hang out with her guy friends. Now if it was someone that she doesnt know very well or whatever than I would have a problem with it. But just because your in a relationship doesnt mean you cant hang out with all your old friends.
same with my gf and I
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Old 06-29-2009, 08:08 AM   #39
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Heres the deal.

Most of you are delusional. At some point in your life, you have to set a boundary. You can't always do what you did as friends when you were little.
Marriage isn't for fucking toddlers or retards, that is why many people break up now-days anyway.

So here is some advice for ALL of you.

If you wan't to hang out with her, you need to be okay with her bringing her husband along, EVERY TIME. If you don't like that, something is wrong with YOU and that is that. Her husband has EVERY right to be asking questions and w/e else he fucking wants to.. its his woman.

You need to find a new best friend. She has a bigger priority now.. her husband, kids and etc.
If you are fucking serious about marriage, you WILL include your SO into EVERYTHING. Period. Otherwise it will not work.

Most of you are fucking stupid and retarded. I fucking said it. You idiots expect to do shit your way all the fucking time. It doesn't work that way.

If your wife was spending time with some fucker behind your back you would be pretty suspicious too. The wife is wrong for blaming it on you, as it is her fault as well.

No, this is not 1760, but it sure is 2009, where like 3/4 of the marriages fail within the first 5-10 years... some even sooner than that.

I don't give a shit what any of you have to add to this, you're all wrong if you disagree with what I've said. You can't hide shit from your SO and you need to GROW THE FUCK UP. This isn't god damn fucking preschool. Nor is it fucking cute to be doing this shit.
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Old 06-29-2009, 09:02 AM   #40
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^^ I'll have to agree with The7even and to add to that... I believe there is a lack of communication between all parties... with wife to husband and friend to friend... problems and insecurities and miscommunications are caused because each one of you is misinformed... if you were all on the same page and were all talking to each other and aware of each other then perhaps there wouldn't be such a problem. If you all can't be comfortable with talking to each other then it won't work... Her husband is an extension of her life and just as you have respect for her, as long as he's supportive of her, taking care of her and keeping her safe and happy then you need to respect him as well. Marriage brings 2 people together to live their lives as one... respecting her is also means respecting her family. That's just my take on the whole thing..
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Old 06-29-2009, 09:20 AM   #41
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Heres the deal.

Most of you are delusional. At some point in your life, you have to set a boundary. You can't always do what you did as friends when you were little.
Marriage isn't for fucking toddlers or retards, that is why many people break up now-days anyway.

So here is some advice for ALL of you.

If you wan't to hang out with her, you need to be okay with her bringing her husband along, EVERY TIME. If you don't like that, something is wrong with YOU and that is that. Her husband has EVERY right to be asking questions and w/e else he fucking wants to.. its his woman.

You need to find a new best friend. She has a bigger priority now.. her husband, kids and etc.
If you are fucking serious about marriage, you WILL include your SO into EVERYTHING. Period. Otherwise it will not work.

Most of you are fucking stupid and retarded. I fucking said it. You idiots expect to do shit your way all the fucking time. It doesn't work that way.

If your wife was spending time with some fucker behind your back you would be pretty suspicious too. The wife is wrong for blaming it on you, as it is her fault as well.

No, this is not 1760, but it sure is 2009, where like 3/4 of the marriages fail within the first 5-10 years... some even sooner than that.

I don't give a shit what any of you have to add to this, you're all wrong if you disagree with what I've said. You can't hide shit from your SO and you need to GROW THE FUCK UP. This isn't god damn fucking preschool. Nor is it fucking cute to be doing this shit.
TBH, what does the OP expect when he's asking a forum populated by people who just graduated adolescence.

Nonamehustla is bang on and the OP's gotta get his own thing going on. People change, people move on. Doesn't mean you're any less of a friend. Just because she moved on sooner than he did doesn't mean he gets to bitch what a poor friend the chick is.

Oh well, I figure the OP will clue in once more and more of his friends get married.
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Old 06-29-2009, 10:12 AM   #42
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^ THANK you The7even what I've been saying the whole time. People need to grow up and move on...
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Old 06-29-2009, 11:55 AM   #43
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Not to be harsh or anything but get a life and hang out with someone else.
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How does hanging out with a married woman equates to not having a life?

Go fuck yourself.
LOL! Sensitive much?

Seems like you're looking for reassurance more than anything else.
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Old 06-29-2009, 12:43 PM   #44
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Both of you are in the wrong- end of story. Doesn't matter if you're playing with Lego or fucking each other on your little dates- Points is you guys are lying and hiding secrets. That's enough to break the trust between their relationship.

If you know all of this then you know what the right course of action is- If you don't, do society a favour and don't ever have kids. You're probably gonna teach them stupid things and they'll just be a hazard to society.
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Old 06-29-2009, 03:54 PM   #45
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pics or it didnt happen.
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Old 06-29-2009, 04:27 PM   #46
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To the op: this friend is using you. By not introducing you to her husband she is keeping a part of her single life alive. Personally I would not want any part. Unfortunately being caught in a lie she turned around and attacked you. If she's not mature enough to stop using secret guy friends to keep her husband doting on her then I would walk away, slowly with your hands out in front of you.

Personally I don't see a problem with hanging out with the opposite sex who is married. I do however make sure that my guy knows who these men are. Most of them he is now friends with as I make sure to introduce him to them. I do go out with them on occasion for coffee, dinner, walks, etc. but my other half knows. On the other end though I can see where her hubby is coming from. I have been in a similiar situation, except the other person wasn't a school friend (it was someone he met when we were broken up).
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Old 06-29-2009, 09:55 PM   #47
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theres nothing wrong with hanging out with her just because she's married. But, being her best friend, if you knew shes sneaking around to hang out with you, you shoulda been the first person to tell her what she is doing is wrong. You should be trying to help her marriage... And if you ever pressured her to hang out with you, then you are just lame~

but it concerns me that he's been around for 8 years and you guys hvnt all become frnds... I mean if you're her best frnd. i'll have to agree with what was said before about her using you to feel single and side with those who say you should back off~

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Old 06-29-2009, 11:51 PM   #48
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Hanging out with friends of the opposite sex that are married is fine. The problem I have here is hat she's been with her husband for so many years and it doesn't sound like he's gotten close any of her guy friends. Did she have any male friends at the wedding then?

It sounds like it's just been a lack of communication and trust issues from the beginning. She should have introduced you to each other in the beginning if you 2 are so close. What's made matters worse now is that by hiding it, she's been doing this behind her husbands back. Regardless what you 2 are doing, whether it's dinner or just hanging out, it doesn't look good when he see's she's getting texts on her phone for dinner from a guy he really doesn't know much about.

I've gone to dinner, gone shopping and worked out with female friends that are married or engaged, but not often. I've also met their fiances or husbands so we all know each other. There are boundaries, even if you 2 are the closest of friends, she's going to spend more time with him. If you still want to be friends with her, then give her some time and then apologize for overstepping the boundaries and that if she still wants to hang out with you then she's gonna need to talk to her husband and that you'll try to respect her time more.
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Old 06-30-2009, 05:38 AM   #49
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The7even View Post
Heres the deal.

Most of you are delusional. At some point in your life, you have to set a boundary. You can't always do what you did as friends when you were little.
Marriage isn't for fucking toddlers or retards, that is why many people break up now-days anyway.

So here is some advice for ALL of you.

If you wan't to hang out with her, you need to be okay with her bringing her husband along, EVERY TIME. If you don't like that, something is wrong with YOU and that is that. Her husband has EVERY right to be asking questions and w/e else he fucking wants to.. its his woman.

You need to find a new best friend. She has a bigger priority now.. her husband, kids and etc.
If you are fucking serious about marriage, you WILL include your SO into EVERYTHING. Period. Otherwise it will not work.

Most of you are fucking stupid and retarded. I fucking said it. You idiots expect to do shit your way all the fucking time. It doesn't work that way.

If your wife was spending time with some fucker behind your back you would be pretty suspicious too. The wife is wrong for blaming it on you, as it is her fault as well.

No, this is not 1760, but it sure is 2009, where like 3/4 of the marriages fail within the first 5-10 years... some even sooner than that.

I don't give a shit what any of you have to add to this, you're all wrong if you disagree with what I've said. You can't hide shit from your SO and you need to GROW THE FUCK UP. This isn't god damn fucking preschool. Nor is it fucking cute to be doing this shit.

I agree with this completely.

once you're married, it's another stage in life, and relationships change.

just like relationships change from elementary to highschool to college to work life, and to married.

with marriage comes sacrifice, and the sacrifice is always personal life. ALWAYS.

and i truly believe that people are so "individual" now that they don't want to sacrifice any of their personal life, thats why marriages fail. individualism never works unless you're a super hero. hah.
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Old 06-30-2009, 05:46 AM   #50
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Given the questions the OP has asked lately, he needs to get some common sense and get this priority straight.

After your friend's married, never give off the vibe that you are wrecking their house.
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