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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 05-31-2011, 08:07 PM   #1
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starting a family/buying a house

After the age of 25, do girls expect you to atleast have a house, starting a family, and financially well-off?

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Old 05-31-2011, 08:14 PM   #2
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Most of the guys I know right now either are just about to finish school or after working decided to go back to school. It is difficult to have all of that at age 25 or 26 but maybe later in the years. Everything cost money and it wouldn't be a problem if one was well off or wealthy to begin with. People have student loans or bills and expenses to pay.
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Old 05-31-2011, 10:22 PM   #3
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after 25, a guy should know what he wants in life and is working towards it. i don't think it's realistic for someone at that age to own his own house unless he's well off to begin with. as long as you're not wasting your life away doing nothing, i don't think it's a big deal. have goals in life, girls like that.
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Old 05-31-2011, 10:34 PM   #4
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have goals in life, the future you will like that.
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Old 06-01-2011, 02:10 PM   #5
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I'm 28 and as long as the guy has a career type job (or is in school) then that's all I care about really.
if it was something like mcdonalds (non managerial) or something where they're not really going anywhere in life then that may be a different story. I figure as long as he can contribute at least halfways to the relationship then I am happy
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Old 06-01-2011, 02:39 PM   #6
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women need security when they start reaching their 30's

no job,

no place,

no long term woman
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Old 06-01-2011, 03:12 PM   #7
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^^ or date LGs.
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Old 06-01-2011, 03:22 PM   #8
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I honestly don't expect anyone to own an actual house on one income.

A stable job is an absolute must though.

Also he MUST not live with his mother (with the exception of reasons of compassionate care if she's dying or seriously disabled).
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Old 06-01-2011, 04:30 PM   #9
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Girls should go out with you because they like you, not your car, house or the job you have.
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Old 06-02-2011, 10:06 AM   #10
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^ Part of liking 'you' is liking your drive, your work ethic, your maturity, your attitude, many of which are reflected in the job you have, your house, or your car.

I ain't sayin' shes a golddigger, but...
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Old 06-02-2011, 12:05 PM   #11
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Same could be said for guys as well. I can't think of anyone I know that would wanna marry a lazy woman with no goals, min. Wage job etc
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Old 06-02-2011, 12:15 PM   #12
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Same could be said for guys as well. I can't think of anyone I know that would wanna marry a lazy woman with no goals, min. Wage job etc
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I agree. I think by mid to late twenties most women should have their shit together to the extent that they also have a stable job and no longer live with their parents.

As for houses.... well I think in the GVRD for the most part you need two incomes to have one at this particular point.
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Old 06-02-2011, 12:32 PM   #13
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^ I don't agree with you about needing to have moved out from your parent's place. Maybe it's a cultural thing.
I certainly can't fault a person for a) choosing spend more time with their family, while b) saving more money for a downpayment doing it.

I actually find it interesting that some people NEED to move out because they can't handle their parents. That's not the type of person I want to start a family with.

I still live with my parents, and intend to until the day before my wedding (this year). I've also recently bought a detached home in Richmond with just over 20% down.
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Old 06-02-2011, 12:47 PM   #14
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^ I don't agree with you about needing to have moved out from your parent's place. Maybe it's a cultural thing.
I certainly can't fault a person for a) choosing spend more time with their family, while b) saving more money for a downpayment doing it.

I actually find it interesting that some people NEED to move out because they can't handle their parents. That's not the type of person I want to start a family with.

I still live with my parents, and intend to until the day before my wedding (this year). I've also recently bought a detached home in Richmond with just over 20% down.
+1

Not sure it is more of a cultural thing but more and more you see kids staying with their parents until they get married. This is when they find a place of their own.

To be honest, this is probably the best financially stable way of buying property now and days. I much rather stay and home and continue to save up for a substantial down rather than moving out right away, put little to no down, and continue to struggle with the morgage payments for 40+ years (not that is possible now with the new restrictions on minimum downs).

Worse if I had to rent, harder for me to save up in that way.

The way I see it is that as long as I contribute to my household and I am saving up, I can avoid the negative stereotypes associated with individuals living with their parents.
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Old 06-02-2011, 01:00 PM   #15
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I suppose it's a cultural/social thing.

My experience (and those of you who still live at home may be the exceptions I don't mean to offend anyone) is that the men I've dated who still live at home are kind of over grown children. They don't cook for themselves, they don't do their own laundry, they've never had to regularly pay their own bills or do house work.

This is a HUGE issue when you're dating someone who actually wants to have an adult relationship. From the woman's perspective. You hook up with these kind of guys, then they move in with you and basically expect you to do all the shit for them their mother did. And that's not cool.

I understand the financial benefits of being able to save money at home (though in my experience most people don't save more, they just spend more cause they can). But I think there's some life experience there that at least for me I think is very important.
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Old 06-02-2011, 01:29 PM   #16
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I don't mean to offend anyone
too many sheltered young folks living in Vancouver and it doesn't help housing is $$.

I think if the person is still in school it's okay...but if he/she has a steady income it's about time.
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Old 06-02-2011, 02:17 PM   #17
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I suppose it's a cultural/social thing.

My experience (and those of you who still live at home may be the exceptions I don't mean to offend anyone) is that the men I've dated who still live at home are kind of over grown children. They don't cook for themselves, they don't do their own laundry, they've never had to regularly pay their own bills or do house work.

This is a HUGE issue when you're dating someone who actually wants to have an adult relationship. From the woman's perspective. You hook up with these kind of guys, then they move in with you and basically expect you to do all the shit for them their mother did. And that's not cool.

I understand the financial benefits of being able to save money at home (though in my experience most people don't save more, they just spend more cause they can). But I think there's some life experience there that at least for me I think is very important.
Not sure about the cooking part since I cook pretty 7days a week at home >< also pay the bills, house insurance, pay bills and rent, clean the house ......... sucks lol. My sister on the other hand doesn't cook or do any cleaning yet she just move back a few months ago (she went elese to work, which makes me wonder does she ever cook lol.). Factor in all these I think it could cost roughly the same if I move out but I guess I miss the whole family thing. Having to come home and have someone to talk to and the house is never too quiet. Also my parents don't speak English so yea.

I do have the urge to move out though.
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Old 06-02-2011, 06:59 PM   #18
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I'm so glad I am Chinese, unlike white people, we don't lose face if we live with our parents even AFTER marriage. In the chinese culture it's our duty to "give back" and take care of our parents as they age rather than sending them off to an old folks home. It's one of many reasons why Chinese people on average are better well off than people growing up in the Western culture. Many white teenagers growing up are forced by their parents to move out after high school, thus having to find a low paying job to pay the bills, resulting in little to no time or money to pursue further education in order to find a stable long-term career. Asian families are more tightly-knit and really do try to "keep the money in the family"
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Old 06-02-2011, 08:21 PM   #19
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I'm so glad I am Chinese, unlike white people, we don't lose face if we live with our parents even AFTER marriage. In the chinese culture it's our duty to "give back" and take care of our parents as they age rather than sending them off to an old folks home. It's one of many reasons why Chinese people on average are better well off than people growing up in the Western culture. Many white teenagers growing up are forced by their parents to move out after high school, thus having to find a low paying job to pay the bills, resulting in little to no time or money to pursue further education in order to find a stable long-term career. Asian families are more tightly-knit and really do try to "keep the money in the family"
+1
I wouldn't necessarily say white people (European here) but its definitely Western culture, imo, the "NEED" to move out. Its true that North Americans are more individualistic whereas other cultures around the world are more collectivistic. You don't necessarily NEED to move out of your parents place but north americans are more willing to do so.

It really doesn't make sense to me why some people choose to move out and willingly pay for someone else's mortgage while their parents are still trying to pay off theirs (especially with the rising costs in housing and people CHOOSE to rent). Wheres the logic in that?

For Europeans, family stays together and helps out one another through thick and thin. I understand why some folks move out (example my friend who works and lives in Van but parents live in the interior). However, others have parents living in Vancouver and they still choose to move out simply because they "can't deal with parents".

Anyone want to pitch why they chose to move out?
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Old 06-02-2011, 09:52 PM   #20
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I'd imagine its just the freedom of having your own place that attracts so many to the idea of moving out?
Regardless of whether or not they can afford to
(Besides those that don't get along with their parents)
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Old 06-02-2011, 09:54 PM   #21
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For Europeans, family stays together and helps out one another through thick and thin. I understand why some folks move out (example my friend who works and lives in Van but parents live in the interior). However, others have parents living in Vancouver and they still choose to move out simply because they "can't deal with parents".

Anyone want to pitch why they chose to move out?
I had the chance to spend a brief amount of time away from home when I was university. Once you move away, you begin to really appreciate the freedom. It's not just about being able to "come and go as you please"; it's about being accountable to myself and only myself.

And I'll state the obvious: my success with women really only came once I left home. If you're still a first-generation immigrant and are only dating women in that group, then of course, the values are different. But, as a CBC who usually dates other CBC women or white women, North American values apply. This means showing the ability to be independent.
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Old 06-02-2011, 11:04 PM   #22
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I suppose it's a cultural/social thing.

My experience (and those of you who still live at home may be the exceptions I don't mean to offend anyone) is that the men I've dated who still live at home are kind of over grown children. They don't cook for themselves, they don't do their own laundry, they've never had to regularly pay their own bills or do house work.

This is a HUGE issue when you're dating someone who actually wants to have an adult relationship. From the woman's perspective. You hook up with these kind of guys, then they move in with you and basically expect you to do all the shit for them their mother did. And that's not cool.

I understand the financial benefits of being able to save money at home (though in my experience most people don't save more, they just spend more cause they can). But I think there's some life experience there that at least for me I think is very important.

That is a reflection of their parents parenting style. I live with my parents do all the above except cooking meals. If the situation forces me to learn to cook a meal besides a sandwich - i will.
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Old 06-03-2011, 01:15 AM   #23
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^^ lol same here. If I don't cook or at least help to cook my mom simply do the same and go watch TV.
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Old 06-03-2011, 01:16 AM   #24
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I'm so glad I am Chinese, unlike white people, we don't lose face if we live with our parents even AFTER marriage. In the chinese culture it's our duty to "give back" and take care of our parents as they age rather than sending them off to an old folks home. It's one of many reasons why Chinese people on average are better well off than people growing up in the Western culture. Many white teenagers growing up are forced by their parents to move out after high school, thus having to find a low paying job to pay the bills, resulting in little to no time or money to pursue further education in order to find a stable long-term career. Asian families are more tightly-knit and really do try to "keep the money in the family"
EI culture is very similar. Problem is when you are born and raised in Canada your culture isn't so well defined. You have different values and priorities than your parents. Try living on your own before you judge it.

There is a lot more valuable things in life than money. Living at your parents place because it is cheaper is really just taking the easy road. If it is not financially viable, well that's a different story. Also to the comment about rent money paying for a strangers mortgage, where do you think the ridiculous amount of interest on your parents mortgage goes to? The mortgage vs. rent ratio in the GVRD is so skewed that renting is sometimes a smarter investment as long as you save the rest of your surplus.

You don't hear about many top tier executives that lived with mommy and daddy until they were 30 do you? Plenty of reasons why. Here's an interesting article on what happens when traditional Asian values try and brute force their way to the top of a North American value system.

"What happens to all the Asian-American overachievers when the test-taking ends?" - http://nymag.com/news/features/asian-americans-2011-5/
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Old 06-03-2011, 02:53 AM   #25
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I never had a "stable" childhood or family, and everyday I wish I did. motherfuckers don't know what you got until you lose it I guess?

Try going to higher educations when your orphaned hell even highschool school.

I worry because at 24 I'm just returning to school with a goal in mind. But it's hard when the odds stack against you.

So for me right now, fuck thinking about this shit. It's too early in the morning to have anxiety.
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