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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 06-03-2011, 12:02 PM   #1
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[Confidential] Am I being trolled?

The following post is from an anonymous member. If she would like to reply to any replies please pm me.


At a coffee shop I frequent in the same building I work at, I met a girl working there that I'd usually talk to and, from what I've felt, we'd always hit it off. I've always felt that there was always a mutual interest on both sides.

Yesterday, she explained to me that this week would be her last. In a flirting way, she tells me not to cry and not to be sad and seemed like she was waiting for me to reply with something. Being nervous as fuck, I actually gather the balls to ask for her number and she gives it to me. At this point, I'm like

I tell her I'd contact/text her but she was actually the one that texted me first, basically just telling me that she's getting off work now and she'd see me tomorrow.

I see her today and we're talking as usual...I tell her that both of us should hang out sometime and that I'd call her. After work I call her and we talk...I ask her if she'd like to go for dinner and she basically says that she would like to spend time with me but she has a boyfriend in Korea. At this point, I had something I had to do so she just told me to call her back after I had finished.

I call her back and we talk again...she says how it'd be kind of awkward to go out with me knowing that she has a boyfriend. I tell her that her boyfriend doesn't really matter and she laughs but I still can't seal the deal. At this point, we've probably already been on the phone with each other for close to 45 minutes. I ask her what her schedule is like for the weekend and she doesn't deny that she has free time and she tells me that she has to think about this whole situation.

What should I do? Should I give up? I'd really like to take her out but I know that if I get even more persistent, she probably wouldn't want to talk to me again.

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Old 06-03-2011, 12:15 PM   #2
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ITT: OP doesn't know the term "trolled"
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Old 06-03-2011, 12:20 PM   #3
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i think OP is a piece of shit for after a taken girl regardless where the bf is
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Old 06-03-2011, 12:34 PM   #4
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Agreed with gdoh. Don't be an asshole, she has a bf so back off. She clearly told you it would be awkward and she doesn't feel right going out with you.
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Old 06-03-2011, 12:35 PM   #5
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Old 06-03-2011, 12:46 PM   #6
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Old 06-03-2011, 01:23 PM   #7
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I think u should back off. I mean if she is firlting with you while having a bf, who knows if she is doing it other guys as well. Even if she broke up with her bf and be with you, can you really trust her not cheating on your back?
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Old 06-03-2011, 01:30 PM   #8
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The following post is from an anonymous member. If she would like to reply to any replies please pm me.
Waitaminute here... is the OP a girl too?

Are we talking about a lesbian relationship here?

Things just got interesting!
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Old 06-03-2011, 01:41 PM   #9
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I think u should back off. I mean if she is firlting with you while having a bf, who knows if she is doing it other guys as well. Even if she broke up with her bf and be with you, can you really trust her not cheating on your back?
This,

Think how she was flirting with you all those times in the coffee shop while she had a BF. Now reverse the situation where you are the BF and she is flirting with another dude.
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Old 06-03-2011, 02:13 PM   #10
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She's entertaining the thoughts of cheating in her idea but doesn't have the mettle to actually go through with it.

It's quite normal. Many us guys still fantasize about other girls even though we're in a relationship, but it's not like we're actually going to act on it. It's just natural to think of sex when one comes across an attractive woman.

Same thing on her level. She's in a LD relationship, she's yearning for tangible companionship but it's not like she's actually going to cross any lines unless her relationship was somehow dissolved.


If I were you and you really want it, stay in the friendzone. LD relationships don't have a high likelihood of working out, and when she's single and WANTS to mingle, it benefits you that you're the closest guy to a relationship. Mind you though, its a fine line to walk being a friend of hers but still making it apparent that you find her an attractive person. My advice, keep her in arms length.

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Old 06-03-2011, 02:21 PM   #11
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^ +1

Wait for it to crumble.

But do you seriously wanna get in a relationship with someone who is willing to cheat on their BF? It's just gonna end badly for if you if you start off that way.
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Old 06-03-2011, 02:30 PM   #12
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You seem to be trying to chasing a long-term thing with this girl...As already mentioned, even if she doesn't have a boyfriend right now and you were able to go out with her, would you want to be with a girl who flirts and contemplates dating other guys while she's with you? Her tendencies will always be the same...Her actions with you are a clear indication of potential future problems...
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Old 06-03-2011, 03:52 PM   #13
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You see, dealing with a girl should be like the elevator pitch. You get in, state your case, make your move, and close the sale - everything done immediately. Wait around for too long and more things can go wrong.

Move on
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Old 06-03-2011, 05:18 PM   #14
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another way to think of this....she could be using you to fill in her time gaps with her bf that is at Korea....word of advice.....just like measure twice cut once......think twice before doing it
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Old 06-03-2011, 05:38 PM   #15
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If you're looking for a long-term thing, forget it.

If you just wanna "have fun", go for it.
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Old 06-03-2011, 06:59 PM   #16
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The following is a reply from the Anonymous member

Okay, I clearly seemed like a genuine asshole that may have rubbed some people the wrong way without taking her boyfriend into account.

The truth of the matter is, I'm pretty fucking pissed. I genuinely have an interest in this girl and actually thought I stood a chance. She gave me her number and did what any guy would do - call her. With her telling me that she'd like to spend some time with me, it provided me some reason to keep on pushing forth regardless of the fact that she has a boyfriend. I'll take the advice and let it go but this actually hurts a bit.

I feel that I've been lead on. If she had told me about her boyfriend before I was able to get her number, I probably would have had enough sense to back off.
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Old 06-03-2011, 07:22 PM   #17
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Okay, I clearly seemed like a genuine asshole that may have rubbed some people the wrong way without taking her boyfriend into account.

The truth of the matter is, I'm pretty fucking pissed. I genuinely have an interest in this girl and actually thought I stood a chance. She gave me her number and did what any guy would do - call her. With her telling me that she'd like to spend some time with me, it provided me some reason to keep on pushing forth regardless of the fact that she has a boyfriend. I'll take the advice and let it go but this actually hurts a bit.

I feel that I've been lead on. If she had told me about her boyfriend before I was able to get her number, I probably would have had enough sense to back off.
First off, you shouldn't have developed feelings for her so fast to the point where it would hurt now. I would think in these limited encounters you barely got to know her--or even scratch the surface. I'm not certain if you are one of these guys, but those who fall too fast for a girl will often get hurt.

This situation does suck, but better she told you sooner rather than later when your knee deep in her shit.

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Old 06-03-2011, 11:39 PM   #18
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id say go for it.
its her decision if he she wants to be more than friends.
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Old 06-06-2011, 02:50 PM   #19
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...so is the OP a guy or a girl?
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Old 06-06-2011, 03:24 PM   #20
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Okay, I clearly seemed like a genuine asshole that may have rubbed some people the wrong way without taking her boyfriend into account.

The truth of the matter is, I'm pretty fucking pissed. I genuinely have an interest in this girl and actually thought I stood a chance. She gave me her number and did what any guy would do - call her. With her telling me that she'd like to spend some time with me, it provided me some reason to keep on pushing forth regardless of the fact that she has a boyfriend. I'll take the advice and let it go but this actually hurts a bit.

I feel that I've been lead on. If she had told me about her boyfriend before I was able to get her number, I probably would have had enough sense to back off.
It sounds like you allowed yourself to be lead on as well. I don't have both sides of the story but I'm willing to bet that she wasn't as flirty as you thought she was. The moment you found out she had a bf you said "he doesn't matter"???? sounds like you're just hearing what you want to hear and not what her true signals were. She was working, and you were a distraction from her monotonous day of making a cup of joe for someone. You were friend-zoned at that point in time.

Yeah, maybe she was being nice when she was SERVING YOU COFFEE. What was she going to do? Not be nice to you and risk getting complaints? This is what the service industry is about. If you go into any Cactus club, are you going to think the waitresses are "flirting" with you? Getting a girl's number in this day and age isn't much to bring home to mom about. Better luck next time.
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Old 06-06-2011, 04:38 PM   #21
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^^ I am surpise the OP wasn't giving rejection phone#. I mean if the girl shows no interest she would have given the OP some sort of rejection phone# or just say something along the lines of " What you are asking is not part of my job" or something if she doesn't want to start anything with the OP.
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Old 06-07-2011, 02:35 AM   #22
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Plenty of girls out there man....
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Old 06-07-2011, 08:56 AM   #23
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If u went out w/her while she has a bf, and close; I think she'll prob leave u if she genuinely likes the guy, and has second thoughts abt what she did. Like others say wait for it to crumble,it prob will as a lot of Long dist relationships do. If u were an asshole and wanted to push it along, just make her think her bf is prob seeing other girls in korea.
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Old 06-07-2011, 02:38 PM   #24
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So just a quick update...

I was walking to the station after work but forgot I had left something in my office. On my way back to the office, I found that I had recieved a text from her just saying goodbye since she must have seen me pass by on my way out. After looking at the text notification on my phone, I look up and I see somebody peeking their head out, waving at me from the intersection - it was her.

We meet and we chat. She says that she's surprised that I don't have a girlfriend considering how social and vocal I seem around girls and, through that, explains how I seem like the party type that loves to drink and meet lots of girls. Because of that perception, she says, it was hard for her take what I said to her on the phone the night prior to [about my interest and attraction to her] seriously and sincerely. I explained to her that I was telling the truth, regardless of how she views me, explaining to her that I rarely party and never drink or smoke [which is true]. She still expressed doubts and I knew I had to get her to know me . Perhaps, I think to myself, albeit hopefully, that this boyfriend of hers is non-existent and is, instead, a barrier or a shield that she created to avoid getting hurt.

At this point, we're kind of blocking a bunch of people walking and I recommend to her that we move elsewhere. We start walking and I apologize to her if I made her feel awkward or uncomfortable on the phone the other night, telling her that it was not my intention to do so and I apologize further, explaining that maybe asking her out for dinner was a little too aggressive. She tells me that it was okay and that she wasn't uncomfortable, saying that dinner is still a possibility down the road. Rather than dinner, though, she asks if I had time for coffee just to talk, so we ended up going to the closest starbucks, talking for quite a long time until they had to kick us out since they were closing.

During our conversations, she essentially conveyed that she has trust issues and that adjusting to life in Canada has been hard. She explained to me that she was a very open person before but ended up closing herself because of people that ended up hurting her emotionally, perhaps explaining why she was seemingly so cautious of me. We ended up talking about a variety of things, most of which were very light-hearted and engaging topics and we were having a very good time. Even when we were talking about relationships at one point, it felt great and things seemed to be clicking, voicing, again, how surprised she is that I still do not have a girlfriend. At the tail-end of our conversation, however, she points to herself and me saying, "You and I, though...we can't...", only affirming to me that her boyfriend is real. We ended up talking a bit more after that and we both walked to the station, said our byes and said we'd hang out again.

I'm willing to stay friends with her; she's very sweet. Maybe I will just wait it out...
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Old 06-07-2011, 02:45 PM   #25
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