The Official No Need To Start a New Thread, Thread

[whitev70r]

At the moment, to my knowledge, other medical professionals can chime in but you cannot write down advanced directives for MAID. The government is working on it and most think it is the next step but as of now, you cannot. Just like the issue of MAID for mental health alone, it is not yet permissible for mental health reason alone. Again, it is on the table for discussion, gov't deferred it for a couple of years. Mental health one is a bit complex.

[Traum]

Sorry to hear about the situation with your old man, Supa.

Disclaimer -- I am layperson with zero formal medical training. Essentially, I am BS-ing when I talk about medical stuff. Feel free to step in and correct me if I am conveying medical mis-information, as conveying mis-information has never been my intent. (But I'm sure at least some of what I'm about to say is baloney.)

In terms of getting your old man to get checked out for dementia, is there any chance you can sell it to him under a different name? Or has he straight up become stubborn and refuses to see the doctor for much of anything at all?

If your dad is showing clear signs of dementia, there is a good chance that a certain amount of vascular degeneration has already occurred. On very crude terms, you can think of vascular degeneration as a pre-cursor stage (or one of the possible pre-cursor stages) to dementia. But to the average and non-medically inclined person, vascular degeneration doesn't sound like dementia at al, and it could share some symptoms with mini strokes as well. So if you old man is very resistant to the word "dementia" for whatever reason, it might be easier for you to sell a diagnosis to him as "a check for mini stroke / vascular degeneration", and he might be more receptive to that. In particular, stroke is a far easier concept for elderly folks to understand, and they are far more willing to get treated (or diagnosed) for that than it is for dementia.

At the end of the day, all of this means you're gonna try to get your old man's family doctor to send him in for CT / MRI / ultrasound to get imaging data on the blood vessels in the head, neck, and the brain. Once your old man has gotten those tests, his family doctor will the one breaking the news to him. IMO when the medical diagnosis is coming straight from the doctor's mouth, patients are far more receptive to accept the reality than if people in your family were to try and convince him of it. If he is receptive to the doctor's diagnosis, then it would be easier for you guys to decide how to move forward.

Good luck with the situation.

[6793026]

Grandpa went thru it. Sorry you have to deal with this.
Care home research is a must then followed with mandated medication. It's so important as I see night and day difference on how much more alive / happy when they took medication in the morning.

I am a firm believe of having seniors on wearing hearing aids and social health along with not being pampered by people feeding. Again staying active doesn't make it 'better' but sitting in a chair all day spoon feeding them giving them zero stimulation doesn't help.

[whitev70r]

This is not a critique of general senior care homes but it is. Most care homes medicate to sedate any senior with 'behavioural' issues. Care homes are way understaffed so that each care aid has too many residents to care for and can only do bare minimum, going from resident to resident for bathing, medication, bring them to meals, getting them ready for bed, etc. and no time for social or cognitive interaction.

There are some care homes that do things differently and designed for dementia residents, focusing and cultivating cognitve and social interaction and guess what, their behavioural problems decrease. So yah, do your research if mom or pops have to go into residence.

Check this out
https://globalnews.ca/news/9663849/d...illage-canada/

[supafamous]

Thanks all for the thoughts and suggestions. A bit of good news this weekend is that my dad finally read the resources I've sent to him about dementia (https://alzheimer.ca/bc/en/node/606 - it's in Chinese) - hopefully this means he and I can finally talk about it civilly.

At the moment I think he's still early stage (though it's accelerating IMO) so he's largely able to be independent but there are more and incidents that we're dealing with that are not normal - forgetting where he parked his car, losing his temper irrationally etc.

Originally Posted by mikemhg

We went through this with my mother, and it's tough man.

Power of attorney is very important, and as a family you may need to start discussing the idea of assisted living, eventually. We ended up having to put my mother into an assisted living facility because it became too dangerous for her to live on her own. People with dementia can leave sinks running and flood their home, or leave the stove on and cause a fire.

It sucks man, but preparing yourself and the family for the inevitable deterioration is important, and looking into how housing will be handled as things get worse.

Thanks, I hadn't really thought about the assisted living part in detail yet but at the rate things are going this is likely to come up sooner rather than later - I imagine that he's got maybe 2-3 years of mostly independent living before it's unmanageable for my mom.

Re: Legal docs - thanks for all the suggestions. I've advised my mom about these but I think she needs to more aggressively get these taken care of.

Originally Posted by 68style

Feel for you supa, I don’t see my parents as much anymore since moving away and my mom is turning 80 next month, she’s been nearly deaf for like 3 years now and refuses to admit it / breaks down crying and locks herself in her room if confronted with it… I told her there’s no shame and even said my friend (you) has to deal with a hearing diagnosis much much younger why not take advantage of technology and not feel isolated and not included in conversations anymore but so far I’ve failed to get her to do anything.

Sorry to hear about your mom - deafness is a known cause of dementia and with my hearing issues it's top of mind for me. I plan my week so that I have exposure to sounds so that I'm getting enough stimuli - it's a bad thing for me to be home all the time. It's weird for me to tell people that I go outside partly for therapy but that's what it really is - my brain needs practice to process sound or it'll start dying.

I was surprised to learn that even health issues like diabetes (or high blood sugar) can lead to increased risks of dementia - my dad has very high blood sugar so no doubt this is not helping him.

Originally Posted by Traum

In terms of getting your old man to get checked out for dementia, is there any chance you can sell it to him under a different name? Or has he straight up become stubborn and refuses to see the doctor for much of anything at all?

Nah, it's been discussed enough times between my mom and him that there's no hiding but the good news I reported above hopefully opens the door to a real conversation.

[Eff-1]

Try telling your dad there are treatments available that will help. I've had similar concerns about my dad, and my wife sent me this linkedin post from a MD that I thought was very useful, and maybe you might find it useful too as you start to navigate this journey.

https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update...8813200064512/

"Your mother seems fine when I examine her."
This is what the doctor told my patient's daughter after a 15-minute office visit.

The daughter knew something was wrong. Mom was getting lost driving to familiar places,
struggling with her checkbook, and repeating the same stories.

But in the clinic, mom was charming, articulate, and passed the basic cognitive screening.

The problem?
We're looking for dementia in the wrong places.

After diagnosing 1000+ cases, here's the #1 early sign missed in medical visits:
Loss of executive function in complex daily activities
Not memory loss. Not confusion. Executive function.

What this looks like in real life:
1. Financial management becomes impossible
↳ Checkbook balancing that took 10 minutes now takes 2 hours
↳ Bills get paid twice or not at all despite good intentions
↳ Complex financial decisions get avoided or delegated suddenly

2. Driving skills deteriorate in subtle ways
↳ Getting lost in familiar neighborhoods
↳ Difficulty with left turns or parking
↳ Family notices increased anxiety about driving

3. Multi-step tasks become overwhelming
↳ Cooking elaborate meals they've made for decades
↳ Managing multiple medications correctly
↳ Planning and executing social events

Why providers miss this:
1. Office cognitive tests don't capture real-world complexity
↳ MoCA and MMSE test basic cognitive functions
↳ Patients can pass these while struggling at home
↳ Executive function requires complex task assessment

2. Patients compensate during medical visits
↳ Motivated to appear competent to providers
↳ Spouses often answer questions for them
↳ Social skills remain intact longer than cognitive abilities

3. Providers focus on obvious red flags
↳ Severe memory loss that hasn't developed yet
↳ Clear confusion that comes in later stages
↳ Behavioral changes that family hasn't reported

A better approach:
1. Ask about specific functional changes
- "Has bill-paying become more difficult in the past year?"
- "Do you feel less confident planning dinner parties?"
- "Have you stopped doing activities you used to enjoy?"

2. Include caregivers in the assessment
Family members notice functional decline months before cognitive tests detect problems.

3. Use technology that tests executive function
Digital cognitive assessments can capture complex decision-making deficits that paper tests miss.

When families say "something's not right," they're detecting executive function changes that our medical system isn't designed to measure.

The most important question for early detection:
"What activities have become more difficult in the past year?"

Executive function decline predicts future cognitive decline better than memory complaints.

And it's detectable years before traditional dementia symptoms appear.

⁉️ What early changes did you notice that providers initially dismissed?
♻️ Share if you think we need better ways to detect early dementia signs
�� Follow me (Reza Hosseini Ghomi, MD, MSE) for insights on dementia

[Presto]

My dad passed away in April. He was starting show symptoms around 6 - 7 years ago. I'm pretty sure he knew something was wrong with himself when I saw that he took out his drafting equipment to try to make something. Or, his DIY projects would be so janky and WTF. One time he flipped out and woke up and started hitting my mom (he has never layed a hand on her previously). Cops were called to put in on record. He didn't get violent again, though.

We convinced him it was time to give up driving, after he passed-out during his walk to the store. His memory dwindled. His health got bad during the pandemic and then the heat dome. He got hit with multiple strokes that completely debilitated him. After the first stroke, we were able to convince him to give PoA over to my mom.

My mom, with the help of health care people, was able to take care of him at home for a year until he passed. I don't think she could've done much more than that, even with the help. It was physically taxing for her to get him out of bed and into his wheelchair. She had a hoist, too. My poor dad had moments clarity and would get really depressed because he realized his situation.

I got a SMS from my sis asking me to call her. It was a 4am text. I knew my dad was gone. We cried over the phone together. I'm thankful that my dad passed away during the night. My mom and sister were able to call an ambulance, and they took away his body. My BIL and nephews didn't even know it happened until the next day. Our meeting with the funeral home was quick because my parents already purchased a plot and my mom had all the paperwork ready. My dad wanted a small funeral, so it was just the family and our spouses in attendance. It was a sunny day.

RIP dad.

[mikemhg]

^Damn man, that made me tear up a bit.

I'm getting soft.

[supafamous]

Originally Posted by Presto

My dad passed away in April. He was starting show symptoms around 6 - 7 years ago. I'm pretty sure he knew something was wrong with himself when I saw that he took out his drafting equipment to try to make something. Or, his DIY projects would be so janky and WTF. One time he flipped out and woke up and started hitting my mom (he has never layed a hand on her previously). Cops were called to put in on record. He didn't get violent again, though.

We convinced him it was time to give up driving, after he passed-out during his walk to the store. His memory dwindled. His health got bad during the pandemic and then the heat dome. He got hit with multiple strokes that completely depilated him. After the first stroke, we were able to convince him to give PoA over to my mom.

My mom, with the help of health care people, was able to take care of him at home for a year until he passed. I don't think she could've done much more than that, even with the help. It was physically taxing for her to get him out of bed and into his wheelchair. She had a hoist, too. My poor dad had moments clarity and would get really depressed because he realized his situation.

I got a SMS from my sis asking me to call her. It was a 4am text. I knew my dad was gone. We cried over the phone together. I'm thankful that my dad passed away during the night. My mom and sister were able to call an ambulance, and they took away his body. My BIL and nephews didn't even know it happened until the next day. Our meeting with the funeral home was quick because my parents already purchased a plot and my mom had all the paperwork ready. My dad wanted a small funeral, so it was just the family and our spouses in attendance. It was a sunny day.

RIP dad.

So sorry to hear this Presto and thank you for sharing this - a lot of it rings true for how I think this is going to go for my dad.

There's already been a couple incidents with my mom that has led me to question if she's safe to be around my dad and the last time I went into his garage (workshop) the place was a disaster yet he was claimed he was "organising" - it was unlike any of the previous "organisings" that he had done in the past, it looked like that of a mind that was increasingly brittle.

[Badhobz]

Originally Posted by mikemhg

^Damn man, that made me tear up a bit.

I'm getting soft.

You’re not getting soft. You’re human. If you didn’t feel any empathy you would be a sociopath.

[Presto]

Originally Posted by mikemhg

^Damn man, that made me tear up a bit.

I'm getting soft.

I would've wrote some more detail, but I started tearing up at work and my colleagues do not need to see me ugly cry.

[westopher]

I’ve heard the statement dementia is so difficult because you lose a loved one twice. It’s so painful for those close to them.

[6793026]

Robert Redford - age 89 years...
Redford's last onscreen appearance was in 2019's “Avengers: Endgame,” reprising his role from 2014's “Captain America: The Winter Soldier.”

[unit]

Originally Posted by Presto

My dad passed away in April. He was starting show symptoms around 6 - 7 years ago. I'm pretty sure he knew something was wrong with himself when I saw that he took out his drafting equipment to try to make something. Or, his DIY projects would be so janky and WTF. One time he flipped out and woke up and started hitting my mom (he has never layed a hand on her previously). Cops were called to put in on record. He didn't get violent again, though.

We convinced him it was time to give up driving, after he passed-out during his walk to the store. His memory dwindled. His health got bad during the pandemic and then the heat dome. He got hit with multiple strokes that completely debilitated him. After the first stroke, we were able to convince him to give PoA over to my mom.

My mom, with the help of health care people, was able to take care of him at home for a year until he passed. I don't think she could've done much more than that, even with the help. It was physically taxing for her to get him out of bed and into his wheelchair. She had a hoist, too. My poor dad had moments clarity and would get really depressed because he realized his situation.

I got a SMS from my sis asking me to call her. It was a 4am text. I knew my dad was gone. We cried over the phone together. I'm thankful that my dad passed away during the night. My mom and sister were able to call an ambulance, and they took away his body. My BIL and nephews didn't even know it happened until the next day. Our meeting with the funeral home was quick because my parents already purchased a plot and my mom had all the paperwork ready. My dad wanted a small funeral, so it was just the family and our spouses in attendance. It was a sunny day.

RIP dad.

that was a tough read man. sorry you had to go through all that. it's any childs worst fear for their parents.

[Badhobz]

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/...harges-dropped

sweet! as long as youre semi good looking, have a sob story, you too can murder someone in cold blood and more or less get away with it.

Im sure this kids gonna get a slap on the wrist for this shit.

[bcrdukes]

I think the Temu or Shein AI-model of him helped influence the jury.

[Traum]

Originally Posted by Badhobz

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/...harges-dropped

sweet! as long as youre semi good looking, have a sob story, you too can murder someone in cold blood and more or less get away with it.

Im sure this kids gonna get a slap on the wrist for this shit.

The judge threw the terrorism charges out because of insufficient evidence though. According to Reuters, the prosecutors would need to present enough evidence to suggest Mangione had acted "with the intent to intimidate health insurance workers or influence government policy" for the terrorism charges to go to trial.

He is still getting charged for murder, and he's getting charged twice, once at the state level, and once at the federal level. So that act alone seems to me he is already getting the short end of the stick (since in theory, a person cannot be charged twice for the same crime).

[mikemhg]

Originally Posted by Badhobz

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/...harges-dropped

sweet! as long as youre semi good looking, have a sob story, you too can murder someone in cold blood and more or less get away with it.

Im sure this kids gonna get a slap on the wrist for this shit.

Hope so.

[pastarocket]

Rest in Peace, Mr. Redford.

Actor Robert Redford passed away today at age 89.

Oscar winning actor that you might know from the movie Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

https://www.cnn.com/2025/09/16/enter...-redford-death

He was 89.

“Robert Redford passed away on September 16, 2025, at his home at Sundance in the mountains of Utah–the place he loved, surrounded by those he loved. He will be missed greatly,” Berger said in a statement to CNN. “The family requests privacy.”

Known for his starring roles in “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid” and “All the President’s Men,” Redford also directed award-winning films such as “Ordinary People” and “A River Runs Through It.”

His passion for the art of filmmaking led to his creation of the Sundance Institute, a nonprofit that supports independent film and theater and is known for its annual Sundance Film Festival.

Redford was also a dedicated environmentalist, moving to Utah in 1961 and leading efforts to preserve the natural landscape of the state and the American West.

Redford acted well into his later years, reuniting with Jane Fonda in the 2017 Netflix film “Our Souls at Night.” The following year, he starred in “The Old Man & the Gun” at age 82, a film he said would be his last – although he said he would not consider retiring.

[supafamous]

Originally Posted by Badhobz

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/...harges-dropped

sweet! as long as youre semi good looking, have a sob story, you too can murder someone in cold blood and more or less get away with it.

Im sure this kids gonna get a slap on the wrist for this shit.

Semi-good looking? C'mon man, the line up to suck his dick is down the road. It's ok, just admit you're gay for him.

[Badhobz]

psshh looks like a fucking hamas terrorist pre Israeli starvation. way too ethnic, would not gay fuck.

[6793026]

Originally Posted by Traum

, the prosecutors would need to present enough evidence to suggest Mangione had acted "with the intent to intimidate health insurance workers or influence government policy" for the terrorism charges to go to trial.

well it's true... how is it really terrorism .. call spade a spade...

[SkinnyPupp]

Originally Posted by Badhobz

psshh looks like a fucking hamas terrorist pre Israeli starvation. way too ethnic, would not gay fuck.

The only one more obvious than you about hiding their gay feelings for Luigi is the court sketch artist:

[Badhobz]

Is that sketch artist a Zionist jew ? Why so Islamic looking ?

I’m the better artist

[rymack]

IN regards to parents w dementia:

My mom went into long term care a bout 2 years ago now. She had some mental illness issues that were slowly getting worse and led to some sort of dementia that include but are not limited too being able to walk ( and now being not able to feed herself). There were some signs about 10 years ago of her slide into dementia but as it was intertwined with her ( undiagnosed , untreated ) mental illness.

At that time I sought out the advice of a psychologist ( might have been registered clinical counselor) . Basically it came down to the fact that I couldn't force her to get treatment as ostensibly she could still care and feed herself and her dog and basically was able to function.

The mental illness was quite alienating for my family ( wife/kids and I ) and it made me keep her at arms length. She didn't have a partner ( dad and her divorced when i was young etc) and I am a only child. She has a few siblings but the mental illness that alienated me alienated them. So we decided to see her on holidays and a few other times a year etc. Didnt help that she thought my wife and Bill gates were out to get her( why is it always Bill gates?)

So fast forward to 3 or so years ago she had a issue that she ended up at Surrey memorial for a unrelated health reason and I asked the doctor discreetly to have a psych eval and hold done on her . He agreed and off tot he psych ward she went. She was diagnosed with a couple different things (no surprise to us ) .

I ended up talking to the doctors and it came down to them wanting to send her home because she was able to walk and talk and cook etc. Dementia was starting but not ..rampant? I talked to the Occupational Therapist ( i think thats what they are) and we talked about how she still was able to keep her house tidy , could buy and cook her own food , do her own laundry etc. The doctors thought with in home support she could remain in her home.

So at this time it was recommended to me by a family friend that i refuse to take her home ( they want the family to agree to the plan for some reason..perhaps because of the mental health designation?). The family friend told me to refuse to take her home as a safety concern and to request she be sent to assisted living . At any rate i was given the decision to bring her home and set up supports or not.

I decided that if i was in her shoes i'd want my freedom as long as possible. So i said ok to the home plan , set up some in home supports etc. She went down hill over the next 8 months until one day I went over to pick her up tot take her to cataract surgery and found her on the floor ( after i broke in through her ground floor window) on the floor unable to get up , very weak and disoriented. She had covid. It was just luck i was there that day and if it was a different day she likley would have died.

So back to surrey memorial , back to the psych ward . This time i refused to take her home ( Fraser health offered round the clock care or similar which they don't have the staff for) , she was put into the system for Long term care and has remained there since.

Sorry thats a long read. Couple of key takeaways
- Dont wait. especially with traditional dementia/Alzheimer's. It can be slowed with treatment and there are new protocols all the time.
- Long term care homes are much more ...bleak ? worse anyway then Assisted living. If my mom had gone to assisted living when she first went into care she could have stayed there longer than going directly to long term care. Assisted living is way better than long term care. Long term care is hospital beds , assisted living is like little apartments where you eat in a common area etc. Like a dorm.
- If your dads care is too much for your mom. Bring him to the hospital and refuse to bring him home. You may not be there yet but this is the way to force the System to deal with them. I know how hard that is as Ive had to do it but you have to balance your dads wellbeing with everyone else's.
- While your dad is the one with the disease everyone in the family will suffer. I know culturally a lot of people don't want to dump there parents in care but sometimes it is the best for everyone involved.
- if its a non starter to bring your dad into care ( at this point anyway) consider getting a live in Nanny. My wifes family actually used to run a nanny agency ( family friend still runs it ). This might be a good transition for your family.
- Take care of your own mental health. I can speak from my experience of all the guilt and remorse for not trying to forcer my mom into mental health treatment. Always wondering what if . Always feeling i had to choose my wife/kids over my mom. It can really be hard. Talk to a mental health pro or at least a bro.
- Don't expect the rest of your family to act like adults. My moms younger brother hasnt seen her in 6 years cause he was wigged out by the mental health stuff. And now wont go to visit her in Long term Care. It sucks but if they wont help you paddle the canoe then gtfo of the way.