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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 01-26-2012, 11:16 PM   #1
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7 Years coming to and end? What to do??

I'm kinda just writing my mind as they come which is a lot at the moment, so if anything doesn't make sense just let me know. Came out a lot more then I thought.

I don't know how I would start this off but me and my gf of 7 seven years have lately in the past 3 months or so been getting into arguments in which 2 of them resulted in her leaving back to stay with her folks for 1-2 weeks at a time(we live together). She always suspect me of fooling around with other girls, which I don't. I do though, on the other hand have a few close female friends I party with along with the boys. She's says shes totally cool with it, but then as time goes by so throws it in my face as if I'm snooping around. Tells me she dosent trust me.
I tell her to come hang and party with everyone so she feels more comfortable and secure. She dosent like my friends so she chooses not to come cause she dosen't get along with them(come to think of it, she dosent get along with anyone lol). So on one of the night my friends party(we party hard lol) I go home early and my friends bbm me cause I didn't show up at our next escapade location, she tells me "Who is that bbming at this time, its a girl, let me see it!!" Shocked as I was I declined since for the past week all she did was suspect me of anything other then cheating.
I would normally just let her see but not this time. Also, to add we haven't had sex in a month so that kinda added fuel to the fire lol. (We are both very busy and only see each other at the end of the night and departure come the AM) and I just don't feel attracted to her or is it because when I initiate she says no and acts like she dosent want it when she does.
Anyway Long story short she didn't trust me, we argued and she left back to her folks and I'm left alone in the condo. I'm really feeling like it has come to the end of the road now that I had some time by my self to think about it. These past few months have left me less and less attracted to her. I feel as if, she's just someone I live with that I just rant my problems too. We barely hang out cause she dosent like to see my friends. When we do hang out, its going to dinner that's about it. I get along very well and have so much fun with my female friends, not so much my gf, I try and believe me it has gotten me no where. I find my female friends a lot more interesting, and my gf is just boring. Not sure if that's what 7years does to a relationship.

So here's a few things about her I dislike.
I sound like a uptight douche lol, below

She dosent get along with anyone I know lol, she dosent have very much friends. When she does try to get to know my friends she a very plain jane boring. Me and friends like to joke around when we hang out she would just be in her little world. Kinda like the girl sitting in the back.

She always believe shes right. Even when her point is so stupid. I will explain mine, then she will use my point given and twist it with her words and say that was her original statement. Its an endless circle lol.

She acts like a complete goof lol, then expects a good compliment. I shut her down with complete opposite lol. yeah im an asshole.

When I rant to her my problems, she just agrees with me and never with anything clever to say other then the obvious. "Aww, poor baby" lol

She spends a lot of bits of free time to shop for things she wants to buy(ex. Bags, shoes, cloths etc.). I don't mind this, we both have a taste for nice things, however it only bothers me when she gets so into it and forgets about the world around her while the chance for friends, people interactions pass her by.

She's is completely oblivious, to life lol, if that makes sense. Other then expensive handbags, heels, etc. She dosent know a single anything about our present world(Movies, songs, places to go, pretty much self interest or things people have in common).

The goods about her

She a very nice person.
She always puts me first.
She has nothing but good intentions.
She would never do me wrong
She is always there for me
I can be my self around her and just let out.
She let's me do what ever I want and supports it.
She very independent

SO at the end of the day, I'm in a serious rut, and not sure what to do. I just need some outside input on what to do. We both love each other but does this appear to be me falling out of love? I have invested so much time and money into this relationship. I wanna go but at same time i dont.

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Old 01-27-2012, 12:04 AM   #2
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Maybe she is not very social or she is just shy?

Maybe you should try to hang out with more couples because she is shy?
I have noticed since I am in a long term relationship hanging out with other couples is the norm now lol. It just feels different hanging out with single people with my gf there.

Sex problem?
Maybe you need to spice it up a bit and introduce new things like new positions?

Embrace her more instead of shutting her down all the time?

Since your the man you have to sacrifice more than her in a relationship if you want it to continue.
Pretty much fuck what you want and like because its going to be all about her.

OR FUCK ALL THAT
introduce her to some drugs lol then she would like to party more
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Old 01-27-2012, 12:08 AM   #3
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2nd option would be the easiest

I dunno, I get what you mean. You spent 7 years with her already, that must mean something right?
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Old 01-27-2012, 12:18 AM   #4
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I kinda stopped reading after "she didn't get along with anyone". Not disrespect, but if I had a gf, it would be really important to me if she got along with almost anyone like close friends of my folks.

I'm going to resolve your problems with her, not to fuel the fire, but to show you why:

Quote:
She dosent get along with anyone I know lol, she dosent have very much friends. When she does try to get to know my friends she a very plain jane boring. Me and friends like to joke around when we hang out she would just be in her little world. Kinda like the girl sitting in the back.
Stated above.
Quote:
She always believe shes right. Even when her point is so stupid. I will explain mine, then she will use my point given and twist it with her words and say that was her original statement. Its an endless circle lol.
We all have our times when we are right and wrong. I know, you can't win over women easily, but the best weapon a man has is reason. If you can't even use reason to show her at least a hint of wrong, then there's no point to even try, it's like talking to a brick wall. Circles is her way of making things look like she was right all along.
Quote:
She acts like a complete goof lol, then expects a good compliment. I shut her down with complete opposite lol. yeah im an asshole.
She probably tries too hard
Quote:
When I rant to her my problems, she just agrees with me and never with anything clever to say other then the obvious. "Aww, poor baby" lol
A gf is supposed to be able to share your problems with. Poor baby doesn't cut shit when we men have problems. Even if you don't know how to help us, even telling us "I'm sorry I can't help you with this, but at least you can rant things and I'll be your listener tonight" would be a damn good excuse. She's just literally throwing the problem aside and feeling sorry for you, but your intention is to discuss it with her hoping she could understand.
Quote:
She spends a lot of bits of free time to shop for things she wants to buy(ex. Bags, shoes, cloths etc.). I don't mind this, we both have a taste for nice things, however it only bothers me when she gets so into it and forgets about the world around her while the chance for friends, people interactions pass her by.
She's a little over herself in making herself look good, she can't stop and look at how she should do it properly.
Quote:
She's is completely oblivious, to life lol, if that makes sense. Other then expensive handbags, heels, etc. She dosent know a single anything about our present world(Movies, songs, places to go, pretty much self interest or things people have in common).
Being oblivious to the world is not a good thing either. Yea, not everyone updated on current events but at least take some time to take interest to have something to discuss with while at the dinner table or such.

I read the goods, and the goods are generally good as a friend, not as a girlfriend. Being a girlfriend means being more than just caring and being there when you need them. Just pointing things out for you man, I'm not trying to make things worse or flame her but just showing you how its supposed to be even though no one is perfect, at least understand that and acknowledge it.
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Old 01-27-2012, 12:23 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PornMaster View Post
Maybe she is not very social or she is just shy?

Maybe you should try to hang out with more couples because she is shy?
I have noticed since I am in a long term relationship hanging out with other couples is the norm now lol. It just feels different hanging out with single people with my gf there.

Sex problem?
Maybe you need to spice it up a bit and introduce new things like new positions?

Embrace her more instead of shutting her down all the time?

Since your the man you have to sacrifice more than her in a relationship if you want it to continue.
Pretty much fuck what you want and like because its going to be all about her.

OR FUCK ALL THAT
introduce her to some drugs lol then she would like to party more

First option, I already tried that, she dosent like the couples we hung out with in that pass which are my friends, so that was a fail. I always get invited to doing couples nights but she chooses to stay home and watch tv.

I will take note and try to embrace it.

Im willing to sacrifice, however i wont sacrifice my privacy cause she thinks im fooling around?

lol, funny thing about the last part, she drank one time, only to end up face planted onto her vomit, so thats a complete FAIL lol.....
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Old 01-27-2012, 12:24 AM   #6
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it sounds like you have a really great girl there.
nobodys perfect, and some of those points you listed on her negative side are really not that bad.
if you're in love with her then i think you should fight to make it work.
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Old 01-27-2012, 12:34 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by BaoTurbo View Post
I kinda stopped reading after "she didn't get along with anyone". Not disrespect, but if I had a gf, it would be really important to me if she got along with almost anyone like close friends of my folks.

I'm going to resolve your problems with her, not to fuel the fire, but to show you why:


Stated above.

We all have our times when we are right and wrong. I know, you can't win over women easily, but the best weapon a man has is reason. If you can't even use reason to show her at least a hint of wrong, then there's no point to even try, it's like talking to a brick wall. Circles is her way of making things look like she was right all along.

She probably tries too hard

A gf is supposed to be able to share your problems with. Poor baby doesn't cut shit when we men have problems. Even if you don't know how to help us, even telling us "I'm sorry I can't help you with this, but at least you can rant things and I'll be your listener tonight" would be a damn good excuse. She's just literally throwing the problem aside and feeling sorry for you, but your intention is to discuss it with her hoping she could understand.

She's a little over herself in making herself look good, she can't stop and look at how she should do it properly.

Being oblivious to the world is not a good thing either. Yea, not everyone updated on current events but at least take some time to take interest to have something to discuss with while at the dinner table or such.

I read the goods, and the goods are generally good as a friend, not as a girlfriend. Being a girlfriend means being more than just caring and being there when you need them. Just pointing things out for you man, I'm not trying to make things worse or flame her but just showing you how its supposed to be even though no one is perfect, at least understand that and acknowledge it.

I agree with you, as its also important to me as well for her to get along with my close friends and family or at least try for that matter.

The reason part. All i use is my reason. After the year i realize to let her make her point before i say mine to avoid conflicts of twist. BUT somehow, it would end up with having a second opinion with some how my reason falls in there. Theres just no winning. stresses the fuck outta me.

Your right, the more and more i think about it, shes seems as if better off as my friend then anything. and her being oblivious resulted in us repeating same conversions we have everything we go for dinner etc. its retarded lol and nothing is ever new. E
Example she dosent even have a favourite genre for songs that we can share each others interests, she just listens to what i listen too. lol
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Old 01-27-2012, 08:14 AM   #8
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I was reading along, and was reminded of my ex with the plain jane thing, not liking your friends and not having friends of her own.

I was with her for 6 years before I bailed, and dude, I never looked back.

Here's the deal: You are dating a big dah dud. That's not the end of the world, and I see a lot of people dating their big dah duds and it seems to work for them. But, in your case, you are screwed. Why? Because she doesn't like your friends, doesn't trust you with them and doesn't have friends of her own. So, for your relationship to work, you need to give up(or spend less time with) your friends and crawl into her big dah dud lifestyle.

She's obviously not cool with sitting at home while you are out partying hard, because who would? Somewhere in her head, she's annoyed that her boyfriend spends no time with her. So, on some level she gets pissed off, and it comes out in "I don't trust you". In this game, the answer is 'supposed' to be, "I'll party less with my friends, and sit here with you-oh! is that the sequel to Bridget jones' Diary on AMC?" But of course, this system isn't working for her. You aren't responding to the trust issues with concessions as you are supposed to, you are amping it up by hiding the BBM messages. Sounds to me like your own little subconcious game-ie, she thinks you are messing around, which I believe that you are not, so you purposefully hide these messages, leading to her thinking you are messing around even more.

For me, and my situation, it started to create a lot of animosity in the relationship at the fact that I always had to make sure that she was ok. I remember at one work xmas party, that people tried to talk to her and got short little one word answers and they are like, "oook...I...have to...be elsewhere". It happened all the time. Looking back, I spent 6 years trying to interpret which sneer I was currently receiving and what it meant that I had done wrong.

Finally, I woke up one morning and said I'm done. Nothing had happened. No fight-no talks and surprisingly, no sneer. I got in my car and drove for 4 hours. By the time I had spent a month in Thailand, and a couple weeks at out apartment, and then a couple at my moms, I was into the whole break-up scene for about 2.5 months. That 4 hour drive was in late July and I finally moved into my own place on Oct.1. Don't do it that way. If you are done, say you are done and decide who is packing. It's like a band-aid man, get a good grip, and pull! One of you needs to get out of there. Do you own or rent the condo?
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Old 01-27-2012, 08:17 AM   #9
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A I had a similar situation. My ex and I dated for 5 years. I honestly dont know how we lasted that long...In my opinion years doesn't have to do with how well you are in synch with each other. Sometimes the years just last because you both chose to accept each others existence and just want to keep it going when there is no spark.

My ex had friends I never liked and they didn't like me, not because I was shy but because I carried a bit of a BIGGG FOIG (haha) like aura. They never got the chance to know me I was judged. I'm a firm believer in acceptance of the significant others friendships and family. Sure at the end of the day you're with the girl or guy you love. But in the end when you get married you're marrying the family and friends too. I refused to have these people at my wedding.

It sounds like you're at an age where the immaturity of the trust level should be mutually high and especially since it was 7 years, maybe the topic should definitely be put up in the air, as it doesn't seem to healthy in a relationship.
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Old 01-27-2012, 08:35 AM   #10
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it sounds like you have a really great girl there.
nobodys perfect, and some of those points you listed on her negative side are really not that bad.
if you're in love with her then i think you should fight to make it work.
At what cost? You 'can' make a relationship with pretty much anyone "work" if you are willing to completely placate her and lose yourself to the relationship.

Every person in a relationship needs to know what they are looking for in a relationship, and what they looking to get out of it. They also need to recognize that they need to put into the relationship.

Is he willing to continue pushing her to become more like him, or change the "him" to meet her on the level she wishes to operate.

OP didn't mention, but a 7 year relationship puts him somewhere at mid to late 20's I'm guessing. Why do so many relationships die at this point? People have changed, and are starting to look long term. I was! When I was in my car that day, I asked an honest question...would I be happy if this was it? Living in a mediocre apartment, in a mediocre job with a mediocre girlfriend? The answer was no. I wanted to cash out. So I did. Moved away from the mediocre apartment, quit the mediocre job and dumped the mediocre girlfriend. I subsequently took back the shitty job to fund a few things, used it for what it was worth and then quit it to go do what I wanted to do.
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Old 01-27-2012, 09:18 AM   #11
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they are just in different places in their lives,

he said theyv been together for 7 years, which means he's atleast in his mid twenties,

which also means he hasnt been with many women, and wants to try others,

he is mid to late twenties, still partying like a teenager,

she has already grown up past this stage,

also not having sex for a month, he is getting grass is greener syndrome around all his partying chick friends.

Also judging from the way you portray your attitude towards her, you seem to enjoy putting her down then kicking her then laughing about it,

look at how many "lols" you put in your post when you start talking about her,

you somehow think your better than her in some twisted way,

Honestly she should be the one who dumps you, for the way you protray her, it doesnt look like she's done anything wrong except she isnt outgoing, and you are.

Roles reversed, if you were shy and reserved, and your gf was constantly going out partying and getting smashed with other guys, you would damn well think she was fooling around too.

You either both need to be partyers, or both not partyers. Cant have one and one.
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Old 01-27-2012, 09:34 AM   #12
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STOP STALKING ME CLAIRE

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Last edited by MPTness; 02-20-2012 at 08:19 AM. Reason: STOP STALKING ME CLAIRE
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Old 01-27-2012, 09:37 AM   #13
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Thanks everyone for their inputs, much appreciated,


Quote:
Originally Posted by Gridlock View Post
I was reading along, and was reminded of my ex with the plain jane thing, not liking your friends and not having friends of her own.

I was with her for 6 years before I bailed, and dude, I never looked back.

Here's the deal: You are dating a big dah dud. That's not the end of the world, and I see a lot of people dating their big dah duds and it seems to work for them. But, in your case, you are screwed. Why? Because she doesn't like your friends, doesn't trust you with them and doesn't have friends of her own. So, for your relationship to work, you need to give up(or spend less time with) your friends and crawl into her big dah dud lifestyle.

She's obviously not cool with sitting at home while you are out partying hard, because who would? Somewhere in her head, she's annoyed that her boyfriend spends no time with her. So, on some level she gets pissed off, and it comes out in "I don't trust you". In this game, the answer is 'supposed' to be, "I'll party less with my friends, and sit here with you-oh! is that the sequel to Bridget jones' Diary on AMC?" But of course, this system isn't working for her. You aren't responding to the trust issues with concessions as you are supposed to, you are amping it up by hiding the BBM messages. Sounds to me like your own little subconcious game-ie, she thinks you are messing around, which I believe that you are not, so you purposefully hide these messages, leading to her thinking you are messing around even more.

For me, and my situation, it started to create a lot of animosity in the relationship at the fact that I always had to make sure that she was ok. I remember at one work xmas party, that people tried to talk to her and got short little one word answers and they are like, "oook...I...have to...be elsewhere". It happened all the time. Looking back, I spent 6 years trying to interpret which sneer I was currently receiving and what it meant that I had done wrong.

Finally, I woke up one morning and said I'm done. Nothing had happened. No fight-no talks and surprisingly, no sneer. I got in my car and drove for 4 hours. By the time I had spent a month in Thailand, and a couple weeks at out apartment, and then a couple at my moms, I was into the whole break-up scene for about 2.5 months. That 4 hour drive was in late July and I finally moved into my own place on Oct.1. Don't do it that way. If you are done, say you are done and decide who is packing. It's like a band-aid man, get a good grip, and pull! One of you needs to get out of there. Do you own or rent the condo?

Your ex sounds alot like my gf and all the one word answer as parties and functions, however the thing is! She tells me to go out. If i pass on a whole weekend and stay in and hang out, her response by the end of the next weekend, "you should go out" or "Why arent you out with your friends". Im sure there are weekends she rather hang out, but i she just dosent say nothing. For the most part alot of the times she gets annoyed she dosent speak up but looks pissed or aggravated. I ask whats wrong, the answer for the past few years for all was "Im tired...". Unless it was something obvious like I said something stupid or if i did a certain thing with my friends that uncluded other girls outside our circle of friends. She would know cause i would tell her. I tell her everything everytime when i go out, so she knows how it was from A-Z.

I always wake up, thinking im done ! and want to get out. But i also have invested so much money into this relationship. I bought her a car(not a cheap one either), we bought the condo together. So i dont even know what to do. I wanna fix it, but i know its not gonna go no where. I even thought about going on a trip and see if we can solve anything.
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Old 01-27-2012, 09:40 AM   #14
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they are just in different places in their lives,

he said theyv been together for 7 years, which means he's atleast in his mid twenties,

which also means he hasnt been with many women, and wants to try others,

he is mid to late twenties, still partying like a teenager,

she has already grown up past this stage,

also not having sex for a month, he is getting grass is greener syndrome around all his partying chick friends.

Also judging from the way you portray your attitude towards her, you seem to enjoy putting her down then kicking her then laughing about it,

look at how many "lols" you put in your post when you start talking about her,

you somehow think your better than her in some twisted way,

Honestly she should be the one who dumps you, for the way you protray her, it doesnt look like she's done anything wrong except she isnt outgoing, and you are.

Roles reversed, if you were shy and reserved, and your gf was constantly going out partying and getting smashed with other guys, you would damn well think she was fooling around too.

You either both need to be partyers, or both not partyers. Cant have one and one.
Roles reversed, Im NOT partying with other guys. Im partying with my friends that includs chicks and dicks. She knows all of them and even have them on her bbm but they dont talk. Its not like im partying with random chicks everyweekend. These are girls i wouldnt fuck which would just ruin the friendship.
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Old 01-27-2012, 09:42 AM   #15
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I always wake up, thinking im done ! and want to get out. But i also have invested so much money into this relationship. I bought her a car(not a cheap one either), we bought the condo together. So i dont even know what to do. I wanna fix it, but i know its not gonna go no where. I even thought about going on a trip and see if we can solve anything.


That is all the wrong reason to continue a relationship. It should never be about how much you have invested. If you want to fix it, maybe party less and pay more attention to her? Take her out on a date get that spark rolling again. Your friends will always be there provided they are good friends and not just party animals. Think about the things you can do FOR her to make her feel special again.
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Old 01-27-2012, 09:56 AM   #16
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Roles reversed, Im NOT partying with other guys. Im partying with my friends that includs chicks and dicks. She knows all of them and even have them on her bbm but they dont talk. Its not like im partying with random chicks everyweekend. These are girls i wouldnt fuck which would just ruin the friendship.
Friends or not, all your partner see's is you partying with girls, she could have met them a thousand times, could be best friends with them.

Girls dont think the same way men do.

Also, I've never met a guy who wouldnt admit to possibly sleeping with a hot chick friend if the oppurtunity did arrise while both were single, its 2012, we all fuck eachother.

Unless your chick friends are fat or ugly or just plain unnatractive, id put money down that youd get in there if one of them started going all over you one time while you guys are smashed at a party, after you break up with this one that is.

ESPECIALLY after being on a dry spell, and resenting your current gf for it
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Old 01-27-2012, 10:03 AM   #17
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That is all the wrong reason to continue a relationship. It should never be about how much you have invested. If you want to fix it, maybe party less and pay more attention to her? Take her out on a date get that spark rolling again. Your friends will always be there provided they are good friends and not just party animals. Think about the things you can do FOR her to make her feel special again.
Ive already tried that approach. Like i stated above, after the first week she'd be like why aren't i out with my friends or ask me what my friends are doing and why aren't i with them.

We always go dates, and have a single certain place we meet for brunch every sunday. But I don't feel a intimacy in our conversations if that makes any sense lol. Its always about what she wants to buy next, or how my friends are stupid, idiots and so forth.
My friends party hard but they are good friends and got me through thickest of the thick.
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Old 01-27-2012, 10:07 AM   #18
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Friends or not, all your partner see's is you partying with girls, she could have met them a thousand times, could be best friends with them.

Girls dont think the same way men do.

Also, I've never met a guy who wouldnt admit to possibly sleeping with a hot chick friend if the oppurtunity did arrise while both were single, its 2012, we all fuck eachother.

Unless your chick friends are fat or ugly or just plain unnatractive, id put money down that youd get in there if one of them started going all over you one time while you guys are smashed at a party, after you break up with this one that is.

ESPECIALLY after being on a dry spell, and resenting your current gf for it
Obviously if i was single, id be all over it. My chick friends a few of them are actually really hot. We get along very well, i can actually see us dating, but then again it changes when people start to get into a relationship. So i rather have them as a friend and go outside the group.
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Old 01-27-2012, 10:26 AM   #19
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i can actually see us dating

looks like you answered your own thread buddy,

let the poor girl go.

Just be honest with her and tell her you lost the love you had for her, and your interested in seeing other people, and your not ready to stop partying yet.
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Old 01-27-2012, 10:49 AM   #20
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She tells me to go out. If i pass on a whole weekend and stay in and hang out, her response by the end of the next weekend, "you should go out" or "Why arent you out with your friends".
She wants you to turn around and say, "oh babe, i much prefer to hang out with you then go out drinking with my lame friends". She is manipulating you by asking leading questions.

Also, my 9 year relationship came to a crashing halt as few years ago. Everything was joint (bank accounts, cars, houses, etc) and the thought of splitting all that shit up was crazy overwhelming...and honestly, it was the only reason it lasted so long. If we had not joined everything, I would have ended it probably around year 6-7.

I would not recommend thinking about the break-up with the thought of all the shit that will come up....think about how you need to be free and find someone who you maybe mesh with better.

It is NOT easy, but it is worth it. The break-up will drag on for a while and at some point you will think that it isn't worth it and think about getting back together....don't. You can justify being with anyone in all reality...unless the SO is an addict, abuser, criminal, etc...anyone can suck it up and deal with the random arguments, infrequent sex, and sneers. But are you being true to yourself?

It isn't an easy road...but it can be worth it.
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Old 01-28-2012, 10:05 AM   #21
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I wanted to add something that I learned through the whole process.

I struggled with, "is it worth it?" I found myself not being happy but continually asking myself, "what reason is there to break-up?"

People around me would constantly be telling me that she's "nice" and she kind of was. She never did anything offensive to anyone.

I found that the proper question to ask isn't what reason do I have to leave, but what reason do I have to stay. I found that you were rarely going to have that aha moment that she finally commits that fatal sin that you can be proud of in saying, "this is it! You are being dumped because...this."

These nice girls aren't suddenly going to go and fuck your best friend. They aren't going to take up cocaine for you. They aren't going to cut you in your sleep.

For me, I got to the point where I couldn't answer the question. Why am I here? I don't know, moving sucks, that's why. I finally learned where we keep the dish soap, and don't want to re-learn.

Once I learned that key way of looking at the issue, man things started popping in place. If you can't think of a reason why you are "somewhere" doing "something" with "someone", then dude, you do not need to be there, doing that, with them.

May sound cold, but its true. The question is for you to decide if the reasons you have: financial considerations, history and love is enough reason to stay.

And one other thing, and a friend warned me of this and I've seen it happen. Don't be stupid!

If you decide to leave, do NOT do that thing that guys do and be like, "oh keep the car, and the apartment and the furniture" out of guilt for leaving! One day you will wake up in your shitty apartment and say, "fuck me, I miss my sofa" Get your head in the right place before you even crack the conversation. What's the right place?

1. I have made arrangements for where I am going to live/stay for the forseeable future.

It could be the apartment, it might not, but have a back-up plan. You are pulling the trigger, so its kind of on you to vacate for awhile. She may just run to her parents.

2. I have already decided where I want the division of assets to go.

Have a plan man! Here is what I see as equitable. It's a whole lot easier to think about this before she's melting down into tears before your eyes. Be aware that she is going to have a different plan for that division of assets-this is where guys end up walking away with the clothes on their backs. Namely, her plan for the division of assets is going to be "die in a fire".

3. We are breaking up.

That's key man. Don't load the gun if you can't pull the trigger. At this stage, you can let her in to the new life plan.

4. Execute plan.

Wait for fallout.
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Old 01-28-2012, 12:15 PM   #22
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You either both need to be partyers, or both not partyers. Cant have one and one.
Totally agree.

My gf and I are approaching 7 years and one of the major reasons for it lasting this long is that we are both boring . We drink but have never gotten smashed and have no plans on getting smashed. It's just not "fun" to us. I know if one of us was a party-animal then we would've run in to many problems.

So I think unless your lifestyles match or are quite similar, it's going to be an uphill battle.
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Old 02-02-2012, 01:07 PM   #23
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Thanks everyone for giving there response to my issue!!.
Ive been figuring my self, and have concluded

We are now broken up.

subsequently, she responds that its me who need to change and be a nicer person to her.
She cant be the person i want her to be cause she is extremely busy with her work and have no time to acquire anything else to be more "Interesting".

Im just very sad, but will try to hold through.
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Old 02-02-2012, 01:11 PM   #24
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now refer to this thread:

http://www.revscene.net/forums/65951...ing-stage.html

You'll be fine just gotta tell yourself you will be and the dependancy will go away
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Old 02-02-2012, 01:14 PM   #25
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Sounds like a princess with low self esteem. If your down to treat her as such and do so for the rest of your life then tough it out. It seems as tho you need a low maintenance self reliant girl tho so think about that and dont kid yourself or her
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