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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 01-29-2012, 11:21 PM   #1
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Friend put our friendship on the line over her bf (Serious post) **need advice**

Thanks for all the advices and for sharing all your experiences, this thread got a little out of hand as some users thought i was being a troll so i'm going to close this
thanks to everyone who contributed, even to you guys Noir, Razor Ramon etc
all were valuable advices


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Old 01-29-2012, 11:27 PM   #2
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i was in this same situation too. A girl that i met in HS and i became close friends, we talked a lot n hung out and what not. Eventually she got a bf but nothing really changed between us and i guess he got insecure. She basically told me the SAME things your friend is telling you, and she cut me out of her life. bbm/txt/fb just everything lol i said to myself well fuck you then, if you can't keep a friendship between cus of your bf then fine by me, i dont need you in my life.

Just cut her out man, she doesn't know what she's missing. Relationships dont always last forever, but friendships do
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Old 01-29-2012, 11:29 PM   #3
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As much as your intentions are just to be a good friend, you have to remember that she is in a relationship and you are of the opposite sex. How do you think your GF would feel that you are texting this girl or trying to go to the mall or hang out with this girl?

Be a good friend and take a step back and let her know you are there for her when she needs you but don't be too needy and actually give her some space. If she feels like you are a friend worth keeping, she will stay in contact with you. If not, then move on and get a GF.
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Old 01-29-2012, 11:29 PM   #4
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Maybe she values her boyfriend more than your friendship with her? It makes sense that some guys will get offended or threatened when their girlfriend is so close with another guy. As a form of defense, they will voice their opinions with their girlfriend and make them choose between you and him. The fact that she hasn't responded to your messages/phone calls shows her commitment to her relationship and I don't think you should be angry at her for that. The reason being like you said, she's just a friend and the feeling is obviously reciprocated back.

Again, I am not saying what she is doing is right but you have to applaud a girl that respects her boyfriend's insecurities enough to work on improving the relationship.

Chances are if your friend and her boyfriend have a fight or break up?

she'll be back.

Keep your head up OP
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Old 01-29-2012, 11:29 PM   #5
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i was in this same situation too. A girl that i met in HS and i became close friends, we talked a lot n hung out and what not. Eventually she got a bf but nothing really changed between us and i guess he got insecure. She basically told me the SAME things your friend is telling you, and she cut me out of her life. bbm/txt/fb just everything lol i said to myself well fuck you then, if you can't keep a friendship between cus of your bf then fine by me, i dont need you in my life.

Just cut her out man, she doesn't know what she's missing. Relationships dont always last forever, but friendships do
thanks very much man !! thats something i need to hear. It really sucks doesnt it? She had to potential to become one of my best friends too....sigh
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Old 01-29-2012, 11:35 PM   #6
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Maybe she values her boyfriend more than your friendship with her? It makes sense that some guys will get offended or threatened when their girlfriend is so close with another guy. As a form of defense, they will voice their opinions with their girlfriend and make them choose between you and him. The fact that she hasn't responded to your messages/phone calls shows her commitment to her relationship and I don't think you should be angry at her for that. The reason being like you said, she's just a friend and the feeling is obviously reciprocated back.

Again, I am not saying what she is doing is right but you have to applaud a girl that respects her boyfriend's insecurities enough to work on improving the relationship.

Chances are if your friend and her boyfriend have a fight or break up?

she'll be back.

Keep your head up OP
Thanks for the advice man !! What i'm mostly mad about her is how her bf might not even tell her in return if he was to hang out with another girl. he may even text other girls freely on his own too while he banns her from texting me....looking at the pics of the guy on his fb just makes me rage. She is too good for him and he doesnt look like one of those guys that are very committed. I hate the reason why he even started his own fb jus to tell her friendslist that she is "taken"
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Old 01-29-2012, 11:36 PM   #7
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thanks very much man !! thats something i need to hear. It really sucks doesnt it? She had to potential to become one of my best friends too....sigh
I know you think you are mature for a 24 year old, but this comment states otherwise. You know who my best friend is? My wife.

Same thing will happen for you.

My best advice to you is go out and find a girl friend.
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Old 01-29-2012, 11:36 PM   #8
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thanks very much man !! thats something i need to hear. It really sucks doesnt it? She had to potential to become one of my best friends too....sigh
honestly it did at first. i think she eventually realized what a friendship she lost , and guess what they broke up lol i say hi to her if i see her, but nothing is the same
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Old 01-29-2012, 11:38 PM   #9
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Thanks for the advice man !! What i'm mostly mad about her is how her bf might not even tell her in return if he was to hang out with another girl. he may even text other girls freely on his own too while he banns her from texting me....looking at the pics of the guy on his fb just makes me rage. She is too good for him and he doesnt look like one of those guys that are very committed. I hate the reason why he even started his own fb jus to tell her friendslist that she is "taken"
stop focusing on him and start focusing on yourself.
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Old 01-29-2012, 11:39 PM   #10
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honestly it did at first. i think she eventually realized what a friendship she lost , and guess what they broke up lol i say hi to her if i see her, but nothing is the same
i feel for you bro, i'm waiting for the day they break up too so she can feel what a dumb ass she has been
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Old 01-29-2012, 11:41 PM   #11
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i feel for you bro, i'm waiting for the day they break up too
Why? Cause you want her back in your life so bad that you want her and her bf to break up? You sure you only want her as a friend?

All this tells me otherwise.
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Old 01-29-2012, 11:41 PM   #12
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stop focusing on him and start focusing on yourself.
i think i need some peanut butter in order to focus on myself
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Old 01-29-2012, 11:41 PM   #13
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i feel for you bro, i'm waiting for the day they break up too
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Once again, i need to clear to the readers here that i am in no intention of going for her. .
you obviously got feelings for her
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Old 01-29-2012, 11:43 PM   #14
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Why? Cause you want her back in your life so bad that you want her and her bf to break up? You sure you only want her as a friend?

All this tells me otherwise.
shit, i forgot to add, so she can feel what a dumb ass she has been these few months. Once again i'm not going for her as stated in the post. If i were, i would have gotten her way before her bf did. She met him these rescent 3 months and i know that cause her best friend told me.
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Old 01-29-2012, 11:43 PM   #15
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Hey man real friends stick by you all the way. I hate it when people are 'fair weather' friends. When times are tough they expect you to be there for them when they weren't for you. These people you shouldn't associate with. I think that you should leave your friend alone. If she doesn't want to be your friend don't waste your time. It's not like you're asking for her world or anything maybe an hour or two to hang out. If she can't do that then what makes you think she'd be there for you when you're in trouble?
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Old 01-29-2012, 11:45 PM   #16
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Old 01-29-2012, 11:45 PM   #17
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I've been in the exact same situation you're currently in bro, I can sympathize with the predicament and completely understand what you're going through right now.

The unfortunate reality is there's nothing more you can do, aside from hope she comes to her senses and ignores the jealous boyfriend. Your friendship clearly meant something to her, because she maintained the relationship with you despite it continually being a significant issue with the boyfriend. At a certain point however, even many strong willed people snap and give up friends to maintain relationships.

Fortunately, girls willing to bend to the pressure of an insecure boyfriend and give up a good friend are in the minority.
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Old 01-29-2012, 11:45 PM   #18
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you obviously got feelings for her
shit sorry i forgot to add in everything before i posted that. Its edited now and i'm not joking. she is more friend material than a "gf". She has a good personality but i don't want to start a relationship with her because i don't want this friendship to end if one day we date and break up.
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Old 01-29-2012, 11:48 PM   #19
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shit sorry i forgot to add in everything before i posted that. Its edited now and i'm not joking. she is more friend material than a "gf". She has a good personality but i don't want to start a relationship with her.
good job edit, she's not worth it.
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Old 01-29-2012, 11:52 PM   #20
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this guy is in serious denial

if you had no interest in her romantically,

why would you even give a shit? go find another friend, there are millions of them out there
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Old 01-29-2012, 11:53 PM   #21
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shit sorry i forgot to add in everything before i posted that. Its edited now and i'm not joking. she is more friend material than a "gf". She has a good personality but i don't want to start a relationship with her because i don't want this friendship to end if one day we date and break up.
Then be the good friend and let her have this relationship.
But don't go through her friends to try to contact her.

Give her some time with this dude. If things go well, she will message you back.

Back when I first started my current wife, all her friends were warning her to be wary of me and how they had a bad vibe against me. Well, 12 years later we are happily married and she still sees most of these friends once in a few months. I make it a point not to join them but I give her enough space and she appreciates it.

One more thing, txting and then deleting it means that it is something in the wrong and is ashamed to be caught with. ie me txting a girl for a rendevous. It's like a child sneaking a cookie from the cookie jar and then trying to hide all the evidence that it ever happened. Not cool in a mature relationship.
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Old 01-29-2012, 11:54 PM   #22
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Only you would really know, but it does sounds like you have feelings for this friend of yours...a little more than being frriends

I think it's best to put some distance between yourself and herself right now (which I guess she is doing). If it is meant to be, it's meant to be...
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Old 01-29-2012, 11:54 PM   #23
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this guy is in serious denial

if you had no interest in her romantically,

why would you even give a shit? go find another friend, there are millions of them out there
I'm not in a denial bro, i've met tons of ppl and no one has her type of personality. Thats why i want to try to keep this friendship if its possible. There are tons of fake ppl out there and i'm pretty sure i can judge who is and who isnt.
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Old 01-29-2012, 11:55 PM   #24
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As much as your intentions are just to be a good friend, you have to remember that she is in a relationship and you are of the opposite sex. How do you think your GF would feel that you are texting this girl or trying to go to the mall or hang out with this girl?

Be a good friend and take a step back and let her know you are there for her when she needs you but don't be too needy and actually give her some space. If she feels like you are a friend worth keeping, she will stay in contact with you. If not, then move on and get a GF.
In a secure, mature relationship having friends of the opposite sex should be a completely irrelevant issue. I know my girlfriend speaks to other men at school, work and has male friends, but since it's a secure relationship I have no reason to believe she would cheat. If in a relationship you believe that your partner would cheat simply because they have a friend of the opposite sex, there are deeper issues that need to be addressed.

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I know you think you are mature for a 24 year old, but this comment states otherwise. You know who my best friend is? My wife.

Same thing will happen for you.

My best advice to you is go out and find a girl friend.
My relationship is my relationship, my friends are my friends, I see no reason why the two cannot be maintained as separate entities as a person matures.
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Old 01-29-2012, 11:56 PM   #25
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I'm not in a denial bro, i've met tons of ppl and no one has her type of personality. Thats why i want to try to keep this friendship if its possible. There are tons of fake ppl out there and i'm pretty sure i can judge who is and who isnt.


obviously you judged wrong, she dropped you the second a bf came along.

and if you were a good judge, shouldnt have a problem finding another bff
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