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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 01-30-2012, 02:39 PM   #51
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Dude you're not even her boyfriend and you're clingy as fuck. At least his title as her bf grants him some entitlements; as a friend, your benefits are only that born out of courtesy.

You're overstepping your territory here bigtime.

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i was in this same situation too. A girl that i met in HS and i became close friends, we talked a lot n hung out and what not. Eventually she got a bf but nothing really changed between us and i guess he got insecure. She basically told me the SAME things your friend is telling you, and she cut me out of her life. bbm/txt/fb just everything lol i said to myself well fuck you then, if you can't keep a friendship between cus of your bf then fine by me, i dont need you in my life.

Just cut her out man, she doesn't know what she's missing. Relationships dont always last forever, but friendships do
Are you sure about that or is that another useless cliche? Because I can destroy that in just a few steps.

1. In the bigger picture, when life starts to get serious ie. marriage, kids, mortgage, career, etc... you're relationship with your partner will be your best chance of everlasting companionship

1a. Small relationships are the stepping stone to big relationships.

2. Friendships don't last forever. Just like you, their life will develop their own priorities such as the afforementioned: career, marriage, kids, etc; and you will find yourself seeing less and less of them, and you will find them putting more and more priorities over you (and understandably so).

3. Good friends and I mean REAL GOOD FRIENDS should be your friend no matter what; whether you see them everyday, only get to see them once a month, or haven't seen them for a while. People who will only be your friend as long as you meet their minimum requirement of maintenance such as X amount of time chatting, X amount of time hanging out, responding within X amount of time for texting are not your REAL friends.


So with #3 in mind, people like this is not actually what anyone should consider "a good friend."


Last edited by Noir; 01-30-2012 at 02:54 PM.
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Old 01-30-2012, 03:01 PM   #52
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I've been in the exact same situation you're currently in bro, I can sympathize with the predicament and completely understand what you're going through right now.

The unfortunate reality is there's nothing more you can do, aside from hope she comes to her senses and ignores the jealous boyfriend. Your friendship clearly meant something to her, because she maintained the relationship with you despite it continually being a significant issue with the boyfriend. At a certain point however, even many strong willed people snap and give up friends to maintain relationships.

Fortunately, girls willing to bend to the pressure of an insecure boyfriend and give up a good friend are in the minority.
Fuck, so many things requiring response and I'm still on the 1st page:


1st of all, what makes everyone think that it's the "insecure bf" that's at work here? Because of the word of some hopeless romantic that whose in denial with himself about his platonic relationship?


The girl entered a relationship with another guy. That means she digs/likes the guy. Is it totally unreasonable for a girl to choose to spend majority of her free time with said boyfriend? FYI, this is fairly common especially with new relationships. Wait til things settle down and then they'll start gradually hanging out with their friends again.

OH and FYI #2. What makes you think he started a FB page just for you and to show off to you. A little bit self centered much. Here's a thought, I didn't jump into the FB bandwagon at least a year or 2 after it became big.

You know why I joined, because my gf at the time set it up for me so I can have a relationship status which shows her as my partner. Yes women can be like that when they're excited about something. You don't think it's common... ask around how many guys get griefed by their new gfs when their slow to changing their relationship status to "in a relationship with..."

So that being said, who says this isn't all her and her being excited with her new relationship? rather than a supposed "jealous bf"? Looks to me like you're painting pictures you want to see to accomodate an injured ego, or.... broken heart


Have you seriously been in relationships of your own?

Last edited by Noir; 01-30-2012 at 03:13 PM.
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Old 01-30-2012, 03:20 PM   #53
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FINALLY I FINISH 3 PAGES (well 2) and all I can say is....


Damn. For a girl you speak so highly off that it causes you this much grief to lose... you really berate her a lot by thanking the post calling her a bitch, and calling her out as a dumb girl because she chooses to prioritize her bf over you.


You know what you sound like... An insecure jealous & even spiteful boyfriend; only twice as bad since you're not hers or anyone else's boyfriend to begin with. Oh the comedy. I'm definitely going to hanging around here for a while for sure
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Old 01-30-2012, 03:30 PM   #54
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I would hate it if my GF knew someone like the OP. I'd probably do the same as the BF, but not because I'm "insecure" or "selfish", but because the OP would be annoying as fuck.
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Old 01-30-2012, 03:30 PM   #55
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haha thanks for the advice dino i have cut her from my life for 2 weeks now and i will remain to do so.:
Think you need to get your facts straight. SHE cut YOU off for two weeks. You're still crying over this on the interweb two weeks later.
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Old 01-30-2012, 03:47 PM   #56
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I would hate it if my GF knew someone like the OP. I'd probably do the same as the BF, but not because I'm "insecure" or "selfish", but because the OP would be annoying as fuck.
His arm would be fed to the dogs if I was the BF, putting myself in this situation. Shit happens, and it always happens when you least expect it and I swear you will do some shit OP if this still went on because clearly you overvalue this friendship.

Guys and girls can't be just close friends. There is always a catch. Guys don't waste time on girls that don't deserve it and definitely not effort to help them out or give them any attention. Ask your man sense and you'll understand
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Old 01-30-2012, 04:08 PM   #57
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Fuck, so many things requiring response and I'm still on the 1st page:


1st of all, what makes everyone think that it's the "insecure bf" that's at work here? Because of the word of some hopeless romantic that whose in denial with himself about his platonic relationship?


The girl entered a relationship with another guy. That means she digs/likes the guy. Is it totally unreasonable for a girl to choose to spend majority of her free time with said boyfriend? FYI, this is fairly common especially with new relationships. Wait til things settle down and then they'll start gradually hanging out with their friends again.

OH and FYI #2. What makes you think he started a FB page just for you and to show off to you. A little bit self centered much. Here's a thought, I didn't jump into the FB bandwagon at least a year or 2 after it became big.

You know why I joined, because my gf at the time set it up for me so I can have a relationship status which shows her as my partner. Yes women can be like that when they're excited about something. You don't think it's common... ask around how many guys get griefed by their new gfs when their slow to changing their relationship status to "in a relationship with..."

So that being said, who says this isn't all her and her being excited with her new relationship? rather than a supposed "jealous bf"? Looks to me like you're painting pictures you want to see to accomodate an injured ego, or.... broken heart


Have you seriously been in relationships of your own?
I have no idea why you quoted my response in this reply, because I never discussed facebook and that appears to be the subject of your post.

I have had 4 relationships: a three year, one year and two brief three month stints. Whatever point you were trying to make, but it's completely groundless given what I said.

The boyfriend is uncomfortable with people of the opposite sex texting her, that information was relayed to the OP through the female friend and signals the boyfriend's attitude towards other men as a whole. Regardless of any qualities the OP may have, I take the boyfriend being uncomfortable with other men as a whole as proof of an immature, childish and insecure attitude towards life. There is no other explanation for the behavior and many RS'ers who disagree likely have the same qualities, it's hardly uncommon.

There is absolutely no reason why two people of the opposite sex cannot maintain a friendship, including if they are both attractive people. All my friends are female, most of them are extremely attractive, many of them have told me I am attractive, I have on occasion ended a drunken night in bed with several of them partially unclothed and did nothing but sleep. I once woke up in my friends bed, we'd had a lot to drink the previous night starting at a club and ending at her place, it was a "girls night" to which I was also invited. In the morning, her boyfriend being a lonely little troll the night before, decided to come over and surprise her by making breakfast. Surprise, I was sleeping next to his girlfriend, myself wearing boxers and her a thong and bra. Nothing happened, my parts and her parts aren't magnetically attracted to each other, but his response was definitely amusing. Between the two of us, gender is irrelevant, sleeping next to each other is no different than if we were siblings or of the same sex. If he had been mature enough to understand that my presence wouldn't have been a secret and they might still be together, his loss.

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Old 01-30-2012, 04:10 PM   #58
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I would hate it if my GF knew someone like the OP. I'd probably do the same as the BF, but not because I'm "insecure" or "selfish", but because the OP would be annoying as fuck.
i want to clairfy that i am not being clingy and annoying as fuck. Its not like i go to her house and knock on her door or wait for her outside of her class. i have just sent her 1 text msg once in a while and 2 fb msgs over this month.

I noticed that she has chosen to ignore me and i have stopped doing that and will not be doing that anymore. I have already clarified this many times on this thread. I msged her friend to make sure she was ok and thats all. I did not demand her friend to tell her to reply me.
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Old 01-30-2012, 04:11 PM   #59
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Think you need to get your facts straight. SHE cut YOU off for two weeks. You're still crying over this on the interweb two weeks later.
no where in this thread have i stated that i was crying. I just posted this thread to see what other ppl would do in this situation.
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Old 01-30-2012, 04:17 PM   #60
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Dude you're not even her boyfriend and you're clingy as fuck. At least his title as her bf grants him some entitlements; as a friend, your benefits are only that born out of courtesy.

You're overstepping your territory here bigtime.



Are you sure about that or is that another useless cliche? Because I can destroy that in just a few steps.

1. In the bigger picture, when life starts to get serious ie. marriage, kids, mortgage, career, etc... you're relationship with your partner will be your best chance of everlasting companionship

1a. Small relationships are the stepping stone to big relationships.

2. Friendships don't last forever. Just like you, their life will develop their own priorities such as the afforementioned: career, marriage, kids, etc; and you will find yourself seeing less and less of them, and you will find them putting more and more priorities over you (and understandably so).

3. Good friends and I mean REAL GOOD FRIENDS should be your friend no matter what; whether you see them everyday, only get to see them once a month, or haven't seen them for a while. People who will only be your friend as long as you meet their minimum requirement of maintenance such as X amount of time chatting, X amount of time hanging out, responding within X amount of time for texting are not your REAL friends.


So with #3 in mind, people like this is not actually what anyone should consider "a good friend."
it was just a useless cliche, sounded good in my head haha, you make complete sense though
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Old 01-30-2012, 04:33 PM   #61
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it was just a useless cliche, sounded good in my head haha, you make complete sense though
Yeah I hear ya, it's a life lesson I had the benefit to learn.

The tricky thing about cliches that gets the best of people is that their verbage is so catchy that people quickly judge that it must be correct.
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Old 01-30-2012, 04:50 PM   #62
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I have no idea why you quoted my response in this reply, because I never discussed facebook and that appears to be the subject of your post.

I have had 4 relationships: a three year, one year and two brief three month stints. Whatever point you were trying to make, but it's completely groundless given what I said.

The boyfriend is uncomfortable with people of the opposite sex texting her, that information was relayed to the OP through the female friend and signals the boyfriend's attitude towards other men as a whole. Regardless of any qualities the OP may have, I take the boyfriend being uncomfortable with other men as a whole as proof of an immature, childish and insecure attitude towards life. There is no other explanation for the behavior and many RS'ers who disagree likely have the same qualities, it's hardly uncommon.

There is absolutely no reason why two people of the opposite sex cannot maintain a friendship, including if they are both attractive people. All my friends are female, most of them are extremely attractive, many of them have told me I am attractive, I have on occasion ended a drunken night in bed with several of them partially unclothed and did nothing but sleep. I once woke up in my friends bed, we'd had a lot to drink the previous night starting at a club and ending at her place, it was a "girls night" to which I was also invited. In the morning, her boyfriend being a lonely little troll the night before, decided to come over and surprise her by making breakfast. Surprise, I was sleeping next to his girlfriend, myself wearing boxers and her a thong and bra. Nothing happened, my parts and her parts aren't magnetically attracted to each other, but his response was definitely amusing. Between the two of us, gender is irrelevant, sleeping next to each other is no different than if we were siblings or of the same sex. If he had been mature enough to understand that my presence wouldn't have been a secret and they might still be together, his loss.

I quoted you because you just happened to be the last guy out of the multiple that echoed the sentiment that this is all the boyfriends' doing; and his alleged insecurity. You can keep going down that road because that's not where I was going. What I was saying was... Maybe the boyfriend is not jealous. Maybe the boyfriend is not insecure. Maybe the boyfriend is not controlling.

Why?

What if it's the girl who chose to prioritize her socialization time in favour of her new boyfriend?

What if it's the girl who chose to limit her boundaries of friendly-closeness to accomodate her own definition of relationship & exclusivity.

What if it's the girl who encouraged her bf to get a facebook page so that she can connect with him via social media. ie photo tagging etc, lovey dovey status updates and etc. (i mean, women do do this you know)



Are those not all reasonable? More reasonable than the lengthy villification the OP has gone through to justify the idea that the bf is conspiring against him?
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Old 01-30-2012, 04:58 PM   #63
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i want to clairfy that i am not being clingy and annoying as fuck. Its not like i go to her house and knock on her door or wait for her outside of her class. i have just sent her 1 text msg once in a while and 2 fb msgs over this month.

I noticed that she has chosen to ignore me and i have stopped doing that and will not be doing that anymore. I have already clarified this many times on this thread. I msged her friend to make sure she was ok and thats all. I did not demand her friend to tell her to reply me.
Do you make a point of checking up on ALL your friends (guy or girl) whom you haven't spoken to in weeks to ensure their safety? Or just her?

Admit it. You wanna bang that broad and it's actually you who is the jealous, insecure non-bf.
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Old 01-30-2012, 04:59 PM   #64
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I quoted you because you just happened to be the last guy out of the multiple that echoed the sentiment that this is all the boyfriends' doing; and his alleged insecurity. You can keep going down that road because that's not where I was going. What I was saying was... Maybe the boyfriend is not jealous. Maybe the boyfriend is not insecure. Maybe the boyfriend is not controlling.

Why?

What if it's the girl who chose to prioritize her socialization time in favour of her new boyfriend?

What if it's the girl who chose to limit her boundaries of friendly-closeness to accomodate her own definition of relationship & exclusivity.

What if it's the girl who encouraged her bf to get a facebook page so that she can connect with him via social media. ie photo tagging etc, lovey dovey status updates and etc. (i mean, women do do this you know)



Are those not all reasonable? More reasonable than the lengthy villification the OP has gone through to justify the idea that the bf is conspiring against him?
All those points are reasonable, I would not conclude the boyfriend is jealous or insecure as a result of the creation of a facebook page or a person having more limited time to hang out.

The inclusion of the information that the boyfriend does not like people of the opposite sex texting her is what my opinion is based on.
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Old 01-30-2012, 05:11 PM   #65
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The inclusion of the information that the boyfriend does not like people of the opposite sex texting her is what my opinion is based on.
Says the OP right? The guy who went as far as claiming the bf started an FB page to rub the relationship in on the OP's face. C'mon... at this point what else would this guy not say?

I guess I should give him credit for stopping short of devil worship & baby eating accusations.
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Old 01-30-2012, 05:17 PM   #66
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Says the OP right? The guy who went as far as claiming the bf started an FB page to rub the relationship in on the OP's face. C'mon... at this point what else would this guy not say?

I guess I should give him credit for stopping short of devil worship & baby eating accusations.
I don't selectively omit information.

The OP may being clingy towards the relationship with his friend, but the claim is totally reasonable and believable. It's tough to deny that many guys are uncomfortable with their girlfriends maintaining friendships with members of the opposite sex.
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Old 01-30-2012, 05:21 PM   #67
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Do you make a point of checking up on ALL your friends (guy or girl) whom you haven't spoken to in weeks to ensure their safety? Or just her?

Admit it. You wanna bang that broad and it's actually you who is the jealous, insecure non-bf.
what wrong is it for a guy to check up on a close friend of mine if i havent heard from them for 3 weeks? I am sure you do that to your closer friends too.

You pal are the one assuming things here. Please do not comment on here if you are going to continue to judge your point of view on me.
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Old 01-30-2012, 05:40 PM   #68
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what wrong is it for a guy to check up on a close friend of mine if i havent heard from them for 3 weeks? I am sure you do that to your closer friends too.

You pal are the one assuming things here. Please do not comment on here if you are going to continue to judge your point of view on me.
He keeps commenting because you are either blind to, blissfully in denial of, or ignorantly ignoring the advice everyone is giving you.

You're showing that you're clingy, and possibly even selfish for continuing to pursue, i mean, check on your friend when she has clearly stated that she has chosen to place her boyfriend above you on the importance ladder.
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Old 01-30-2012, 05:42 PM   #69
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what wrong is it for a guy to check up on a close friend of mine if i havent heard from them for 3 weeks? I am sure you do that to your closer friends too.

You pal are the one assuming things here. Please do not comment on here if you are going to continue to judge your point of view on me.
1. It's a free country. If you feel that you have the freedom to villify a person other than you, I don't see why I couldn't. The difference is, you're in a setting where he (the bf) can't defend himself, where as you can when we discuss our differences of opinion.

2. Nothing wrong with checking up on friends as in.... "Hey, how's that guy doing?" But checking up on their safety? That's hinting a bit close to "having special interest no?"

3. Is there any possibility. ANY? that you have misinterpreted your relationship with the girl; that the relationship is not as close as you think?

4. Is there any possibility that the reason why either the girl, or in the bf's best interest, they're distancing themselves from you is because you're too close. Like creepily close; as in, you have your own expectations of entitlement with his girlfriend? (whatever the hell those may be)
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Old 01-30-2012, 05:45 PM   #70
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i want to clairfy that i am not being clingy and annoying as fuck. Its not like i go to her house and knock on her door or wait for her outside of her class. i have just sent her 1 text msg once in a while and 2 fb msgs over this month.

I noticed that she has chosen to ignore me and i have stopped doing that and will not be doing that anymore. I have already clarified this many times on this thread. I msged her friend to make sure she was ok and thats all. I did not demand her friend to tell her to reply me.
I'm speaking from the perspective of the boyfriend. No need to fail me if you cannot understand the truth.
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Old 01-30-2012, 05:45 PM   #71
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He keeps commenting because you are either blind to, blissfully in denial of, or ignorantly ignoring the advice everyone is giving you.

You're showing that you're clingy, and possibly even selfish for continuing to pursue, i mean, check on your friend when she has clearly stated that she has chosen to place her boyfriend above you on the importance ladder.
yes i understand why Noir keeps commenting and i appreciate all the advices given here. Once again the texting thing was way before i made this thread and i have stopped from doing that for a while now.

Once again i'm not being blind and ignorant here because its not like i still text and check up on her as of today. I have stopped doing that for 2 weeks now.

I am going to take everyones advice here and let her be herself.
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Old 01-30-2012, 05:48 PM   #72
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I'm speaking from the perspective of the boyfriend. No need to fail me if you cannot understand the truth.
i failed you because u misunderstood me as being clingy as fuck. I have stated alot of times in this thread that i am not. Is 1 text msg a week being clingy as fuck? i dont think so. How about 1 fb msg in a week? i wouldnt think so either, and please do not quote this thread and say "yes" it is

I have given up on her and have let her be herself for almost 3 weeks now.

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1. It's a free country. If you feel that you have the freedom to villify a person other than you, I don't see why I couldn't. The difference is, you're in a setting where he (the bf) can't defend himself, where as you can when we discuss our differences of opinion.

2. Nothing wrong with checking up on friends as in.... "Hey, how's that guy doing?" But checking up on their safety? That's hinting a bit close to "having special interest no?"

3. Is there any possibility. ANY? that you have misinterpreted your relationship with the girl; that the relationship is not as close as you think?

4. Is there any possibility that the reason why either the girl, or in the bf's best interest, they're distancing themselves from you is because you're too close. Like creepily close; as in, you have your own expectations of entitlement with his girlfriend? (whatever the hell those may be)
i wanted to make sure she was safe because you hasnt replied me ever since she came back. If she didnt leave for a trip, i wouldnt be so concerned about her safety.
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Old 01-30-2012, 05:54 PM   #74
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Originally Posted by blee123 View Post
i failed you because u misunderstood me as being clingy as fuck. I have stated alot of times in this thread that i am not. Is 1 text msg a week being clingy as fuck? i dont think so. How about 1 fb msg in a week? i wouldnt think so either.

I have given up on her and have let her be herself for almost 3 weeks now.
And nowhere did I say you were clingy? Clingy and annoying are two different things.

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It's tough to deny that many guys are uncomfortable with their girlfriends maintaining friendships with members of the opposite sex.
If you were in the BF's shoes, I'm sure you would feel the same uneasiness. I mean, if you worry this much about someone that's not even your GF..
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Old 01-30-2012, 06:01 PM   #75
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2. Nothing wrong with checking up on friends as in.... "Hey, how's that guy doing?" But checking up on their safety? That's hinting a bit close to "having special interest no?"
If I normally hear from a close friend a few times a week and then inexplicably I don't speak to her for three weeks, I would probably be a bit confused and might ask a mutual friend what she's been up to. If you chalk that up to a sense of concern, that's natural for any guy in any type of relationship with any girl, men have a natural urge to care for women.

A friendship between two men is very different, obviously.


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Originally Posted by Razor Ramon HG View Post
If you were in the BF's shoes, I'm sure you would feel the same uneasiness. I mean, if you worry this much about someone that's not even your GF..
Depends, I'm a really laid back person.

If I'd met the guy and he seemed to have an honest interest in nothing but friendship, then I wouldn't be uneasy, I probably just think the guy needs to chill out. In addition, I trust my girlfriend and don't expect that she would cheat, even if prompted with an opportunity.

My comment was more directed towards relationships in general though, so to clarify, it's my opinion that most men are uncomfortable with their girlfriends have friendships with people of the opposite sex regardless of any other factors.

Last edited by MindBomber; 01-30-2012 at 06:10 PM.
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