REVscene - Vancouver Automotive Forum

dinosaur · 11-27-2012, 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tiger_handheld

You work a 56hr week? I just couldn't stop focusing on that. Maybe take a day off?
Even if you meet some RS friends or POF girls or whathave you, when do you expect to hangout with them?

Debbie Downer.

tru_blue · 11-27-2012, 11:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tiger_handheld

You work a 56hr week? I just couldn't stop focusing on that. Maybe take a day off?
Even if you meet some RS friends or POF girls or whathave you, when do you expect to hangout with them?

Yes you did not read wrong, I do work 56 hours a week and sometimes more...

Its one of those businesses where the customer only purchases when you are there because they like your service compared to other people.

Its hard for me to even take a break at work because once i step out for lunch etc, the usual customers just leaves without buying anything (I rather not disclose what retail business we are in).

I can still hang out if I meet people but its going to be at night...

tru_blue · 11-27-2012, 11:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tapioca

Is your work/family business more important to you than your ability to make friends? Maybe you need to ask yourself why you're investing so much of your youth in this family business? Are you going to run it yourself someday? Your 20s are a time for risk-taking and personal growth. It seems that you're stuck in neutral and you lack a bit of confidence in yourself. As a Chinese guy myself, I understand the whole family loyalty thing, but it comes at the expense of self-development. What happens if the business goes down due to no fault of your own? What happens when you decide that you want to settle down and have a family? You need to have social skills and you need self-confidence when life throws a wrench at you.

My advice to you is that you start taking some risks. Cut back your hours at your family business (even if it's just 1 or 2 days a week) and find something or re-discover a long lost passion of yours. Maybe it's a sport, or maybe it's writing poetry. Once you do this, you'll develop more confidence in yourself and from there, you'll be able to put yourself out there.
Posted via RS Mobile

Thanks for the reply !!

I think I contributed too much into the business that without me, its not going to be very sucessful...

I am not planning to take over the business because its slowing down plus our lease is coming to an end (owner is taking it back for their own purpose) and we are planning to close it by 2013 because I have other plans.

By then, I will have more free time since I will be doing my "own" thing and is more available to meet new people.

Any advises on what I should do once my family business closes?

How should I progress in meeting new people? (step by step)

thanks in advance !

Noir · 11-28-2012, 12:08 AM

Never ever ever use work as an excuse as to why you have no friends, or why you're lonely. I've lived in Japan where it's almost the standard norm for people to work 16 hour days and most days of the week; and if you're sociable and likeable, you will always have friends no matter how busy you are.

I've met tons of people who blame their lack of social activity due to work. It's lame and such a defeatist behaviour equal to cock-blocking for a girl when you know you've lost to a better person. So the first step is don't be that guy, never EVER be that low of a person, and don't ever EVER stoop to that level.

IMO, being sociable is easier when one is aloof and approachable. When I read your description, what stood out the most is how involved you are with your work; your responsibility to your family; and a lot of other uninteresting details that probably don't matter anyways (middle-class/chinese, etc). In all fairness, although these qualities are amazing on paper, but in reality, just reading a few bits of you and I'm already bored and I find nothing really interesting about you as a person.

Now, I'm not purposely being mean but try to be objective as well here. If you can take step out of your own shoes and look at the description you just wrote - what would your conclusion about said person be? Is he exciting? Is he interesting? Do you think this guy is a ton of fun when you're bored, or have a small window of social life in one's busy life to spend on?

Anyways, is there any way we can write a better page about this person? What attributes could we add to make this person sound better? I don't have an immediate solution for you but maybe injecting a little "positivity" into your character may be a good start.

Tapioca · 11-28-2012, 04:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tru..azn

Thanks for the reply !!

I think I contributed too much into the business that without me, its not going to be very sucessful...

I am not planning to take over the business because its slowing down plus our lease is coming to an end (owner is taking it back for their own purpose) and we are planning to close it by 2013 because I have other plans.

By then, I will have more free time since I will be doing my "own" thing and is more available to meet new people.

Any advises on what I should do once my family business closes?

How should I progress in meeting new people? (step by step)

thanks in advance !

To repeat what Noir said above, you need to develop your personality to make yourself more interesting. Why should I, as a total stranger, want to talk to you? Do you have some interesting hobbies? Are you good at cracking jokes? Are you happy? Are you good looking? Do you have an interesting profession?

I don't think I can layout an entire process for you: you need to pursue your own personal development journey. However I recommend that you first figure out what you actually like to do for fun. Once you figure that out, at least you'll have something to talk about and be able to connect with other like-minded people.

If you're really stumped and want real advice, my suggestion is to solicit the services of a life coach.
Posted via RS Mobile

Yodamaster · 11-28-2012, 05:43 PM

Your level of friendship with someone is based on trust, and trust does not develop overnight. Remember that the quality of one friendship is more important than a quantity of friends.

Do you have a hobby, something that other people could share an interest in? Try to involve yourself in situations where that interest is relevant, and you should be able to form meaningful friendships.

I only have two friends, but those two friendships are rich with meaning, and that's something that surpasses having a gazillion "acquaintances".

Clean yourself up, find a place where people are doing something you also like, and start talking to them.

dhari · 11-29-2012, 08:53 AM

i dunno if this can help you but i have an imessage group with close and not so close friends and i occasionally start up a convo where i send out a pic of a chick who has questionable hotness and I ask them "Yay or Nay?"
this usually gets a really good convo going and everyone gets involved.
this may be relevant to you if you need a way to get the ball rolling with not so close friends.

Fuhrër-Z · 11-29-2012, 09:10 PM

I just want to start off by saying that all the replies you're getting here in this thread are just coming from eclitic personal experiences of an internet forum. The worst thing you could do is take someone's advice that isn't true to yourself. Noir's method of "selling" your self, the numerous replies about keeping those earlier life friends and cherishing them, the RS meets, the casual drinkers etc. etc. You could do them all and still have few friends... What I'm going to say is just an addition to all of that.

You' might just be missing some basics:
1. Talk to people. You work from 12 to whatever? Talk to your work neighbors (being bored at work is the strongest way to bring people together, not love) and just be more social. You can be an introvert and be social, not all conversations have to be personal if you don't want them to be. And also, don't just look for asian friends if that's what you're thinking... I'm not asian and I'm tired of seeing this. Just wanted to mention that in case it's what's causing your problem. Race should have nothing to do with it, and all too often it does.

2. Go to the places where people share the same interests as you. Like cars? RS meets. Like adventures? Events and adventures (fucking hate those radio ads, I'm a chump for advertising them now). Like [blank], google [blank] and find classes/groups/etc.

3.uhhh, ok maybe I shouldn't have chose list format 'cause I only had two things...How about...be yourself and all that bullshit.

Alright then, ADD kicked in, later!

K-bad · 11-29-2012, 11:07 PM

Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup

Go join some groups with the same interests as you! I'm in the same boat but for different reasons

canuckshockey · 11-30-2012, 12:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tru..azn

I have been to RS meets and people I meet there are only a once thing in which they never really call me out to chill etc after and the thing is people you don't really know who not want to waste their time chilling with their "new" friend (they don't have any incentive to do that since they have their own friends etc) which makes befriending someone really difficult these days....

i been to meetup.com and i have the same experience as you. many ppl these days wont care to befriend you unless you hae something to offer(be it hes good with the ladies, hes in the investment business, he starting a business......) meaning they want to learn off you or you got something they want or need.

i met many ppl from meetup and 90 percent are just casual aquaintances you see and talk to when your at the meetup. we dont hang outside.

i even took incentive to ask them to hang out and.....etc this is making guy friends too and not just girls. guys as just as picky to who they hang out with and associate with

i have a guy friends whos disability i believe is autism and another mental illness they unemployed and guess what they got no friends. why ? they got nothing to offer.they always in dwtn library so i see them when i finish my work

oh ya i just work 40 hr/wk too.
most ppl in your life are just going be an acquaitances and you only going have a few friends.

ekcivy · 11-30-2012, 01:46 PM

how about putting yourself in an environment where its easy for you to talk to people, the gym is a great place to start, youll not only improve your own fitness but youll also get to know people who go there regularily and maybe meet some people from their social circle,possibly get a part time job at a retail outlet and youll get the oppurtunity to interact with people you dont know and improve your social skills too, i personally have a couple close friends and just try to be social with people i run into day to day

Durrann · 12-02-2012, 04:41 PM

Just talk to everyone
Grandmas kids girls guys
Dogs
Good to develop social skills
Posted via RS Mobile

iKayChow · 12-02-2012, 05:52 PM

revscene speed dating time?

Phil@rise · 12-06-2012, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tru..azn

Yes you did not read wrong, I do work 56 hours a week and sometimes more...

Its one of those businesses where the customer only purchases when you are there because they like your service compared to other people.

Its hard for me to even take a break at work because once i step out for lunch etc, the usual customers just leaves without buying anything (I rather not disclose what retail business we are in).

I can still hang out if I meet people but its going to be at night...

Sounds like a rubntug

dhari · 12-06-2012, 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phil@rise

Sounds like a rubntug

omg it does make sense!!

butter_sashimi · 12-06-2012, 11:41 PM

Ill be ur friend too :O
But Why can't ur mom drive herself and do grocery shopping and stuff? Can't speak English or drive?

MelonBoy · 12-07-2012, 12:22 AM

Take use of social media such as Whatsapp..
My friends and I alll use it.. we have a group chat that we use daily.. Our convo's are pretty much anything from whats everyone doing, anyone wana eat/hang out, did you guys see blank and blank??...
The nice thing is you dont have to answer to everyhing but its nice to read the msgs just to keep up with everyone..

Also make time.. I have loads of friends who are busy but I call them ask them when they are free and set a time.. There is always a way to make time.. its just if you and the other person want to or not.

tru_blue · 12-07-2012, 01:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by butter_sashimi

Ill be ur friend too :O
But Why can't ur mom drive herself and do grocery shopping and stuff? Can't speak English or drive?

She can't drive

Quote:

Originally Posted by MelonBoy

Take use of social media such as Whatsapp..
My friends and I alll use it.. we have a group chat that we use daily.. Our convo's are pretty much anything from whats everyone doing, anyone wana eat/hang out, did you guys see blank and blank??...
The nice thing is you dont have to answer to everyhing but its nice to read the msgs just to keep up with everyone..

Also make time.. I have loads of friends who are busy but I call them ask them when they are free and set a time.. There is always a way to make time.. its just if you and the other person want to or not.

for you its easier because you have your own "group" of friends already. The friends I'm close with don't know each other so therefore we always hang out 1 on 1...

tru_blue · 12-07-2012, 01:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phil@rise

Sounds like a rubntug

Just a very "people person" retail job

get your mind out of the gutter Phil

tru_blue · 12-07-2012, 01:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by K-bad

Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup

Go join some groups with the same interests as you! I'm in the same boat but for different reasons

mind sharing or inboxing me on why you are on the same boat as me?

Greenstoner · 12-09-2012, 10:12 PM

OP i feel u bro. im on the same boat

broke up with my gf in march ended the 3 years relationship... i literally got 4 close freinds at the moment (all guys)

all the girls that i used to know barely hang out with me because i had a gf

im chinese and similar to u age @28 .. lets hang out

polygoon7 · 12-10-2012, 01:25 PM

Hit the Gym up before or after work. I used to hit the gym up at 5am... Lots of people there. And ladies too.

Do ittt

asdf007 · 12-14-2012, 05:05 PM

Sounds like you're an introvert (like me) and that's completely fine. We have less need to be social, and have fewer but higher quality friends. Understand that fact and you'll be a lot happier. Don't feel bad just because society tells you that you need to go out everyday and talk to 100 acquaintances.

Go read the book "Quiet" by Susan Cain. It will help you understand this a lot more.

jaylx · 12-15-2012, 02:16 AM

I find that taking classes can help become more social. It's so easy to meet new people in a class because you're all there for the same reason. At least you'll have one thing in common to talk about. I'm introvert too but after taking some classes at school (from taking a break for so long), it really helped me. I've met more people than I thought. Sure they might not be your group of friends but its a good way to start.

Mike Oxbig · 12-15-2012, 07:37 AM

Vancouver is a very introverted/judgmental city, which it takes consideration for people to accept new friends. When you meet someone, first thing you should do is introduce yourself. Yes, many people who live in this city does not introduce themselves because they are shy. Maybe you should initiate a gathering after meeting some new people, that way you can form your own Degeneration X like HHH & Shawn Michaels + Chyna.

As you befriend more people, you may find that some are easier to get along with than others. While you always give people the benefit of the doubt, sometimes you realize that certain friendships are unhealthy, such as if a person is obsessively needy or controlling towards you, constantly critical, or introducing dangers or threats into your life. If this is the case, ease your way out of the friendship as gracefully as possible. Preoccupy yourself with other things, such as a new volunteer opportunity, so that you can honestly say that you don't have enough time in your schedule to spend time with them (but don't substitute their time for time with other friends; they may notice and become jealous, and more drama will ensue). Cherish those friends you make who are a positive influence in your life, and do your best to be a positive influence in theirs.

It takes time to build friendships like watering a planet.