Does anyone else ever feel sad as hell?

[J____]

Originally Posted by Marco.911

This might be the wrong place to post. Hell this probably isn’t even something to post on RevScene. I hardly ever post and I don’t belong to any other forums but sort of wanted to just get something off my chest.

I’m in my 30s now and I’ve been a workaholic for over ten years. I’m now at a place where I’m making a really good living however I’m depressed as hell.

From the outside my life looks pretty good. I’m living in a beautiful condo (rented), I have a business that just recently this year sort of exploded and made some great money (not able to retire money but definelty significant), my wife is pretty cool, no kids or anything, I stay in decent shape and I have a lot of really great people around me.


Thing is. I’m super depressed and sad and actually pretty angry.

I feel like even though I’m doing well right now financially, it’s a business where anything can happen.

Quick backstory, I made a few million in my 20s and got really cocky and then my business at the time failed and I lost everything.

So now, this time around, I’m being really cautious. I want to save the bulk of my money now so that I can just be okay IF things don’t pan out. The challenge is that I’m sort of stuck because my friends, great people and all, are all doing way better than I am. While my friends are the type that wouldn’t care if I was making $50k or $50m a year, I personally compare myself to them.

I want to achieve more and do more. I’m also mid 30s and I’m feeling like I’ve worked and sacrificed a lot and I’m not having a lot of fun. My friends are all doing all these fun things and I keep preventing myself from having fun because I think “I’ll travel more once I’ve saved $x amount of money etc”

I haven’t really talked to my friends because I don’t really know what to say. They’re inspirational to me and I never would have been able to believe in myself and push myself as far as I have if it wasn’t for them.

I remember when they told me I could make $x a year and that they believed in me and I was like “me? No way!” At the same time I’m still feeling so small compared with them. I also know what it’s like to lose everything and at my age now, I don’t have a pension or even a home! I want to be smart about things and yet I feel like life is passing me by.

My business also is very up and down so it’s not what I would call a super stable type business. Aside from the financial side of things. I feel lonely. I work a lot. Like 90+ hours per week. I also have a team of people that are with me daily as workers but not so much as friends. As the leader I have to be positive and strong all the time and I feel like I don’t really have anyone to lean on.

Sure there is my wife however I’ve been like this for a while and it’s straining on her to see me somewhat depressed etc.

I don’t know if it’s a midlife crisis or am I just depressed?

I want to say that if I make $x or save up $y I will be okay however I’m not so sure that’s the answer. I guess I just feel alone. I find myself sometimes wanting to just run away from my life or I get really self destructive thoughts like just going to see an escort or hitting the bottle (I rarely drink)

Anyway thanks for reading and most of all if you’re also someone that’s feeling like this all I can say is that if you’re in DT Vancouver and you saw me, you’d never guess so please don’t feel you’re alone. Thanks.

I was in a similar boat until my amazing wife made me realize something. Just remember this, you will NEVER make ENOUGH money, simply because humans are greedy. If you make 30k a year, you'll want 100k. When you hit 100k, you'll want 1mil, when you get 1mil you'll want 5mil so on and so forth. Even though you'll be hitting your goals, you'll still feel inadequate because your needs will change. You need to take a step back and see if these new needs are actually essential and not just useless fluff that's filling your life with unnecessary distractions.

Also never compared yourself to your friends. Everyone has different experiences, desires, skills, and most of all, luck. It's great that they are an inspiration to you, but don't beat yourself if you're not the leader of the pack in terms of annual income, as I'm sure there's a trade off they're making for it. I've got so many good friends that are 100x times richer than I am, majority of them are no where as happy as I am. As long as you enjoy each others company and on a similar level playing field, you're good to go. I find the general rule is the more money you have, the more problems and headaches you'll get. I used to envy them for their net worth, but now I realize that depression and poor health is not a good trade off for money.

I'd suggest taking a weekend trip with your wife somewhere relaxing and talk to her about these issues and ideas you're having. Decide together what direction you as a couple want to focus on, whether kids, buy a house, early retirement, sell everything nomad travel lifestyle, whatever. You'd be surprised how a few supportive words from your spouse can change your mental state. I would assume your wife would much rather prefer you making 60k a year and coming home cheerful everyday than allowing her to go on trips with her friends by bringing home 200k and depressing as heck to be around for the rest of the year.

Gluck and the best to you!

[RickyTan3]

I am younger and feel you guys have more experience, but TBH what I learned is to FUCK what everyone thinks. Me personally I don't judge anyone or care what others think about me.

I work my ass of so my family can enjoy nice things if they wanted. I think working for yourself makes a huge difference, I literally work 24/7, I don't think I can do that for a company/employer.

I think a major part of depression is growth, if I am not learning something new or growing as a person or even slacking off I start feeling depressed.

[hal0g0dv2]

get a dog

[fliptuner]

Figure out who you are and be that.

Quit trying to keep up with the Jones'.

[Badhobz]

You need a new line of work.
I used to work 24/7 at my old railroad job. I ran all the intermodal operations for the west coast ports and i worked my ass off. 200+ emails a day, 4-5 conference calls a day, and nonstop issues that required intervention. I worked weekends, took almost no holidays and attended every event that would have furthered my career.

Then one day i just quit. I walked away from a job that paid over 200k not including a 40% bonus and a 85,000 a year pension. I gave up railroading (a passion of mine) and stepped away from the whole industry.
I took a pay cut but got a much more sane working schedule working for the ports now. I can actually enjoy the money and the time i spend with my family. Its the rat race man, sometimes you gotta just step back.

[Hondaracer]

I’ve had some luck financially which allowed me to do so, but about 2 years ago I moved on from a management position in the construction industry. Most of the days I hated going to work. Wake up and just dread dragging my ass in, best part of the day was getting off and heading home etc.

Took quite a pay cut but moved into an industry I had wanted to try for quite some time and had an education background in. Worked out with scheduling now I work 4 days on 3 days off and I’ve never been happier.

You hear a lot of people who have no passions or hobbies say things like “oh without work I don’t know what I’d do with myself” etc and for a lot of people it’s true. How many people retire at 65+ and then die shortly after because their life no longer has meaning?

Fuck If I never had to work again I could garden all day and be 100% content.

Find a passion, step away from work, and make time for yourself

[VinnyV]

Hey Bud,

I don't really post much but I can totally relate and I kind of understand what you're going through.

I'm in my mid 30's and probably for the past decade the only thing I was concerned about was chasing paper and making as much as possible.

Anyone living in Van can relate... it's fucking expensive here, who are we to blame? How can someone working 9-5 in this city even if you made a 100k annually gross afford to buy a home here to plant your roots?

But that's besides the point we're not talking about how we can afford to buy a home here we have the real estate thread for that.

I've learnt something over the past year or so, after experiencing several panic attacks, depression and nearly contemplating suicide to escape the pain and anxiety that would never seen to go away:

Sometimes we are so focused on being successful in life, making as much as money as possible or making a name for ourselves, we forget how to truly live a life.

Want to see proof of what I mean? Look to our asian counterparts. I just came back from an Asia tour and people are miserable there and there's a reason why the suicide rates are a lot higher there. (Tokyo, HK) Sure you make more money but sell your soul so you end up feeling empty and void.

People there try to fill that void by buying shit they don't need like expensive clothes and watches (I have friends in HK that are guilty of this) and drown themselves with booze and partying.

On the flipside look to a 3rd world country like Vietnam. I've been to a few villages where people don't have anything other than a roof and enough food for the family but man are they happy as fuck. Food on the table, roof and a work life balance so they can spend time with their families and watch their kids grow up. The simple and basic things in life. I'm also pretty sure they have no clue what anti depressants are.

Not telling you to uproot and move away from the city, but maybe to take a step back and revaluate what's important to YOU in your life.

Money is important but don't make it a priority. Who's keeping score? Does it really matter in the end what your net worth is when we are 6 feet under?

I'm still grinding pretty hard on making something for myself but I've scaled back on my ambitions a tad to spend more time on what's important. I don't need that penthouse downtown anymore. I don't care about driving a Ferrari or owning an Armani suit. It would be nice but it's not a priority.

All I care about now is spending quality time with my son, truly living in the present and not worrying too much about the future. Whatever free time I have left I spend making music because that's what makes me happy.

I'm in downtown during the weekdays mon-fri. If you wanna share or chat over coffee, DM me. Whatever you do stay away from the drugs and booze when you are feeling like this.... it's a very slippery slope and it spiral downwards very fast. Trust me on this I've been there.

Take care of yourself bud.

Originally Posted by Marco.911

This might be the wrong place to post. Hell this probably isn’t even something to post on RevScene. I hardly ever post and I don’t belong to any other forums but sort of wanted to just get something off my chest.

I’m in my 30s now and I’ve been a workaholic for over ten years. I’m now at a place where I’m making a really good living however I’m depressed as hell.

From the outside my life looks pretty good. I’m living in a beautiful condo (rented), I have a business that just recently this year sort of exploded and made some great money (not able to retire money but definelty significant), my wife is pretty cool, no kids or anything, I stay in decent shape and I have a lot of really great people around me.


Thing is. I’m super depressed and sad and actually pretty angry.

I feel like even though I’m doing well right now financially, it’s a business where anything can happen.

Quick backstory, I made a few million in my 20s and got really cocky and then my business at the time failed and I lost everything.

So now, this time around, I’m being really cautious. I want to save the bulk of my money now so that I can just be okay IF things don’t pan out. The challenge is that I’m sort of stuck because my friends, great people and all, are all doing way better than I am. While my friends are the type that wouldn’t care if I was making $50k or $50m a year, I personally compare myself to them.

I want to achieve more and do more. I’m also mid 30s and I’m feeling like I’ve worked and sacrificed a lot and I’m not having a lot of fun. My friends are all doing all these fun things and I keep preventing myself from having fun because I think “I’ll travel more once I’ve saved $x amount of money etc”

I haven’t really talked to my friends because I don’t really know what to say. They’re inspirational to me and I never would have been able to believe in myself and push myself as far as I have if it wasn’t for them.

I remember when they told me I could make $x a year and that they believed in me and I was like “me? No way!” At the same time I’m still feeling so small compared with them. I also know what it’s like to lose everything and at my age now, I don’t have a pension or even a home! I want to be smart about things and yet I feel like life is passing me by.

My business also is very up and down so it’s not what I would call a super stable type business. Aside from the financial side of things. I feel lonely. I work a lot. Like 90+ hours per week. I also have a team of people that are with me daily as workers but not so much as friends. As the leader I have to be positive and strong all the time and I feel like I don’t really have anyone to lean on.

Sure there is my wife however I’ve been like this for a while and it’s straining on her to see me somewhat depressed etc.

I don’t know if it’s a midlife crisis or am I just depressed?

I want to say that if I make $x or save up $y I will be okay however I’m not so sure that’s the answer. I guess I just feel alone. I find myself sometimes wanting to just run away from my life or I get really self destructive thoughts like just going to see an escort or hitting the bottle (I rarely drink)

Anyway thanks for reading and most of all if you’re also someone that’s feeling like this all I can say is that if you’re in DT Vancouver and you saw me, you’d never guess so please don’t feel you’re alone. Thanks.

[Hehe]

It's shocking to see that many of the older members who are in their 30s seem to have this same problem.

We post stuff (brags) on FB while feeling truly empty inside. Most of my friends left Vancouver so my only source of mental dependence is on my family. Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing.

Money is neither the issue nor the solution.

Anyone up for a quick meet/coffee this weekend? Just to let the steam out a bit and chill... and socialize while we are at it.

30+ only.

[bcedhk]

Originally Posted by SkinnyPupp

I remember when you used to post a lot, and I remember thinking you were pretty much the exact opposite of me. Particularly I have this memory of these $400 swimming trunks you posted about that looked absolutely ridiculous, and you thought how awesome they were...

Thing is at that time, i was very unhappy, and you seemed pretty happy. I have been dealing with depression my entire life, and I'm in my late 30's now. I am in a pretty good place now, with occasional bouts usually caused by incidents that happen - deaths in the family, bad things happening to friends, etc.

The #1 thing for me was realizing that money is absolutely irrelevant. More does not make you happier, it just means you can waste it on stupid things like $400 swimming trunks.

When I changed my goals to basically make enough to get by in life 'just fine' I am already better off than 99% of the population. Sure I can't buy those dumb looking swim trunks, and maybe I can't travel as much as I'd like to, I have friends and family and pets around me that make life enjoyable. There are plenty of enjoyable things to do that don't cost a lot of money - working out is fun for me, hiking, eating out at interesting but not ridiculously priced restaurants, or better yet cooking for myself and family, brewing specialty coffee, etc.

Anyway that really helped me.. along with exercise and TRT, I was able to get off anxiety medication and I think things are pretty good now. For anyone struggling, I'd recommend to think twice about money and how important it is. Nothing I say will convince them of this, so maybe there is some better specific advice out there. For me it just happened over time the more I thought about it.

Edit: I want to add that this is why I think a Universal Income is so important moving forward. It will allow people to worry about just being a person first, and doing what they want from there. If your goal is to make a lot of money for whatever reason, you'll be able to do that. If you have the same drive to work really hard at something, but don't want to worry about money, maybe you will spend that time being a really good artist, or get into photography that people enjoy, or become a popular twitch streamer, or anything really. Even just being parent who has a lot of time to devote to their children.

Maybe you just have the drive, but haven't thought of somewhere to direct it since you've been distracted by money and other people who have bought into its importance? Maybe figure out something you really like, and just get really good at it while spending enough time on 'work' to take care of the basics.

link/pics?

No homo

[freakshow]

Why are you using Marco911's username?

You
https://www.revscene.net/forums/memb...rco-911-66904/

Not you
https://www.revscene.net/forums/members/marco911-32121/

[originalhypa]

Damn.
You're definitely not alone in this. Life goes up and down at the best of times and let's face it, Vancouver isn't a forgiving city. Whether it's the people, the weather, or the high cost of living, this isn't an easy town to live in.

You mentioned a mid life crisis, and that's exactly what your situation sounds like. It's recognizing that the path you chose isn't making you happy, whether it's the business or the stuff you've acquired, the joy isn't there. The good thing is that you're seeing this. Admitting to yourself (and RS) is a good step towards finding who Marco actually is, and making that guy happy.

Loneliness is one of the worst emotions one can feel. To be emotionally isolated while surrounded by millions of people is far more normal than you think though. I know that having a few close friends around is a strength that has helped me through a lot of lifes up and downs.

I wish you luck buddy. You live a life that many in Vancouver wish they had. Hopefully your story will help someone else who is starting out in life to analyze their priorities, and maybe make a positive change or two.

[iwantaskyline]

Seems like you're too envious of others and not focusing enough on what truly makes you happy. It's probably why you're using Marco911's username - you're trying to be something you're not.

Not everyone has a job they're truly passionate about, the next best thing is finding a hobby that you are passionate about.

[melloman]

I want to say a lot of people will end up going through this mental struggle.

I'm in my late 20's, have a condo with a mortgage, but can't afford some of the "luxuries" that would make me happy because the necessities eat up the income. Then I work more but can't spend the money because now I don't have the time. It definitely leads to depression, stress and just mental breakdowns.

I can't really give advice as I deal with these struggles as well and am trying to find a better balance between work and life. I think it's going to end up changing jobs for me to maybe become happy.

[ilovebacon]

Sometimes when I feel depressed about a situation, I go take a walk without my phone and evaluate my circumstances and make the best judgment about it.

I also find that the little things are very enjoyable.

I am a person who like to compare myself to others a lot too and developed a habit of just trying to become a better person than I was yesterday instead of comparing.

Its great that you leaned your lesson from your past and being cautious and not trying to repeat it again in the future.

If it makes you feel any better, trying working on your passion or find a role model who really inspires you.

I hope that helps. Im just a average person like you whos also trying to build a better future for themselves.

[SkinnyPupp]

Originally Posted by bcedhk

link/pics?

No homo

Not to get too off topic, but



Those are $700 USD

If you see someone wearing embroidered shorts with 925 silver tips on the laces, know that they are very unhappy inside and are trying to compensate for it

[will068]

If only everyone can be wealthy, so they will realize that it does not guarantee happiness.

To the OP, meditate. Yoga, or just meditate. It's a workout for your brain.

Of course, don't forget about going to the gym / having a physical activity 4-5 times a week. Schedule it like a lunch break or a meeting. 45 Minutes of working out daily tops. 10 minute meditation daily tops.

Also, be grateful. Gratitude is attitude, even if you have to be delusional. Hey, you're alive, got some pocket money, you got all your toes and fingers. It's when at your worst that you test yourself mentally.

[welfare]

God damn. Some straight up ex ballers up on RS.
Now I'm depressed.
Good job, guys

[welfare]

YouTube (Short URL)

[hud 91gt]

I will make the assumption you like to see progress is your life. It keeps you working hard and gives motivation. I say this because you’ve been financially successful not once, but twice in a matter of a decade. No small feat. Find a passion, work at it.

I love to work on shit,(hands on)I see how it works and feel very accomplished when I do things on my own. It’s generally more expensive and 75% of the time a worse job then a professional would do but I just really enjoy it. Half the time I get frustrated and want to quit, but in the end it’s self satisfaction. If I spent that time actually working I’d be much better off. But I’d be miserable, and I actually like my job. Lol

[smoothie.]

Are Sad Feelings Normal?
It's perfectly OK to have sad feelings at times. As long as they don't happen too often or last too long, sad feelings — like all emotions — are just a natural part of life.

But it doesn't feel good to stay sad. It feels much better to be happy. So here are some things every kid should know:

You can cope with sad things that happen.
You can do things to ease a sad mood and feel happier.

How Can You Deal With Sad Feelings?
Sad feelings don't have to take over your mood or ruin your day. You can do things to help yourself feel better. You can do things to prevent sad feelings from sticking around too long or becoming too strong.

Here are some positive ways to deal with sad feelings:

Notice how you feel and why. Knowing your emotions helps you understand and accept yourself. If you feel sad, notice it — but don't dwell on it too long or give it too much drama. Just tell yourself (or someone else) that you feel sad. Try to figure out why you feel that way. Show yourself a little understanding — there's probably a good reason you feel the way you do. It's OK. Remind yourself that sadness will pass and you'll feel better.

Bounce back from disappointments or failures. When things don't go your way, don't give up! Stay in the game. There's always next time. Give yourself credit for trying. Then focus on what you need to work on and try again. Keep a positive attitude.

Think positive. Even if you're sad, think of one or two good things about yourself or your situation. Believe in yourself. Think about what you can do and how things can get better. If you didn't get something you wanted, think of something else that can make you happy. There's always something good — look for it!

Think of solutions. Coming up with ways to solve a problem or cope with a situation can help you feel strong, confident, and good about yourself. It's hard to stay sad when you're feeling so capable!

Get support. Even the most capable kids need support. The people in your life who believe in you and care (like parents, friends, and teachers) can comfort you when you feel sad. Sometimes, just listening and understanding what you're going through is enough. Sometimes they can help you work out a problem or help you think of happier things to get your mind off sadness or disappointment.

Put yourself in a good mood. Shake off a sad mood by doing things that put you in a more positive mood. Play a game or sport, ride a bike, dance or run, take a walk, make art or music, read, or spend time with someone you like. Relax, have some fun, and feel better.

Learning to deal with sad feelings takes practice. But when you do things to take care of sadness, you make room for more positive feelings. That means a happier you!

replace kids with adults, and click here for source: Why Am I So Sad?

[fliptuner]

Put the same effort you put into your work, into your happiness and wife instead.

I put maximum effort into my wife all the time.

[R. Mutt]

A lot of great advice in this thread already so I won’t be redundant. One thing I can suggest is ditching social media. Delete the Facebook, messenger, Instagram etc. Any bullshit app that claims to bring people together. These apps aren’t doing you any good. They just serve as temporary dopamine hits as you seek instant gratification. We aren’t seeing the reality of people just a filtered, projected version of everyone’s lives that we’re constantly comparing where “we” are relative to “them”. I think social media is a major contributing factor to the higher levels of anxiety. Everyone’s thinking they’re not doing well in life because they’re constantly comparing themself to everyone else. It’s bullshit and while it will be strange, even difficult at first you’ll start to feel a lot better in a couple weeks as you replace it with more authentic connections in the real world.

[Mr.Money]

Originally Posted by SkinnyPupp

Not to get too off topic, but

[IMG]https://www.vilebrequin.com/on/demandware.static/-/Sites-vilebrequin-catalog-master/default/dw8975375c/images/MIS7059E-201/MIS7059E-201-front-880x880.png

Those are $700 USD

If you see someone wearing embroidered shorts with 925 silver tips on the laces, know that they are very unhappy inside and are trying to compensate for it

God fucking damn,Why not invest that money into a Rolex,at least you could get most of your money back if you ever sold it....those awful looking fucking shorts.

[MG1]

Originally Posted by R. Mutt

A lot of great advice in this thread already so I won’t be redundant. One thing I can suggest is ditching social media. Delete the Facebook, messenger, Instagram etc. Any bullshit app that claims to bring people together. These apps aren’t doing you any good. They just serve as temporary dopamine hits as you seek instant gratification. We aren’t seeing the reality of people just a filtered, projected version of everyone’s lives that we’re constantly comparing where “we” are relative to “them”. I think social media is a major contributing factor to the higher levels of anxiety. Everyone’s thinking they’re not doing well in life because they’re constantly comparing themself to everyone else. It’s bullshit and while it will be strange, even difficult at first you’ll start to feel a lot better in a couple weeks as you replace it with more authentic connections in the real world.

Sad, but this world has become a total gong show. I don't know if it's due to social media or not, but when my kids come home from riding transit and they tell me the shit they see on Skytrain and on the busses, it makes me shake my head. People are rude and don't give a shit about anyone else except themselves.

Back to thread.............

I grew up in the DTES. Saw all kinds of shit. But, I saw good in everything. Silver lining to the clouds, so to speak. I guess when you're poor, everything is better than where you are. My wife grew up in the same neighbourhood. When we got married, I had nothing, except debt. She saved up and had some money. Barely enough for a downpayment on a house in Langley. I took on two jobs for 27 years. No vacation to speak of, while she looked after our three children. We scrimped and saved. There were times we almost didn't make it. But, we weathered all of that. I promised her a new house everytime we moved. Our present house in North Burnaby is finally paid off and I'm retired with a decent pension. My children have all grown up. I was so looking forward to spending some time with my wife of 32 years, when it was discovered she had cancer. She was given two years, but she managed to hang on for four. I look back at everything that has happened and I get drepressed. All the things I had planned with her is now not possible. She was my best friend and the only person who understood me and cared for me. Money, any amount, cannot replace what I lost. I visit her at the cemetery each day to talk to her and tell her how everyone else is doing. Life is so FUCKING unfair. However, she taught me right from wrong and made me understand that life goes on and that no matter what happens, you continue................. so, am I depressed? Nope. I'm all good now, even though I wish she were here with me.

So, OP, let things go. Pursue happiness. If your wife loves you, she will understand. Your happiness is her happiness and the other way around.

Make some lifestyle changes and spend some time with her. Hang on to the things in life that are important.

[underscore]

Originally Posted by fliptuner

Put the same effort you put into your work, into your happiness and wife instead.

I put maximum effort into my wife all the time.

I agree, putting maximum effort into fliptuners wife provides happiness.